|03-13-2006, 07:13 AM||#1|
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Hot Springs, Ouachitah
Homer's health issues
Man...I almost died laughing.
Regarding his health, Homer is incredibly lucky to be alive. He once gained an extra 70 pounds on top of his already obese condition to get on disability. He has broken almost every bone in his body and received countless cuts and bruises, both major and minor. He has blown out his knee; had his thumb cut off; undergone coronary artery bypass surgery (performed by Dr. Nick Riviera); had laser eye surgery; stabbed himself in the eye with a switchblade; put an electric drill through his eye while attempting to make eye-holes through a metal bucket that was glued to his head; had a cigarette put out in his eye; been in a coma because of an April Fool prank; had his jaw wired shut; donated a kidney; had a crayon wedged into his brain; been rendered infertile from radiation exposure; suffered repeated back trauma; been run-over by a bicycle; been institutionalized; nearly destroyed his stomach with beer and cannonballs; been forced by his cruel boss Mr. Burns to consume radioactive waste with a spoon; suffered four simultaneous heart attacks; had his abdominal area torn open by a rabid badger; suffered alcohol poisoning (twice); been pummeled while inside of a robot; crushed by boulders and wrecking balls; been bitten by venomous snakes; electrocuted himself (by both tasers and power lines); set himself on fire numerous times; suffered multiple gunshot wounds; nearly suffocated after the garage door fell on him; had stiches in his eyeballs as a result of a crow attack; had a parasitic butterfly burrow into his skin and enter his skull; had a drawbridge close on his head; tried to sign an insurance paper while it was going through a shredder; and fallen off cliffs, down stairs, and off the roof of the house frequently, and also been kidnapped and drugged by strange aliens because he found out their secret. Furthermore, his brain is cushioned by a unique and eponymous genetic condition: "Homer Simpson's syndrome." This allowed him to take several punches without falling over. Moe even trained Homer for boxing (with hobos), although Homer's boxing career ended when he was nearly killed by Drederick Tatum (who is much stronger than a hobo).
Homer also suffers from several congenital conditions, most obviously male pattern baldness, but also a male "Simpson" stupidity gene, finger stubbiness (abnormally short and thick fingers) and the "Simpson butt" (a rather large rear end), which are genetic and which he has passed on to his children. Homer also appears to have far-sighted vision (on occassion), requiring the use of reading glasses when reading a book or newspaper.
As widely evidenced, Homer's mind is vacuous, but sprinkled with occasional dense packets of knowledge. He has shown small bursts of astonishing foresight, memory, creativity, and fluency with language (including Japanese, German, Chinese, Spanish, and penguin). These bursts are almost always temporary and constantly changing. One time, while using a knife to pull out a bullet, Homer identified all the tissue the knife came in contact with. The nature of this intellect is multi-fold. Much of his mental ability is suppressed by the presence of a wax crayon in the frontal lobe of his brain, the result of a bizarre childhood mishap. Also credited is the Simpson Gene, which almost guarantees that male Simpsons become underachievers. His stupidity may be exacerbated further by excessive alcohol consumption and repetitive cranial trauma.
Homer is inclined to fall into fantasy, often drifting off into his own world or perceiving reality in a more personally appealing manner. Notable are the odd conversations he has with his own brain, typically in an adversarial tone. For example, once he began a conversation with his own mind by declaring "Okay brain, you don't like me and I don't like you...". His liver once spoke to him too, cheering "Yay!" when Homer had been banned from Moe's bar and thus (briefly) depriving him of the ability to drink beer.
Homer is also prone to becoming very emotional, especially when it comes to his neighbors, the Flanders family, or troubles related to his son, Bart. He has rage issues and has been physically and violently abusive, often towards his son, whom he has strangled and even struck on numerous occasions. He can also be prone to have strange fantasies in public at the drop of a hat (such as riding the nuclear bomb a'la Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove).
Homer also has an IQ of 56, which technically makes him mentally retarded. This was established in the episode "HOMR", where Homer says his IQ was raised 50 points, and later on in the episode, he asks if there's any place for a man with a 106 IQ (of course Homer's mathematical abilities, or lack thereof, should be considered when placing stock in such figures).
On the food front, Homer is particularly fond of doughnuts and pork chops, but also pie, bacon and especially salt doodles and pork rinds. He once spent weeks eating a gigantic hoagie long after it went bad, making him deathly ill. In his gluttony, he has also consumed items that are not necessarily food from time to time, such as flowers, Play-Doh, dirt, some novelty plastic lobsters from a salad bar, the decorative bride and groom from a wedding cake (he mistook it for candy), and a lubricated rubber stopper that had been inserted into his mouth just before recieving electroshock. His diet is not a good example to younger viewers and this point is frequently made throughout the series. Homer typically responds to food with copious drool and exuberant postures, or saying "mmm... ______" of whatever food he's about to eat or thinking about.
Homer has garnered more than a few lasting enemies. Most notable is the deceased Frank "Grimey" Grimes, for whose death Homer was indirectly but intensely responsible. This naturally resulted in the rancor of the aforementioned's son, Frank Grimes, Jr. Other adversaries of note include his sisters-in-law Patty and Selma Bouvier, employer C. Montgomery Burns, mobster "Fat Tony", Springfield University Dean Bobby Peterson, president George H. W. Bush, the Emperor of Japan, New York City, PBS, the State of Florida, and an inanimate carbon rod. Along with the rest of his family, he is banned from every state in the United States, except North Dakota & Arizona, rejecting the latter ("Arizona smells funny!")
Homer has gone by many names and aliases. While in the Witness Protection Program, the family assumed the surname "Thompson" (which he had a hard time understanding at first). Homer legally changed his name to "Max Power" for a time to escape public ridicule. He has also been known by many nicknames, including "Homey," "Homina," "Home-boy," "Colonel Homer," "Dancin' Homer," "Mr. Plow," "Mr. Sparkle," "Hungry, Hungry Homer," "El Homo", the "Brick Hit House," the "Southern Dandy," and "Bottomless Pete, Nature's Cruelest Mistake," among others. He once ran a gossip website under the alias "Mr. X." and briefly became a pie-touting super hero called "The Pie Man". "Angry dad", which was based on Homer, was the name of a internet comic character that was created by Bart.
Homer's middle name, "Jay," is a tribute by Simpsons creator Matt Groening to the work of cartoon producer Jay Ward, creator of Bullwinkle J. Moose and Rocket J. Squirrel. Abe and Homer share this middle initial, though not the name. Groening has stated that he named the core of the Simpsons family after members of his own family (Homer was his father's name). He also acknowledges that Homer Simpson happens to be a character in Nathanael West's The Day of the Locust.
Assuming compensation (such as money, Powersauce Bars, etc.), but excluding Halloween episodes and passing bets (grave digger, panda, etc.), Homer's past occupations include:
Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
Technical Supervisor, Sector 7G
Supervising Technician, Sector 7G
Safety Inspector, Sector 7G (current position)
Executive (with bathroom privileges and an assistant, Karl)
Executive Assistant/aka Smithers
I thought he also worked for Scorpio.
Last edited by watermock; 03-13-2006 at 07:17 AM..