My Raiders Metaphor - The Orange Mane

DomCasual · 10-15-2006, 03:15 PM

When I was in college, I worked at a state mental hospital as a psychiatric technician. Since I had no seniority, I often found myself doing jobs that no one else wanted. One of those jobss was working the graveyard shift of the geriatric unit.

Working graveyards on the geriatric unit wasn't bad, in some ways. The patients would pretty much just sleep at night (unlike some of the other units, where some people really went crazy at night - no pun intended), so I'd generally have time to relax and get some homework done. It was then end of the shift, when patients started waking up, that things got bad. The morning was when diapers had to be changed.

You've never really known nasty until you've changed the diaper of an elderly mental patient. The smell is one thing - you just pray that they haven't had a lot of fiber the previous day. Worse than the smell, though, was the risk of the patient losing control of his bladder or bowels during the change. On several occasions, I was doused with a warm, steamy stream of old man urine - quite a way to start your day. In most cases, the urinator would be embarrassed by the situation. Sometimes, you knew he had done it deliberately.

Despite the occasional urine bath, I felt real sympathy for those people. I can't imagine a worse lot in life than not being able to perform the most basic functions for yourself. There was one guy that was especially sad. He was about 65, and had gotten syphilis in his 50's. He had let the disease get to its latest stages before he was diagnosed, and by then it had really eaten at his brain. Everytime I would have to change his diaper, he would start into this rambling diatribe about how he had once been strong and virile. He'd apparently been quite a ladies man - hence, the syphilis.

This leads to my Raiders metaphor. They are the elderly man with syphilis. Sure, they once lived quite well - the world was their proverbial oyster. Now they are left to boast about their past exploits while they pathetically have their diapers changed by their caregivers. The only emotions they really inspire in people are sympathy and revulsion. Most of the time, they are just sad. Unfortunately, sometimes they accidentally piss on you.

The late games aren't doing much for me, I guess. Just two more hours.

Dagmar · 10-15-2006, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomCasual

The late games aren't doing much for me, I guess. Just two more hours.

Dom, you must be super bored...

Paladin · 10-15-2006, 04:30 PM

Well, that's not what I would have thought about, but then....well.... you know........

DomCasual · 10-16-2006, 12:14 AM

I think that tonight was the old crazy man with syphilis maybe dribbling just a little of his urine on our arm. It's still gross, but it's not quite a urine bath.

Looking at Al Davis in the owner's box, I was glad I didn't have to be the guy to change his diaper.

10-15-2006, 03:15 PM	#1
DomCasual The Dude abides. Shameless Homer Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Cocytus Posts: 13,167 Adopt-a-Bronco: Gus Frerotte	My Raiders Metaphor When I was in college, I worked at a state mental hospital as a psychiatric technician. Since I had no seniority, I often found myself doing jobs that no one else wanted. One of those jobss was working the graveyard shift of the geriatric unit. Working graveyards on the geriatric unit wasn't bad, in some ways. The patients would pretty much just sleep at night (unlike some of the other units, where some people really went crazy at night - no pun intended), so I'd generally have time to relax and get some homework done. It was then end of the shift, when patients started waking up, that things got bad. The morning was when diapers had to be changed. You've never really known nasty until you've changed the diaper of an elderly mental patient. The smell is one thing - you just pray that they haven't had a lot of fiber the previous day. Worse than the smell, though, was the risk of the patient losing control of his bladder or bowels during the change. On several occasions, I was doused with a warm, steamy stream of old man urine - quite a way to start your day. In most cases, the urinator would be embarrassed by the situation. Sometimes, you knew he had done it deliberately. Despite the occasional urine bath, I felt real sympathy for those people. I can't imagine a worse lot in life than not being able to perform the most basic functions for yourself. There was one guy that was especially sad. He was about 65, and had gotten syphilis in his 50's. He had let the disease get to its latest stages before he was diagnosed, and by then it had really eaten at his brain. Everytime I would have to change his diaper, he would start into this rambling diatribe about how he had once been strong and virile. He'd apparently been quite a ladies man - hence, the syphilis. This leads to my Raiders metaphor. They are the elderly man with syphilis. Sure, they once lived quite well - the world was their proverbial oyster. Now they are left to boast about their past exploits while they pathetically have their diapers changed by their caregivers. The only emotions they really inspire in people are sympathy and revulsion. Most of the time, they are just sad. Unfortunately, sometimes they accidentally piss on you. The late games aren't doing much for me, I guess. Just two more hours.

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10-15-2006, 04:30 PM	#3
Paladin Ring of Famer Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,149	Well, that's not what I would have thought about, but then....well.... you know........

10-16-2006, 12:14 AM	#4
DomCasual The Dude abides. Shameless Homer Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Cocytus Posts: 13,167 Adopt-a-Bronco: Gus Frerotte	I think that tonight was the old crazy man with syphilis maybe dribbling just a little of his urine on our arm. It's still gross, but it's not quite a urine bath. Looking at Al Davis in the owner's box, I was glad I didn't have to be the guy to change his diaper.