I need some words of encouragement

[Stormontheplains]

I am struggling with my job, and taking it home to my family. I really am struggling to get up everyday and be happy. My job is driving me insaine and I am struggling to find a new one. Below I will list problems with my job, and I would like feedback on whether or not I am being a baby, or this job really sucks.

1.) I was hired to be general manager of a small dealership, 800k gross a year
I was to work 6 days a week from april 1 to august 1. My starting pay was 55k and bonus's.
2.) After one year the gross went up to 1.6m, units sold went from 48 to 89, net went from 105k to 385k. I was rewarded with a 4k bonus.
3.) After recieving the bonus, I was instructed to work saturdays all year long. I was told I would recieve bonus's instead of a raise.
4.) I am allowed 10 days off a year, I work now 65-70 hours per week, no benefits, and when I am off like with the birth of my son 2 weeks ago, I was taking phone calls up to the point when he came out.
5.) This year my numbers are ahead of last years by 200k and I have cut fixed expenses by 28% just by efficancy.
6.) They handed me a non-compete 2 months ago with 5k, I told them I would think about it, when I did offer to sign they told me not to worry about it, they were short of money.
7.) I cant find another job, and I feel like I am sliding into the depths of hell.

What do I do, and how do I cope with the job and be a good parent. I try my hardest with my kids but I am grouchy without even knowing it.

Sorry to ramble, but I guess this is free therapy.

[smalltowngrll]

Ahh, I know what you are saying. But, you have to weigh the compensation package with the stress involved. Sometimes it's just not worth it. What I would suggest is to first, sit down with your boss and explain that you are feeling burnt out. If you are a general manager, you should be able to sit down with them and explain that you just cannot operate in that fashion.

Also, when you signed on, was there an offer letter made with the initial stipulations of your job? (ie: days off time from through Aug. 1, bonus structure and what that was based on such as sales increases, etc.). If your bonus structure was based on a percent of increase, or a sort of commission, and they did not keep to that, then I would let them know that you are due some funds. If it wasn't set up with some sort of guidelines, then let this be a lesson learned. You should never take any sort of sales Manager, GM manager in a sales environment with bonuses promised in vague. Always have it in writing.

It's easy to focus on the negative things on your job because that is what is in the forefront right now. But, here are some tools to help you set some boundaries for yourself as well as goals for moving forward.
1. List out on a piece of paper the good things that are going on in your life. The blessings you have, your children, wife, hobbies, etc.
2. Think of a moment in your life or a place in your life that you were completely relaxed or content. It could be a vacation, a time on the beach at sunset, a time on the mountains, whatever. Whenever you begin to stress, take a few minutes alone to go away and focus on those times.
3. Learn where the "Off switch" is on your phone. Sometimes that's the most difficult thing to do. Wow, in this day and age we've forgotten how to turn it "off". You just simply must be able to turn that phone off and disengage from your work atmosphere. You may think that it's easier to deal with the question at that moment than later. But, this is your time, your boundary and you need to just stick with it. Empower your employees to do their job without you.
4. Set up your "blow of work time". Maybe it's the time you walk in the door at home, maybe it's your drive home, whenever. But, that is YOUR time alone to just be pissed as hell, get mad inside, whatever it is you need to do to think through everything. If you set aside a half hour, an hour or whatever works for you, then you tell yourself that after that, you must be done. And then, you be done. Set that boundary for yourself.
5. If you truly are unhappy at this position, maybe it's time to set up plans for a job change. Take baby steps in setting up your next position. So, maybe it will take you a month or two to achieve that, and maybe you'll have to endure this crappy position a little longer. But, keep in mind that 'that which does not kill us only makes us stronger'. You will walk away stronger, wiser and more appreciative of life and your next job.
6. Get your resume updated. Look in the ads. Start sending out your resume to companies that you don't even think are hiring. Put yourself out there and meet people.

My philosophy has always been that you spend so much time at your work you should enjoy, to some degree, that time. Work sometimes will be a burden in life, but you shouldn't be stressed and weighed down by your job at all times. If you aren't happy in your current position, don't settle. There are always jobs opening up and there are always employers looking for good employees. Be a good employee even in the most difficult of times and it will pay off in the future!!

Last, hang in there. I know what you are going through. I went through something similar about 4 years ago and it really sucks when you are so stressed about your job that it infiltrates your entire life!! Set your boundaries and stick to them!!! This, too, shall pass!

[theAPAOps5]

Can you pull your numbers of a database? Sounds like this place is motivated by money and you make them that money. If they see that you bring in a good amount and you let it know that you might be getting interest elsewhere they might see things another way. If you are professional and respectful its okay to ask for a raise or what not.

[DomCasual]

You're boss sounds like an a-hole.

I don't have words of wisdom for someone with an a-hole boss.

So, just read this, and sing along in your head (you'll have a crap-eatin' grin on your face by the time you're done - guaranteed):

Next time your found, with your chin on the ground
There a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your gettin' low
'stead of lettin' go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

When troubles call, and your back's to the wall
There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall

Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram, scram
He kept buttin' that dam

'Cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes
He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your feelin' bad
'stead of feelin' sad
Just remember that ram
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam

All problems just a toy balloon
They'll be bursted soon
They're just bound to go pop
Oops there goes another problem kerplop.

[doonwise]

Storm --

As of right now, you have posted exactly 666 times on the Mane and in your last post you referenced the depths of hell...

Perhaps an Exorcism?

I jest. But seriously, no money is worth misery. In 20 years when you look back on your life what would you like to see?

[Stormontheplains]

Originally Posted by doonwise

Storm --

As of right now, you have posted exactly 666 times on the Mane and in your last post you referenced the depths of hell...

Perhaps an Exorcism?

I jest. But seriously, no money is worth misery. In 20 years when you look back on your life what would you like to see?

All I want to see is my kids happy, and educated, but I would like to see them as well.

[Spider]

storm I can relate , it is demanding having a job where you are working or gone alot .........There comes a time , when you have to say , Boss I am a busy man , wife and kids are out of control .... Dont like it , Fire me ........
There is a time to be nice , then there is a time to let people know , you will put your foot so far up their ass , they will see your shoe when they brush their teeth ........
I knew what my job demanded of me when I first started , then I got a family , things changed ..... 22 years of trucking , I now state when I come home , when I leave out , and where I go , though I try to be reasonable ......
But keep this in mind . you lose time with your family , it is time you will never make up .....

[Los Broncos]

I was having some trouble like this. I went and seen the shrink, gave me a prescription and things have gotten lots better.

[Odysseus]

FIrst rule of thumb never feel sorry for yourself. If you can't laugh at how stupid your problems really sound when you are talking about them than you need to go find somebody with a worst problem and help them. Everybody has problems and sometimes the best cure is reaching out and giving someboedy else a hand. Think about it. You aren't talking about surviving a bout with peanut butter, cancer ravaging your family, or your wife sleeping with another man and taking away everything that you have. You are talking about money. Simplify what the issue is as if you could totally give a crap what it was and just call it what it is. The truth, no matter how mean, is a beautiful thing. It will open doors for you because you won't have any problems making decisions because the truth is your only guide.

Second rule of thumb. You have two thumbs therefore there are two rules. Try to keep up! Always keep your promises. Write down a list of your promises or things that you said you are going to do and then decide which ones are the most important to you. If you have a promise with someone you have to decide how do you keep that promise or if they have violated YOUR trust and you need to change the deal. The only contract you have is the one that you decide to keep. Paper doesn't mean crap. That is what lawyers are for.

I don't need any words of encouragement you need someone to kick you dead in the jimmy so that you can focus on something else. Sometimes sympathy and a cold beer works but many times you need to get into a swimming pool and see how many laps you can do. Let your mind wander. The answers will come to you. You want a word of encouragement? Keep being a p***Y. You found this picee of crap job go find a better one. Don't you want to fight for your family? Have you totally lost your skills at interviewing? Did they run out of other places to work where you live?

One thing you might want to think about is sometimes a boss can be a d!ck to you because they know what kind of d!ck you can be so they are beating you to the punch. Sometimes you have to take a long look at yourself and decide that YOU need to change YOU and stay in that job. Sometime the right thing is not focusing on being the best employee, looking for a job that loves you, or a company that offers you the dream situation but figuring out what changes you need to make as person first so that this kind of thing never happens again. What are they going to do take MORE of your family away? Lie to you worst? Send you home without a serverance? Sometimes you have to take a different approach in the same situation and change the situation not the job.

Remember the two thumbs?

If you think you are in hell maybe you should go church talk to God. I know. Nobody is going to tell you that one but I did so if you don't go that is on you. Maybe God wants you to listen because he's got something for you to do for him. Sure. Why not! You are St. Storm of the Plain keeper of the hinterlands. Make up a cover story but if you want to be an evil prick there are plenty of jobs in church. The devil is in the front row in church. Why not jump in there and see what the devil wants while you are at it!

If all it's about is money come to Iraq. BAH BOOM! Oh look. Another job opening! People work out here a few months get flush and then take a few months and go find the job they really want. If Iraq doesn't suit you there are plenty of jobs overseas paying more than you are making. Only you can determine what price you are willing to pay for what you are after. When you come home at night exhausted and you looking around your warm house at where the kids have been playing think about it. You are at home in your warm house where your kids have been playing. You are in paradise and don't even appreciate it.

[Odysseus]

http://www.markfiore.com/animation/pickling.html

What do you think! Woo HoO! Here's how I want to live!

http://www.markfiore.com/animation/gras.html

When this first happened this was news now everybody has forgotten that place.

[RkyMtnThunder]

Originally Posted by Stormontheplains

I am struggling with my job, and taking it home to my family. I really am struggling to get up everyday and be happy. My job is driving me insaine and I am struggling to find a new one. Below I will list problems with my job, and I would like feedback on whether or not I am being a baby, or this job really sucks.

1.) I was hired to be general manager of a small dealership, 800k gross a year
I was to work 6 days a week from april 1 to august 1. My starting pay was 55k and bonus's.
2.) After one year the gross went up to 1.6m, units sold went from 48 to 89, net went from 105k to 385k. I was rewarded with a 4k bonus.
3.) After recieving the bonus, I was instructed to work saturdays all year long. I was told I would recieve bonus's instead of a raise.
4.) I am allowed 10 days off a year, I work now 65-70 hours per week, no benefits, and when I am off like with the birth of my son 2 weeks ago, I was taking phone calls up to the point when he came out.
5.) This year my numbers are ahead of last years by 200k and I have cut fixed expenses by 28% just by efficancy.
6.) They handed me a non-compete 2 months ago with 5k, I told them I would think about it, when I did offer to sign they told me not to worry about it, they were short of money.
7.) I cant find another job, and I feel like I am sliding into the depths of hell.

What do I do, and how do I cope with the job and be a good parent. I try my hardest with my kids but I am grouchy without even knowing it.

Sorry to ramble, but I guess this is free therapy.

I have no automotive/dealership experience to base my opinion on, but your opening sentence says it all.

The time you put in, the frustrations you inadvertently vent on your family, just doesnt sound worth it.

Surely GM experience in a sales environment can transcend to other businesses? Or are you looking to stay in your current line of work when job hunting?

Is taking a potential pay cut just to get out of there an option? Hopefully it doesnt come down to that, but the strain on family life cannot equate to any pay check IMO - certainly not for under 6 figures w/ no benefits.


IMO you arent being a baby. Your primary responsibility in life is to be a husband and father, and if you feel your 1st responsibility is being hurt by this job you have every right to want to make a change.

This might seem a bit spooky...but have you considered taking a PT evening job so you can keep your days free to job hunt? Sounds tough to find a new job if you spend 60+ hours working. How do you have time to properly job hunt/interview?

I dont blame you for wanting to get out of there. Sure your monthly budget might suffer a bit, but seems like you and your family would be happier.

Hard financial times come and go, but with a new baby at home....you cant revisit that later in life.

[Odysseus]

I could never be a lot lizard. The work will either make you or eat your soul.

[Hotrod]

Jack Daniels

[BMF Bronco]

When you hate your job, think of these words...

"hell I could have BMF's job and that would really suck!"

[Meck77]

Sounds like you need to become more flexible and be able to take a chance with another career. When you say you can't find another job I read that as I have too many bills to do what I really want to do. Only you know what that is. I'd sit down with wife and break all your finances down and find out where your money is going and come up with a plan to reduce debt. If you can start slashing debt and maybe build up a small nest egg you can tell your boss to go jump in a lake down the road.

This leads to step 2. Do what you love and the money will follow. You'll be much happier doing something you enjoy.

I have some experience with personal business coaching from back in the day and worked for a guy that really had his head screwed on straight who helped a lot of people make more money and have more time off. This can be done but a real fundamental change in what I've seen and experienced takes about 3 years. It can be done sooner IMO.

Anyhow we'd break it down to 4 parts.

Money, Wealth, Life, Self...All equally important that need to be balanced.

1) Pretty self explanatory-The cash you need to survive
2) This is your overall financial plan. Your assets. This is really where the money comes from in a balanced financial plan/portfolio. The money is just a tool to build wealth.
3) Life-This is your family, friends etc
4) Self- This is where a lot of people we worked with had a real hard time balancing. It's easy to lose yourself chasing money or working hard for the family. You have to balance it all out and make time for yourself. If you don't the rest of it doesn't have a chance.

Anyhow all this stuff takes work and a plan. Do you do any short, middle, long term planning? I'd recommend starting with a weekly plan if not. Work your way up to the monthly and start setting some 6-12 month goals of what you want your life to be like.

I'd immediately start with what I call "closing boxes". This is 3 things that you need to eliminate right off the bat so you can start working towards your goals. It can be something so simple as dealing with a issue with the kids that has been going on for sometime now, it may be you need to take care of some bills that have been on your back, or it may be a relationship with someone that is not worth the energy anymore and you may need to cut them off. Again these are just some examples of things that could immediately change your short term ability to plan.

As you keep getting closer to your goals keep closing those boxes. You'll find that you have more time on your hands to focus on what you need to do.

I don't have all the answers and these techniques are written 100 different ways in just about any self help success book but they do work.

Break out a piece a paper put the date on the top and start making a plan. Once you have some short term goals in place stick them on your mirror in your bathroom. Each morning when you brush your teeth read them out loud. Sounds weird but hearing yourself say them makes them more real.

There is a good book I'd recommend to you. I can't recall the author but it's called "Feel the fear and do it anyway". Great book.


It's a constant challenge balancing those 4 aspects of life I broke down earlier but once you can identify those 4 parts and find some balance with them life gets much easier and more fun.

Just so you know I've been in desperate dead end job situation myself so I'm speaking from experience. I know it feels hopeless. The good thing is it's not! You can get out of this hole storm. The only one keeping you down right now is you even though it may not feel that way. You may think that other people are part of the problem. That may be the case but remember this little saying "It's up to you to teach people how to treat you".

Good luck