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Old 04-27-2010, 05:46 PM   #101
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This sounds a lot like what I went through in my early 20's (minus her having the kid already-which is a major game changer). GF was from a troubled home and lived here in CO. with her mom and step-dad. She was desperate to get out of her current situation. She wanted to move to Memphis to be closer to her dad and other family. I was a Colorado boy from birth with the steady family close-by.

So, we actually went and visited her family in the Memphis area first. I found out that despite the glowing reports she had told me, her dad was a drunk. He was a huge a-hole. She of course fell in love with the idea of being back "home" again and wanted to move. I dug in my feet knowing I didn't want any part of that Memphis, Tenn./W. Memphis, Arkansas area. I certainly didn't want to be around her family who looked like the poster children for the typical "redneck Arkansas family". I just began stalling and pointing out the things that weren't quite right with the plan to move back there.

I would suggest taking a trip there if possible to meet her family, check out the area, etc.

How did my story turn out? Well, we stayed in Colorado and I went to school. We got married. Moved to Wyoming and bought a house. Had 3 great kids. Moved back to Colorado and eventually landed a good job at a University while my wife is currently in school (put that off having the kids). So, I guess what I'm saying is she may be right for you, but perhaps where she wants to move isn't the best idea. Move (or stay) where it makes sense. I was promised jobs by her dad, too. Of course, if he had such great leads, why was he working odd jobs to support himself?

The big differences in our stories though is my wife has usually been employed (even though she had some real crappy jobs) and she didn't have a kid when we got together.

Visit the area first, but be prepared for her drive to move there to be even stronger. Which means if it doesn't feel right, your drive to NOT move there has to be that much more strong.

Good luck.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:49 PM   #102
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Hollywood is filled with self involved people, but this is an amazing example of how to live your life....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:23 PM   #103
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Hey, I knew I wasn't they only one that hated living in Texas. Worst place ever
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:34 PM   #104
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Knew the bad blood with the family was related back to her.

You're on a one-way ticket to self-loathing. Don't be stupid.
What he says ^ ALL OF IT!
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:36 PM   #105
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Also...the part about her not keeping some jobs cuz she hates them...

When you HAVE A CHILD, you lose the right to hate your job in favor of no job!
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:49 PM   #106
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Run Forest run. Way too many red flags in this situation with your fiancÚ. This has a 2014 date with a divorce attorney written all over it. A parent who can't put forth the effort to care/provide for her 4 year old daughter says it all. Sorry man. Seen it too often.
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:56 PM   #107
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Alright, so, at page 1, we all read the OP and knew what the poster was going to do. He knew, we knew, you knew, my dog knew...

Now we're at page 5, lets hear back from the OP. I think the consensus is run for freedom and it probably wont change if this thing goes on for 50 pages.

OP? Let us know, would 800 more posts suggesting the same thing help?
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:02 PM   #108
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Originally Posted by That One Guy View Post
Alright, so, at page 1, we all read the OP and knew what the poster was going to do. He knew, we knew, you knew, my dog knew...

Now we're at page 5, lets hear back from the OP. I think the consensus is run for freedom and it probably wont change if this thing goes on for 50 pages.

OP? Let us know, would 800 more posts suggesting the same thing help?
Dude that is so true. Guy was SC bound before he ever even posted. Shame though... Good way to become damaged goods himself.
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:38 PM   #109
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Also...the part about her not keeping some jobs cuz she hates them...

When you HAVE A CHILD, you lose the right to hate your job in favor of no job!
REP to the new lurker turned poster!
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:42 PM   #110
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Never quit the job you have until you get a new one.

Don't ignore this advice
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:54 PM   #111
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Dude that is so true. Guy was SC bound before he ever even posted. Shame though... Good way to become damaged goods himself.
Lol, I guarantee she ends up with some other sad-sap that she knew back when she lives there, and he's ****ed and stuck away from family and had pissed them all off listening to this girl.

I use the word girl, because that is exactly what she is, a woman would be supporting herself, or ffs, SUPPORTING HER KID.

This guy is going to ****up his life in spite of everything everyone here has told him as well as his family.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:21 PM   #112
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What these pussies are beating around the bush instead of coming out and saying:

Sack up. Gain some self worth. Find precisely what you want in life. Go take it.
I don't agree with you on much, but this is spot on. I think it's pretty much the same thing you told me years ago, and I'm glad I listened.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:23 PM   #113
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I don't think I'd go with this. I'm with the Rev outside of the whole have multiple GF's etc thing and ditch her in another state... as effective as that sounds (to getting rid of her).

I have a friend who was with a girl like yours. She had a kid, didn't finish school... hell she was even a stripper at one point. Hot as hell etc. Needless to say, one of the big draws that kept him with her was that he felt bad for her. He felt obligated to be with her because she had always been hurt, and then obligated to her child as well since it had no dad.

His parents told him to end it with her. Ironically he thought they were being elitist and didn't get it (even though they raised him and had been through more than he ever had).

Needless to say, eventually it all went south.

He lots of money and time out of it, but luckily no job since he never moved to be with her.

There are a few diamonds... very, very, very, few diamonds that have the type of background your girlfriend has.

How do you even know that what she's told you about the inheritance and the step sisters is true etc.

She got kicked out at 18? She also had a kid at 18? Doesn't sound like quality decision making.

Anyway... your fiance might be that extremely rare diamond... but I would tread extremely carefully. A motivated woman would be working a job AND getting a GED at the same time, and she can't do either.

As for moving. HELL NO don't do it. If you DID move, make sure you have a job, and make damn well sure she's getting a GED or something. The last thing you want is to be is that dude working his ass off to feed a stay at home mom who does absolutely nothing constructive, and a kid that's not even of your own making.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:49 PM   #114
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I think TheRev pretty much nailed it.

I don't have much to add, but I will say this. It does sound like this girl is using you McFoneco...something's just off kilter about her. I don't like it, to me now would be a good time to cut the line and move on.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:58 PM   #115
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If her childhood sucked so bad, why does she want to return to the place she grew up so badly? Just so she can wait tables? WTF?

Dude, you're 25. Twenty-freakin'-FIVE! Live your life, not someone else's.

(The fact that you had to turn to strangers on the internet should give you the answer, by the way.)
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Old 04-28-2010, 01:46 AM   #116
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Get a job before you move, not after.
QFT

Then move.
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Old 04-28-2010, 05:54 AM   #117
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"She hasn't had a job because she continues to get hired at a place and either not like it"

"Also, she has a 4 year old daughter, so makes it tougher."

"Now, I don't want to get in too many details, but she had a terrible childhood that caused her to have to drop out of high school"

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Old 04-28-2010, 06:22 AM   #118
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Don't make the mistake of thinking you can 'save' someone with a troubled background. They will have their own issues that only thay can overcome: your support and understanding can help, but only that. She has to fix herself.

As far as the move goes, you have to reassure yourself that this is not a 'grass is greener' situation on her part. If she has trouble settling into homes or work (which would be entirely understandable given her background, but understanding it doesn't make it not a problem....) then that could mean that this move could turn into another move, or some other problem will suddenly become the Big Issue and The Thing We Have to Change and you will never find rest.

By all means follow your heart and take the plunge if you think its best. Only you can judge at the end of the day and if you consider your reasons carefully enough then I'm sure that the decision you finally make will be the right one. However, please remember those reasons after you've moved. You should expect unforseen issues to crop up after the move, be prepared for them, and more importantly make sure she is also prepared for that.

My ex-wife used to talk so firmly and bravely about each new beginning. She really believed each new change in her life would be the thing that sorted everything out. Trouble is it never did, so each time she had to find a new problem to blame, untill eventually the next problem was our marriage and I had to go......her background was different to your girlfriend's, but I can see some alarming parallels nonetheless.

At the end of the day if you do make a new start you have to both be utterly determined to make it work. Running away from problems doesn't always get rid of them and can easily become a habit, so be warned.
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Old 04-28-2010, 06:44 AM   #119
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Hey, I knew I wasn't they only one that hated living in Texas. Worst place ever
You live in Amarillo. Do you need a sign?
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Old 04-28-2010, 07:47 AM   #120
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Dude, run for your life. Seriously.
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Old 04-28-2010, 09:02 AM   #121
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Have I mentioned that Myrtle Beach blows? It surpasses even Las Vegas for utter tackiness and draws more douchebags per capita than Palm Springs.
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Old 04-28-2010, 09:43 AM   #122
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Did you hate where you live and have trouble with your family before you met this woman?
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Old 04-28-2010, 09:59 AM   #123
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I want to be remembered for this take:

This will not end well.
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Old 04-28-2010, 10:13 AM   #124
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For some risks that is fine. Not this one imo. Think it through carefully with an eye on what happens if it all goes to s**t what did you give up to end up with that result. If we were talking about the job vs you spending 6 months in Europe I'd say go with your gut and get out of there.
Ghwk....You misunderstood my post. My statement about risk and going with your gut can apply to anything. Based on what I read this woman is full of resentments that haven't been resolved. Resentments are the #1 killer of relationships. If she hasn't resolved them they will surely follow her to the next town.

To be honest I think too many people rush into marriages and having babies to begin with. Heck most marriages have less than a 50% success rate as it is.

My advice. Let her go. Keep working, hit a couple Bronco games, and find a woman with an education like you have, a woman without children, and for crying out loud a woman who can hold a job!
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Old 04-28-2010, 10:14 AM   #125
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Did you hate where you live and have trouble with your family before you met this woman?
Excellent question!
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