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Old 05-13-2009, 08:46 AM   #1
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Default Oh, Youíre Crazy, Childress. But Are You McDaniels Crazy?



This a-hole Childress. This bald Mr. Noodle mother****er. This cumstachioed cockbin.

This was to be the Offseason of McDaniels!

I was gonna set fire to franchise and watch that ****er burn to cinders with all the world cackling right along with me. I was to set the new gold standard in head coaching sabotage. It was to be mine and mine alone. I forced out a young franchise QB because I pined for ****ing Matt Cassel, tried to smooth it over, then made it clear I still wanted Cassel. Then I didnít do **** to address the defense, which was the problem in the first place.

I EVEN DEVELOPED THE SUPERAIDS

But in one fell swoop, itís all been taken away from me. [Rubs eyes frantically] The Offseason of McDaniels has become the Offseason of Favre just. like. that. All my tireless workÖsquandered. I have to admit, it was a masterstroke, Childress. Bringing in a mortal franchise enemy, one who has nothing left in the tank, to helm your frustrated franchise. Gotta hand it to ya. That impressed even me. But youíre a one-trick pony, Childress.

Indeed. All is not lost. I can get the forces on chaos back on my side. A little more handiwork is just the ticket. IÖI have it in me. No one licks Crazytrain McDaniels. Oh no.

DONíT THINK I CANíT SIGN MICHAEL VICK AND PLAXICO

AND DONTE STALLWORTH AND MAURICE CLARETT

AND **** IT JEFF GEORGE

OH I CAN DO IT

IíM JUST CRAZY ENOUGH TO TRY

[Hyperventilates]

But thatís not all. You know how we gotta trot out those **** ugly throwbacks for two games this season?



Yeah, the ones that make us look like a ****ing Tecmo Bowl team. Howís about we make these babies permanent? Thatíll drive our merch sales through the ****ing floor. I mean, I know the Broncos already have ugly ****ing jerseys, but look at these goddamn things. Mustard and brown. Think of the humiliation potential. Itís staggering.



Thatís right. I didnít even bother to swap out the Cutler jersey. In fact, I think Iíll make EVERY SINGLE PLAYER ON THE TEAM WEAR THE CUTLER JERSEY! And check out that ****-eating grin. You think you got one half that off-putting in you? Iíd like to see it. You think you got that in ya? Do ya? You ainít got ****.

Oh, you thought I was done?

We take it away naming rights for stadium away from Invesco.

No more Invesco Field at Mile High

Now: Raiders Stadium at **** You Denver

I can make it happen.

I just brought the noise, Brad.

Letís see you headline every SportsCenter now.

[Stares wide-eyed at you for three minutes without speaking]

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/...tml#more-14491

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Old 05-13-2009, 10:03 AM   #2
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He forgot the Stalin 1930 purge allusions.

You don't agree with me 3 guys in a Volga will pick you up on the street and some comrades at the polit bureau will scratch out your likeness on any picture you were ever in.
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:07 AM   #3
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No more Invesco Field at Mile High

Now: Raiders Stadium at **** You Denver

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Old 05-13-2009, 10:10 AM   #4
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Is it true that Tom Brady, Matt Cassel and Troy Brown are going on the Ring of Fame with Shannon this year?
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:10 AM   #5
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I just pissed my pants at that part...
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:10 AM   #6
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Anyone else notice the AIDs reference?!?!?
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:12 AM   #7
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Anyone else notice the AIDs reference?!?!?
this is where that got started

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/...scientist.html
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:15 AM   #8
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I figured TheRev knew where it came from.
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:16 AM   #9
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Brandon Marshall Tucker Band Says:
May 7th, 2009 at 3:50 pm

As a Broncos fan, I have nothing to add here other than “**** my life.”
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:30 AM   #10
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Brandon Marshall Tucker Band Says:
May 7th, 2009 at 3:50 pm

As a Broncos fan, I have nothing to add here other than ď**** my life.Ē
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:49 AM   #11
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Still months after SoCal popularized McDaniels relationship with AIDs and 15" wangs.
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Old 05-13-2009, 11:19 AM   #12
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Does anyone know if they are using his High school photo for all media picture requests?
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:00 PM   #13
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I have startling news that McStalin is a member of Opus Dei, He attended John Carrol University which is a private, co-educational Jesuit Catholic university in the greater Cleveland, Ohio.

McStalin is trying to find the Holy Grail and harbor it's power to brain wash thousands of football fans and control the world.

He was raised in and underworld ritualistic society where leaders like Don Shula and Charles Dolan, founder of Cablevision, meet with other likeminded believers late at night lashing themselves with cat-o-nine tails and doing Sudoku puzzles that would prepare them for discovering the hiding place of the Holy Grail.

Shula actually had the Holy Grail in his possession a couple of times but thanks to the father of SOB he could not hold it long enough to unlock it's true power. Earl Morral and the father of SOB enjoyed flogging themselves, Dan Marino did not, he just wanted to blow weed and rack up stats. Ultimately Shula's power was eroded by the strong armed QB with the quick release and a coup was imposed by the evil mustache wearing Wanny who used mind control on Jimmy Johnson in order to secure his position as next in line to grasp the holy grail. The evil underworld minions mocked Wanny and would not support him in his attempts at reaching the holy grail, plus Wanny was bad at solving tricky word games and puzzles. A cool stache is not always enough to obtain the holy grail as Jake Plummer learned in 2005.

McD almost had the Holy grail in his grasp but Tom Coughlin whipped him and his Dline into a frenzy which overpowered the evil Patsy oline and the horned (horny) beast that is Tom Brady. Brady spent his essence banging super models and had no power to overcome Coughlin's rushing minions.

McD then turned to Matt Cassel who won a lot of games but could not make the playoffs.

After the NFL discovered the evil plot of taping team signals, McD realized he had to control his own franchise. At that moment he decided he would not be brought down by a strong armed QB or a QB who bagged Super models. He would find the Holy Grail HIS way, with QB's that wore the holy neck beard and could carry a bottle of Jack Daniels and 2 cups in one hand. A QB who had been repressed for a year by SOB and would sacrifice his flesh and blood to obtain the Holy Grail and unlock it's power for evil.


The movie comes out in September.
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:06 PM   #14
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bwaahaha...nice work, bs
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:11 PM   #15
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Agreed. I mean, wow. Well done.
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:16 PM   #16
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maurice clarrett is in prison. Gonna be kinda hard to get the warden to let him out to play football!
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:22 PM   #17
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What a hack job. You guys find this stuff funny? Really?

Pedestrian stuff here, move along.
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:38 PM   #18
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um...ok...
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:40 PM   #19
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What a hack job. You guys find this stuff funny? Really?

Pedestrian stuff here, move along.
I guess KSk isn't for everyone....

there's always family circus

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Old 05-13-2009, 01:18 PM   #20
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I guess KSk isn't for everyone....

there's always family circus

Amazing.
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Old 05-13-2009, 01:24 PM   #21
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I guess KSk isn't for everyone....

there's always family circus

So Belly wanted to carry the Jets in his wallet?
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Old 05-13-2009, 01:28 PM   #22
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I guess KSk isn't for everyone....

there's always family circus

Here's to good taste.

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Old 05-13-2009, 02:48 PM   #23
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um...ok...
Yeah I don't get why people laugh at this stuff. It's just a lot of juvenile penis humor with swear words. Har har.
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Old 05-13-2009, 03:53 PM   #24
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Conceptually, I have no problem with the thesis. It's just grade-school level execution, but not even funny grade-school level.

Raiders Stadium at **** you Broncos?

That's just lazy.

If you're going to rip us, at least make it entertaining.
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Old 05-13-2009, 09:37 PM   #25
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interesting...I find kaylore and popps just as entertainiing as ksk
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