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After drinking a few beers and running into an old classmate I gave this rant to some friends in a group text. Giggled so much figured I would refine it a little and see if any maners' have my sense of humor. Maybe I'm just a prick... Either way here goes.....
The 25 steps of a sloot.
1. Be somewhat hot for a 10th grader.
2. Put on 20ish pounds by senior year. But justify it by thinking out loud that everything is comical and saying "I love _____!!!!!" When _____ really = carbohydrates.
3. Freshman year, college. Slam 47 dudes because you're just hot as ****, and definately not because the can text you get a knob job at any hour of the night.
4. Academic probation
5. Oh ****.
6. Justify oh **** by missing your period for 4 months.
7. Judge everybody on the planet, male or female for not being a mom.
8. **** out a bastard.
9. Be a good mother for 11 days.
10. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
11. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
12. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
13. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
14. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
15. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
16. Judge everybody for judging you.
17. Upon being able to hold two fifths of whiskey and weighing 245 pounds you decide you should diet.
18. Blame failed diet on bastards and not alcoholism.
19. Repeat steps 8 through
18 quite a few times.
20. Get a cosmetology "degree" to supplement your subsidies.
21. Go through several tattood men suggesting that "me and ______ have such a happy little family."
22. The one ****ing Saturday a year you don't close the bars down and bring home a new daddy you decide to let the people who didn't **** up their lives how horrible they are and wholesome you are "staying home on a Saturday and loving it! #growingup #thegoodlife". Sorry you couldn't find a baby sitter. Sloot.
23. Fast forward a few years. You're an unemployed 300+ pound whale who's addicted to pain killers. Your bustard maker/ATM/vagina is used and abused. You're a god damn ball and chain on society's leg holding down the human race down. You've turned Charles Darwin into a liar by ****ting out 5 low IQ brats.
24. Your oldest daughter is now 14 and sleeping with as many seniors as she can, probably at your house with you home. You blame teachers, bullying, and rich people not paying enough taxes for your daughter being a ****up and put zero blame on yourself for being a horrible mother.
25. Your daughter repeats the whole cycle.
The 25 steps of a sloot.
1. Be somewhat hot for a 10th grader.
2. Put on 20ish pounds by senior year. But justify it by thinking out loud that everything is comical and saying "I love _____!!!!!" When _____ really = carbohydrates.
3. Freshman year, college. Slam 47 dudes because you're just hot as ****, and definately not because the can text you get a knob job at any hour of the night.
4. Academic probation
5. Oh ****.
6. Justify oh **** by missing your period for 4 months.
7. Judge everybody on the planet, male or female for not being a mom.
8. **** out a bastard.
9. Be a good mother for 11 days.
10. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
11. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
12. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
13. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
14. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
15. Girls night out!!!!!!!!!
16. Judge everybody for judging you.
17. Upon being able to hold two fifths of whiskey and weighing 245 pounds you decide you should diet.
18. Blame failed diet on bastards and not alcoholism.
19. Repeat steps 8 through
18 quite a few times.
20. Get a cosmetology "degree" to supplement your subsidies.
21. Go through several tattood men suggesting that "me and ______ have such a happy little family."
22. The one ****ing Saturday a year you don't close the bars down and bring home a new daddy you decide to let the people who didn't **** up their lives how horrible they are and wholesome you are "staying home on a Saturday and loving it! #growingup #thegoodlife". Sorry you couldn't find a baby sitter. Sloot.
23. Fast forward a few years. You're an unemployed 300+ pound whale who's addicted to pain killers. Your bustard maker/ATM/vagina is used and abused. You're a god damn ball and chain on society's leg holding down the human race down. You've turned Charles Darwin into a liar by ****ting out 5 low IQ brats.
24. Your oldest daughter is now 14 and sleeping with as many seniors as she can, probably at your house with you home. You blame teachers, bullying, and rich people not paying enough taxes for your daughter being a ****up and put zero blame on yourself for being a horrible mother.
25. Your daughter repeats the whole cycle.
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