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Old 07-25-2014, 09:42 AM   #1
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Default My 2014 Training Camp Report!!

Woo Hoo! This is my 1st training camp report ever, I am so excited and hope than Kahn now has to chase my EPIC reports around the Moons of Nibia and round the Antares Maelstrom and round Perdition's flames.

Let me start off 1st by expressing my profound disappointment in the fans, no one showed up! WTF can't take a loss pussies? I high fived some dude begging at the corner who was mumbling something about aliens so we talked about Tebow for awhile which made me late to practice.

QB's
My initial impression with Manning is that he commands the huddle like Tom Brady. Everything was crisp and quick. No messing around like I assume happened in the Cutler days because Cutler was teh suck. Mannings sweat proved to me he was willing to give it his all to get back to the SB, plus it was hot when one is outside in summer running around. Ducks flew all over the Dove Valley sky, one of them **** on my Start Tebow sign and I had to throw it away. I was hoping to get a good Tebow chant going but there weren't enough of us diehards anyway.
I don't know who the other QB's are, some tall guy who would be able to step in and win us a SB because he is a backup for our Broncos and some other dude who just picked up loose balls and stood with the kickers.

Kickers!
No kicking today.

WR's
We have a lot of WR's this year, so many that a lot of them don't have uniforms, just Bronco swag and caps! Some are really young looking and way too short to make the final cut and other dudes are really old, they let the 3rd string QB pick up the balls they dropped. This will be an interesting GM decision for John as he has to thin the ranks quite a bit during the 1st couple cuts. I liked the guy who looked the most like Eddie Mac.

OL
There is some dude walking around in a #73 jersey, he was hot, sometimes I think our eyes locked for a fleeting moment which sent a thrill down into my pants so I made sure to tell my wife how much I loved her and had daytime sex with her when I got back to the motel but I kept thinking about the OL in their stances...Manning should be OK especially if DL's are as distracted by our OL as I was.

My laptop battery is dieing moving to my iphone

DEFENCE!
Posting on iphone know. Where is Amazon! Where lost about 15 labels and looks face. Where is igger than Von. I lick our defence ivy changes this yeah.

Found a plug for my laptop!

Champ must be held out again because of his conditioning, that damn mCd ran Champ into the ground and he has never been the same. Champ is no where to be seen, we really need him to fill in as our 4th CB this year. Everything wrong with the team this year is still because of mCd, Cutler, and even Shanny.

DE's!
There is some 4th string, 3rd year DE who is hyped as the next great star for not only this year but the years to come! The way this kid played today there is no way he will be among the 1st cuts! Plus I heard someone interviewing him say he was a mormon! He will surely push Von and Ware for the starting job this year.

COACHES
I compared scars with John Fox, his was bigger but I had more. I asked him the following: Your offense is behind but driving toward the Moon and at the 200,000 mile mark their O2 Tank blows, what do you do? Apparently he would leave them to die a cold death as he just walked away from me.

I then yelled "Hey TJ!" at Tom Jackson and he looked at me! Of everyone there he looked at me! Then security came and told me to leave. Must be because I went over Fred's line even though I didn't see any lines or any one named Fred. Damn that Fred!

Seriously I am disappointed in my fellow Bronco fans for not supporting their team more but I was glad that the newborns I brought with me didn't bother anyone in the crowd, I would recommend bringing any baby you could find to TC next year. They don't know what the **** is going on and you get to use the family bathrooms and you take up space away from other Bronco fans who might get close to your blanket and people feel like they have to give you their piece of shade because it is a freaking baby that could die to over exposure. Plus security is less likely to rough you up when you are holding a baby.

Hope you guys have lots of questions and liked my 1st ever TC report!!!

Feel Free to post your own reports here!

Go Broncos!
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Old 07-25-2014, 09:59 AM   #2
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Add to the D JDR was really emphasizing how they need to create pressure and turnovers. He mentioned how they were going to "TURN THE DL LOOSE" this year.
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:04 AM   #3
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That was you? Did you really read that Alien pamphlet I gave you or just throw it away? I colored it myself

Thanks for the report.

... And thanks for not throwing me a buck. it's not as if I was hungry or anything. People usually nibble on cat food for the fun of it after all. Would have gone in, but they have some stupid rule about shoes & shirts.
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:18 AM   #4
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I will post a couple of pictures soon!
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:19 AM   #5
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!
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:29 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Bronco Yoda View Post
That was you? Did you really read that Alien pamphlet I gave you or just throw it away? I colored it myself

Thanks for the report.

... And thanks for not throwing me a buck. it's not as if I was hungry or anything. People usually nibble on cat food for the fun of it after all. Would have gone in, but they have some stupid rule about shoes & shirts.
It was great meeting you, loved the 2 note blues you were playing on your cardboard Saxamaphone. I bet Cutthemdown couldn't play any better! You got way more honking than he could with his fancy real sax but that could have been because we were standing in the middle of the street.

I loved you manicure and skin care tips. I will try rubbing urine and feces everywhere I can! Does it have to be fresh or can do we have to refrigerate it? Does it have to be your own?

I would stay off those meds and listen to the voice that you hear the loudest.

Hope those librarians don't run out of the library so you can keep posting here and keep in touch!
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:38 AM   #7
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Nice Report. Rich and compelling.
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:39 AM   #8
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OL
There is some dude walking around in a #73 jersey, he was hot, sometimes I think our eyes locked for a fleeting moment which sent a thrill down into my pants so I made sure to tell my wife how much I loved her and had daytime sex with her when I got back to the motel but I kept thinking about the OL in their stances...Manning should be OK especially if DL's are as distracted by our OL as I was.

Go Broncos!

WTF ?
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:44 AM   #9
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WTF ?
obviously low testosterone
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:45 AM   #10
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These reports are what keep me coming back to the Mane. I'm sure half of this stuff will be stolen and "reported" by Mayock and Burger Bill.

REP!
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:49 AM   #11
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Here is a selfie I took before watching the OL, Afterwards I was too horned up to use the camera



Here is an attempt at getting the ducks flying around Dove Valley.



All set up to watch some BRONCOS FOOTBALL! All that is missing is some hand lotion and a tissue.



Ducks are fast

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Old 07-25-2014, 10:50 AM   #12
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Dude. Lol.
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:53 AM   #13
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Did you stick around for autographs!??!
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:54 AM   #14
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Ducks are fast.
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:56 AM   #15
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Ducks are fast.
Ducks Ehh, talk to me when Chukars start to **** on you.

Not to highjack this thread but in Portland there are so many Blackberries that this time of year there **** turns purple. So I guess my question is was it white or purple and did you work it into your jerk session.

Last edited by Quoydogs; 07-25-2014 at 10:58 AM..
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:58 AM   #16
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would actually be pretty funny if all the reports of no fans at training camp were wrong and only 1 guy showed up wondering where everyone was

Last edited by Kevin8Nine; 07-25-2014 at 11:07 AM..
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Old 07-25-2014, 10:58 AM   #17
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Hopefully Elway will be at the restaurant you go to for lunch so you can ask him a bunch of questions that have nothing to do with the Broncos, and report back on them.
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Old 07-25-2014, 11:02 AM   #18
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It was great meeting you, loved the 2 note blues you were playing on your cardboard Saxamaphone. I bet Cutthemdown couldn't play any better! You got way more honking than he could with his fancy real sax but that could have been because we were standing in the middle of the street.

I loved you manicure and skin care tips. I will try rubbing urine and feces everywhere I can! Does it have to be fresh or can do we have to refrigerate it? Does it have to be your own?

I would stay off those meds and listen to the voice that you hear the loudest.

Hope those librarians don't run out of the library so you can keep posting here and keep in touch!
The secrete sauce for a good urine mask is cow patties. That's why I always carry a bag around with me. bake it in the sun and season it under your armpit.

btw, that Cutt is full of crapola (and not the good u-mask making kind) neither. That tune didn't generate diddly-squat! I don't care what he claims. I'm going back to bucket drumming. He did have a good tip on sloping your cardboard roof so that rain won't soak in so fast. He got that one right... that one worked.



somebody see's me... gotta run
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Old 07-25-2014, 11:26 AM   #19
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Ohh Steven what drug fueled cocktail have you mixed that propels you now... you are grooving faster than an Atlas with the eventual outcome of a Russian Proton at 2 miles altitude.
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Old 07-25-2014, 01:12 PM   #20
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Someones been eating uncle's special cookies again.
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Old 07-25-2014, 01:21 PM   #21
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This is awesome. I especially love the phone part. I should put up a Faux camp report.
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Old 07-25-2014, 01:26 PM   #22
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This is awesome. I especially love the phone part. I should put up a Faux camp report.
Oh ok, I get it. I was thinking WTF, I thought there was no public viewing this year because of the construction. All part of the fun I guess.
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Old 07-25-2014, 02:10 PM   #23
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That had real verve.
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Old 07-25-2014, 02:39 PM   #24
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Oh ok, I get it. I was thinking WTF, I thought there was no public viewing this year because of the construction. All part of the fun I guess.
Slow are we?



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Old 07-25-2014, 02:41 PM   #25
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If there was hand lotion and tissue in that picture, you would have been the Mane equivalent of a Greek God. You missed your shot...
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