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Old 05-24-2011, 11:42 AM   #1
24champ
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Default God reschedules rapture for October 21st.

Apparently it was a just a big misunderstanding between Camping and God. Makes perfect sense.

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OAKLAND, Calif. – A California preacher who foretold of the world's end only to see the appointed day pass with no extraordinarily cataclysmic event has revised his apocalyptic prophecy, saying he was off by five months and the Earth actually will be obliterated on Oct. 21.

Harold Camping, who predicted that 200 million Christians would be taken to heaven Saturday before catastrophe struck the planet, apologized Monday evening for not having the dates "worked out as accurately as I could have."


....

Through chatting with a friend over what he acknowledged was a very difficult weekend, it dawned on him that instead of the biblical Rapture in which the faithful would be swept up to the heavens, May 21 had instead been a "spiritual" Judgment Day, which places the entire world under Christ's judgment, he said.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110524/...lypse_saturday
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Old 05-24-2011, 11:48 AM   #2
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Therefor, you had to have stopped fornicating yesterday?
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Old 05-24-2011, 11:53 AM   #3
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Just what sinners need to hear. "Sorry, you can't repent anymore. Four days ago maybe, but not now. Might as well just keep sinning for the next few months 'cause Jesus doesn't want to save you anymore."

Hmm, maybe Ray Lewis knew what he was talking about--get set for a nationwide crime spree. Rapture. Rinse. Repeat.

*scrawls out a $1Million dollar check to Camping from a long-closed checking account*
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Old 05-24-2011, 01:28 PM   #4
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Why the Rapture didn't happen:

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Old 05-24-2011, 02:34 PM   #5
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Well I knew there had to be a good reason.
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Old 05-24-2011, 02:42 PM   #6
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and on the plus side, we don't have to shop for halloween candy this year.
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Old 05-24-2011, 02:54 PM   #7
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Apparently Judgement "Day" lasts for 5 months.
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Old 05-24-2011, 02:57 PM   #8
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Remember, this is a small sect of Christians. The rest firmly believe no man knows the time or the hour.

Matthew 24:36
"However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."
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Old 05-24-2011, 02:57 PM   #9
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Dang, i'm busy that day.
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Old 05-24-2011, 03:00 PM   #10
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Damn it.
So...it didn't happen, huh?
I thought it did, and I was just left behind with all the people here in Boulder
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Old 05-24-2011, 03:01 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maverick_7 View Post
Remember, this is a small sect of Christians. The rest firmly believe no man knows the time or the hour.

Matthew 24:36
"However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."
I, too, find it's best to be completely ambiguous when bull****ting your way through something.
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Old 05-24-2011, 03:06 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maverick_7 View Post
Remember, this is a small sect of Christians. The rest firmly believe no man knows the time or the hour.

Matthew 24:36
"However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."
Bingo. Interestingly, the Rapture wasn't part of ANY Christian doctrine/teaching until the 1830's. How could we have missed it for all those years? I blame Torquemada.
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Old 05-24-2011, 03:45 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maverick_7 View Post
Remember, this is a small sect of Christians. The rest firmly believe no man knows the time or the hour.

Matthew 24:36
"However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."
Deuteronomy 23:1
"If a man's testicles are crushed or his penis is cut off, he may not be admitted to the assembly of the Lord."

I think most of us don't have to worry since I'm assuming every man has been kicked in the nuts.
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:04 PM   #14
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Religion is such a scam.
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:08 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Kaylore View Post
Well I knew there had to be a good reason.
I'm sure there is, and I'm just as sure we haven't heard it yet.
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:10 PM   #16
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... and I was planning to go to Miami for the Dolphins game. Damn.
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:11 PM   #17
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I think the Mormans are behind this... Kaylore, please pick up the with courtesy phone
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:39 PM   #18
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I'm sure there is, and I'm just as sure we haven't heard it yet.
Dude just forgot to carry the 1. Honest mistake.
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:45 PM   #19
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God is such a flake.
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:48 PM   #20
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Not surprising it is close to Cinco De Mayo (mexican independence day)
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:49 PM   #21
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My theory: the rapture actually did happen Saturday, and all those who were saved were taken into heaven - which was nobody. This is on the basis of two Bible verses that explicitly state that women, and men who have been kicked in the nuts are forbidden to enter the Lord's assembly:

Deuteronomy 23:1
If a man's testicles are crushed or his penis is cut off, he may not be admitted to the assembly of the lord

1 Corinthians 6:9
The unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived, nor the … effeminate, or homosexuals.

So, this excludes ALL women, and I'm assuming every guy has crushed his testicles at one point in their life... that's it... we're all doomed.... except for non-effeminate women. So I guess dykes are safe.

Have a nice day.

PS: Does anyone else find it ironic that the chapter/verse in 1 Corinthians that prohibits homosexuals from getting into heaven is 6:9?
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:49 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonEagles View Post
Not surprising it is close to Cinco De Mayo (mexican independence day)
Wow. Everything about this post is wrong.
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Old 05-24-2011, 04:55 PM   #23
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I called 10/21/11 three days ago.

http://www.orangemane.com/BB/showpos...3&postcount=54
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Old 05-25-2011, 07:30 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightysmurf View Post
My theory: the rapture actually did happen Saturday, and all those who were saved were taken into heaven - which was nobody. This is on the basis of two Bible verses that explicitly state that women, and men who have been kicked in the nuts are forbidden to enter the Lord's assembly:

Deuteronomy 23:1
If a man's testicles are crushed or his penis is cut off, he may not be admitted to the assembly of the lord

1 Corinthians 6:9
The unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived, nor the effeminate, or homosexuals.

So, this excludes ALL women, and I'm assuming every guy has crushed his testicles at one point in their life... that's it... we're all doomed.... except for non-effeminate women. So I guess dykes are safe.

Have a nice day.

PS: Does anyone else find it ironic that the chapter/verse in 1 Corinthians that prohibits homosexuals from getting into heaven is 6:9?
How would dykes be safe...wouldn't they fall into the homosexual category?
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Old 05-25-2011, 08:39 AM   #25
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Maybe just female gym teachers and bodybuilders.
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