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Old 02-18-2009, 09:52 AM   #26
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No lie, when I was 23 a friend of mine from work asked me if I wanted to come over to his house and see his wild puma. I was like what. His brothers just bough a vacant home next to their parents home and were keeping it there. They found it as a cub stranded in the mountains in Payson, AZ. Took it home and were feeding it raw chicken meat. They kept that thing in the house for over a year. When I had went to see it, it was like 18 months old. The house smelled like hell on earth. I went inside and stood in a hallway as he walked around the corner to go get it. I thought he was gonna bring it out on a leash or in a cage or something. A minute later I hear something down the hall and as I'm looking over there, I see this MF mountain lion head peer around the corner.

HOLY $HIT was I freaked man, but I was totally frozen. Those yellow eyes were just glaring at me. It wasn't full grown yet but it was no cub either. It starts to turn the corner and walk towards me and my friend is behind it, no leash on that MF either. I'm saying to my friend WTF dude, get that ****ing thing away from me. So I'm starting to back up and there is a wall behind me. The lion jumps on me with his paws on my shoulders and he was as tall as I was (6'4"). I remember saying to my friend if he didn't get the lion off me I was gonna punch it in the face and make a break for the door because I was about ready to piss my pants. Friend walks over and is petting it's head and said the male lion just wants to suckle on my ear lobe (I have no idea why). So he gently bites down on my ear and is trying to suckle it. Meanwhile, his MF sharp ass claws are sorta digging into my shoulders. Finally he got him off me and out the door I went.

A few things I took from that experience was that when confronted with a true wild animal, sometimes you never know how you are gonna react. You say you will be a tough guy but more times then not you are frozen in your tracks with fear. Now if that lion had been attacking me, sure I would have tried to run for it or fight it but that wasn't the case. And the other thing I realized is just how bad lions smell. Gawd I hope I never have to smell that again. It's breath was disgusting. The eyes were almost evil looking man. Up close, when you are looking right into them in real life, it's down right terrifying.


But I still would have kicked that chimps ass - lol
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:13 PM   #27
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This happens ALL the time with Chimps. The Chimps you see in movies, on tv shows and commercials are typically about 5 to 8 years old and have been trained since they were babies. By the time they reach teenagehood they become too independent to be handled and either shot or sold to road-side zoos where they live in cages meant for small animals.

Even professional animal handlers and trainers can't handle chimps when they reach this age, what the hell was a geriatric doing with one?

Chimps are very smart and very independent when they grow up and they become very dangerous.

Check out this documentary for some really good and very sad information about chimps: http://www.cbc.ca/fifth/cruelcamera/
If I was the local prosecutor I'd charge the old ding-bat with assualt and battery via a wild animal.

People have to learn that there is a difference between an domesticated animal and a wild animal. Even domestic animals can be unpredictable, and this idiot women thinks she can live with a 200lbs APE.

Chimps are apes. period.

They are strong as hell and males can be particularly violent.

Pure stupidity by this woman.
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:22 PM   #28
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If I was the local prosecutor I'd charge the old ding-bat with assualt and battery via a wild animal.

People have to learn that there is a difference between an domesticated animal and a wild animal. Even domestic animals can be unpredictable, and this idiot women thinks she can live with a 200lbs APE.

Chimps are apes. period.

They are strong as hell and males can be particularly violent.

Pure stupidity by this woman.
And that's not even taking into account how neurotic undomesticated animals become when taken out of their natural habitat and lifestyle.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:29 PM   #29
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I bet if given the situation I'd fiqure out how to kill that mother****er.
Well what ever you came up with would have to not involve use of your hands as they would be in the chimps stomach before you realized there was a problem.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:38 PM   #30
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I just realized it was not the owner but her friend that was brutalized. That makes it so much worse.



As to the other topic. I would have taken that chimps eyes out. That our his nuts.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:38 PM   #31
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I bet if given the situation I'd fiqure out how to kill that mother****er.
No you wouldn't.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:39 PM   #32
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If I am the friend, I would go and rough up that old hag with my stumps when I got out of hospital. I would be so pissed if a monkey ate my hands.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:50 PM   #33
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If I am the friend, I would go and rough up that old hag with my stumps when I got out of hospital. I would be so pissed if a monkey ate my hands.
This post made my day. Maybe things aren't as gloomy as I thought.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:53 PM   #34
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If I am the friend, I would go and rough up that old hag with my stumps when I got out of hospital. I would be so pissed if a monkey ate my hands.
Clearly he was jealous of the opposing thumbs design.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:55 PM   #35
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No you wouldn't.
Yeah I would. There are many simple ways to kill a primate like this. But you have to know what they are.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:59 PM   #36
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Well what ever you came up with would have to not involve use of your hands as they would be in the chimps stomach before you realized there was a problem.
You'd wouldn't be able to choke it to death. Your best immediate bet would be to protrude the brainstem. That would basically stop everything in seconds. A 70 year old woman isn't gong to be able to do that either unless she's had training. Whatever you do you have to be in quick and out quick and be prepared to move.
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:11 PM   #37
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You'd wouldn't be able to choke it to death. Your best immediate bet would be to protrude the brainstem. That would basically stop everything in seconds. A 70 year old woman isn't gong to be able to do that either unless she's had training. Whatever you do you have to be in quick and out quick and be prepared to move.

Garcia no offense man but if you go head to head with this angry primate you will lose unless you got Mr. Colt with you.
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:12 PM   #38
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An enraged 200 pound primate is not going to stand around while you insert your favorite ice pick into his brain stem and wiggle it around.
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:16 PM   #39
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A 200 pound chimp could rip your arm right out of the socket.
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:26 PM   #40
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I don't mean to sound cold, but it always amazes me how people seem shocked by stories like this.

It is still a wild animal, no matter how trained or tamed it may seem.


I still wish the woman the best recovery possible.

Isn't that the truth. Until we humans stop thinking we are Lord and master over all or thinking these animals are humans. these things will continue, in zoo's, circus's, people's homes, etc. My dogs are a part of my family, but they are animals and although they are sweet, I watch them at all times because THEY ARE ANIMALS and do things and react to certain things differently than we do.
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:30 PM   #41
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Isn't that the truth. Until we humans stop thinking we are Lord and master over all or thinking these animals are humans. these things will continue, in zoo's, circus's, people's homes, etc. My dogs are a part of my family, but they are animals and although they are sweet, I watch them at all times because THEY ARE ANIMALS and do things and react to certain things differently than we do.

Not sure where you are going with that. But at this point I think it is safe to say we have won that belt.
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:53 PM   #42
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No lie, when I was 23 a friend of mine from work asked me if I wanted to come over to his house and see his wild puma. I was like what. His brothers just bough a vacant home next to their parents home and were keeping it there. They found it as a cub stranded in the mountains in Payson, AZ. Took it home and were feeding it raw chicken meat. They kept that thing in the house for over a year. When I had went to see it, it was like 18 months old. The house smelled like hell on earth. I went inside and stood in a hallway as he walked around the corner to go get it. I thought he was gonna bring it out on a leash or in a cage or something. A minute later I hear something down the hall and as I'm looking over there, I see this MF mountain lion head peer around the corner.

HOLY $HIT was I freaked man, but I was totally frozen. Those yellow eyes were just glaring at me. It wasn't full grown yet but it was no cub either. It starts to turn the corner and walk towards me and my friend is behind it, no leash on that MF either. I'm saying to my friend WTF dude, get that ****ing thing away from me. So I'm starting to back up and there is a wall behind me. The lion jumps on me with his paws on my shoulders and he was as tall as I was (6'4"). I remember saying to my friend if he didn't get the lion off me I was gonna punch it in the face and make a break for the door because I was about ready to piss my pants. Friend walks over and is petting it's head and said the male lion just wants to suckle on my ear lobe (I have no idea why). So he gently bites down on my ear and is trying to suckle it. Meanwhile, his MF sharp ass claws are sorta digging into my shoulders. Finally he got him off me and out the door I went.

A few things I took from that experience was that when confronted with a true wild animal, sometimes you never know how you are gonna react. You say you will be a tough guy but more times then not you are frozen in your tracks with fear. Now if that lion had been attacking me, sure I would have tried to run for it or fight it but that wasn't the case. And the other thing I realized is just how bad lions smell. Gawd I hope I never have to smell that again. It's breath was disgusting. The eyes were almost evil looking man. Up close, when you are looking right into them in real life, it's down right terrifying.

But I still would have kicked that chimps ass - lol
Great story. I had the same type experience from a friend at work who just so happened to own a dog that was mixed with Mastiff and Great Dane!

Now for those of you who know how large Great Danes are, imagine the size of a Mastiff as well. The dog was only three years old, but already weighed over 230lbs. A dog that weighs 100 lbs is considered big. Although he was playful as hell and would roll over on his back to have his tummy rubbed......the dog was absolutely frightening and intimidating at first glance/encounter.

You could feel the pure strength of the dog while petting is coat. He wasn't leash trained either. Lucky my friend lived in the country. Of course the dog slobbered profusely and had the head of Mastiff, the body girth of a Mastiff and the height and long legs of Great Dane. Just an utterly weired and menacing looking dog.

Talking about screwing around with mother nature. Needless to say, the dog scared the living hell out of me. No way if that dog lunged/attacked me I could have defended myself, and I'm 6'0-225 and in good shape. It would have been "Child Abuse"!!!

This dog was amazingly fast and athletic as far as catching Frisbees and chasing down rubber balls. I only saw the dog once and moved away the following year to Japan. I've stayed in touch with my friend and over a two year period the half Mastiff-Great Dane grew to weigh 325 pounds. Just freaking incredible.
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:57 PM   #43
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Great story. I had the same type experience from a friend at work who just so happened to own a dog that was mixed with Mastiff and Great Dane!

Now for those of you who know how large Great Danes are, imagine the size of a Mastiff as well. The dog was only three years old, but already weighed over 230lbs. A dog that weighs 100 lbs is considered big. Although he was playful as hell and would roll over on his back to have his tummy rubbed......the dog was absolutely frightening and intimidating at first glance/encounter.

You could feel the pure strength of the dog while petting is coat. He wasn't leash trained either. Lucky my friend lived in the country. Of course the dog slobbered profusely and had the head of Mastiff, the body girth of a Mastiff and the height and long legs of Great Dane. Just an utterly weired and menacing looking dog.

Talking about screwing around with mother nature. Needless to say, the dog scared the living hell out of me. No way if that dog lunged/attacked me I could have defended myself, and I'm 6'0-225 and in good shape. It would have been "Child Abuse"!!!

This dog was amazingly fast and athletic as far as catching Frisbees and chasing down rubber balls. I only saw the dog once and moved away the following year to Japan. I've stayed in touch with my friend and over a two year period the half Mastiff-Great Dane grew to weigh 325 pounds. Just freaking incredible.
Did he have a power tool to pick up the shiit?
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:58 PM   #44
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that happened very close to where I live. about 15 minutes. Talk about bizarre.
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Old 02-18-2009, 03:44 PM   #45
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Did he have a power tool to pick up the shiit?
Nope! Actually he was big enough and menacing enough to make the owner pick up the ****. That's how BIG DOGS ROLL.
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Old 02-18-2009, 03:44 PM   #46
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You guys act like it's impossible, but it isn't.
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Old 02-18-2009, 03:52 PM   #47
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I say we put Garcia in a cage with a 200 lb chimp and prove this...

I'll supply the cage, beer, and video camera... who's got access to a large primate?
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Old 02-18-2009, 03:53 PM   #48
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Any chance we could put Garcia in a cage with a 200 lb chimp and prove this?

I'll supply the cage, beer, and video camera... who's got access to a large primate?
He has beaten many many monkeys, way more than he will even admit to. It was an absolute spanking.
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Old 02-18-2009, 03:56 PM   #49
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I say we put Garcia in a cage with a 200 lb chimp and prove this...

I'll supply the cage, beer, and video camera... who's got access to a large primate?
closest thing we have is Spider.
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Old 02-18-2009, 04:00 PM   #50
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You guys act like it's impossible, but it isn't.
highly unlikely

full grown chimps I think are at least 5 times the strength of a human

I wouldnt put my odds on ANY person, no matter what they are trained in, to take down with his bare hands an angry full grown male chimp
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