If Jesus were running for Messiah today - The Orange Mane

Bronco Bob · 10-31-2008, 11:07 PM

Snagged this from another group:

If Jesus were running for Messiah today, you might get an email that looks
like this:

Warning to Concerned Messiah Voters!

I am running for Messiah against Jesus. I may not be a perfect candidate,
but there are some questions you may want to consider about my opponent.

1. Jesus says he wants to be the Messiah of Christians worldwide, but he in
fact has never been a Christian. He is a Jew. He attended Jewish schools and
has been seen in the Jewish 'Temple'.

2. Jesus has been known to hang around with known unrepentant thieves,
prostitutes, and lepers. How do we know he's not a thieving, prostituting
leper himself?

3. He calls himself Jesus the Carpenter but has anyone seen him hammer so
much as a peg?

4. Jesus fed the multitudes with but a few loaves and fishes and raised the
dead. Is he some kind of sorcerer?

5. What about those missing years? Demand an explanation.

6. Jesus is too young and inexperienced to be Messiah. He lacks the age and
wisdom of, say, a Moses. Can you trust your salvation to a Messiah that
young and untested?

7. Jesus claims his father was God, but his mother was married to Joseph. Is
he half-Divine or a liar?

8. Jesus is from Nazareth on the West Bank. You know you can't trust those
elite West Bankers.

9. Am I alone in noticing Jesus' skin is a wee bit darker than the rest of
the Hebrews? Is he even a real Hebrew?

10. Jesus says to "Suffer little children to come unto me". Is he some kind
of sex pervert?

11. What's with all the wine?

12. And lastly, Jesus has stated publicly that we should share our
belongings with the poor, proving once and for all that he is a commie
socialist.

We can't risk having Jesus as Messiah. He claims he wants change, but what
is his REAL agenda?

If you agree, make ten papyrus copies of this message and pass them on to
your friends. Tune in to Rushus Limpnuts for more updates on this impostor
Jesus.

Johnus McCainus

L.A. BRONCOS FAN · 11-01-2008, 12:54 AM

Jesus was everything the right-wing hates.

Rohirrim · 11-01-2008, 06:19 AM

I've always said, if Jesus came back now, those Right wing hairdo preachers would be the first to string him up. Can't allow some itinerant preacher to threaten my goddamn megachurch!

OrangeDoofus · 11-01-2008, 12:41 PM

He's a community organizer. Ha ha ha, what a loser.

Paladin · 11-01-2008, 01:03 PM

Yeah, and he hangs around with criminals.......

Bob · 11-01-2008, 01:44 PM

But what percentage of those on the left that post here believe Jesus was the Messiah? A much smaller percentage than what the percantage would be if compaired to teh rest of teh US, so why hold him up as a gold standard, when so many dont think that he ezsisted, let alone was teh only begotten of God.

But no matter -- the irony of the comparison between Obama and the Messiah (who principles are dispised here in many cases) is likely lost on most here. Try Stalin -- the comparisons are stronger to your "chosen" One.

Bronco Bob · 11-01-2008, 04:57 PM

Bob, where is Obama even mentioned anywhere in the post?

10-31-2008, 11:07 PM	#1
Bronco Bob Tastee Freeze Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 9,464 Adopt-a-Bronco: Champ Bailey	If Jesus were running for Messiah today Snagged this from another group: If Jesus were running for Messiah today, you might get an email that looks like this: Warning to Concerned Messiah Voters! I am running for Messiah against Jesus. I may not be a perfect candidate, but there are some questions you may want to consider about my opponent. 1. Jesus says he wants to be the Messiah of Christians worldwide, but he in fact has never been a Christian. He is a Jew. He attended Jewish schools and has been seen in the Jewish 'Temple'. 2. Jesus has been known to hang around with known unrepentant thieves, prostitutes, and lepers. How do we know he's not a thieving, prostituting leper himself? 3. He calls himself Jesus the Carpenter but has anyone seen him hammer so much as a peg? 4. Jesus fed the multitudes with but a few loaves and fishes and raised the dead. Is he some kind of sorcerer? 5. What about those missing years? Demand an explanation. 6. Jesus is too young and inexperienced to be Messiah. He lacks the age and wisdom of, say, a Moses. Can you trust your salvation to a Messiah that young and untested? 7. Jesus claims his father was God, but his mother was married to Joseph. Is he half-Divine or a liar? 8. Jesus is from Nazareth on the West Bank. You know you can't trust those elite West Bankers. 9. Am I alone in noticing Jesus' skin is a wee bit darker than the rest of the Hebrews? Is he even a real Hebrew? 10. Jesus says to "Suffer little children to come unto me". Is he some kind of sex pervert? 11. What's with all the wine? 12. And lastly, Jesus has stated publicly that we should share our belongings with the poor, proving once and for all that he is a commie socialist. We can't risk having Jesus as Messiah. He claims he wants change, but what is his REAL agenda? If you agree, make ten papyrus copies of this message and pass them on to your friends. Tune in to Rushus Limpnuts for more updates on this impostor Jesus. Johnus McCainus

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11-01-2008, 12:54 AM	#2
L.A. BRONCOS FAN Mo' holla fo' yo' dolla! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: In a bunker in an undisclosed location Posts: 52,694	Jesus was everything the right-wing hates.

11-01-2008, 06:19 AM	#3
Rohirrim Partisan Human Cannonball Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Twixt Hell & Highwater Posts: 48,806	I've always said, if Jesus came back now, those Right wing hairdo preachers would be the first to string him up. Can't allow some itinerant preacher to threaten my goddamn megachurch!

11-01-2008, 12:41 PM	#4
OrangeDoofus Ring of Famer (nationalchamps.net/Helmet_Project) Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 2,318	He's a community organizer. Ha ha ha, what a loser.

11-01-2008, 01:03 PM	#5
Paladin Ring of Famer Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,149	Yeah, and he hangs around with criminals.......

11-01-2008, 01:44 PM	#6
Bob Ring of Famer Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 5,330	But what percentage of those on the left that post here believe Jesus was the Messiah? A much smaller percentage than what the percantage would be if compaired to teh rest of teh US, so why hold him up as a gold standard, when so many dont think that he ezsisted, let alone was teh only begotten of God. But no matter -- the irony of the comparison between Obama and the Messiah (who principles are dispised here in many cases) is likely lost on most here. Try Stalin -- the comparisons are stronger to your "chosen" One.

11-01-2008, 04:57 PM	#7
Bronco Bob Tastee Freeze Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 9,464 Adopt-a-Bronco: Champ Bailey	Bob, where is Obama even mentioned anywhere in the post?