OT: Need advice on getting psychiatric treatment

[Royalfan19]

I've been a member on this forum for over 6 years (under a different handle for the first 5). I've seen many members come here for personal advice, and Taco's been great to allow it from time to time, I have a question I'd like to ask some of you.

I don't know if you guys have heard of a woman named Amy Chua, here is a link to her article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000...528698754.html

In the article she talks about why Chinese mothers produce superior kids, by basically physically and emotionally abusing the kid and forcing them into good grades. My mother was similar in raising me.

She literally locked up the TVs in the house while she was at work so i couldn't watch them. I was not allowed to even date girls for as long as I lived in the house. Grades were everything. If I got a "C," my parents would go on their planned family vacation without me. If I got "C"s, we would not celebrate my birthday (this practice started when I was about 7), and we would not celebrate chirstmas or new years.

If I got mostly C's, I would get on both knees (age 12) and hold at that position for 4 hours. Once a teacher remarked that my handwriting was difficult to read (4th grade) - so I was forced to do writing exercises for 3 full days - on my winter break from school. Probably the worst was when my mom threw a kitchen knife at me when she found out my grades went down for a semester in highschool (thankfully I ducked).

The result? I am just turning 23, I am in one of very best "elite" law schools in the country, where I am in the top third or so of my class. I have interviews lined up for my dream job, and I've met every goal I've set in the last 2 years.

I also break down every week or so in a frenzy of self hate.

Sometimes its convulsive crying, sometimes its violent, it seems random, but is generally triggered when I think of my childhood; and now I fear I'm putting my loved one in danger. Somehow, when I was in college, I became very sociable (alcohol is a hell of a drug), and scored that All American trophy girlfriend I always dreamed of, but the problem is... she's white. She's had the parents that article refers to as "pushovers", parents I wish I had so I wouldn't be so emotionally broken. The stress from law school has caused these break downs to become very frequent and its starting to hurt our relationship because I can get verbally abusive and throw things (not at her, of course). All this is stressing her out and its doubling the stress because I don't want to put her in a bad environment and I want to be a more positive person (like the person I pretend to be when I'm outside the apartment), but its all so ****ing fake. I feel broken.

I'm starting to think I need professional help, I'm in Chicago, but I don't have health insurance here. I am very tight on money, as I've got a quarter million dollars of student loans to pay off.

I'm writing here because I've seen the mane offer good advice to other members here, and I'm hoping some of you may have some suggestions for me. Do any of you know where I can get help thats affordable or free? I've thought about seeking help from the school's health department, but I don't know if I'm comfortable telling someone I know, I find it embarrassing. Thank you all in advance.

[UltimateHoboW/Shotgun]

Originally Posted by Royalfan19

I've been a member on this forum for over 6 years (under a different handle for the first 5). I've seen many members come here for personal advice, and Taco's been great to allow it from time to time, I have a question I'd like to ask some of you.

I don't know if you guys have heard of a woman named Amy Chua, here is a link to her article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000...528698754.html

In the article she talks about why Chinese mothers produce superior kids, by basically physically and emotionally abusing the kid and forcing them into good grades. My mother was similar in raising me.

She literally locked up the TVs in the house while she was at work so i couldn't watch them. I was not allowed to even date girls for as long as I lived in the house. Grades were everything. If I got a "C," my parents would go on their planned family vacation without me. If I got "C"s, we would not celebrate my birthday (this practice started when I was about 7), and we would not celebrate chirstmas or new years.

If I got mostly C's, I would get on both knees (age 12) and hold at that position for 4 hours. Once a teacher remarked that my handwriting was difficult to read (4th grade) - so I was forced to do writing exercises for 3 full days - on my winter break from school. Probably the worst was when my mom threw a kitchen knife at me when she found out my grades went down for a semester in highschool (thankfully I ducked).

The result? I am just turning 23, I am in one of very best "elite" law schools in the country, where I am in the top third or so of my class. I have interviews lined up for my dream job, and I've met every goal I've set in the last 2 years.

I also break down every week or so in a frenzy of self hate.

Sometimes its convulsive crying, sometimes its violent, now I fear I'm putting my loved one in danger. Somehow, when I was in college, I became very sociable (alcohol is a hell of a drug), and scored that All American trophy girlfriend I always dreamed of, but the problem is... she's white. She's had the parents that article refers to as "pushovers", parents I wish I had so I wouldn't be so emotionally broken. The stress from law school has caused these break downs to become very frequent and its starting to hurt our relationship because I can get verbally abusive and throw things (not at her, of course). All this is stressing her out and its doubling the stress because I don't want to put her in a bad environment and I want to be a more positive person (like the person I pretend to be when I'm outside the apartment), but its all so ****ing fake. I feel broken.

I'm starting to think I need professional help, I'm in Chicago, but I don't have health insurance here. I am very tight on money, as I've got a quarter million dollars of student loans to pay off.

I'm writing here because I've seen the mane offer good advice to other members here, and I'm hoping some of you may have some suggestions for me. Do any of you know where I can get help thats affordable or free? I've thought about seeking help from the school's health department, but I don't know if I'm comfortable telling someone I know, I find it embarrassing. Thank you all in advance.

Your parent did a good job in making a person that contributes to society. When you get that dream job invest in threapy.

[_Oro_]

I would lose the anxiety and the self-hate. Best way to lose anxiety? No joke, it's aerobic exercise. If that's not enough then maybe it's time for some pills from the psychiatrist.

The issues with your Mom, I would let those go. Eventhough she's your Mom, she's her own person and you also are your own person. You need to start being yourself and stop being something so connected to your Mom.

It mostly sounds like you need to take a break. You can always delay loan payments for about 6 months. I would take advantage of this and go travelling or try something new you always wanted to do.

There's nothing stopping you from getting back into law and who knows you may always run into something new and unexpected.

As for the girl thing, again, if you like her then it shouldn't matter what your parents think at all.

[The MVPlaya]

Originally Posted by Royalfan19

I've been a member on this forum for over 6 years (under a different handle for the first 5). I've seen many members come here for personal advice, and Taco's been great to allow it from time to time, I have a question I'd like to ask some of you.

I don't know if you guys have heard of a woman named Amy Chua, here is a link to her article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000...528698754.html

In the article she talks about why Chinese mothers produce superior kids, by basically physically and emotionally abusing the kid and forcing them into good grades. My mother was similar in raising me.

She literally locked up the TVs in the house while she was at work so i couldn't watch them. I was not allowed to even date girls for as long as I lived in the house. Grades were everything. If I got a "C," my parents would go on their planned family vacation without me. If I got "C"s, we would not celebrate my birthday (this practice started when I was about 7), and we would not celebrate chirstmas or new years.

If I got mostly C's, I would get on both knees (age 12) and hold at that position for 4 hours. Once a teacher remarked that my handwriting was difficult to read (4th grade) - so I was forced to do writing exercises for 3 full days - on my winter break from school. Probably the worst was when my mom threw a kitchen knife at me when she found out my grades went down for a semester in highschool (thankfully I ducked).

The result? I am just turning 23, I am in one of very best "elite" law schools in the country, where I am in the top third or so of my class. I have interviews lined up for my dream job, and I've met every goal I've set in the last 2 years.

I also break down every week or so in a frenzy of self hate.

Sometimes its convulsive crying, sometimes its violent, now I fear I'm putting my loved one in danger. Somehow, when I was in college, I became very sociable (alcohol is a hell of a drug), and scored that All American trophy girlfriend I always dreamed of, but the problem is... she's white. She's had the parents that article refers to as "pushovers", parents I wish I had so I wouldn't be so emotionally broken. The stress from law school has caused these break downs to become very frequent and its starting to hurt our relationship because I can get verbally abusive and throw things (not at her, of course). All this is stressing her out and its doubling the stress because I don't want to put her in a bad environment and I want to be a more positive person (like the person I pretend to be when I'm outside the apartment), but its all so ****ing fake. I feel broken.

I'm starting to think I need professional help, I'm in Chicago, but I don't have health insurance here. I am very tight on money, as I've got a quarter million dollars of student loans to pay off.

I'm writing here because I've seen the mane offer good advice to other members here, and I'm hoping some of you may have some suggestions for me. Do any of you know where I can get help thats affordable or free? I've thought about seeking help from the school's health department, but I don't know if I'm comfortable telling someone I know, I find it embarrassing. Thank you all in advance.

If you're in school, there should be some sort of free services they offer to visit a psychologist on campus.

Your problem is a deeper issue, since it stems from your childhood and basically throughout your most vulnerable years.

But the best thing to do is seek professional help, a psychologist. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, so don't say it as if it it's a bad thing. Everyone could use a visit to the psychologist.

[The MVPlaya]

Just read the last paragraph of your post...

If it's on campus, how would it be someone you know? Do you actually know the person that works in there?

And don't be embarrassed, many Asians go through the same thing you go through...

Just take a visit, they see many people everyday...

[Royalfan19]

Originally Posted by The MVPlaya

Just read the last paragraph of your post...

If it's on campus, how would it be someone you know? Do you actually know the person that works in there?

And don't be embarrassed, many Asians go through the same thing you go through...

Just take a visit, they see many people everyday...

Don't know the actual person but law schools are relatively small and tight knit, my entire year sits at around 200 kids.

[SoCalBronco]

It is a difficult issue. I was also physically hit at times when I was younger and did poorly in grade school and also Junior High, although its nowhere near what you are describing (no knives). Oddly enough, I also ended up in a good law school and did well there, although yes it was very stressful and not a fun time (my sister is experiencing the same, currently). Putting aside your Mom for a moment, when you are in law school, you have to give yourself a break and do some things to relax. Since you've been there for awhile now I'm sure I think you have started to figure out whats important and whats not important, i.e. you dont have to fret about reading all the notecases, or being afraid of being totally prepared for class etc. After your first year, you should take it a slight bit easier. Don't stress out too much, if you are in the top third you are doing fine, if you dont make law review, the world isn't going to end. Just take it easy and MAKE time for yourself and for your GF. Do some fun things. Much props on your achievements in school, but it was at a great price. It is always difficult for a parent to find the middle ground on this. You have to allow a kid to have some fun (and my parents did), but you have to be pretty stern on grades too because thats so important for your future....it is very difficult nowadays to make something of yourself with just a college degree, you have to keep going and you have to do well in post-graduate studies. That's their mindset and its not an incorrect mindset. Obviously, I think your Mom was WAY extreme to the point where its obviously had a very destructive impact on you as a person. If I were you I would definitely avail myself of any help the school's health department can offer. Don't be embarassed and don't be shy. You aren't the only kid in law school that is stressed or that is there because your parents scared you into being a great student. ALOT of kids are like that. When I was at Loyola, I knew several kids that were in this situation. There's nothing to be embarassed about. Speak freely to counselors, you have to vent somehow and these people are there for a purpose. In terms of other resources, go take a yoga class or a meditation class, those are great stress relievers. Obviously they don't get to the heart of the issue with you and your mother and how you were raised but its a start. In terms of finding other resources, ask the health department for any referrals for any free programs they might know of. Ultimately, if you do need to make a monetary investment to get some professional help by all means do it. You will be making good money soon, so its not a big deal to at least get a couple counseling sessions with maybe some biofeedback therapy or something, you are investing in your own health. Without that you won't be able to do anything else.

[UltimateHoboW/Shotgun]

Originally Posted by Royalfan19

Don't know the actual person but law schools are relatively small and tight knit, my entire year sits at around 200 kids.

If your still in school. You should go to the student health services department.

[Requiem]

First off,

Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments!

Secondly, your school should have the resources necessary to help you. It is a guarantee that there will be a psychologist at your campus where you can get meet with them confidentially and most importantly, free. On my old campus there was that, and when I was working there I often referred students who were having struggles to such a place.

I'd be shocked if that wasn't available.

Best of luck.

[baja]

Find a facilitator from this web site and take some sessions. I promise it will help immensely;


http://www.transformationalbreathing.com/

I am very serious with this advice.

PS I am very good friends with the founder and a TB facilitator myself, if you PM me I will give you more detail.

[LonghornBronco]

Originally Posted by UltimateSoldier

If your still in school. You should go to the student health services department.

Yes, this... I did the same thing when I was in school, definitly helped.

[mhgaffney]

One of the most effective therapies out there is the Fisher-Hoffman Quadrinity Process.

It's been around a long time and works for upwards of 70% of the people why try it.

It's a 3-4 month process which enables an individual to work through and resolve negative issues with the parents. It's kind of pricy -- but if you want results you should check it out.

I went through it myself many years ago -- way back in 1980 -- and it turned my life around. On a scale of ten I give it a 9.5. You can't get much better than that.

Here a link:
http://enc.tfode.com/Hoffman_Quadrinity_Process

[Dr. Broncenstein]

Perhaps you could sue your mom after you graduate.

[Vegas_Bronco]

Be good to yourself! Society can place the burdens of the world on your shoulders if you let it (debt and $ issues) especially at a young age...and mom sounds like she groomed you to put this #1 in life. Figure out what you are (you already know who you shouldnt be) and become all that is good inside you...focus on your talents in your goals but keep them in perspective with what makes you happy. When you feel self hate go do something kind for someone else and make them happy. I hate myself more than anyone else I know but had to finally recognize that and make sure i dont entertain those ideals acting on it to make others miserable. My mother in law once told me that everyone deserves a bad day once in a while...but it should be outnumbered 30 fold so everyone around you knows to help you deal with it instead of assuming that's who you've become. I never knew I was allowed a bad day which helps.

[cmhargrove]

First, it doesn't sound like you deserve all the messed up feelings you are experiencing.

Second, and this is my absolute honest and best advice. Go to church, I mean a real, honest, modern church that can meet you where you are. Explore your faith and answer the big questions first. This will help you with your frame of reference for all the other problems you are mentioning.

I wish you the best and would be glad to talk more if you want to PM me. I'd even do my best to help you find the right church if you wanted.

Thanks for sharing.

[Chris]

I'll pm you.

[DarkHorse30]

look, if you have 250k in school loans, I can tell why you're pissed/emotional about it.

The bottom line is......you are a pup. So, give me a freakin' break. Stop PUNISHING yourself for success and get a grip.

That's it. Done. Quit cryin' and start LIVING YOUR LIFE. And don't cry over spilt milk. Grow some nads, you puppy.

[Don Flamenco]

L O L at getting C's in school

[Popps]

OP,

Absolutely get yourself into the on-campus facility and start speaking with someone as soon as possible. You're mixing a lot of issues here, and you need to get started with this immediately. Nothing else should take precedent over seeking immediate help.

On the upside, you've got a fairly clear idea of what might be causing your issues. (Many are not so lucky.) As difficult as your situation sounds, you'll be surprised to hear how many have similar pasts... and how simple the solutions are for dealing with them. I don't mean that implementing them will be simple, but the way out of the apparent maze is not as complicated as it appears for you right now.

Regardless... you shouldn't be "starting to think" you need professional help. You should be seeking it immediately. There's no shame attached whatsoever. I had a reaction to some prescription medication that put me in the hospital last year, and had to seek therapy afterward to regain normal life perspective. (Be careful what you take, folks... do your homework.) In doing so, I learned that therapy is a great thing... found a bunch of other great resources and essentially had a really bad situation wind up improving my life immensely. (And I was a pretty happy camper to begin with.)

In the interim, you should begin looking into meditation, as well. The medical community has finally (begrudgingly, perhaps) come to terms with just how helpful meditation can be in relieving almost any medical issue you can come across.

Get your hand on a copy of Jon Kabbot-Zinn's "Wherever you go, there you are." (Or anything he's done, and he's also got a lot of great talks on Youtube.) That's a starting place. You'll find other resources yourself. Trust me, it can make a world of difference.

Of course, regular exercise is also crucial... and you should probably start examining your diet, and of course you're going to need to make lifestyle changes to relieve stress/anxiety, etc.

Whatever you do, DON'T just jump on medication. That's what most doctors are going to try. It's the quickest way to get you out of their office. I'm not 100% anti-meds, but it should be a last resort, or done in concert with very structured therapy.

These are just a few things to get started, but mainly... you'll need to get to the root of your problem with a therapist and more importantly, learn how to accept them... and let them pass.

Good luck.

[Jay3]

I'm not sure, but the thing that popped into my head was the Dean of Students at the law school. Not the big "Dean," but the Dean of Students -- whatever they call the one that's kind of the buddy to the students. Surely, surely, his network of resources includes a referral list for people with mental health issues.

And that's what you have, a mental health issue. You're having anxiety attacks, it seems to me. Nothing whatsoever to feel embarrassed about.

I'll be praying for you, and I encourage to you to read a lot of really good literature, like classics and award winning stuff. Great writing is cathartic.

[ghwk]

I don't want to take this seriously so I'm just going to STFU until I can.

Everyone's advice is good though except you can't do this on your own, you need facilitated help.

[Broncos_OTM]

No suggestions. However i wish you luck. Its never easy

[Dedhed]

Originally Posted by UltimateSoldier

Your parent did a good job in making a person that contributes to society. When you get that dream job invest in threapy.

Don't listen to people like this who make you feel like it's you who is the issue here, and that the end justifies the inappropriate treatment you have been subjected to.

Get help. You'll probably have to take on some tough issues, but take them on. Trust who you are and what you're feeling.

I've had many miserable friends who got their "Dream Job" only to realize that they had never been allowed to dream in their life, and had really only gotten their parent's dream job for their child.

Get help, and trust your feelings.

[Tombstone RJ]

Originally Posted by Dedhed

Don't listen to people like this who make you feel like it's you who is the issue here, and that the end justifies the inappropriate treatment you have been subjected to.

Get help. You'll probably have to take on some tough issues, but take them on. Trust who you are and what you're feeling.

I've had many miserable friends who got their "Dream Job" only to realize that they had never been allowed to dream in their life, and had really only gotten their parent's dream job for their child.

Get help, and trust your feelings.

He is the issue and he's admitted he's the issue and he's trying to deal with his issues. He's already admitted he has issues which is the first step in resolving the issues, he'll be fine if he truly wants help.

[HAT]

Originally Posted by Dr. Broncenstein

Perhaps you could sue your mom after you graduate.

What a ****ing a-hole response.