NFL's All Shark-Jumping Team - The Orange Mane

clean · 06-03-2005, 05:56 PM

"If ever a team jumped, it's the '05 Broncos. Denver has introduced one new wacky character after another to try to salvage one more shot at glory. Rice is Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch. Ron Dayne is a chubby version Scrappy Doo. And Maurice Clarett is Kazoo, the Martian from the Flinstones only Fred and Mike Shanahan can see. Unless someone stops him, Shanahan might hire noted show-killer Ted McGinley (Roger from Happy Days) as his offensive coordinator and completely ruin the team."

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/200...ark/index.html

http://www.jumptheshark.com/page.htm

Crow · 06-03-2005, 06:01 PM

That's some good stuff right there.

TheReverend · 06-03-2005, 06:02 PM

Read this one earlier. Stupid article from another stupid SI writer.

Bronx33 · 06-03-2005, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheReverend

Read this one earlier. Stupid article from another stupid SI writer.

I agree the SI writers are from a different planet.........

-Slap- · 06-03-2005, 07:09 PM

Man, this sorry bastard needs to grow a dick.

Quote:

Miami's Junior Seau was my original pick for this spot because he was a much better player than Romo. But SI.com's Paul Zimmerman had Seau charted as one of the most productive LBs in the league over the last couple of years, so, as always, I deferred to the good doctor.

This would be hilarious if it wasn't so tragic.

watermock · 06-03-2005, 07:11 PM

It's top secret.

Everything has been done in plain sight.

Every move has been made in plain sight.

We got C Brown, Warren, Myers and Ekuban in plain sight.

Pryce and Hamiliton and Cooper in plain sight.

Putz in plain sight. Alexander in plain sight.

We got a dozen free agents and the media can't figure out how.

They are all stomping their fists like insane monkeys.

watermock · 06-03-2005, 07:19 PM

Just because we landed 20 free agents for nothing don't blame me.

Jerry Rice is just along for the ride.

Denver will go 11-5.

I have called the record exactly for two years running.

Denver will go 11-5.

Book it.

TheReverend · 06-03-2005, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Slap-

Man, this sorry bastard needs to grow a dick.

This would be hilarious if it wasn't so tragic.

I'd like every SI writer to line up so I could walk down and punch each of them in the face. Foxsports and Sports Weekly I like. NFL.com I'm indifferent too. ESPN just wants to give the Patriots and Brady handjobs.

-Slap- · 06-03-2005, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheReverend

I'd like every SI writer to line up so I could walk down and punch each of them in the face.

Palm a roll of pennies first.

TheReverend · 06-03-2005, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Slap-

Palm a roll of pennies first.

I've got to spread some rep around because that was ****ing hilarious

Pendejo · 06-03-2005, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheReverend

I'd like every SI writer to line up so I could walk down and punch each of them in the face. Foxsports and Sports Weekly I like. NFL.com I'm indifferent too. ESPN just wants to give the Patriots and Brady handjobs.

Yes! Punch-a-size their faces. Do it now!

TheReverend · 06-03-2005, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pendejo

Yes! Punch-a-size their faces. Do it now!

Punch-a-size their faces? for free?

"Does this look like spit to you?"
"Yes."
"Aw **** it."

That little guy? I wouldnt worry about that little guy.

Mr. Trout · 06-03-2005, 10:00 PM

It seems like every website and every writer thinks the Broncos are just a bunch of losers. Every team that shows any glimmer of being good, the damn football critics jump on the bandwagon. I'm getting tired of this **** and I can't wait for the season to start.

TheReverend · 06-03-2005, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Trout

It seems like every website and every writer thinks the Broncos are just a bunch of losers. Every team that shows any glimmer of being good, the damn football critics jump on the bandwagon. I'm getting tired of this **** and I can't wait for the season to start.

Agreed... sportswriters are like ants. We need to find the queen and crucify her to send a message to the drones at SI and ESPN.com

Kaylore · 06-03-2005, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Trout

It seems like every website and every writer thinks the Broncos are just a bunch of losers. Every team that shows any glimmer of being good, the damn football critics jump on the bandwagon. I'm getting tired of this **** and I can't wait for the season to start.

AMEN! I'm so sick of everyone saying how horrible we're going to suck. It's not like we overpayed for these guys, and its not like our season is wresting on the foot of Courtney Brown!

Our Linebackers will rock, Pryce will be back, our receivers are coming of age with the the Obi-wan and Yoda of wideouts telling them what to do (and Obi-wan can still play), Our run game is always good, we have the best corner in the NFL, and our special teams are going to rock.

We're not perfect, but we have a damn good team and are always a contender in our division unlike the other three teams, who disappear for a few seasons only to resurface for a quick showing before they fade again into the abyss of suck.

I hope the Broncos are half as angry as I am. I'd be jonesing to shut all the moron writers' mouths real hard.

Kaylore · 06-03-2005, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheReverend

Agreed... sportswriters are like ants. We need to find the queen and crucify her to send a message to the drones at SI and ESPN.com

Candy Cigarettes · 06-04-2005, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaylore

Everett should have broken that scrawny mother's neck!

Everett - Rome

MileHighMania · 06-04-2005, 05:13 AM

It's rather slow in the sports writing world right now. Who knows how all this will turn out, but I doubt there were too many glowing articles during the '95 and '96 offseasons. If all of these guys were being brought into start to to 'realisticaly' compete for starting jobs that would be one thing.

Brown, maybe Warren and Todd are the only players dragged over that are potentially starting. The defense still has Pryce, Baiely, Lynch, Wilson, Williams, Gold... offense still has Rod, Lelie, Putz, Plummer, Bell (& Company), Lepsis, Watts and the rest.

Good times ahead ... good times.

Pat Bowlen · 06-04-2005, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Candy Cigarettes

Everett - Rome

The URL is fitting, because whoever re-edited that clip is a moron.

06-03-2005, 05:56 PM	#1
clean Dazed And Frantic Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 820	NFL's All Shark-Jumping Team "If ever a team jumped, it's the '05 Broncos. Denver has introduced one new wacky character after another to try to salvage one more shot at glory. Rice is Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch. Ron Dayne is a chubby version Scrappy Doo. And Maurice Clarett is Kazoo, the Martian from the Flinstones only Fred and Mike Shanahan can see. Unless someone stops him, Shanahan might hire noted show-killer Ted McGinley (Roger from Happy Days) as his offensive coordinator and completely ruin the team." http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/200...ark/index.html http://www.jumptheshark.com/page.htm

06-03-2005, 07:11 PM	#6
watermock "Hoodie Jr" "Hug me!" Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Hot Springs, Ouachitah Posts: 77,090	It's top secret. Everything has been done in plain sight. Every move has been made in plain sight. We got C Brown, Warren, Myers and Ekuban in plain sight. Pryce and Hamiliton and Cooper in plain sight. Putz in plain sight. Alexander in plain sight. We got a dozen free agents and the media can't figure out how. They are all stomping their fists like insane monkeys. Last edited by watermock; 06-03-2005 at 07:17 PM..

06-03-2005, 07:19 PM	#7
watermock "Hoodie Jr" "Hug me!" Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Hot Springs, Ouachitah Posts: 77,090	Just because we landed 20 free agents for nothing don't blame me. Jerry Rice is just along for the ride. Denver will go 11-5. I have called the record exactly for two years running. Denver will go 11-5. Book it. Last edited by watermock; 06-03-2005 at 07:22 PM..

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Salary Cap for Dummies	Odysseus	Orange Mane Central Discussion	0	05-09-2005 05:39 AM
Help me adopt a NBA team!	Bronco LB 59	Orange Mane Central Discussion	15	04-04-2005 08:34 AM

06-03-2005, 06:01 PM	#2
Crow All in with the Gingers Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 872 Adopt-a-Bronco: Elvis Doomervil	That's some good stuff right there.

06-03-2005, 06:02 PM	#3
TheReverend www.PatrickTurley.org ^ buy this... twice Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Jacksonville, FL Posts: 33,020 Adopt-a-Bronco: Mike Shanahan	Read this one earlier. Stupid article from another stupid SI writer.

06-03-2005, 10:00 PM	#13
Mr. Trout World Champion Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Topeka, Kansas Posts: 1,453	It seems like every website and every writer thinks the Broncos are just a bunch of losers. Every team that shows any glimmer of being good, the damn football critics jump on the bandwagon. I'm getting tired of this **** and I can't wait for the season to start.

06-04-2005, 05:13 AM	#18
MileHighMania Smile and wave, boys Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Tejas Posts: 1,073	It's rather slow in the sports writing world right now. Who knows how all this will turn out, but I doubt there were too many glowing articles during the '95 and '96 offseasons. If all of these guys were being brought into start to to 'realisticaly' compete for starting jobs that would be one thing. Brown, maybe Warren and Todd are the only players dragged over that are potentially starting. The defense still has Pryce, Baiely, Lynch, Wilson, Williams, Gold... offense still has Rod, Lelie, Putz, Plummer, Bell (& Company), Lepsis, Watts and the rest. Good times ahead ... good times.