The Saturday Afternoon Massacre Mock

[Rohirrim]

Somebody, I think it was either Herc or Mediator, hypothesized, "What if the Texans take Mario instead?" I started thinking about it, and wondered what might happen...

1. Texans select: MARIO WILLIAMS! (It was just too big of a pain in the ass trying to get a contract signed with Bush. Kewbs finally says, “Screw it.”)
2. Raiders select: MATT LEINART (Old Greasy knows his days are numbered. He wants to make one last impact on his beloved Faduhs. Visions of Plunkett dance through his head. He blows the draft and makes the Saints an offer they can’t refuse. Art Shell is found puking in the alley behind RKO)
2. Titans select: VINCE YOUNG (No arguments left for them)
4. Niners select: REGGIE BUSH (They see their chance and they jump for it, trading with the Jets to jump the Packers. Sure, they wanted VD, but a Bush in the hand… even though using bush and VD in the same sentence leaves one with an odd feeling…)
5. Packers select: AJ HAWK (What are they going to do? They’ve been outmaneuvered. Broncos won’t answer their calls now. Walker limps off into the sunset.)
6. Jets select: D’BRICKASHAW FERGUSON (The Jets fans are still booing at RKO, but just because they don’t know any better.)
7. Broncos select: VERNON DAVIS (Shanahan waits for his moment and strikes. Saints don’t mind trading down with their old trading partner and getting some more picks – you don’t want to know – and Mike gets the guy he wants. The OM goes ballistic, fries, and shuts down. They invade the Planet and shut it down too.)
8. Bills select: HALOTI NGATA (No surprises there. Levy takes another Viagra in relief and there’s a party in Tonawanda – I just like saying Tonawanda.)
9. Lions select: ANGELO CROMARTIE (Matt really wants to pick a WR, but the other guys in the war room tie him up, gag him, and toss him in a dumpster.)
10. Ravens select: MICHAEL HUFF (Billick has been jerking people around on the phones for an hour, but nobody will bite. Finally, he finds a dance partner in Denny).
11. Rams select: MANNY LAWSON (Is order being restored?)
12. Browns select: D’QWELL JACKSON (Romeo likes this kid)
13. Cards select: JAY CUTLER
14. Iggles select: CHAD JACKSON
15. Saints select: BRODRICK BUNKLEY

The massacre is over and things begin to return to normal:
16. Dolphins/S. Holmes
17. Vikes/Justice
18. Cowboys/DeMeco
19. Chargers/Tye Hill
20. Chefs/Sinorice Moss ( I just had to do it.)
21. Pats/DeAngelo
22. Niners/Marcedes (Niners get Bush and Marcedes! Shiite!)
23. Bucs/Carpenter
24. Bengals/R. Marshall
25. NYG/Youbouty (I can just hear the jokes if this kid gets good)
26. Bears/Fasano (He’s their kind of guy)
27. Carolina/Lendale (Sorry, SoCal. And sorry me too)
28. Jags/Abdul Hodge
29. Jets/Mangold (D’Brick & Mangold in the same draft? Whew!)
30. Colts/Maroney
31. Hawks/D. Joseph
32. Steelers/J. Allen

[Hercules Rockefeller]

Must have been Med, it wasn't me

[broncohaven]

I like it.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

Is Cutler anywhere in the 1st round, or did I just miss him?

[Victor]

Jay Cutler?

[Arkansas Bronco]

M. Williams will help the texans right away and I can see him lasting longer then Bush. The way Bush moves i just cant see how long his knees can take that. Both of these players will be pro-bowlers very soon and cant realy blast the Texans no matter who they pick.

[Rohirrim]

Originally Posted by Hercules Rockefeller

Is Cutler anywhere in the 1st round, or did I just miss him?

I got to fire that proofreader. Fixed it.

[RocBronc]

No way the saints trade down twice... Although they will be pinching themselves if they get a chance to trade with somebody who wants Bush.... They'll be able rape somebody pretty good.

[ludo21]

any mock with us getting DAvis i love!!

[Rohirrim]

Originally Posted by RocBronc

No way the saints trade down twice... Although they will be pinching themselves if they get a chance to trade with somebody who wants Bush.... They'll be able rape somebody pretty good.

I don't agree. The Saints have needs at almost every position and only two first day picks (a first, and a second, no third). My guess is they'll try to trade down for as many picks as they can get.

[Play2win]

People trying to get Vernon Davis out of this draft are like...

Addicts RATIONALIZING their dependencies...

[Broncoman13]

If we trade a bunch of picks to get up to #7 and then see Brod Bunkley go at pick 15 I'm going ape shiat!!! As much as I'd like to have Vernon, I'd take Bunkley over him any day!!!

[doof]

Originally Posted by Play2Win

People trying to get Vernon Davis out of this draft are like...

Addicts RATIONALIZING their dependencies...

"But you have to think of something fast and getting high makes you smart!" - Towlie

[Rohirrim]

Originally Posted by OSKIE

If we trade a bunch of picks to get up to #7 and then see Brod Bunkley go at pick 15 I'm going ape shiat!!! As much as I'd like to have Vernon, I'd take Bunkley over him any day!!!

I agree. I was just having fun with it. It blows my mind that every year I read all these mocks and make some myself, just because I enjoy doing it, and yet, it never seems close to what actually happens. Maybe the first five or ten picks will be pretty close, but after that? What really gets me is I like to make a value board (at least of what I think the top 100 will be based on value boards from lots of different scouts) and then I watch the draft so I can cross off names as I go along. Last year, I was crossing names off the third page in the first round! I'll have some guy as a third round pick (and all the boards I'm reading have him as a third rounder) and then, wham, somebody takes him in the first! I'm flipping through pages going, "Where the hell is that guy?" To tell you the truth, I wouldn't be surprised to see Brandon Marshall, Mike Hass, Montavius Stanley, Bullocks, Fasano, Colledge or Babatunde get called in the first. That's just the way it always seems to go.

[BritBronco Maniac]

That is an amusing scenario, however if it came about I could see the Titans taking Bush, and relying on Volek

[Paladin]

Well, if they took bush, Volek might just become a better QB.

QBs need a good woman and a good RB, or maybe in reverse order, I don't know. Depends what round they were selected in. The women, I mean.

Interesting mock, good for a couple of laughs.

[Mediator12]

That was me Rohirrim. The sad thing is it makes sense They are shifting to the 4-3, have a secondary in shambles, and zero edge rush even with Jason Babin. Kubes has some offense to work with outside of OL and Williams is about as well graded as Bush.

Plus, it would make that first pick and the rest of the day WAY more fun

[Rohirrim]

Originally Posted by Mediator12

That was me Rohirrim. The sad thing is it makes sense They are shifting to the 4-3, have a secondary in shambles, and zero edge rush even with Jason Babin. Kubes has some offense to work with outside of OL and Williams is about as well graded as Bush.

Plus, it would make that first pick and the rest of the day WAY more fun

I still think Mario would be the "smarter" pick for them, but at this point, if Kewbs did that, the fans in Houston would probably storm the war room and hang him.

[Mediator12]

Originally Posted by Rohirrim

I still think Mario would be the "smarter" pick for them, but at this point, if Kewbs did that, the fans in Houston would probably storm the war room and hang him.

They may do that anyway since they are about to let Vince Young go to the Titans and beat on them for the next ten to twelve years or so. Might as well get it over sooner rather than later

[Killericon]

That would kick SO much ass.

[BritBronco Maniac]

Well the first stone has fallen into place!