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Old 01-30-2009, 04:29 PM   #1
DemonEagles
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Default OT Demoneagles (penz) life lessons

I am not a smart man, not the sharpest tool in the shed, not the brightest bulb. This thread is dedicated to help other people not make the same mistakes I did. Kind of like in pitfall when you get eaten by a gator, or when you send a guy out in war to see if there is any snipers and he gets his head blown off
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:31 PM   #2
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Lesson number 1. If there is a couch by the dumpster, don't put it in your place, you don't know what it has on it and it will probably scratch the concrete and make you worried that you will have to pay for the scratched concrete (If anyone knows how to get scrapes or scratches off of concrete let me know. it is somewhat if a trail... to lead you to a dip**** that tried to take a couch from a dumpster.
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:32 PM   #3
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Lesson number 2. If you wear glasses and they break. Order new glasses and don't put them off. I broke my glasses. Decided to try to super glue them. So I superglued them but got glue on my lenses. Then tried to scrape the glue off. The glasses then got stuck to my head and were blurry from the super glue. I ripped off my glasses taking off a chunk of my head and blead quite a bit. So now i have super glue and a bleading head. So then I googled it and read that nail polish remover will remove the glue. So I went to the store and got a funny look from the lady. Went home and dumped remover all over my glasses. It took the glue off but also screwed up my table. When the glue was gone I realized I scratched the crap**** out of my glasses trying to remove the super glue. Glasses Screwed, Tabled fooked, head bleeding, super glue used.
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:32 PM   #4
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If you drive an 88 ford tempo. Just accept it. It is a red piece of ****, it isn't the general lee, you aren't vin diesel. So don't press the break and gas together rev the engine and slam it in drive. You are going to hear a loud bang followed by the sound of you getting fired from long john silvers for being late again
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:33 PM   #5
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Not every small black girl is named tootie
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:33 PM   #6
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Iam all ears..
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:34 PM   #7
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okay, I laughed out loud.
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:35 PM   #8
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Buy a guitar stand. Especially if you break ****. Be careful with gorilla glue (not gorilla semen..like this super glue stuff) I was gluing my guitar back together and got some on my hand and jeans. If you do get it on your jeans RESIST the urge to scratch your balls.
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:36 PM   #9
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stolen hand soap and your mom's razors shouldn't conclude your shower experience Name:  soap.jpg
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:36 PM   #10
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if you like to play drums and sing on rockband, by a mic, don't tape it to a hockey stick
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:40 PM   #11
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society frowns upon my entertainment center
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:42 PM   #12
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It is also un romantic if you start kissing but her nose is making a weezing sound...to stop and put a breathe right strip on her nose. It will just make her unhorny and make her look like neil smith.
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:43 PM   #13
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Also don't refer to her boobs as coleco vision controlers and her p***Y as game genie. She won't understand awesome it is have P wings in every level in mario 3
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:48 PM   #14
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when trying to sit at a table give your real name not "table for 4 for Ted DiBiase"
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:57 PM   #15
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Rule of Thumb:

When your wife, who is six months pregnant starts whining about gaining some weight, don't change the name of existing songs and sing them to her constantly.

Her least favorite Junkie-altered songs:

The Commodores - Brickhouse....changed to Thick Spouse.

Disturbed - Down with the Sickness....changed to Down with the Thickness.
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Old 01-30-2009, 05:20 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonEagles View Post
Also don't refer to her boobs as coleco vision controlers and her p***Y as game genie. She won't understand awesome it is have P wings in every level in mario 3
I 'm a little bit bigger fan of the pics, but this one is outstanding.
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Old 01-30-2009, 06:05 PM   #17
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Quote:
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Also don't refer to her boobs as coleco vision controlers and her p***Y as game genie. She won't understand awesome it is have P wings in every level in mario 3
There are some things in life that are so full of pure genius it makes me glad to have been alive to witness them.

This is one of those things
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Old 01-30-2009, 06:32 PM   #18
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note to myself buy a guitar slide and don't use miller high life as a guitar slide
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Old 01-30-2009, 06:50 PM   #19
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No matter how many pop tarts you eat, wearing a pop tarts beanie is never allowed
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Old 01-30-2009, 07:03 PM   #20
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If you drive an 88 ford tempo. Just accept it. It is a red piece of ****, it isn't the general lee, you aren't vin diesel. So don't press the break and gas together rev the engine and slam it in drive. You are going to hear a loud bang followed by the sound of you getting fired from long john silvers for being late again
My favorite!
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Old 01-30-2009, 07:39 PM   #21
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Don't go down on a girl and yell JOHN POPPER and start eating a girl out, Then come up for the chorus of "runaround"
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Old 01-31-2009, 07:49 AM   #22
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Best thread in awhile.
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Old 01-31-2009, 08:55 AM   #23
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Mad Demoneagles REP!
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Old 01-31-2009, 09:12 AM   #24
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Don't wash your ass with washless hand sanitizer. Trust me on this one.
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Old 01-31-2009, 11:39 AM   #25
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Don't wash your ass with washless hand sanitizer. Trust me on this one.
Rash rash away....
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