Give Sports Figures What They Deserve for christmas

[Bronx33]

Theo Epstein: Johnny Damon in center field.

Ron Artest: Two copies of his new CD so he can say he sold more than one.

Michael Irvin: An autographed picture of T.O.

Jeff Gordon: A Southern accent.

Bill Belichick: A personality.

Eli Manning: A trade to the Chargers. Not that he, you know, regrets refusing to play for them.

Peyton Manning: An ‘’I’m going to Disneyland’’ commercial.

A-Rod: A little love from Yankee fans.

Kelvin Sampson: A new cell phone.

Mark McGwire: Any present will do, just so he doesn’t have to talk about the past.

Bill Parcells: A dozen Dunkin’ Donuts.

Steve Spurrier: A windbreaker to keep warm in the shadow of the SEC’s powerhouses.


Daniel Snyder: A free agent who can play.

Art Shell: An offense.

Tony Dungy: A defense.

Alabama football boosters: A football coach who’ll last past next Christmas.

Romeo Crennel: A labrador puppy named Juliette.

Tony Gwynn: A first-ballot Hall of Fame selection.

Maurice Clarett: A Tickle Me Bubba doll.

Deion Sanders: A light in his closet.

LaDainian Tomlinson: An MVP award.

Sidney Crosby: A TV network that doesn’t squeeze his games in between elk hunting and bass fishing.

Bobby Knight: A sweater that fits.

John Madden: A Brett Favre bobblehead doll.

Tony Romo: A Jessica Simpson poster above his bed. Unless he has, you know, other options.

Matt Millen: A Christmas card from William Clay Ford, his only fan in Detroit.

Lloyd Carr: A slice of cheese to go with that whine.

Barry Bonds: A gift certificate to BALCO.

Phil Mickelson: A mulligan on the 18th hole at the U.S. Open.

Tony Parker: A lump of coal from every single guy in America.

Manny Ramirez: They don’t celebrate Christmas on his planet.

Jim Leyland: A carton of Marlboros and a pitcher who can throw straight to first base.

O.J. Simpson: A personalized set of Ginzu knives.

Terrell Owens: A Mr. Microphone.

Ben Roethlisberger: A moped.

Shawn Kemp: A vasectomy.


Jimmie Johnson: Seatbelts for his golf cart.

Latrell Sprewell: A shopping spree at Safeway.

Mike Tyson: A tomato can to kick around.

Marty Schottenheimer: A January to remember, not forget.

Shaquille O’Neal: New knees.

Chris Berman ‘‘Munson’’: A new batch of nicknames.

Marvin Lewis: The phone number for a good bail bondsman.

John Daly: A salad.

Isiah Thomas: A young Isiah Thomas at point guard.

Kobe Bryant: An assist.

Rafael Palmeiro: I will NOT buy him a Christmas present, period!

Joe Namath: A blowup Suzy Kolber doll.

Allen Iverson: A get-out-of-practice-free card.

Joe Paterno: A retirement party.

Tiger Woods: Beats me. What do you get for the man who has everything?

[usedupbraids]

Usedupbraids:ONE MILLION DOLLARS (did i spell anything right)

[Killericon]

Don't give Devin Hester a Christmas Gift this year...He'll just return it.

[usedupbraids]

Originally Posted by killericon

Don't give Devin Hester a Christmas Gift thsi year...He'll just return it.

HAHAH i get i get OH man HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Killericon]

Originally Posted by usedupbraids

HAHAH i get i get OH man HAHAHAHAHAHA

It was a sign a fan had at a Bears game last week. I only wish I were that clever.