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Old 05-30-2010, 03:17 PM   #1
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Default Four guys walk into a bar

So Arthur Guinness, Pete Coors, Tom Long (Miller), and Dave Peacock (Anheuser-Busch) walk into a bar.

Peacock orders first, "I'll have a Bud Light - the taste that wont fill me up and never lets me down," he says.

Long orders next, "I want the High Life, give me a Miller."

Coors orders next, "I want a taste as cold as the Rockies, give me a Coors Light."

Finally, Guinness orders, "Well, as long as you guys aren't drinking beer... I think I'll just have a coke."
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:19 PM   #2
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A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. They crawl out of their cars and the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." And the priest said, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

And the rabbi said, "and look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break, surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. And so he handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi took the bottle, didn't drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to the priest. The priest asked, "aren't you going to have any?" And the rabbi replied, "No . . . I think I'll just wait for the police."
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:21 PM   #3
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Guinness may be better than the other three, but that's like comparing apples to rocket ships.

Overall, Guinness is a pretentious beer for pretentious people. It's not the same in America as it is overseas (like most beers), and I've found in my vast experience that people who say Guinness is the best haven't tried anything else.

Nickel's worth of free advice: try something else. Anything.
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:23 PM   #4
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Fat Tire... Odell... Wynkoop
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:25 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houghtam View Post
Guinness may be better than the other three, but that's like comparing apples to rocket ships.

Overall, Guinness is a pretentious beer for pretentious people. It's not the same in America as it is overseas (like most beers), and I've found in my vast experience that people who say Guinness is the best haven't tried anything else.

Nickel's worth of free advice: try something else. Anything.
Way to completely miss the point of the thread.
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:40 PM   #6
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Way to completely miss the point of the thread.
**** jokes?
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:46 PM   #7
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1. A Voice in the Darkness
The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, "The Raiders are Super Bowl contenders."
Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God... at least Dopey's survived!"

2. It's a Wonder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonderlic_Test#Use_in_NFL)
Why do Chief's players keep their Wonderlic results on their dash boards?
So they can park in the handicap spaces.

3. Kissin' Cousins
What do you get when you put the girlfriends of a dozen Chief's fans in one room?
A full set of teeth! (though I think this is a false question as I don't think girlfriends of Chief's fans exist)

4. Grounded
Why did the Chargers players miss their flight for the big game?
They were stuck on a broken escalator!

5. Hit and Run
If you see a Raider's fan on a bike, why should you not swerve to hit him?
It could be your bike



6. On the Bright Side
What do you call a Chief's fan with half a brain?
Gifted!

7. Playing Possum
Why are the Chief's like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

8. Licking the Problem
What did the average Charger player get on his Wonderlic test?
Drool!

and one about beer...

What's the similarity between American beer and having sex in a canoe?
****ing close to water.

Last edited by Miss I.; 05-30-2010 at 03:51 PM..
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:51 PM   #8
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and Tebow........

Man Tebow just makes everything better even punchlines!

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Old 05-30-2010, 03:52 PM   #9
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This thread will be here all week.
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:54 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houghtam View Post
Overall, Guinness is a pretentious beer for pretentious people.
What a pretentious thing to say.

Maybe some people just, ya know, like the taste of Guinness better?
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:55 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss I. View Post
1. A Voice in the Darkness
The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, "The Raiders are Super Bowl contenders."
Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God... at least Dopey's survived!"

2. It's a Wonder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonderlic_Test#Use_in_NFL)
Why do Chief's players keep their Wonderlic results on their dash boards?
So they can park in the handicap spaces.

3. Kissin' Cousins
What do you get when you put the girlfriends of a dozen Chief's fans in one room?
A full set of teeth! (though I think this is a false question as I don't think girlfriends of Chief's fans exist)

4. Grounded
Why did the Chargers players miss their flight for the big game?
They were stuck on a broken escalator!

5. Hit and Run
If you see a Raider's fan on a bike, why should you not swerve to hit him?
It could be your bike



6. On the Bright Side
What do you call a Chief's fan with half a brain?
Gifted!

7. Playing Possum
Why are the Chief's like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

8. Licking the Problem
What did the average Charger player get on his Wonderlic test?
Drool!

and one about beer...

What's the similarity between American beer and having sex in a canoe?
****ing close to water.
I like it, and it doesn't discriminate.
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:57 PM   #12
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This thread will be here all week.
This thread would like you to try the veal, and make sure to tip your waitstaff.
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Old 05-30-2010, 04:09 PM   #13
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Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money.
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Old 05-30-2010, 04:13 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houghtam View Post
Guinness may be better than the other three, but that's like comparing apples to rocket ships.

Overall, Guinness is a pretentious beer for pretentious people. It's not the same in America as it is overseas (like most beers), and I've found in my vast experience that people who say Guinness is the best haven't tried anything else.

Nickel's worth of free advice: try something else. Anything.
Interesting, but incomprehensible mixed metaphor.

Guinness is a Stout and the very nectar of the working man in Ireland and a favorite drink for millions. Hardly 'pretentious.'

So in your 'vast experience' what is an unpretentious beer?
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Old 05-30-2010, 04:29 PM   #15
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Beer Good. All Beer Good. some Beer just gooder than others.

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Old 05-30-2010, 05:22 PM   #16
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This thread will be here all week.
Dont forget to tip your waitress!
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Old 05-30-2010, 06:34 PM   #17
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I remember when I had my first beer too.
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Old 05-30-2010, 06:52 PM   #18
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Q: How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer? A: None. It should already be opened by the time the woman brings it.

Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them lost all sense of reasoning, started talking nonsense, and couldn"t drive.
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Old 05-30-2010, 10:08 PM   #19
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"John McCain of Arizona is facing a tough re-election campaign. The key issue is illegal immigration. I don't want to say McCain is old, but in his first election, the illegal immigrants were white people." óJay Leno
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Old 05-30-2010, 10:14 PM   #20
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"John McCain of Arizona is facing a tough re-election campaign. The key issue is illegal immigration. I don't want to say McCain is old, but in his first election, the illegal immigrants were white people." óJay Leno
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Old 05-30-2010, 10:17 PM   #21
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I once served Peter Coors a beer as a caterer back in the day. He actually asked for a warm one. True story.
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Old 05-30-2010, 10:18 PM   #22
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Czech beer rules! Go to any bar: Coke 2$. Bottled water 1$. Beer is fifty cents. Tastes like fresh-baked bread.
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Old 05-30-2010, 10:20 PM   #23
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I once served Peter Coors a beer as a caterer back in the day. He actually asked for a warm one. True story.
Coors is a fellow Pioneer alum. He's on the board of directors at my school. The fitness center on campus is the "Pete Coors Center for Health and Wellness."
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Old 05-30-2010, 10:50 PM   #24
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Coors is a fellow Pioneer alum. He's on the board of directors at my school. The fitness center on campus is the "Pete Coors Center for Health and Wellness."
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Old 05-30-2010, 10:57 PM   #25
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I once served Peter Coors a beer as a caterer back in the day. He actually asked for a warm one. True story.
Are you sure he was refering to beer? Maybe he just thought you were cute.
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