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Zerovoltz 2019 NFL Season Predictions!

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  • Zerovoltz 2019 NFL Season Predictions!

    I know you've all been eagerly anticipating my NFL picks for 2019, and here they are!

    NFC East

    1. Dallas Cowboys - 10-6
    With or without 'Zeke, this is a solid, complete roster. They are a tough out at home and their D travels well. They aren't without flaws...they need the running game going for the offense to click. they don't have a legit threat at TE and they have slow safties wich can be exploited. They benefit from playing the Redskins and Giants twice.

    2. Philadelphia Eagles - 9-7
    The offense hasn't been the same wihtout Riech and Foles. It's also not entirely clear if Wentz can return to his good form prior to his injuries. They do have a pair of stud TE as targets and they added outside speed in DeSean Jackson. The weapons are there. I just don't see this team winning all the games it should.

    3. Washington Redskins - 6-10
    Everyone talks about the dreadful QB situation, how the coach is in hot water, how Trent Williams isn't happy....and that's a shame because this team has assembled a very good defense. Ultimately, it won't matter. The offense is putrid. They win 6 by sheer will of D.

    4. NY Giants - 4-12
    This win total is based on the idea that Manning will start most of the games, he will suck and Jones will come in and take lumps at some point. The Defense isn't spectacular either. Saquon Barkley is worth 4 wins by himself.

    NFC South

    1. Carolina Panthers - 10-6
    This division has been tough for the past decade. Rarely does anyone repeat as divsision champs. Cam is back healthy. I think he's matured a bit as a passer and he's got some good pieces around him. The D in Carolina is consistantly good and should be at least good again. That's all good enough to win this tough division.

    2. New Orleans Saints - 8-8
    I'm calling for the Saints demise here based on the idea that I think Drew Brees is done. I know they were a bad penalty away from advancing to the Super Bowl maybe. I dont' think Brees has it in him to climb that mountain again. Teams will play close to the line and dare brees to throw deep….I don’t think he’s going to be able to.
    3. Atlanta Falcons 8-8
    This team is less than the sum of their parts. I think they’ve lost faith in their coach. They haven’t recovered from that super bowl loss and they never will.

    4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – 5-11
    Bruce Arians is a good coach. He has a couple of good WR, and he’ll be trying to get Jameis Winston to get those guys the ball….A LOT. Unfortunately, they can’t run the ball and their defense sucks.

    NFC North

    1.Green Bay Packers 11-5
    A happy Aaron Rodgers will return to his rightful place as king of the NFC North. With an improved playbook and some promising additions to the D, the Pack is back.

    2. Minnesota Vikings 10-6
    Kirk Cousins gets the talented Vikings to the playoffs. A healthy Dalvin Cook helps. Fans are still pissed that the Vikings don’t go 16-0 with Cousins and his contract. They lose in round 1 of playoffs.

    3. Chicago Bears 7-9
    The roster is talented enough to win more games than this, but often young teams that rise up 1 year, and suffer a loss in the playoffs as heartbreaking as the Bears did, often suffer something of a let down the next year. Mitch Trubisky isn’t all the good..his very mediocre numbers were heavily skewed by that 6 TD game against the hapless Bucs. You can’t take that game away from Mitch, but if you do, he threw 18 TD in 15 games. That isn’t good.

    4. Detroit Lions 3-13
    The Matt Patricia sh*t show continues! When I see the Lions, NOTHING on that roster stands out, nothing is exciting or trending up. They aren’t imaginative on O or D. They are trying to copy the Patriot way, wich doesn’t work unless you are the Patriots.

    NFC West

    1.LA Rams – 11-5 Sometimes it’s you don’t’ need to overthink things. The roster is still talented on both sides of the ball. The coach is still going to produce effective game plans. The division still has the crappy Niners and Cardinals in it.

    2. Seattle Seahawks – 10-6
    Seattle has some new players and they have suffered some injuries. They still have Russel Wilson. They have some good players on D. …and again, the crappy Niners and Cards are in this division.

    3. Arizona Cardinals 6-10
    They’ll get off to a rough start as they try and implement a new offense, new QB, new coach…and not a lot of talent on the roster to make it happen. They’ll start to gel later on in the season and win a few games here and there to close things out as they look forward to a brighter 2020.

    4. San Francisco 49ers. 3-13
    Jimmy G proves himself to be a total fraud. It all comes crashing down as the team loses all hope. Waste of a good D and some decent pieces. No QB = no good. Shanahan and Lynch find they are jeopardy of losing jobs.

    AFC East

    1.New England Patriots. 10-6
    I keep on thinking Tom Brady is done. He’s still smart. He’s still in good shape. He can’t throw deep anymore, but he makes up for it with saavy and literally the best coaching in the NFL that puts together good game plans. I think the Bills and Jets will be improved, but not improved enough to dethrone the champs.

    2. New York Jets 8-8
    I think Darnold is legit and LeVeon Bell will prove to be a useful addition if not an expensive one. There are bits and pieces on the D, and overall, I think they have a season that shows them trending up.

    3. Buffalo Bills 7-9
    I’m not sold Josh Allen can run an offense efficiently enough to get the Bills over the hump. They added some parts that will help. Cole Beasley being the one that will help most, but the line still isn’t very good, they have an old, slow backfield, and still nothing of note at TE. I think Allen will make a little progress, and that’s worth a game…the D is solid.

    4. Miami Dolphins 1-15
    There isn’t much to say here. They are in full blown tear it down mode. The whole season is one long extended tryout to see who is a part of the rebuild and who isn’t….including Josh Rosen. If they do find that Rosen can be their QB1, they’ll have a nice chip to trade for a bounty of goodies that can help the rebuild along quicker.

    AFC North

    1.Pittsburg Steelers – 12-4
    Everyone is hyped about the Browns..and they should be…but Pittsburg doesn’t just suck all of the sudden. Their metrics suggest they should have won more games. They still have a QB, their D is good and will be better with the addition of Devin Bush, JuJu is an emerging star.

    2. Cleveland Browns – 10-6
    Definitely a team on the rise. Still young and rookie HC, lots of egos…will probably lose a couple games they should win, but a dangerous team for sure.

    3. Baltimore Ravens – 9-7
    Lamar Jackson will be a little better than expected as a passer. He’ll be a dangerous runner. He’ll be injured. The D isn’t going to be quite as good. Tough division, but Lamar wins them a few games they shouldn’t win.

    4. Cincinnatti Bengals 2-14
    AJ Green is out. Dalton sucks. The o-line sucks. They get injured. They don’t have anything on D worth much. The coaching staff is practically kids. Recipe for disaster, and an end to the Dalton era. They try out Finley, but will be poised for Tua, Herbert, Fromm etc.

    AFC South

    1.Jacksonville Jaguars 9-7
    They still have most of a roster that made the AFC title game two years ago with a better QB. The division is slugfest of mediocrity and this team seems the best of the mediocre 4.

    2. Houston Texans 9-7
    The Texans are a tough to team to predict. Anytime you have DeShaun Watson, you should have a chance. Hard to know what the D is going to be with Clowny situation up in the air, and Watt getting old.

    3. Indianapolis Colts 9-7
    I am going to assume Andrew Luck is the QB…and even still, I don’t see the Colts as an ascending power that others seem to think they are…no team benefitted more from schedule than the Colts did last year. Go look at the list of QB’s they played. It’s long long list of nobodies and backups. They beat one…ONE winning team all year. The defensive stats got padded due to the crappy teams they played. They aren’t that good.

    4. Tennesee Titans 5-11
    Weird team. Beat the Patriots….won against Dallas on the road. Lost a lot of games to opponents you might think they should beat. Marcus Mariotta is a bust. He sucks. I’d kick this team up a game or so if Tannehill were the starter…but he isn’t that good either. Team has a good D…and some good parts on O, but suffer due to QB issues.

    AFC West

    1.Kansas City Chiefs 16-0
    If ever there was an offense built that could accomplish the feat of going 16-0, it’s this one. Speed and more speed with Mahomes…they will score at will. The question will be the defense…it’s new and differnent…but is it better? Can it possibly be worse? I don’t see how. Add in top notch special teams and if the D is even 22nd or better, watch out.

    2. Los Angeles Chargers 9-7
    Injuries to key players, along with Rivers getting old and finally showing it will result in a disappointing season for the bolts. They’ll be moving into their new stadium, looking for a new QB.

    3. Denver Broncos 4-12
    Brutal Schedule, Brutal QB play, Brutal O-line and you have the recipe for a brutal year. With the ownership situation coming closer to being resolved, the whole front office and coaching staff could be swept away after this year. Denver will be in the market for Herber, Tua, Fromm….and possibly a complete makeover.

    4. Oakland Raiders 3-13
    It’s a circus, a trainwreck, whatever you want to call it. Gruden gets another year with a new QB as they move to Vegas fully committed to a rebuild that should have started 2 years ago.



    2. GB
    4. Carolina
    5. Minnesota
    6. Seattle

    Dallas over Seattle
    Carolina over Minnesota
    Rams over Carolina
    Green Bay over Dallas
    Green Bay over Rams


    3.New England

    New England over Houston
    Cleveland over Jacksonville
    New England over Pittsburg
    Kansas City over Cleveland
    Kansas City over New England

    Super Bowl.

    KC over Green Bay….in the leauges 100th season…only fitting we have a rematch of Super Bowl I. KC completes an undefeated season.

  • #2
    You have the Chefs winning the NFL by four games over the competition. And the team you have finishing second, you misspelled.

    Seems legit.


    • #3
      I do appreciate the foresight of actually posting this in the Butt. But, to be honest, there is enough effort here that I would have been fine with just leaving it in the main forum.

      That said, once something has been in the butt, it's pretty much hard to pass it as socially acceptable - no matter how much it's been bleached. So, it shall stay in the Butt.


      • #4
        Not bad. John Fox would probably say “not too shabby”. Although I do think it’s funny that Fangio leaving the Bears for the Broncos somehow makes both teams worse, lol. You do realize VJ was our coach last year, right? Yet he still somehow bumbled his way to 6 wins.

        You should consider doing a podcast. Even if 90% of it was you fellating Mahomes, I’d probably still listen. ;-D


        • #5
          And that Bears 7-9, Mitch sucking and them missing the playoffs is looking on point.