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  • DVOA Super Bowl Odds

    Seattle win 58.3%
    Denver win 41.7%

    Interesting. There must be something wrong here brahs?
    http://www.footballoutsiders.com

  • #2
    This message is hidden because SeahawkTalons is on your ignore list.

    Comment


    • #3
      "Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

      Comment


      • #4
        "Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

        Comment


        • #5
          "Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

          Comment


          • #6
            "Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

            Comment


            • #7
              It all started when our (former porn) star, Duh, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly displeased, Duh backhanded a wolverine, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Unaware of the bleakness of existence, she realized that her beloved iPad was missing! Immediately she called her so-called friend, Leslie. Duh had known Leslie for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Leslie was unique. She was charismatic though sometimes a little... stupid. Duh called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

              Leslie picked up to a very glad Duh. Leslie calmly assured her that most Indonesian devil cats cringe before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually flamboyantly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Duh. Why was Leslie trying to distract Duh? Because she had snuck out from Duh's with the iPad only seven days prior. It was a saucy little iPad... how could she resist?

              It didn't take long before Duh got back to the subject at hand: her iPad. Leslie yawned. Relunctantly, Leslie invited her over, assuring her they'd find the iPad. Duh grabbed her giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leslie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the iPad and she had to do it skillfully. She figured that if Duh took the rice rocket, she had take at least five minutes before Duh would get there. But if she took the Segway? Then Leslie would be alarmingly screwed.

              Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leslie was interrupted by six stupid marmots that were lured by her iPad. Leslie shuddered; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she aggressively reached for her banana and randomly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Segway rolling up. It was Duh.

              ----o0o----

              As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so she knew she was running late. With a calculated leap, Duh was out of the Segway and went charismatically jaunting toward Leslie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leslie was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the iPad into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind her hammock. Leslie was exasperated but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.

              'Come in,' Leslie sassily purred. With a quick push, Duh opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless coke fiend in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Leslie assured her. Duh took a seat wonderfully far from where Leslie had hidden the iPad. Leslie belched trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. ', can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Duh was distracted. Absolutely thrilled, Leslie noticed a clueless look on Duh's face. Duh slowly opened her mouth to speak.

              '...What's that smell?'

              Leslie felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Duh asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the iPad right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Duh's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Duh nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leslie could react, Duh thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.

              Duh stared at Leslie for what what must've been three days. As if it really mattered Leslie groped charismatically in Duh's direction, clearly desperate. Duh grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leslie let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Duh,' she rebuked. Leslie always had been a little insensitive, so Duh knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Leslie did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at her or something. A few unsatisfying minutes later, she gripped her iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

              Leslie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Duh. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Duh. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leslie walked over to the window and looked down. Duh was gone.

              ----o0o----

              Just yonder, Duh was struggling to make her way through the magical cornfield behind Leslie's place. Duh had severely hurt her love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral marmots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Duh. Already weakened from her injury, Duh yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of marmots running off with her iPad.

              About nine hours later, Duh awoke, her ear throbbing. It was dark and Duh did not know where she was. Deep in the humid bush, Duh was exceedingly lost. Before anyone could take off their pants, she remembered that her iPad was taken by the marmots. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a enlarged marmot emerged from the magical cornfield. It was the alpha marmot. Duh opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the marmot sunk its teeth into Duh's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Duh's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

              Less than six miles away, Leslie was entombed by anguish over the loss of the iPad. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened potato. With a quick thrust, she buried it deeply into her fingernail. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Duh... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the iPad that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant marmots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.

              Comment


              • #8
                "Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

                Comment


                • #9
                  It all started when our uber geek, Duh, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abnormally relieved, Duh stroked a carrot, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). As if it really mattered she realized that her beloved iPad was missing! Immediately she called her parole officer, Leslie. Duh had known Leslie for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Leslie was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little... annoying. Duh called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

                  Leslie picked up to a very unhappy Duh. Leslie calmly assured her that most 3-legged wallabies turn red before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually earnestly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Duh. Why was Leslie trying to distract Duh? Because she had snuck out from Duh's with the iPad only six days prior. It was a flamboyant little iPad... how could she resist?

                  It didn't take long before Duh got back to the subject at hand: her iPad. Leslie sighed. Relunctantly, Leslie invited her over, assuring her they'd find the iPad. Duh grabbed her giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leslie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the iPad and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Duh took the curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala), she had take at least nine minutes before Duh would get there. But if she took the Segway? Then Leslie would be alarmingly screwed.

                  Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leslie was interrupted by ten selfish marmots that were lured by her iPad. Leslie sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling relieved, she aptly reached for her live hand grenade and fearlessly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Segway rolling up. It was Duh.

                  ----o0o----

                  As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so she knew she was running late. With a careful leap, Duh was out of the Segway and went wildly jaunting toward Leslie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leslie was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the iPad into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind her giraffe. Leslie was frustrated but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.

                  'Come in,' Leslie surreptitiously purred. With a deft push, Duh opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid rationality-deprived retard in a homemade car,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Leslie assured her. Duh took a seat just under where Leslie had hidden the iPad. Leslie sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. ', can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Duh was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Leslie noticed a abrasive look on Duh's face. Duh slowly opened her mouth to speak.

                  '...What's that smell?'

                  Leslie felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Duh asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the iPad right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Duh's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Duh nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leslie could react, Duh skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.

                  Duh stared at Leslie for what what must've been seven nanoseconds. Ever so extemperaneously, Leslie groped flamboyantly in Duh's direction, clearly desperate. Duh grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leslie let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Duh,' she rebuked. Leslie always had been a little selfish, so Duh knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Leslie did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, she gripped her iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

                  Leslie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Duh. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Duh. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leslie walked over to the window and looked down. Duh was gone.

                  ----o0o----

                  Just yonder, Duh was struggling to make her way through the imaginery desert behind Leslie's place. Duh had severely hurt her taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral marmots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Duh. Already weakened from her injury, Duh yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of marmots running off with her iPad.

                  About three hours later, Duh awoke, her double chin throbbing. It was dark and Duh did not know where she was. Deep in the muddy foxy forest, Duh was abnormally lost. As if it really mattered she remembered that her iPad was taken by the marmots. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a teensy marmot emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha marmot. Duh opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the marmot sunk its teeth into Duh's scalp. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Duh's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

                  Less than ten miles away, Leslie was entombed by anguish over the loss of the iPad. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened potato. With a heroic thrust, she buried it deeply into her kidney. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Duh... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the iPad that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant marmots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.

                  Comment


                  • #10

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Debbie stared at Leslie for what what must've been two nanoseconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Leslie groped sassily in Debbie's direction, clearly desperate. Debbie grabbed the life and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leslie let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Debbie,' she rebuked. Leslie always had been a little annoying, so Debbie knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Leslie did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she gripped her life tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

                      Leslie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Debbie. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Debbie. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leslie walked over to the window and looked down. Debbie was gone.

                      ----o0o----

                      Just yonder, Debbie was struggling to make her way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Leslie's place. Debbie had severely hurt her kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockroachs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the life. One by one they latched on to Debbie. Already weakened from her injury, Debbie yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockroachs running off with her life.

                      But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Debbie's life. Feeling displeased, God smote the cockroachs for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and sputtered away with the fortitude of 200,000 spotted wolf hamsters running from a little pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Debbie skipped with joy when she saw this. Her life was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes her favorite TV show, Housewives, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet pipe bomb'). Debbie was excited. And so, everyone except Leslie and a few contraceptive-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        "Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

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                        • #13

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                          • #14
                            Tiger, gator removed from Harlem apartment
                            Police: Tenant charged with reckless endangerment

                            Monday, October 6, 2003 Posted: 10:19 AM EDT (1419 GMT)


                            Video from a police surveillance camera shows the tiger resting in a Harlem apartment Saturday.
                            Video from a police surveillance camera shows the tiger resting in a Harlem apartment Saturday.
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                            NEW YORK (CNN) -- A man who kept a 400- to 500-pound Bengal tiger and a 3-foot alligator as roommates in his Harlem apartment was in custody Sunday, charged with reckless endangerment, police said.

                            Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said the tale began Wednesday, when police officers responded to a call of a dog bite at the 19-story public housing apartment building. They found Antoine Yates, 31, in the lobby, with injuries to his right arm and right leg that he told police had been caused by a pit bull, Kelly said.

                            Yates was taken to Harlem Hospital, where he was admitted for treatment.

                            Thursday, an anonymous caller told police that "someplace in the city, there was a large wild animal," Kelly said. "There was a large wild animal who was biting people."

                            The tipster called back Friday night, saying that the "wild animal" was at Yates' apartment, Kelly said.

                            When police returned Saturday to the apartment building to investigate, a resident told them the tenants included a tiger. Yates -- who had checked himself out of the hospital -- was nowhere to be found.

                            Police talked with a neighbor who said the man in the apartment owned a tiger. A fourth-floor resident complained that urine had seeped through her ceiling from Yates' apartment, Kelly said.

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                            • #15
                              It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Debbie, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly puzzled, Debbie poked a banana, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, she realized that her beloved life was missing! Immediately she called her parole officer, Leslie. Debbie had known Leslie for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Leslie was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... clueless. Debbie called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

                              Leslie picked up to a very unctuous Debbie. Leslie calmly assured her that most man-eating capybaras cringe before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually explosively sigh *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Debbie. Why was Leslie trying to distract Debbie? Because she had snuck out from Debbie's with the life only two days prior. It was a curious little life... how could she resist?

                              It didn't take long before Debbie got back to the subject at hand: her life. Leslie turned red. Relunctantly, Leslie invited her over, assuring her they'd find the life. Debbie grabbed her refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leslie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the life and she had to do it fearlessly. She figured that if Debbie took the homemade car, she had take at least ten minutes before Debbie would get there. But if she took the Segway? Then Leslie would be very screwed.

                              Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leslie was interrupted by seven stupid cockroachs that were lured by her life. Leslie yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling displeased, she fearlessly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and fearlessly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Segway rolling up. It was Debbie.

                              ----o0o----

                              As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so she knew she was running late. With a apt leap, Debbie was out of the Segway and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Leslie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leslie was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the life into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her whale. Leslie was concerned but at least the life was concealed. The doorbell rang.

                              'Come in,' Leslie scandalously purred. With a inept push, Debbie opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling self-righteous ass in a Jap Trap,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Leslie assured her. Debbie took a seat just perfectly far from where Leslie had hidden the life. Leslie belched trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. ', can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Debbie was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Leslie noticed a insensitive look on Debbie's face. Debbie slowly opened her mouth to speak.

                              '...What's that smell?'

                              Leslie felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Debbie asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the life right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Debbie's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Debbie nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leslie could react, Debbie carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The life was plainly in view.

                              Debbie stared at Leslie for what what must've been two nanoseconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Leslie groped sassily in Debbie's direction, clearly desperate. Debbie grabbed the life and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leslie let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Debbie,' she rebuked. Leslie always had been a little annoying, so Debbie knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Leslie did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she gripped her life tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

                              Leslie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Debbie. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Debbie. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leslie walked over to the window and looked down. Debbie was gone.

                              ----o0o----

                              Just yonder, Debbie was struggling to make her way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Leslie's place. Debbie had severely hurt her kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockroachs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the life. One by one they latched on to Debbie. Already weakened from her injury, Debbie yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockroachs running off with her life.

                              But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Debbie's life. Feeling displeased, God smote the cockroachs for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and sputtered away with the fortitude of 200,000 spotted wolf hamsters running from a little pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Debbie skipped with joy when she saw this. Her life was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes her favorite TV show, Housewives, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet pipe bomb'). Debbie was excited. And so, everyone except Leslie and a few contraceptive-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

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