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Old 11-18-2009, 03:08 AM   #1
Bronco Rob
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Default Krieger: Broncos in hot pursuit of their old mojo

Krieger: Broncos in hot pursuit of their old mojo


By Dave Krieger
Denver Post Columnist
Posted: 11/18/2009 01:00:00 AM MST



Let's not sugarcoat this. We can make all the excuses, do all the analysis, listen to talk radio until our heads explode, but the fact remains:

Like Austin Powers in "The Spy Who Shagged Me," the Broncos have lost their mojo.

And they may need our help getting it back.

Powers enlisted the aid of Elizabeth Hurley and Heather Graham, so if anyone has a number for either of them, please forward it to me immediately.

You may remember that Powers reclaimed his mojo by hopping in a time machine and going back to the 1960s. Coincidentally, the Broncos have been traveling back to the '60s this season to celebrate the AFL's 50th birthday, so this should not be a problem.

Here are three steps the Broncos can take to get their mojo back. I don't claim it's an exhaustive list. If you have additions, by all means, send them along.

1. Bring back Brett Kern.
This might be tough with Kern now punting for Tennessee, but when the going gets tough, the tough pull out their smart phones. Maybe Pat Bowlen's pal Roger Goodell can make Titans owner Bud Adams return Kern as part of his punishment for giving an entire stadium the finger.

If not, there's always a trade. No one should be untouchable when your mojo is missing.

The numbers don't lie. The Broncos were 6-0 with Kern. They are 0-3 without him. The Titans were 0-6 before Kern arrived. They are 3-0 since.

In other words, Kern is 9-0, and the teams he has played for are 0-9 without him. The NFL has three remaining unbeatens: the Colts, the Saints and Brett Kern.

The circumstantial evidence suggests Kern took the Broncos' mojo to Tennessee and gave it to the Titans. I'm not a lawyer but I do watch a lot of "Law & Order," and I believe he can be legally required to return it.

2. Bring back the vertically striped socks.
It is no coincidence that the Broncos got two of their most inspirational victories in those daring fashion statements from the '60s. They certainly had their mojo when they beat the Patriots and Chargers. During their three-game losing streak, they haven't worn them once.

Granted, they will have to pull some strings in the commissioner's office to get this done. Each original AFL team was supposed to wear throwback uniforms twice, once at home and once away, so the Broncos are done, although they might wear those orange jerseys again. Those only look like throwbacks.

Unfortunately, they don't work as well as the vertically striped socks. The Broncos wore the faux-throwback orange against the Bears in the preseason and the Cowboys and Steelers in the regular season, which makes them 1-2. Not very mojotastic.

No, it must be the vertically striped socks. Bowlen should be able to get a little concession like that out of the commissioner in exchange for promising not to give an entire stadium the finger the way some owners do.

Besides, traveling back to the '60s is the surest way to follow the Austin Powers blueprint. Kyle Orton doesn't necessarily have to say "Groovy, baby," but it couldn't hurt. If he won't, Chris Simms should get enough reps in practice so he can say it.

3. Bring back Ryan McBean.
It is no coincidence that ever since McBean hurt his knee in Baltimore, the Broncos' mojo has been missing. Or maybe it is, I don't know. This theory comes from Channel 4's Vic Lombardi, and it seems kind of out there to me. But hey, we must leave no stone unturned. It's the least we can do.

Lombardi thinks the transition from McBean to Le Kevin Smith at defensive end has cost the Broncos . . . well . . . I'm not sure what it's cost them, but it's cost them.

It makes at least as much sense as Josh McDaniels' suggestion that the defensive linemen have suddenly become glory hounds, dancing around trying to make highlight plays instead of filling their gaps.

That seems unlikely unless they heard Elizabeth Hurley and Heather Graham might be involved, in which case their desire for a little attention would be understandable.

Anyway, let's try bringing back McBean first.

These three steps should send the Broncos back in time, if not to the '60s, at least to six weeks ago. From there, they should be able to pick up right where they left off.



http://www.denverpost.com/premium/broncos/ci_13811745
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Old 11-18-2009, 05:40 AM   #2
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It's as if Kreiger reads the Mane. That article is full of stuff we've been saying for weeks now.
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Old 11-18-2009, 05:47 AM   #3
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I miss Kern.
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Old 11-18-2009, 06:34 AM   #4
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I miss the socks
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Old 11-18-2009, 07:03 AM   #5
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I miss winning.
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Old 11-18-2009, 07:04 AM   #6
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Krieger is exactly what's wrong with sports columnists in this country. Jesus, that was so gimmicky and awful to read.

Go back to Journalism school, hack.
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:32 AM   #7
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he calls for a trade after the trade deadline, i stopped reading there
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:42 AM   #8
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Must be tough trying to read a humor article when you have no sense of humor.
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:51 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohirrim View Post
Must be tough trying to read a humor article when you have no sense of humor.
Beat me to it.

I thought the Kern piece was good stuff.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:47 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohirrim View Post
Must be tough trying to read a humor article when you have no sense of humor.
It's hard reading an attempt at humor that isn't funny.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:00 AM   #11
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I miss the running game.
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:24 PM   #12
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I bet that Travis Henry could hook them up with some mojo.
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:37 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronco Rob View Post
It makes at least as much sense as Josh McDaniels' suggestion that the defensive linemen have suddenly become glory hounds, dancing around trying to make highlight plays instead of filling their gaps.
Man Krieger's a prick. This was the only useful part of that article, and it wasn't his words. Interesting though, it would explain a lot.
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:45 PM   #14
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I thought it was a good read. The points are well thought out and can't be argued.
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Old 11-18-2009, 04:21 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlaK-Argentina View Post
I miss winning.
^^^^^
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Old 11-19-2009, 03:10 AM   #16
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Old 11-19-2009, 03:42 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlaK-Argentina View Post
I miss winning.
You, you shut your face!

You got no IDEA YOU! YOU SHADDAP'A YOU FACE!
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