Well... I woke up at 8:15 with a call from my boss. For some unknown to man or god reason I answered the phone. My excuse drunkardly came out to nothing more than "it was a bad day for America". I'm fully clothed in my Manning Jersey... must have switched jerseys at some point? The lights are on and the TV is on HGTV blaring. Apparently my subconscious sales real estate.. I then proceeded to take a cuatro (that's two deuces... at the same time) stemming from the inhuman amounts of microbrews I drank last night. I literally consumed enough calories of heavy beer to go beast mode on the toilet. By beast mode I don't mean the cuatro... I mean the purging I did after the binging (wish I would have flushed sooner). Finally I decided to get my **** show of a human being dressed.... only to purge again, this time I wasn't so fortunate to be near the stool. After cleaning up my ridiculous night of tears and low inhibitions I somehow managed to get some vomit on my dress shirt. Change again. Drive to work. Stop halfway to work, purge one last time for good measure. I look, feel, and genuinely am such a disservice to the human race that Tatum Bell wouldn't even try to sell me the two year plan. Track phone for you, bum.
I am a public school teacher.
I am a public school teacher.
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