Annoying people at the gym

[Kaylore]

It's offseason. Anyone that has been more than a few times starts to notice who comes and who goes. Most are just normal people trying to do their thing and go, but there are some that stand out because you want to kick them in the balls when they walk in. Here is a list and a poll to follow. Please feel free to comment or add your own.

Annoying Gym Guys

1. You’re-Doing-it-Wrong-Guy: This is the douche that is constantly giving out unsolicited advice to everyone. Sometimes he’s genuinely trying to be helpful, most of the time he’s just trying to passive aggressively make himself feel better than you. His advice includes comments such as “You should holder for a ten count on that squat, bro!” and “Your form is all wrong, bro.” Doing-it-Wrong-Guy takes his act into the locker room where he likes to ask you what supplements you’re taking to see if they’re different than his own, where he then explains why his are better. You’re-doing-it-wrong-guy is in every gym.

2. Screaming-Attention-Whore: This is the douche who is usually relatively big (usually not cut and over-loaded in his chest) who screams and throws his weights down after every lift. He loves to scream bloody murder during and especially at the end of his sets so we all look over at him, after which he ratchets up his douchness by throwing his weights on the ground, hopefully into other pieces of equipment making as much noise and causing as much damage as possible. After this retarded display, he will usually turn either to the mirror to stare at himself, or to the women on the treadmill in full belief they are thinking about him naked. Aside from being a huge distraction during your workout, Attention-whore also damages equipment and his complete disrespect for the gym equipment makes him especially hated.

3. Machine Evictor: This isn’t the guy that wants in while you’re in-between sets. This is the guy that asks if he can step in when you’re in between reps. The douche that stands next to you and glares at you like you’re some kind of a-hole for daring to do leg extensions when he “always does them this time of day, dude. Everyone knows that.” He won’t use the same machine right next to you either. He’s the kind of workout sociopath that really needs to be kicked in the balls.

4. Machine-Hog: Probably what helped turn “Machine Evicter” is the Machine-Hog. Machine Hog spends all his (and many times her) time on one machine, all day. It’s usually something like the cable cross machine, but occasionally (and ridiculously) can be something weird like a pull-up machine. Machine Hog found his comfort zone and wouldn’t dare leave it, spending 20 mins to and hour and a half in one area trying to not make eye contact with all the other people staring at them for the squatting weirdoes that they are.

5. Stank Death: This is that guy (sometimes girl) who absolutely wreaks of rotting flesh. No, it is not simply BO. This guy emanates of filth and possible orificial infection of some kind. They are sometimes pretty large, and when they are, you feel bad for thinking ill of them since they are obviously there trying to make themselves better. Sometimes it’s an otherwise normal looking guy who just seems to wreak and happens to be wreaking on your next station, leaving his infected festering smears all over the bench.

6. Tread Hanger – I had one of these two weeks ago. This dude is running next to you on the treadmill, but rather than just run, he puts 70% of his weight on the heart rate sensors. This usually involves him leaning over and hugging the console while his toes ricochet off the treadmill. The guy last week kept leaning on and off the thing looking like he was humping the machine.

7. Cartoon Guy – This is that dude that is a walking caricature. From the waist up he’s huge. From the waist down my grandma has more muscle mass. Often seen on the bench or doing squats. He’s not really annoying, so much as funny to look at.

8. Perv – This is not someone who occasionally flirts at the gym. This is the guy that spends most of his time talking to every remotely hot chick at the gym. He has no game, usually just resorting to telling them about his workout or their workout. That’s his whole life so you can’t blame him, but it is kind of annoying when he won’t leave your wife alone.

9. Mr. Lonely – This is the guy that likes to strike up conversations with you, often cracking-wise as though he’s some kind of comedic genius hired out by the facility to make commentary by the row machine. He’s usually sporting a water bottle and likes approaching complete strangers and ask seemingly innocent questions that turn into hour long conversations. He is parasitic so it’s best to walk away because if you make eye-contact, he will follow you around the rest of the workout.

10. Cheater: I know, just ripped on “you’re doing it wrong guy” but you can feel that temptation when you see cheater. Cheater thinks he’s awesome at lifting because he can do a ton of reps. The thing is he barely does them at all, usually sort of grunting and swinging his arms around. When he benches, his solar plexus is a springboard for the bar, vaulting it six inches in the air. His curls consist of swinging his arms back and forth like Donkey Kong. Lat pull downs are him humping the cross bar between his leg and leaning back like he’s waterskiing. You don’t say anything, but he sure could use some urine in the eye when you see him finish his “set” and he smirks at your weight sizes.

[Rulon Velvet Jones]

I'm none of those. Kick ass.

[SonOfLe-loLang]

Ive been guilty of being number 3 and number 4. Can we also add "Sings and dances along with his ipod guy" and "i just made a new years resolution and am clogging up the gym even though i have no intentions on trying very hard guy"

[bronco militia]

the machine hog....get the **** off my machine, ya fat, lazy POS

signed,

the Evictor

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by sonofle-lolang

ive been guilty of being number 3 and number 4. Can we also add "sings and dances along with his ipod guy" and "i just made a new years resolution and am clogging up the gym even though i have no intentions on trying very hard guy"

lol

[Los Broncos]

Cell phone while on machine guy or girl.

[Kaylore]

Originally Posted by SonOfLe-loLang

Ive been guilty of being number 3 and number 4.

I hate you.

Can we also add "Sings and dances along with his ipod guy"

Ok, that's totally me.

and "i just made a new years resolution and am clogging up the gym even though i have no intentions on trying very hard guy"

Man that sucks. I take a vacation the first two weeks of January and that's one of the benefits of doing so. You come in and there's a sea of noobies on the cardio machines you know won't be there in four weeks.

[kappys]

Scream attention whore is often accompanied by screaming attention spotter - working in tandem to ensure that people look at him right before he lifts some massive weight off his chest - wouldn't want to risk people missing the whole lift.

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by Kaylore

I hate you.

Ok, that's totally me.


Man that sucks. I take a vacation the first two weeks of January and that's one of the benefits of doing so. You come in and there's a sea of noobies on the cardio machines you know won't be there in four weeks.

yeah.....by week 3 they're camping out on the nautilus machines

[gyldenlove]

You forgot at least 2 stereotypes:

11. Drip-Drip: The sweatiest individual you will ever run into, looks like he just dived for nickles and is entirely drenched. This individual is oblivious to the fact that he is leaving puddles and some times small lakes on whatever piece of equipment he touches. If you ever need a snorkle to adjust the tension on the oblique press machine you know this guy was there just before you.

12. Stretchypants. This is the girl and some times guy, who spends half an our warming up stretching muscles and tendons you never even heard, preferably by flailing body parts around in the most high trafficated area of the gym. These people will take your eye out if you are not careful and they will blame you for walking into them while they were stretching their multifidus. They will work out for about 15 minutes during which time they will adjust machines, crack their knuckles and drink their body weight in water and then proceed to repeat the entire stretching ceremony again.

[kappys]

I'm more of the get on the treadmill behind hot girl and stare at her ass while I run kind of guy. No talking though, don't want to spoil the momenthttp://www.orangemane.com/BB/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=2869153

[SonOfLe-loLang]

Originally Posted by Kaylore

I hate you.

Ok, that's totally me.


Man that sucks. I take a vacation the first two weeks of January and that's one of the benefits of doing so. You come in and there's a sea of noobies on the cardio machines you know won't be there in four weeks.

haha...well, im actually really polite about asking people if i can work in with them, but i've glared once or twice.

You can always tell the noobs. 1) they are out of shape. 2) they bring their kindle to read in between sets. 3) They have new workout clothes as if that will somehow aid the process.

[gyldenlove]

Originally Posted by Kaylore

Ok, that's totally me.

There is no stick large enough to give you the beating you deserve. There is nothing more antisocial than people who have their ipod turned up so loud the sandwich artist at the Subway down the street can bob along to the tune, especially if they also tap their feet, drum on the machines or god forbid hum or sing whatever god-awful boyband makes their heart flutter.

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by kappys

I'm more of the get on the treadmill behind hot girl and stare at her ass while I run kind of guy. No talking though, don't want to spoil the momenthttp://www.orangemane.com/BB/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=2869153

[SonOfLe-loLang]

Originally Posted by gyldenlove

There is no stick large enough to give you the beating you deserve. There is nothing more antisocial than people who have their ipod turned up so loud the sandwich artist at the Subway down the street can bob along to the tune, especially if they also tap their feet, drum on the machines or god forbid hum or sing whatever god-awful boyband makes their heart flutter.

I do, however, love the guy on the exercise bike who is air drumming like he's trying out for Metallica.

[Beantown Bronco]

"Yeah, why don't you guys go down to the gym and pump each other."

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by SonOfLe-loLang

I do, however, love the guy on the exercise bike who is air drumming like he's trying out for Metallica.

guilty

[Kaylore]

Originally Posted by gyldenlove

There is no stick large enough to give you the beating you deserve. There is nothing more antisocial than people who have their ipod turned up so loud the sandwich artist at the Subway down the street can bob along to the tune, especially if they also tap their feet, drum on the machines or god forbid hum or sing whatever god-awful boyband makes their heart flutter.

Well I don't have it up very loud, and they go in my ear so no one can hear them. But I do bounce my head and hum along. Is it ridiculous? Yes, but it's so loud where I go no one hears me and I only get crazy on stationary machines. I'm married and not looking for friends at the gym, so if it's anti-social then good.

Originally Posted by SonofLe-LoLang

I do, however, love the guy on the exercise bike who is air drumming like he's trying out for Metallica.

Yeah that's me.

[MileHighMagic]

The one that bugs me is the guys that ONLY lift chest and biceps. Also, why does damn near everyone lift chest on Mondays?

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by Beantown Bronco

"Yeah, why don't you guys go down to the gym and pump each other."

Chief Karlin: What's your name?
Fletch: Fletch.
Chief Karlin: What's your full name?
Fletch: Fletch F. Fletch.
Chief Karlin: What do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch: I'm a shepherd.
Chief Karlin: Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch: I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you.

[Kaylore]

Originally Posted by gyldenlove

You forgot at least 2 stereotypes:

11. Drip-Drip: The sweatiest individual you will ever run into, looks like he just dived for nickles and is entirely drenched. This individual is oblivious to the fact that he is leaving puddles and some times small lakes on whatever piece of equipment he touches. If you ever need a snorkle to adjust the tension on the oblique press machine you know this guy was there just before you.

12. Stretchypants. This is the girl and some times guy, who spends half an our warming up stretching muscles and tendons you never even heard, preferably by flailing body parts around in the most high trafficated area of the gym. These people will take your eye out if you are not careful and they will blame you for walking into them while they were stretching their multifidus. They will work out for about 15 minutes during which time they will adjust machines, crack their knuckles and drink their body weight in water and then proceed to repeat the entire stretching ceremony again.

Good additions. Don't know how I missed drippy. That's my Dad. He's very in shape (runs 4 miles every other day) but he walks briskly for a few minutes and it looks like he showered with his clothes on. Sucks to cover in basketball.

[SonOfLe-loLang]

Originally Posted by Kaylore

Well I don't have it up very loud, and they go in my ear so no one can hear them. But I do bounce my head and hum along. Is it ridiculous? Yes, but it's so loud where I go no one hears me and I only get crazy on stationary machines. I'm married and not looking for friends at the gym, so if it's anti-social then good.


Yeah that's me.

If youre humming along so i can hear you through my earbuds, then its too loud. but i was referring to the guy who actually sings the lyrics while dancing like he's at the club. Maybe thats an LA thing, but there's more than one of those at my gym.


Also, how about the guy who wears skintight unitards to show off his muscles...and also his balls?

[OCBronco]

Many reminders for why I don't work out at gyms anymore.

[Irish Stout]

Originally Posted by SonOfLe-loLang

Also, how about the guy who wears skintight unitards to show off his muscles...and also his balls?

That sounds like an LA thing.

[Flex Gunmetal]

Originally Posted by MileHighMagic

The one that bugs me is the guys that ONLY lift chest and biceps. Also, why does damn near everyone lift chest on Mondays?

My off days are sun-mon, but I always do chest and abs on tues. Most people start the week with chest.

The worst is the guy doing curls on the squat rack.