|03-01-2007, 02:23 PM||#1|
Join Date: Oct 2003
26 ways to treat a woman..
Subject: 26 ways to treat a woman:
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).
3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for mile so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and >now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."
9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her our jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop complaining about the cold right now, you're going to be complaining about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny...why shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about).
21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.
22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects arent important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just >whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the >present visibly sticking out of the can.
26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited, then don't call
Dont let my wife see this...ill be dead
|03-01-2007, 02:25 PM||#2|
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Florence, Colorado
All of them.
somewhere, some young misguided man will think this is true.
|03-01-2007, 03:21 PM||#5|
Vote Joe Mays to Pro Bowl
Join Date: Aug 2004
This thread should be changed to recipes to be a single man.
|03-01-2007, 06:39 PM||#6|
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern Utah
My list (father of three daughters)
1. Give this list to my daughter's date and chuckle while he reads it. If he so much as smiles, kick him in the balls because crushed balls are funny.
2. When he recovers, tell him you were kidding and say "chicks ARE crazy aren't they?" and if he says anything besides no, crack his skull on the edge of the kitchen table.
3. Give him an icepack and tell him you have something you want to show him in the garage. Go to a wall with posters of naked women on it. Ask him what he thinks. If he says anything at all, tell him you were talking about the shovel and tarp on the shelf. Then grab the shovel and tell him to put the tarp in the trunk and get in the car.
4. Drive to the middle of nowhere and if he says anything at all tell him to shut the **** up.
5. Ask him if he likes the Sopranos or Goodfellas, and if he says yes, say, "good, then you understand what is happening here". Make him dig a hole.
6. Tell him to stand in the hole and then tell him that will be his view for the rest of eternity if he ever, EVER tries to pull any tough guy chickensh*t with my daughter, because being an ass to a woman doesn't make you tough. It makes you a ****tard, chickensh*t, mouth-breather with no nuts.
7. Tell him to get out of the hole and get in the car. Stop and buy him a burger. When you get home turn to him and say, "I'm glad we had this little talk, and if we ever have to have it again...we won't."
8. Get out of the car, go back in the house and go back to reading Orangeman.com
**contigencies - if your daughter dates dudes bigger than you, invite a few of your friends for a guys night out. - if the dude really is a good guy, forego all steps and just tell him quietly one day that if he ever disappoints your daughter, you're taking him for a ride.
I'm a guy, I loooove the fairer sex and they drive me crazy sometimes too. But having three daughters has made me see things in a different light. There's too many losers out there who wouldn't see the list as a joke and think that's how women should be treated and it infuriates me. It also infuriates me that there are so many women out there that think they need to act like hookers as well as accept that sort of treatment. I guess I'm getting old.
|03-01-2007, 07:05 PM||#7|
Ring of Famer
Join Date: May 2001
|03-01-2007, 08:21 PM||#8|
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Boston's South Shore
|03-01-2007, 08:26 PM||#9|
lets go partner
Join Date: Oct 2004
How about the 5 ways to treat a woman after 10 shots of firewater?
|03-01-2007, 09:20 PM||#12|
Join Date: Sep 2003
Should be titled 26 ways to treat your daughter. Because how you treat your wife is how your daughter will expect to be treated and worse.
Personally, this makes me sick to my stomach.
|03-01-2007, 09:23 PM||#13|
Gimmie that rep fool!
Join Date: Apr 2001
That was the funniest thing that I have ever read on the internet. I had to walk away from my desk about five times because I was laughing so hard. I just sent it to a co-worker and I can hear him laughing.