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Old 03-28-2002, 10:32 AM   #101
Sassy
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

Sounds to me like this "holiday" isn't going over so well! !


HAVE A GREAT EASTER WEEKEND, EVERYONE!


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Old 03-28-2002, 10:38 AM   #102
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

well its better than chicken nuggets and tater tots...
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Old 03-28-2002, 10:43 AM   #103
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

[quote author=clarkster link=board=News;num=1014738612;start=90#101 date=03/28/02 at 11:38:19]well its better than chicken nuggets and tater tots...[/quote]

You've got a good point
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Old 03-28-2002, 10:44 AM   #104
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

[quote author=NDGal link=board=News;num=1014738612;start=90#100 date=03/28/02 at 11:32:37]Sounds to me like this "holiday" isn't going over so well! !


HAVE A GREAT EASTER WEEKEND, EVERYONE!


[/quote]

Actually, I goofed up. I thought Clarkster said the 27th. He said the 29th, so I'm still holding out hope.....
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Old 03-28-2002, 10:49 AM   #105
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

Hey TJ, I don't seem to be able to get all the extra smilies anymore. What gives? I will get the window, but it's smaller and I can't expand it or move around in it.
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Old 03-28-2002, 10:54 AM   #106
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

anyone need another reason to have a dog rather than a cat? here you go- how to render medication to your pet...

CAT:
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie the little *$#'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
DOG:
1) Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.
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Old 03-28-2002, 11:26 AM   #107
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.  
I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 555-1234 and ask for Vanna.  To see me naked on the couch click the link.


http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:nljrd_fWP48C:www.d.kth.se/~d98-mbl /VannaSleep.JPG
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Old 03-28-2002, 12:21 PM   #108
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

[quote author=clarkster link=board=News;num=1014738612;start=105#105 date=03/28/02 at 11:54:12]anyone need another reason to have a dog rather than a cat? here you go- how to render medication to your pet...

CAT:
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie the little *$#'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
DOG:
1) Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.
[/quote]

ROFLMMAO, Oh man, I gotta show this one to my wife. She'll love it!
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Old 03-28-2002, 01:57 PM   #109
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

THIS SIGN WAS POSTED AT A LOCAL GOLF CLUB
 
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.  
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go
ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
.
.
.
.
 
Well done. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee
off!



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Old 03-28-2002, 02:07 PM   #110
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

LITTLE JOHNNY ON ..... PHILOSOPHY:

A teacher asks her class,  "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny.  He replies,  "None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot."
The teacher replies,"  The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little Johnny says  "I have a question for YOU.  There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:  One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.  The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.  The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. "Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied,  "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Johnny replied, " The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking. "



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Old 03-28-2002, 02:11 PM   #111
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

WHY SPORTS FIGURES CAN'T BE ROLE MODELS

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards,whichever comes first."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my
name, I can still find my clothes."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to
Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."


Lou Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record in 1992: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints General Manager, when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy no good
officiating."

Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're
spending too much time on one subject."

And the Gem: Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye
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Old 03-29-2002, 10:45 AM   #112
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

SEMINARS FOR WOMEN:

Once again, the male staff will be offering courses to women of all marital status. Please note, homework is mandatory. Attendance in at least 10 of the following courses is not mandatory.


Combatting the Impulse to Nag
You Can Change the Oil Too
PMS - Learning to Sleep Over at Mother's
How to Fill a Beer Mug
We do not want Stationary for Christmas - PUT ON SLEAZY UNDERTHINGS
Understanding the Female Cause of Male Drunkenness
How to Do All Your Laundry in One Load and Have More Time to Watch Football
Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children so You Could Have Someone Other Than Him to Boss Around
How Not to Sob Like a Sponge When Your Husband is Right
Get a Life - Learn to Kill Spiders Yourself
Balancing a Checkbook - Even You Can Get it Right
You, the Whining Sex
Reasons to Give _ _ _ _ _ _ _ S
How to Stay Awake During Sex
Why it is Unacceptable to Talk About Placentas During Breakfast
Shopping - Doing it in Less Than 16 Hours
#101 You Can Use a Bed for More Than Just Sleep
#102 It's OK to Do It Outside of the Bedroom
If You Want to Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
How to Close the Garage Door
If You Don't Want an Excuse, Don't Demand an Explanation
Payday and Shopping Are Not Synonymous
How to Go Fishing With Your Mate and Not Catch Pneumonia
Living Without Power Windows - How to Turn a Crank
Romanticism - The Whole Point of Caviar, Candles, and Conversation
How to Stay Alive While Your Husband is Relaxing
Putting On Something Sexy - Why it Won't Ruin Your Brain
How to Act Younger Than Your Mother
You Too Can Carry a Backpack
Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not the Women Who Complain About You the Most
Apologizing for Farting When You're On the Toilet is NOT Necessary
The Attainable Goal - Catching a Ball Before It Stops Moving
Honest, My Eyes Are Closed Because of the Passion I Feel
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Old 03-29-2002, 10:46 AM   #113
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!


and one more

In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status. The following courses will be offered:


 General Education:
   GE101:  Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
   GE102:  Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")
   GE103:  How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
   GE104:  How to Parallel Park
   GE105:  Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity
   GE106:  Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
   GE107:  Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera

 Home Economics:
   HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Prematurely
   HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely
   HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely
   HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely
   HE102:  How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How
         to Cut Credit Cards in Half")
   HE103:  Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How
         Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")

 Interpersonal Relationships:
   IR101:  How to Say "No" With Kindness and Appreciation
   IR102:  Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy
         Watching Roller Derby
   IR103:  Submission - a Biblical Perspective (prereq: SE101a or b)
   IR104:  Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce
   IR105:  Preposterous Mood Swings (PMS) (formerly "Keeping Your
         Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too")
   IR106:  Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials
         (formerly called "We Know What That Little 'Plastic Applicator'
         is REALLY For!")

 Sex Education:
   SE101a: How to Say "Yes"
   SE101b: How to Say "No" But Mean "Yes"
   SE102:  Sex - It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore
   SE103:  Who Belongs on Top and Why
   SE104:  Lingerie - The Gift that Keeps On Giving
   SE105:  Sexual Alternatives for "That Time of the Month"
         (formerly titled "Any Old Port in a Storm")
   SE106:  Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit only)

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Old 03-29-2002, 10:56 AM   #114
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

Those are some funny jokes...  That Johnny one cracked me up...  
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Old 04-02-2002, 10:52 AM   #115
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

UGGHHH, found this on page two, folks..... >
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Old 04-02-2002, 11:18 AM   #116
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

http://www.kalecoauto.com/

this site is a great place for auto parts. (wink wink) seiously though, motorheads need to check this out, browse through the parts sections. very important stuff here i didnt think i needed.
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Old 04-03-2002, 02:33 PM   #117
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!


POST 100!




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Old 04-03-2002, 02:36 PM   #118
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

Hey wait a minute, why am I still a rookie?
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Old 04-03-2002, 02:38 PM   #119
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

never mind, it must be at post 101 when you get the promotion.
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Old 04-04-2002, 02:18 AM   #120
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!


Congratulations on your Promotion, BroncoMatt... Good Job!!!


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Old 04-05-2002, 10:52 AM   #121
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

Its obviously time to remind everyone....




[glow=orange,5,500][shadow=blue,left,500]The Neck Pony Nation LIVES[/shadow][/glow]


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Old 04-05-2002, 07:56 PM   #122
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

[quote author=Alkazar link=board=News;num=1014738612;start=120#120 date=04/05/02 at 11:52:37]Its obviously time to remind everyone....




[glow=orange,5,500][shadow=blue,left,500]The Neck Pony Nation LIVES[/shadow][/glow]


[/quote]


...and the BRONCOS WILL ROCK THE WORLD IN 2002! 8) 8) 8)




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Old 04-06-2002, 05:35 AM   #123
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

Go Broncos go! We are the world best fan!
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Old 04-07-2002, 09:25 PM   #124
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!


Go Broncos!!!




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Old 04-08-2002, 04:14 PM   #125
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Re: Neck Pony Nation!!!

I just can't see how anyone can not be optimistic about the Broncos chances this year. Under Ray Rhodes' direction, the defense has improved dramatically. On offense, we have at least two injured stars (Terrell and EddieMac), if not more, returning to the playing field. We might be seeing the return of yet another star to the fold (Shannon). Due to the debacle of injuries last year, the younger players on the team have gained a lot of much needed experience. And the o-line will, at least, be healthy. Barring injuries hitting us hard again this year, I don't see why we can't, at the very least, go deep into the playoffs. I know I may be looking at things through orange-tinted glasses (I had them specifically designed that way), but the world sure looks better to me this way.
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