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Old 03-25-2003, 07:36 PM   #1051
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Go Terps while we're at it!

Fear the Turtle!!!

I love Gary Williams!
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Old 03-25-2003, 07:39 PM   #1052
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Quote:
Originally posted by NDGal
Maybe it's because we're addicted Bronco fans!!! !

No doubt!
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Old 03-26-2003, 11:31 AM   #1053
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(7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields."
During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!"

Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion.

Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool.
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Old 03-26-2003, 02:04 PM   #1054
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10000 post wow you guys need to turn puter off every now and again .
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Old 03-26-2003, 04:37 PM   #1055
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Blue, Check your pm's.
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Old 03-26-2003, 10:50 PM   #1056
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Let's take these SOB's out!!!!!!

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GOING UP!
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Old 03-27-2003, 06:25 PM   #1057
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UP!
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Old 03-28-2003, 01:08 PM   #1058
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Back to the TOP!!!!!!



UP!!!!
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Old 03-28-2003, 01:12 PM   #1059
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Lucky this was on top!

2000!!!
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Old 03-28-2003, 02:13 PM   #1060
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Congrats on #2000 Smurf!!!
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Old 03-28-2003, 02:16 PM   #1061
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By the end of the weekend I will have been without work for 3 months. Its getting kind of boring now, not to mention the effect on my wallet.
Someone cheer me up!
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Old 03-28-2003, 02:25 PM   #1062
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I heard the Desert Foxes were hiring....
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Old 03-28-2003, 02:29 PM   #1063
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Thanks Mock, I knew there must be some reason to be happy to be sitting on my butt!
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Old 03-31-2003, 07:18 AM   #1064
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brit i was unemployed for 8months....

here's something to bring you up...

http://www.cnn.com/2003/LAW/03/29/ct...mes/index.html

HEMPSTEAD, New York (Court TV) -- A 40-year-old registered nurse was found guilty last week of public lewdness for engaging in a ménage á trois with relatives on a moving Long Island Rail Road train last September.

The jury determined that Dennis Greene copulated with his sister-in-law, Francine Greene, 40, while she was performing oral sex on her husband, Lyle Greene, 41, a plumber. Dennis Greene denied his involvement in the sexual escapades, saying he slept through most of the ride.

The three were busted by LIRR cops in September after engaging in a group sex act during an early morning train ride from Manhattan. Several disgusted passengers complained to the conductor, but the Greenes carried on even after the conductor told them to stop, authorities said.

During the trial, Terrence Fitzgerald, an assistant conductor, testified he saw Francine Greene sitting between the brothers. She and Dennis Greene were partially clothed. Fitzgerald informed the conductor, Warren Beale.

The sexual shenanigans finally ended at the Merrick, Long Island, station after police boarded the train and arrested them.

Lyle and Francine Greene previously pleaded guilty to public lewdness. All three each face up to 90 days in jail when they are sentenced May 9.
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Old 03-31-2003, 07:19 AM   #1065
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Police seek panty raid thieves

BELLEVUE, Washington -- Authorities want to know who stole 300 pairs of panties from Victoria's Secret. Was it someone with a fetish or black marketers looking to make an easy buck?

Police are still investigating how the thief or thieves managed to steal such a large quantity of women's panties in a variety of colors, styles and sizes from the store this past Sunday. There was no video surveillance in the store, said Bellevue police spokeswoman Marcia Harnden.

"It's very unusual. It's shoplifting to the max," Harnden said.

Police, she said, are monitoring local flea markets and online auction sites to see if the unmentionables show up.

"If I were the consumer, I'd be very leery about buying undergarments from a disreputable source," she said.
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Old 04-01-2003, 02:52 PM   #1066
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Bringin this back up from page 3!



UP!!!
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Old 04-02-2003, 07:35 AM   #1067
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Post #800...closing in on the Ring Of Fame!

Going up...........Up..........UP!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-02-2003, 01:51 PM   #1068
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up & out NPN faithful! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
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Old 04-03-2003, 09:15 PM   #1069
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SIDE STEPPING
by James "PoppyK" Kisner

The photo album worn and old is sitting on the pile,
She flips the cover open just to reminisce awhile.
On the first page there she is, a baby in her lap,
Her son when he was one year old; she smiles as she thinks back.

That was taken in the park where she took him to play,
Funny how it sometimes seems like only yesterday.
But other times it seems those days are distant memories,
And all we have reminding us are pictures such as these.

She sees a picture of him with his second birthday cake,
And smiles as she remembered of the face that he would make,
When trying to blow out the candles he would have a fit,
He tried so hard to blow them out but they would all stay lit.

So Mom came to the rescue with a waving of her hand,
The same time that he blew on it she waved a little fan.
She smiles as she thinks back at all the things when he first tried,
When she would lend a helping hand and then just step aside.

She sees a picture of him standing holding his first bike,
And smiles when thinking how he said, "it's harder than a trike".
But she would run behind him holding on while he would ride,
Until he got his balance and then she would step aside.

She turns the page and sees a picture when he was in school,
Remembering he used to say that it was not so cool,
To have your mother waiting for the school bus at your side,
So when the bus would get in sight, she quickly stepped aside.

She goes on through the album like a trip down through the years,
And as she goes from page to page her eyes start forming tears.
All through his life she stood by him in everything he tried,
Until he could do it alone and then she stepped aside.

But even though she stepped aside she was always near,
With a mother's worried heart and with a mother's fear.
Knowing that a day would come when life would have a plan,
For her little boy who now has grown to be a man.

She closes up the album and looks at the fireplace,
She sees his picture on the mantle with his smiling face.
Called to active duty and he's serving now with pride,
And once again with worried heart, she had to step aside.

-- James "PoppyK" Kisner
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Old 04-04-2003, 03:31 PM   #1070
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UP!!!
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Old 04-04-2003, 09:32 PM   #1071
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There is sure some truth to this!
>
> Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have
> arrived in Iraq? They're all men!
>
> How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find
> Saddam's stash? We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes
> to finding things.
>
> For crying' out loud! Men can't find the dirty clothes hamper. Men
> can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard and
> splatters on the floor.... and these are the people we have sent into
> Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction?
>
> I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in. Mothers can
> sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of dope.
> Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the attic
> beneath the rafters.
>
> They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away. They can tell
> when the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and notice when a
> quarter inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake.
>
> A mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in
> the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away. By
> examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than Sherlock
> Holmes.
>
> And if a mother wants an answer to question, she can read an
> offender's eyes quicker than a homicide detective.So... considering
> the value a mother could bring to an inspection team, why are we
> sending a bunch of old men who will rely on electronic equipment to
> scout out hidden threats?
>
> My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand, grab
> Saddam by the ear, give it a good twist and snap, Young man, do you
> have any weapons of mass destruction?" And God help him if he tried to
> lie to her.
>
> She'd march him down the street to some secret bunker and shove his
> nose into a nuclear bomb and say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call this,
> mister?"
>
> Whap! Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes across his
> bare bottom with that soup spoon, then march him home in front of the
> whole of Baghdad. He'd not only come clean and apologize for lying
> about it, he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad for free for the whole damn
> summer.
>
> Inspectors my ass... You want the job done? Call my mother.
>
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Old 04-04-2003, 10:35 PM   #1072
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(June 2000) As a nurse in the intensive care unit of a large medical center, I've had the opportunity to care for many potential recipients of the Darwin Award. The man in this story didn’t lose his life, but lost his dignity and claim to common sense, among other injuries.
At 3AM one morning, the charge nurse called to tell me to expect a patient from the ER who had just had an emergency bowel resection. Trying to stifle her laughter, she said the report nurse would call soon to fill me in on the details.

My coworkers and I speculated about possible reasons someone would require emergency bowel surgery in the middle of the night. Finally, the phone rang, and we sat in rapt silence to take the report on this unfortunate soul.

A 40-year-old white male came in complaining of abdominal pain and rectal bleeding. He claimed to be unaware of any reason for such symptoms. But during his examination, the physician discovered a coat hanger protruding from the patient's rectum.

When questioned, the man admitted he had inflicted this injury upon himself. Earlier that night, while his wife was at work, he was "pleasuring himself" when he had an urge to push an uncooked egg into his anus. Panicked when he lost it "up there," he tried to fish it out with the crooked end of a coat hanger. But the coat hanger became snagged!

He decided that maybe the vibration from a ride on his motorcycle would cause the whole mess to dislodge from his nether region. Finally, unable to stand the growing pain, he rode his motorcycle to the ER.

The physician removed the coat hanger, and repaired his intestines.

An hour later, his wife arrived. Minutes later, she stormed out of the room and demanded to be told what had happened. I told her she should ask her husband. She said he claimed that he didn't know, and that the medical staff wouldn't tell him anything. She was politely, but firmly, instructed to speak to the man's physician.
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Old 04-05-2003, 03:01 PM   #1073
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Quote:
Originally posted by NDGal
There is sure some truth to this!
>
> Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have
> arrived in Iraq? They're all men!
>
> How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find
> Saddam's stash? We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes
> to finding things.
>
> For crying' out loud! Men can't find the dirty clothes hamper. Men
> can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard and
> splatters on the floor.... and these are the people we have sent into
> Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction?
>
> I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in. Mothers can
> sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of dope.
> Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the attic
> beneath the rafters.
>
> They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away. They can tell
> when the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and notice when a
> quarter inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake.
>
> A mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in
> the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away. By
> examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than Sherlock
> Holmes.
>
> And if a mother wants an answer to question, she can read an
> offender's eyes quicker than a homicide detective.So... considering
> the value a mother could bring to an inspection team, why are we
> sending a bunch of old men who will rely on electronic equipment to
> scout out hidden threats?
>
> My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand, grab
> Saddam by the ear, give it a good twist and snap, Young man, do you
> have any weapons of mass destruction?" And God help him if he tried to
> lie to her.
>
> She'd march him down the street to some secret bunker and shove his
> nose into a nuclear bomb and say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call this,
> mister?"
>
> Whap! Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes across his
> bare bottom with that soup spoon, then march him home in front of the
> whole of Baghdad. He'd not only come clean and apologize for lying
> about it, he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad for free for the whole damn
> summer.
>
> Inspectors my ass... You want the job done? Call my mother.
>

Man... my brother must have written that, cuz it describes my mom to a tee!!!

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Old 04-08-2003, 07:53 PM   #1074
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Back from page 4.....
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Old 04-09-2003, 08:45 AM   #1075
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http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/West/04/0....ap/index.html


WEST HOLLYWOOD, California (AP) -- Saying it hoped to send a message to other communities, the West Hollywood, California, City Council unanimously approved a measure that bans the declawing of cats.
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