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Old 06-11-2010, 12:20 AM   #1
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Default Tim Tebow vs. Stephen Strasburg: A Clash for the Ages



Stephen Strasburg's first strike for the Washington Nationals on Tuesday might start the Rapture.



God himself might carry Tim Tebow into the end zone during his first play from scrimmage for the Broncos this fall.



So how could anyone possibly choose between these two sports deities? Well, Page 2 gives you the Tale of the Tape.



Vital stats


Strasburg: 6-4, 220
Tebow: 6-3, 245



Advantage: Tebow. Not because he has more pounds, but because he was once described in a GQ interview as "all thick polygons and smooth flat planes and inescapable corn-fed handsomeness."



[+] EnlargeAndrew Weber/US Presswire
Stephen Strasburg only made 11 minor league starts before getting the call by the Nationals.

Eye color


Strasburg: blue
Tebow: blue



Advantage: Tebow. Although it may seem that they have the same eye color, you're actually mistaken. Tebow's eyes appear blue in photographs, but in person you see whatever color you want, much like looking through a prism or into a waterfall.



Jersey number


Strasburg: 37
Tebow: 15



Advantage: Strasburg. It's nice that both of these guys will get to continue wearing their college numbers in the pros. And I'm sure lots of greats have worn No. 15. Thurman Munson comes to mind for the Yankees. But Strasburg shares his number with Ron Artest. Did you know he had a friend who got stabbed through the heart with a piece of a table leg during a pickup game?



Number of bracelets worn


Strasburg: 0
Tebow: 7



Advantage: Strasburg. Tebow has one of those rubber wristbands for just about everyone he's ever met. Strasburg doesn't believe in fashion accessories other than strikeouts. Besides, bracelets would probably weigh him down and take a couple miles an hour off his fastball. They're clearly for people who don't ever throw.



Contract


Strasburg: 4-year, $15.1 million
Tebow: unsigned



Advantage: Strasburg. Tebow doesn't currently have a deal with the Broncos, so he's essentially playing for free. But even when the two sides do hammer out the X's and O's, Tebow is slotted to receive only around $11 million for five years. He's going to need to pull a Shaq to close the gap: "I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok."



Greatest award


Strasburg: 2008 Olympic bronze medal with Team USA
Tebow: 2007 Heisman Trophy



Advantage: Tebow. He's the first player to win the Heisman as a sophomore. That's impressive. A bronze medal, on the other hand? Lots of people have them, and some don't even want theirs -- for example, Swedish wrestler Ara Abrahamian, who threw his bronze medal down and walked off in Beijing.




"Stick with me kid and I'll teach you a couple things." "Really, Tim? I'd sure appreciate that."

First pro opponent


Strasburg: Pittsburgh Pirates on June 8
Tebow: Jacksonville Jaguars on Sept. 12



Advantage: Strasburg. The Jaguars were bad last season, but the Pirates are terrible. I wouldn't be surprised if he were to throw a perfect game against them. Let's just hope Jim Joyce isn't working that night.



Haircut


Strasburg: baby bowl
Tebow: modified buzz



Advantage: Tebow. This isn't so much a win for Tebow as it is a loss for Strasburg. As haircuts go, you could do worse than the newest Denver Bronco, and Strasburg is proof of that. It's as though he broke curfew and his mom cut his hair as a punishment. No wonder he never takes his cap off.



First-name popularity


Stephen: Ranked 201 in '09
Timothy: Ranked 110 in '09



Advantage: Kobe. Even if somehow the Nationals and Broncos could play some sort of baseball-football hybrid that was broadcast in every delivery room in America, they still couldn't top the number of Kobes that will be conceived over the next two weeks.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2...trasburg_tebow
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Old 06-11-2010, 12:42 AM   #2
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That is ****ing hilarious. I love the Number comparison part. Artest quote cracks me up.
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Old 06-11-2010, 12:50 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Doggcow View Post
That is ****ing hilarious. I love the Number comparison part. Artest quote cracks me up.
"Stick with me kid and I'll teach you a couple things." "Really, Tim? I'd sure appreciate that."

****ing lawled when it got to that.
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Old 06-11-2010, 01:23 AM   #4
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Tebow would squash him like a bug.
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Old 06-11-2010, 07:17 AM   #5
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Man they miss the biggest matchup of them all:

Facial hair

Strasburg: Patch-o-soul
Tebow: 5 o-clock shadow

Advantage: Tebow. Face moss is like herpes, less is more. Tebow is rocking the short stubble like Brad Pitt, Strasburg looks like he just ate some candyfloss and got some on his lower lip.
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Old 06-11-2010, 07:33 AM   #6
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Old 06-11-2010, 08:42 AM   #7
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haha... great article
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Old 06-11-2010, 09:28 AM   #8
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Is a man stepping on an ant described as a "clash"?


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Old 06-11-2010, 09:57 AM   #9
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When not doing charity work, he's facilitating marriages...

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Old 06-11-2010, 10:07 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gyldenlove View Post
Man they miss the biggest matchup of them all:

Facial hair

Strasburg: Patch-o-soul
Tebow: 5 o-clock shadow

Advantage: Tebow. Face moss is like herpes, less is more. Tebow is rocking the short stubble like Brad Pitt, Strasburg looks like he just ate some candyfloss and got some on his lower lip.
There is no clearer identifier of a douche than someone rocking the soul patch. No a full on beard is awesome. But soul patch is as bad as a popped collar = fail.
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