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Old 03-28-2009, 01:12 PM   #1
PaintballCLE
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Default OT-Male Rules: Finally!

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.....Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( i must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear " the Rules "
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for..


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
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Old 03-28-2009, 01:16 PM   #2
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Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
GOD that one can't be stressed enough and my daughter clearly doesn't understand.
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Old 03-28-2009, 01:16 PM   #3
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about time as well.... we need a men liberation movement....
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Old 03-28-2009, 01:32 PM   #4
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i have lived with 3 women for 22 years. so before i get married i am already a navy seal in the ways of getting around all the little **** women throw at us guys.

Easiest advice i can give to anyone wondering how to get out of an argument with a woman. Agree with her. she just wants to be right. the sooner you learn that, the sooner you can watch a game in peace.
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Old 03-28-2009, 03:12 PM   #5
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1. Men are NOT mind readers.
It's hard to remember after that all night drunk

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
When you guys don't need the seat down at least 1/2 the time, then I'll buy that argument, put it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
I understand this

1. Crying is blackmail.
Yes it is

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
True that

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
You said you wanted us to say what we want

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for..
Ok, don't expect us to give you sympathy when you are sick. Overly dramatic and big babies


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
If you think it will come back to haunt you in the future you shouldn't be saying it in the first place


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
WHAT

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
You should know how to do it right the first time. Like with the kids, if it's not done right, you're doing it again

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
Could not agree with this more. So irritating

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
And that's why when we let you "show us" we end up lost

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Fine

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
Yes you do

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If we say nothing then you have every right to act like this

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
No kidding

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
We know, it's our own neurotic way

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.
Fine with me

1. You have enough clothes.
A woman never has enough clothes

1. You have too many shoes.
I'll agree some do

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Don't really care. If I love you, I love your shape
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Old 03-28-2009, 03:27 PM   #6
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about time as well.... we need a men liberation movement....
WOW !!! who is the chick
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Old 03-28-2009, 03:36 PM   #7
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Too damn funny. And true.
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Old 03-28-2009, 04:00 PM   #8
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We know, it's our own neurotic way
couldn't have said it better myself Jk
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Old 03-28-2009, 04:06 PM   #9
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The Sunday rule is the best, don't say a word to me during the game.

Same thing shes tells me when shes watching Grey's Anatomy or whatever.
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Old 03-28-2009, 04:27 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gunns View Post
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
It's hard to remember after that all night drunk

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
When you guys don't need the seat down at least 1/2 the time, then I'll buy that argument, put it down.
I pee 3 times more than I take a Raider. I need it up more than you need it down. Gravity works in your favor on this. Flip the lid, it falls itself. We have to actively bend down and RAISE it, gravity does us no favors. If you are too stupid to see if the lid is down, thats your fault.
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Old 03-28-2009, 04:35 PM   #11
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why is the lid down? it wasn't down when i used it? who puts it down?

Last edited by Bronx33; 03-28-2009 at 04:40 PM..
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Old 03-28-2009, 04:38 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Rock Chalk View Post
I pee 3 times more than I take a Raider. I need it up more than you need it down. Gravity works in your favor on this. Flip the lid, it falls itself. We have to actively bend down and RAISE it, gravity does us no favors. If you are too stupid to see if the lid is down, thats your fault.
Let's see, we need it down full time, you need it down 1/4 of the time. That's 1 1/4 to 3/4. We win . And you can try that flip the lid, it falls itself thing.
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Old 03-28-2009, 05:08 PM   #13
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WOW !!! who is the chick
Don't know the name.. Some Ukrainian model..
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Old 03-28-2009, 09:59 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Rock Chalk View Post
I pee 3 times more than I take a Raider. I need it up more than you need it down. Gravity works in your favor on this. Flip the lid, it falls itself. We have to actively bend down and RAISE it, gravity does us no favors. If you are too stupid to see if the lid is down, thats your fault.
preach on brother...........now if i only had a girl to share these problems with..... jk
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Old 03-28-2009, 11:26 PM   #15
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1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
When you guys don't need the seat down at least 1/2 the time, then I'll buy that argument, put it down.
Come on. i need to question this. guys always leave the seat up. yet when we have to take a seat, we look and put it back down. why can't women do the same thing? why do they just back in and sit down without looking?


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
You said you wanted us to say what we want
sorry but i agree with the original poster here. there is really no need to give an essay for an answer. simple is better when it comes to the Male mind


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
If you think it will come back to haunt you in the future you shouldn't be saying it in the first place
the most common problem with the things we say that come back to bite us in the ass months later, is that the woman usually asked a question, that she wanted a specific answer to, and the Male Mind is simple and we told the truth, which is rarely the answer a woman wants


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
WHAT
i agree with original poster. when we say something we are rarely trying to piss a woman off, simply because the arguments are a pain in the ass and usually not worth it. because of this if an answer we give can be interpreted as good or bad, we meant it in a good way

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
You should know how to do it right the first time. Like with the kids, if it's not done right, you're doing it again
i agree with original poster. don't just ask guys to do something, if you want it done in your own special way, tell us because we are going to do the job how we think is best. we don't read minds and have no idea what way you want things done, so to avoid the problems, just tell us in the beginning


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.
Fine with me
also i would like to add, when a guy answers "NOTHING" to this question, we really aren't thinking about anything

Last edited by BroncoMan4ever; 03-28-2009 at 11:31 PM..
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Old 03-29-2009, 05:57 AM   #16
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Just be happy we lift the lid at all.

PERIOD.
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Old 03-29-2009, 06:31 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by Rock Chalk View Post
I pee 3 times more than I take a Raider. I need it up more than you need it down. Gravity works in your favor on this. Flip the lid, it falls itself. We have to actively bend down and RAISE it, gravity does us no favors. If you are too stupid to see if the lid is down, thats your fault.
Install a urinal. Problem solved!
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Old 03-29-2009, 09:55 AM   #18
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Install a urinal. Problem solved!
I agree....when I get ready to build a new house, I may put a urinal in the basement bathroom.

Of course living in the sticks, I piss outside 90% of the time.
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Old 03-29-2009, 10:14 AM   #19
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1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
You should know how to do it right the first time. Like with the kids, if it's not done right, you're doing it again
Except we aren't kids, which means we get to have our own standards for how a job is done. If those standards are different from yours then do the job yourself.
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Old 03-29-2009, 02:04 PM   #20
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1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
If you think it will come back to haunt you in the future you shouldn't be saying it in the first place
I agree with all of your follow up comments except this one. Women have a problem forgiving. People are going to make mistakes and do things that they wish they hadn't. When someone (male or female) apologizes for something and mends their ways, that act shouldn't be brought up again when a woman is mad about something unrelated. In fact I'm going to go ahead and say that's a major character flaw with women; They have trouble forgiving and hold grudges. Now if someone is repeating behavior they earlier agreed to mend, that's one thing. But if they're mad at someone for behavior A, they don't have a right to start yelling about unrelated, irrelevant and since-corrected behavior B.

Quote:
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
WHAT
This is referring to the way many women will say something that seems innocent, and it passive-aggressively is a dig on other people. Women are much more sensitive to this than men. We men simply aren't smart or motivated enough to be that clever. If we're going to be mean, you'll know. When we say your skirt is "all orangey" we aren't saying it looks weird. We're saying it has an abundance of orange, which means neither good nor ill.

And I'd like to add that shoes are hot. I take my wife to buy shoes every month and every time I do I get rewarded in some way. So wear as many shoes as you need because they're freaking HOT.
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Old 03-29-2009, 02:10 PM   #21
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And you can put the seat down. Since a couple only needs it down 1/4 of the time, moving it down will not be required that often - especially considering the number of times I move it down for myself. So get over it.
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