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Global Warming WARNING!

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  • Global Warming WARNING!

    It has just been confirmed that due to Global Warming the Earth has torn free of it's Axis and is hurtling into the sun.

    While light takes only 8.19 minutes to travel into the Sun at our present course and speed we should impact the sun in about 1387.462686567164 days however the green house gases will suffocate us and expunge all oxygen well before we enter the orbit of Venus at which point the remaining atmosphere should be wisked away by the solar wind and lack of a functioning magnetic field. Which we won't feel because without a functioning magnetic field we would all succumb to radiation poisoning and death by bleeding from rectum and eyes well before we lose our atmosphere.

    Al Gore was quoted as saying "I told you so Bitches" before leaving to enter into a Devil's Threesome with Bill Clinton and some random broad who liked cigars.

    In Sports news Champ Bailey signed a 1387.462686567164 day contract with the Broncos in order to die a Bronco as the Earth continues it's plummeting into the Sun.

    Elton Musk loaded his Tesla, his 4 boys, his au pair/Wife and a robot army on to his SpaceX rockets and was seen waving as he took off on a course for Mars.

    Trading on the NYSE was brisk but not brisk enough to bypass the high speed Fiber optic exchange system that allows big business to make money on your own trades before you can even finalize the trade, which drives up the price and quantity of your original trade milliseconds ago. It is not clear what they will do with a couple extra million dollars as the Earth speeds toward the sun but it is doubtful the traders know what is going due to the continual snorting vast piles of cocaine.





    April Fools!

  • #2
    At lease it's after the draft

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    • #3
      Breaking NFL News

      Rodger Goodel expands the NFL season to a 1387.462686567164 game season. Everyone will be able to make the playoffs, including the chefs and Raiders. Betting is brisk for SD to be the 1st team eliminated from the playoffs, not because of poor play but because as the Earth hurtles into the sun California will be ripped apart and fall into the ocean.

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      • #4
        Sweet! Christmas will be here so much faster!

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        • #5
          That damn Brian Griese.

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          • #6
            This is why you don't let nerds do April Fools jokes.

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            • #7
              1.21 gigalols

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Dr. Broncenstein View Post
                1.21 gigalols
                Goddammit, I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought it'd do any good!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by broncosteven View Post
                  Goddammit, I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought it'd do any good!
                  Ah, I wonder how many people will get that reference without Googling it.

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                  • #10
                    It has to be a believable story for it to be an Aprils fools joke. Did nobody ever tell you that Steven?

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                    • #11
                      are you super cereal

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