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Old 05-11-2009, 04:17 AM   #1
FireFly
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Default My life.

Iíve been on and around this board for a few years now and this is the first thread Iíve ever started, I donít really even know why Iím writing it other than that I thought it might help me in some strange way. Itís my life story essentially, or at least the only parts that seem to matter at the moment.

This is longer than I expected when I started typing and not many of you will probably read it, but thank you to those of you that do. Its not an uplifting story, not for me anyhow, and youíll likely think less of me by the end of it. But I wanted to tell it anyhow. I donít know whyÖ



I graduated High School in 2000 and made it into one of the best universities in the country where I started studying business. My grades were excellent and the future bright.

In September 2001 I met the beautiful Christie and we fell in love. Head over heel in love. She was from the country and I was her first boyfriend. Sweet innocent and beautiful. Within a few months we were living together. We didnít have any money but she worked hard, day and night two jobs while I continued my studies and worked when and where I could. We were eating out of cans and dodging ticket collectors on trains, but it didnít matter because we were going to make it and we both knew it.

In 2002 my grades started to slip and I transferred into an education degree, I actually bounced between degrees for a little while but thatís where I ended up. Christie started studying herself at this point, accounting which was great. But she was working long hours. She was studying by correspondence and had a full time load in addition to full time work. I was studying full time (which for me didnít really mean very much, uni was easy for me) and working part time. We were renting out a basement at this point but had our own little garden and everything was wonderful. I love her so much.

In 2003 Christie slipped in the clinical depression and started on a long course of anti-depressant drugs. These were dark days for her like you canít imagine. She kept studying. She kept working. And we loved each other so much. One of the side effects of the medication was that she all but lost her sex drive; physically it became difficult as well.

For 2 years we battled the depression together and at the end of it weíd lost our friends and some of our family but we still had each other.

We did everything together. Essentially we became the same person. It was impossible to tell where she finished and I began. We went everywhere together, did the same things, ate the same food told the same jokes. The world was big and scary and we isolated ourselves from it, caught up in our own little world where the only thing that really matter was each other.

I suppose I can fast forward at this point, because we just kept working and studying. For a few years, but every day that we were together we loved each other more. It had gone beyond that burning passion, I donít know whether that was the depression or just a function of time, but that was ok, because what we had transcended that now. My love for her so much that I could never imagine life without her.

In my life, the only person I have every seen or heard of loving someone more than I loved her, was her and how much she loved me. I was her reason for living. She worked 18 hour days to build a future for us. I worked too, but it was just who she is.

In 2006 I traveled into the middle of Australia to find her father. I asked him permission for her hand in marriage. After the regular threats, we had a beer and I went back.

I proposed. She said yes.

Christie got offered a great job and a month or two later I was offered an equally great job! Neither of us could believe it!

We moved further away from what family we had left and started work.

In February 2007 we got married. Iíll never forget how clumsy I was that night on the dance floor, or how beautiful she was. We planned to start a family in 2009.

Christie started to earn some serious money. Neither of us really knew what to do with money, so we saved a little spent a little, bought nice clothes for one another and sent some back to the family. Money was never really that important anyhow, it was nice but it didnít really seem like either of us really cared all that much about it.

I had considered Christie to be my family for years at this point, now that we were married well, it just seemed right. Sheíd get up every morning and iron my shirts and and then go off to work before I even woke up. Sheíd get home and Iíd cook her dinner (or take her out if I didnít want to cook!). We were settled into a routine. Nothing was wrong. Nothing at all. We were happy. Blissfully happy. Not every day was an adventure, but we were content and we knew that weíd be looking to start a family soon.

All Iíve ever wanted, since before I can remember, was a pretty little wife and a little family of my own. A house that weíd make a home and maybe a lawn to mow. I know it sounds strange, but thatís all Iíve ever, ever wanted.

In October 2008 I did something stupid.

In November, Christie found out about it and left. I didnít chase her, I was too much of a coward.

My brother said that I should move on. That things would never be the same anyhow and that I should just move on like he has half a dozen time, be a bachelor. Mum said that I owed it to Christie and that I owed it to myself to make a go of it.

I didnít do either. I just froze.

Looking back I hate myself for that, I remember sitting back at home and crying, telling Mum that I didnít know if I loved her anymore. I donít know what I was thinking! I honestly donít understand, itís like my brain and my heart took a vacation. I canít describe it, I canít comprehend it. Iím quite and boring. I like to read and play computer games. I like cuddling and talking. And I was talking myself into buying a motor bike and living the single life with my brother. It seemed easier, more appealing.

Christie was waiting. She said sheíd wait while I sorted my sh#t out. She didnít forgive me, but she was on her way to it. A month or so passed.

The painÖ the pain she was going through you canít even imagine. Sleeping tablet mixed with anti-depressants and a broken heart. Too much time must have passed in her mind. Too much pain.

I missed our wedding anniversary. I missed her birthday. Sheíd had enough and I donít blame her. I threw myself at her feet crying and blubbering about how much I loved her, how much I needed her. She told me that I had one last chance. All I had to do, was call a marriage counselor that week.

I was planning on doing just that, but I hadnít completely pulled myself clear of the cr@p pool that Iíd turned my life into. I received news that I couldnít ignore. Couldnít put off. Something that was going to affect the lives of everyone around me, and not for the better. I took that week to deal with it.

Now, a month later Iím here with my wedding photos on the wall and my wife gone forever. The love of my life driven away by my stupidity and inaction. Sheís moved on. Sheís taken a job over seas and Iím crying and typing so I can share my story with you.

The color has bled out of my world. I only wake up in the morning and go to work because I did yesterday and the day before that. Iíve already lost everything I ever wanted. There just doesnít seem to be any point anymore. There isnít.

I suppose at the risk of sounding clichť Iíll offer the following advice, when you find love, treasure it. It might not always be edge of your seat exciting, but once you get past that, itís even better. The grass might seem greener, but it rarely is and if you truly believe youíre with the one youíre meant to be with donít ever do anything to jeopardize that. And donít let anyone else do anything to jeopardize it either.
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Old 05-11-2009, 04:28 AM   #2
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Hi FF,
Thanks for sharing, it must have been tough to write. There is no easy fix or solution for this but I hope you do find a healthy constructive outlet to help you.
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Old 05-11-2009, 05:10 AM   #3
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That's a tough read, dude, really sorry to hear the way things have gone for you.

Obviously hard to give advice of any sort without knowing specifics, but it seems as if the reason you had to put off calling a marriage counsellor was due to something pretty major happening? Could she not understand that?
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Old 05-11-2009, 05:42 AM   #4
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Sounds like you took for granted the love of your life. It also sounds like that probably led to an affair. Hate to say it, but maybe you had this coming your way? I think you realize that yourself thus your comment at the end about the Grass not being greener... Here is what I know though. If you love her as much as you say then maybe you owe it to her and yourself to give it your all right now? You could give up and wonder for the rest of your life or you can give it your best, and if it doesn't work out you'll just have to live with the fact that you screwed it up but tried to get your marriage back.

Thanks for sharing your story though. Helps all of us to put things into perspective sometimes.
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Old 05-11-2009, 06:22 AM   #5
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i've had buyers remorse a time or two.
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Old 05-11-2009, 06:22 AM   #6
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Do you want me to be Brutally Honest?

You are lying to yourself. If it was as important as you say (your relationship) You would have done what was required to make it work. There are doers and talkers. If you don't do you are just talk.
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Old 05-11-2009, 06:31 AM   #7
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I hope you can find peace.

Remember this though. Life is a journey not a destination.

Last edited by Meck77; 05-11-2009 at 06:55 AM..
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Old 05-11-2009, 07:32 AM   #8
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Wow

What can anyone say besides hang tuff man. Going thru something like this myself I can honestly tell you NOW is the time to learn about yourself. Change what you dont like about yourself and build on what you do like.

I mean TODAY not next week. Get off your ass and get to work.
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Old 05-11-2009, 07:47 AM   #9
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This is probably the worst place you could go for advice, all us Bozo's on the mane don't even know how to deal with the loss of a coach and QB. Good luck but you would be a lot better off calling Dr. Phil.
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Old 05-11-2009, 07:55 AM   #10
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Quote:
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This is probably the worst place you could go for advice, all us Bozo's on the mane don't even know how to deal with the loss of a coach and QB. Good luck but you would be a lot better off calling Dr. Phil.
I would trust some of the people here over that nut job.


Just saying
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Old 05-11-2009, 07:56 AM   #11
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Fly out and see her. Sometimes the crazy stalker approch works, but atleast you can say you tried. Just because you froze before, get out of that hole and give it an effort.
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:10 AM   #12
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People make mistakes some you can't recover from some you can. The only way you will find out if you can fix it is to try. You screwed up, you all ready admitted that. But you will always wonder if you don't try to fix it. The easy way is to turn your back. Why take the easy way its boring.
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:20 AM   #13
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First off, kudos for the proper usage of the word affect/effect.

Beyond that, it all sounds very tough. No magic pill for that situation. The only thing I can recommend is persistence over time. If she's not already involved with someone else, you may be able to mend this with consistency. Meaning, that it's probably going to take a long time for her to regain confidence in you, even as a friend. You're going to have to start there, and hope that it can reassume some of the things that were in place before all of the trouble happened.

When women move on, they move on. So, in all honesty, it's probably not going to be easy. But, if you feel about her how you claim to... you'll have to approach it steadily, without scaring her off again.

I'd also recommend some serious personal introspection, even if it involves some professional assistance. There's probably a reason you didn't act when you had the chance. Could be a myriad of things.

Best of luck.
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:24 AM   #14
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I have been married three times, and I do have some regrets-I have learned along the way that if it's worth it, you do whatever it is you have to do, no matter how tough it is. It is, after all, your life, and you have to sleep with yourself and the choices you make.

If the tables were turned, what would you expect from her-to run and hide, or stand up for the love you two have for each other? If you truly love her (and it sounds like you do), it's worth fighting for-get off your pity pot, buck up, and do what is right-if you don't you will regret this forever (and, it sounds like you already do)-really, there is only one choice-
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:34 AM   #15
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FF,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I'm not sure what to make of your problem as it seems to me it was either an affair or drug addiction.

Either way, it seems that she was willing to take you back and for some reason your heart/mind wasn't in the right place. Be happy you're still young and have time to make amends for your misgivings.

I'm pretty sure everyone has a point in their lives where they are faced with a huge decision. Mine happened when I was accepted to a prestigious film school(which was my dream ever since I can remember). At about 9pm, after setting up my student loans and finding my apartment I got a call from a girl i'd dated off and on as an undergrad. She told me she was 9 weeks pregnant and I was the father, my dream was destroyed. Well, to make a long story short, I decided I needed to be a man an accept the decision i'd made 9 weeks prior. I pulled up my boot straps, became a father, and a husband.

You know what though...My son is the greatest dream that ever happened to me and if I could go back and change it all...I wouldn't

So I guess i'm just trying to say that, while you are at a low point in your life now, it's not the end, maybe its just the starting line.

Hope all goes well for you bro,
ThyNatural
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Old 05-11-2009, 09:17 AM   #16
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Good luck Bro.

Get your mind right and focus on being thankful for what you have. Take an inventory of what is going on right in your life and focus on that. Do not underestimate the power of what I just shared with you.

She might come back or she might not but you need to be whole in order to participate in any "second chance" regardless of who shows up in your life. If you stand up for her or be thankful that you did the best you could at that time.

I think everyone has a sad story in their life. The first one is hurts the worst but if you do not focus on healing you will repeat that mistake. Learn what you did right and then move forward.
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Old 05-11-2009, 09:54 AM   #17
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I knew a man who married young, raised a step child but never had any kids of his own and then went through a messy divorce after 15 years of marriage. He was the sorts who never followed through with anything and had a drinking problem. She was ...shall we say 'difficult and demanding' to say it nicely. I don't know all of the details of his said indiscretions, but I know she had a long list.... and he wasn't denying most of it....lol

She moved far far away and he promptly slid into deep depression spiraling downhill.

Then he did something I would have never expected from him. He woke up one morning (after nearly a year of torturing himself and all of us) and told us all he was leaving. He sold everything he had, quit his good paying job, picked up and moved near her and the kids.

He rented this little dungeon of an apartment in some guys basement and spent years working odd jobs just inking by. But he was close to her 'his tortured love' as I would call it.

She was furious that he followed her and refused to even speak to him for a couple years. Her son graduated and she eventually would speak to him in passing at the grocery store and around this small town. Eventually she let him work on her car and help her out financially. What two pennies he scraped up he usually ended up giving to her. In the meantime she had a couple of relationships and so do he.

I questioned how healthy this sort of arrangement was.... but he was happy and they had become friends. After a few years, I'm thinking 5-6 years they were closer in some ways than they had ever been. Keep in mind they were still leading very separate lives.... although his was ever revolving around her in almost every way possible.

Cut to the end... after 10 years of torturing each other the two nut jobs finally got remarried. She's still a pain in the butt IMO and he's still as lazy, crazy and unmotivated as ever. But they both have each other again and that's all that matters.

Now I'm not advocating anything or giving any advice here.... I'm just sharing. But I do hope this helps in some small way.
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Old 05-11-2009, 09:58 AM   #18
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Firefly and montrose are not allowed to hang out together for a while.
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Old 05-11-2009, 09:58 AM   #19
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Unless we take them to a strip club
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Old 05-11-2009, 09:59 AM   #20
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Firefly and montrose are not allowed to hang out together for a while.
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:11 AM   #21
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Montrose lives right behind one. Just sayin!
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:18 AM   #22
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Montrose lives right behind one. Just sayin!
I dated a stripper for a "minute". Her name was charla. Cool chick. We had lots in common...but - it didn't work out as far as relationship stuff.
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:19 AM   #23
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I dated a stripper for a "minute". Her name was charla. Cool chick. We had lots in common...but - it didn't work out as far as relationship stuff.
hmm, I went to a strip club once. my friend got me a lap dance, it was interesting...he said I should try the VIP room...dunno about that....and was this thread stipperjacked?
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:22 AM   #24
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I dated a stripper for a "minute". Her name was charla. Cool chick. We had lots in common...but - it didn't work out as far as relationship stuff.
I've dated a fair number of strippers. Until I ran out of cash or they got off work.
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:24 AM   #25
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I've dated a fair number of strippers. Until I ran out of cash or they got off work.
Nah, i met this one at a bar - and didn't know she was a stripper till she showed me her tattoos.
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