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Old 07-09-2010, 02:42 AM   #1
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Default Losing my mom

Mods...if you wouldn't mind sticky'n this please I'd appreciate it.

Sports, when you get right down to it...isn't that important is it?

Yesterday, July 8th...I lost my mom to Ovarian Cancer after a grueling 9 month fight she finally lost. She refused the surgery which "might" have saved her, but more probably would have killed her on the operating table at her age so she could live in her own home instead of a hospital. I was prepared as much as possible a month ago when I allowed myself to grieve, and because I know beyond a doubt where she is now, I'm actually handling this pretty well, but my sister and dad are not. Brenda has been bursting into tears with regularity, while my dad...ex military emotionally stoic man who I've seen shed a tear only twice in his life...has also been doing so.

I know some of you can relate and maybe you wouldn't mind saying a prayer for them or offering a word for me.

A little about her...

My mother was the strongest, most amazing woman I've ever known. For half a century she faithfully fulfilled her role as the glue that kept our family together through every kind of trial and tribulation. Mom was fiercely independent and refused to leave her home with my dad even at age 88 until the last 4 days of her life even while she had dementia and started forgetting so much. She fought for life like a warrior all the way till the very end. With my sister living in Washington and me in Texas, she kept her condition secret from us until only a month ago when my dad could no longer care for her...this is a man who still mows his own lawn and shovels snow at age 87, but this was to much for him. It would have been to much for anyone...she needed round the clock care and skilled nursing.

I was blessed to be prayng with her as she slipped away yesterday morning at 9:35 am in a hospice here in Denver...something I'll always have with me now...a moment I think I will cling to for the rest of my own life.

She was born into abject rural poverty in a small town called Sydney Nebraska in 1921, and lived through the Great Depression, later telling us the one could buy 4 loaves of bread for a quarter...if only one had a quarter...of lines of men standing for hours for a couple of potatoes, how she worked her first job and earned a single dollar for an entire week's work.

But mom never let adversity stand in her way. She and her mother and younger sister were abandoned by her father at age 2, so mom helped her own mother throughout her life, first working long hours on a tiny farm milking cows at age 6, and later working and going to school at the same time, taking in laundry and cooking for boarders who rented a room in their home, that sort of thing...until she finally married at age 37, long after most women in that era had done so. Much later in the 70's when my grandmother's health failed from Alzheimers, she nursed her for 3 years in our home as she died. I never heard a complaint come out of her mouth.

My mom was a gorgeous woman with classical movie star looks when she was young. She'd was also a true scholar athlete in high school, earning Validictorian honors at Boulder HS while starting at forward on her girls basketball team. Becasue she'd been at Boulder only a year she was denied the scholarship however and never got to attend college, which was her dream...something she regretted all her life. I think it made her prouder to see her kids earn degrees though. She was always there for us...always.

She was an incredible cook as well, with literally thousands of homeade recipes she wrote out in long hand or typed on an old beat up typewriter and they filled an entire bookcase with binders she stored them in. As a kid one of my best childhood memories was coming home from football practice in the cold Colorado air and often being met by the smell of homeade bread baking in her kitchen. She cooked home cooked meals almost every night of my life growing up...there was literally nothing she couldn't make, often seemingly from thin air. She also knew the value of a dollar and even in our middle class family she never wasted a dime. We used to laugh about her driving 5 miles out of her way to save a nickle on a gallon of milk with a coupon or the hated garage sales she always tried to drag me to on one of her eternal searches for bargains.

My dad was not an easy man to live with by any standard...she did so with grace and incredible perseverance even as he often failed to return to her the love she gave him. Throughout her life she insilled in us kids the values we still have today...those she took from the pages of an old Bible with a dogeared cover that was marked almost to the point of being illegible in places. In her church she taught 4th grade girls sunday school classes for 25 years. If she ever missed a week I don't remember it. Everything good in came from her.

I will miss her more than I imagine I'm sure of that, but I know it wasn't goodbye, but rather only goodnight. I love you were the greatest ever, and I've been incredibly blessed to be your son.
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Old 07-09-2010, 02:46 AM   #2
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Yo, FootStep.... I lost a mate to ovarian cancer & it was a real heart breaker. Made me sad all over again just to read your story. Nothing for me to say but I'm sorry for your entire posse... its serious hurting time.
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Old 07-09-2010, 02:51 AM   #3
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Hang in there Footsteps. Losing your mother has to be the hardest thing you go through next to losing your spouse. Like you said she is on a new journey and one that eventually you will get to join her on long down the road.

A great man once said, "Tough times never last, but tough people do"

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Old 07-09-2010, 02:55 AM   #4
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Requiescat in pace

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Old 07-09-2010, 02:56 AM   #5
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Very sorry to hear of your loss, Footsteps... and prayers for you and your family.
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Old 07-09-2010, 04:53 AM   #6
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Sorry to hear about your loss, Footsteps.

Thanks for sharing the memories of your mother with us.

Sounds like your mother was a wonderful person who lived 88 full years and cared for her family for every one of them.

People need to cherish every moment they get to spend with their family....your parents won't be around forever....savor every day you get to spend with them.
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Old 07-09-2010, 05:49 AM   #7
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Sorry footsteps. No one will love you like your mother does. I still miss mine everyday. Here is to yours. God Bless.
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Old 07-09-2010, 05:51 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by sirhcyennek81 View Post
Requiescat in pace

New one this Nov Ezio
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Old 07-09-2010, 06:15 AM   #9
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I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. Cancer sucks, no other way to put it. Like most of us I've lost too many good people in my life to that disease.
You and your family are in our prayers.
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Old 07-09-2010, 06:24 AM   #10
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I was touched in reading your post. My mother is suffering from dimentia/alzheimers now and cannot live at home. Bless you my brother. Your mother smiles down on you!
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Old 07-09-2010, 06:51 AM   #11
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Your post was truly touching. You were right-it's not goodbye, it's a brief parting, you'll see her again. My Mom was like your Mom, and touched every one she met-women are the life blood and soul of this world.

As for you, the memories, and who you are can never be taken away-the strength, morals and values she had is in you-I'm so sorry for your loss-My Mom's been gone 29 Years now, and not a day goes by that I don't cherish the memories-
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Old 07-09-2010, 07:03 AM   #12
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I'm sorry for your loss, my prayers for you and your family.
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Old 07-09-2010, 07:05 AM   #13
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Very sorry to hear of this, my condolences to you and yours. May your memories give you strength during this time.
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Old 07-09-2010, 07:56 AM   #14
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Sorry to hear this footsteps. Hang in there buddy my condolences and prayers will be thinking of you.
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Old 07-09-2010, 08:02 AM   #15
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Very Sorry, your mom sounds like a Great Lady. You have been lucky to have been raised by her. May time lessen your pain for you and your family especially your Dad and sister.
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Old 07-09-2010, 08:04 AM   #16
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sorry for your loss, man. I can only imagine what you & your family are going through.
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Old 07-09-2010, 08:16 AM   #17
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Sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences...
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Old 07-09-2010, 08:24 AM   #18
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Stay strong.
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Old 07-09-2010, 08:35 AM   #19
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I'm very sorry to hear this Footsteps, losing anyone close to you is hard.

My mother isn't in good health as well and it sucks she doesn't care either.

Thoughts and prayers to you and your mother.
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Old 07-09-2010, 08:38 AM   #20
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Sorry for your loss Footsteps. Hang in there man.
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Old 07-09-2010, 09:50 AM   #21
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You only ever have ONE Mom, and you were blessed to have one you loved and respected so greatly.

Condolences on your loss, man.
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Old 07-09-2010, 10:15 AM   #22
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I got a lump in my throat after reading that post. I can't imagine what you are feeling, right now. Fortunately, I still have both of my parents. However, I know that day will come. I hope I'm as strong as you, Footsteps.
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Old 07-09-2010, 10:30 AM   #23
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Very inspirational Footsteps. Sometimes I feel I take my parents for granted. I wish you and your family best in healing over such a loss.
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Old 07-09-2010, 10:36 AM   #24
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Very well written footsteps. Prayers to you and your family.
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Old 07-09-2010, 10:50 AM   #25
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How wonderful the memories you have and how lucky you are to have had her. Yes it's only for a moment your separation and imagine her joy and the reunion she's having. My prayers for your dad, sounds like he wasn't overtly emotional and this reality has struck him to the core. Let him grieve. My prayers to keep you all strong.
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