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Old 01-28-2010, 10:40 PM   #1
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Default Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger

Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger

January 28, 2010

CORNISH, NH—In this big dramatic production that didn't do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. "He had a real impact on the literary world and on millions of readers," said hot-shot English professor David Clarke, who is just like the rest of them, and even works at one of those crumby schools that rich people send their kids to so they don't have to look at them for four years. "There will never be another voice like his." Which is exactly the lousy kind of goddamn thing that people say, because really it could mean lots of things, or nothing at all even, and it's just a perfect example of why you should never tell anybody anything.

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Old 01-28-2010, 10:40 PM   #2
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Thanks to the Onion for the splendid obituary. It put me right back in Caufield's head.

RIP Salinger.
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Old 01-28-2010, 10:44 PM   #3
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He used to come in all the time and hang out at Dartmouth's library...until the undergrads caught on it was him and started gawking/stalking .
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Old 01-28-2010, 10:49 PM   #4
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For those that haven't read Catcher in the Rye, you've done yourself a disservice. Great read. Just great.
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Old 01-28-2010, 11:13 PM   #5
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Old 01-28-2010, 11:25 PM   #6
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That's a great article
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Old 01-28-2010, 11:31 PM   #7
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Rich kid adjusting to life after the traumatic loss of his younger brother.
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Old 01-28-2010, 11:52 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aborquez147 View Post
He used to come in all the time and hang out at Dartmouth's library...until the undergrads caught on it was him and started gawking/stalking .
As IF it was only the undergrads.

Great article. The Onion is fantastic.
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Old 01-29-2010, 12:50 AM   #9
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For those that haven't read Catcher in the Rye, you've done yourself a disservice. Great read. Just great.
A disservice? Seriously...
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Old 01-29-2010, 01:00 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taco John View Post
Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger

January 28, 2010

CORNISH, NH—In this big dramatic production that didn't do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. "He had a real impact on the literary world and on millions of readers," said hot-shot English professor David Clarke, who is just like the rest of them, and even works at one of those crumby schools that rich people send their kids to so they don't have to look at them for four years. "There will never be another voice like his." Which is exactly the lousy kind of goddamn thing that people say, because really it could mean lots of things, or nothing at all even, and it's just a perfect example of why you should never tell anybody anything.

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This is a great tribute to one of the great American authors.
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Old 01-29-2010, 01:57 AM   #11
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Quote:
that people say, because really it could mean lots of things, or nothing at all even, and it's just a perfect example of why you should never tell anybody anything.
meh. He never did anyhing for me, but required reading. In fact, I think I put it down and faked the exam.

RIP.
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Old 01-29-2010, 03:36 AM   #12
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"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that is wants to live humbly for one."




Brillant.
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Old 01-29-2010, 03:36 AM   #13
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Old 01-29-2010, 03:44 AM   #14
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"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that is wants to live humbly for one."




Brillant.
What a brazen, "cultured" comment.

In other words, "Old men start wars, young men finish them.."
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Old 01-29-2010, 04:06 AM   #15
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What a brazen, "cultured" comment.

In other words, "Old men start wars, young men finish them.."

Me thinks you are a bit off the mark ole friend.....



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Old 01-29-2010, 04:23 AM   #16
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Wrong.
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Old 01-29-2010, 04:26 AM   #17
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Wrong.

HINT: Wisdom \Wis"dom\ (-d[u^]m), n. 1. The quality of being wise; knowledge, and the capacity to make due use of it; knowledge of the best ends and the best means; discernment and judgment; discretion; sagacity; skill; dexterity.



Just sayin'
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Old 01-29-2010, 04:46 AM   #18
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I hope they finally release some new books.
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Old 01-29-2010, 05:05 AM   #19
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It's funny really, how you would look to a mid 20th century fantstist that has no real moral identity.
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Old 01-29-2010, 05:15 AM   #20
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It's funny really, how you would look to a mid 20th century fantstist that has no real moral identity.
Look to him for what? A good book.
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Old 01-29-2010, 05:39 AM   #21
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"I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all."

RIP
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Old 01-29-2010, 06:17 AM   #22
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Quote:
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He used to come in all the time and hang out at Dartmouth's library...until the undergrads caught on it was him and started gawking/stalking .
Interesting... he really did lead a quiet life through and through.
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Old 01-29-2010, 06:18 AM   #23
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meh. He never did anyhing for me, but required reading. In fact, I think I put it down and faked the exam.

RIP.
Shocking. I am shocked.

That's a really well-done obit. Nice find, TJ.
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Old 01-29-2010, 06:20 AM   #24
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"I hope to hell that when I do die somebody has the sense to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetary. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody." - JD Salinger


He's getting his wish. No funeral for a man who craved solitude above all else.
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Old 01-29-2010, 06:30 AM   #25
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An RIP thread jacked by mock! Color me stunned...
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