Horrible Article on Sauerbrun

[Atlas]

This is perhaps the worst article EVER written.

http://www.charlotte.com/mld/charlot...s/11692155.htm



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Posted on Fri, May. 20, 2005

The Charlotte Observer

COMMENTARY / TOM SORENSEN


Dude, you were kicked to the curb!

Todd, you are the greatest to punt with a foot in his mouth

TOM SORENSEN


Todd, I can't believe you're leaving. You are the best punter in football. You are the best punter in the history of football. Dude, you're great. And even if you used the steroids CBS claims you had a prescription for, you'll still be good.

The Carolina Panthers gave you away like you were a blue-light special on aisle six.

Dude, I hate aisle six. This could be the worst deal since Sean Gilbert. All Denver gave Carolina was, like, a 17th-round draft pick and a punter nobody knows.

Dude, you are the only punter anybody knows. The Panthers put their franchise tag on you. That means, like, you can't leave. Other teams use the franchise label for quarterbacks and linebackers and ends.

Maybe that said something about Carolina's depth at the time. But dude, it also said that a team that runs a conservative offense needs good field position, and you gave it to them.

In Denver, you'll be a mile high, which is even higher than you were here, and with your leg you could set records and be, like, the Barry Bonds of football. But dude, I always thought you'd end up with Oakland. Maybe the Raiders are still mad about your digs at their punting legend, Ray Guy.

But you know, the Broncos have Maurice Clarett, and they're talking to Jerry Rice, and now they have you. Dude, it's like you're a Raider, but you don't have to live in Oakland.

Everybody has a favorite Sauerbrun moment. Name another punter that has moments. I remember talking to you in the locker room, and I asked you something simple like, Dude, what's up, and Jake Delhomme started to shush you. Dude, any player that gets shushed by a teammate is all right because it means you're going to say something, like, profound.

Remember when one of the Gramaticas missed, like, 11 field goals, and I asked you if you had anything to do with it, and you said you put a hex on him, and I asked what kind of hex, and you said a mental one.

Dude! Mental hexes are the best kind. Remember that song, All My Hexes Live In Texas? I don't remember it either.

Remember when you kicked the field goal late in the fourth quarter that broke the tie and Carolina beat San Francisco? And after the game, two of us asked you about kicking field goals, and you said since you were doing two jobs you wanted more money, and the San Francisco writer wrote that you said it jokingly.

Dude, you weren't joking. To most people, that's greed. To me, that's candor. And nobody shushed you.

When you came to the Panthers four seasons ago, you were like a punter-linebacker or linebacker-punter. You punted and tackled and kicked field goals. Dude, you should have tried out for the Charlotte Bobcats, too. They would have paid you.

Dude, what I liked was that you talked and then thought. I hate it when people think first. The quotes aren't as good.

If you had stayed here, the Panthers would have put up a statue of you outside Bank of America Stadium. Dude, how cool would it be to see a statue carrying a six-pack?

[baja]

Ha ha

[Atlas]

Jason Baker and Tome Rouen battle for roster spot in Carolina.

Posted on Fri, May. 20, 2005



Panthers get pick, punter for Sauerbrun

Newly acquired Baker brings versatility to competition

PAT YASINSKAS

Staff Writer


Todd Sauerbrun's troubled time with the Carolina Panthers ended Thursday when he was traded to Denver for a 2006 seventh-round draft pick and punter Jason Baker.

Getting anything in return was an accomplishment for the Panthers, who decided late last season to part ways with their punter.

Other teams were interested, but wanted to wait to see if Sauerbrun would be released. The Broncos made a trade offer to prevent Sauerbrun from becoming a free agent.

Sauerbrun made the Pro Bowl three times since joining the Panthers in 2001. But he fell out of the good graces of the coaching staff and front office last season when he complained about being fined for being overweight and said he had told the coaches he wouldn't handle place-kicking duties unless he was refunded the money. Then, in December, Sauerbrun was charged with driving while impaired.

The Panthers had decided Sauerbrun wouldn't return before "60 Minutes Wednesday" reported in March that he and two other players had received prescriptions for banned steroids from an S.C. doctor.

"Obviously, Todd is a very good punter," Panthers general manager Marty Hurney said. "Sometimes, a change of scenery is the best thing for a player. We wish Todd the best."

Baker joins punters Tom Rouen and Steve Cheek on the Panthers' roster. It's likely the Panthers will let all three compete in June workouts, then narrow the field to two before training camp in late July.

Rouen, 36, is the most experienced. In 12 NFL seasons, he has a 43.6-yard gross average and a 36.3-yard net average.

Cheek has punted only 42 times in the NFL and has a 39.1-yard gross average and a 31.6-yard net average.

Baker might be the instant favorite because of his versatility. Baker, who has been with four teams in four seasons, also can handle kickoffs. His career gross average is 39.6 yards and career net average is 33.3 yards. The Panthers inherit Baker's one-year contract, which will count $455,000 against their salary cap.

Sauerbrun had been scheduled to count $1.5 million against Carolina's salary cap for this year, $1.2 million of that base salary. Instead, he will count for $782,000, the portion of his original signing bonus that has not been counted against the Panthers' cap.

Trade talks with Denver heated up nearly two weeks ago when Sauerbrun met with Broncos coach Mike Shanahan.

The talks stalled last week. Sauerbrun wanted a restructured contract that would give him bonus money up front, and the Broncos wanted to keep the remaining three years of the contract intact. It wasn't clear Thursday how that issue was resolved.

[Atlas]

Originally Posted by Atlas

This is perhaps the worst article EVER written.

http://www.charlotte.com/mld/charlot...s/11692155.htm

Todd, you are the greatest to punt with a foot in his mouth

TOM SORENSEN


Todd, I can't believe you're leaving. You are the best punter in football. You are the best punter in the history of football. Dude, you're great. And even if you used the steroids CBS claims you had a prescription for, you'll still be good.

The Carolina Panthers gave you away like you were a blue-light special on aisle six.

Dude, I hate aisle six. This could be the worst deal since Sean Gilbert. All Denver gave Carolina was, like, a 17th-round draft pick and a punter nobody knows.

Dude, you are the only punter anybody knows. The Panthers put their franchise tag on you. That means, like, you can't leave. Other teams use the franchise label for quarterbacks and linebackers and ends.

Maybe that said something about Carolina's depth at the time. But dude, it also said that a team that runs a conservative offense needs good field position, and you gave it to them.

In Denver, you'll be a mile high, which is even higher than you were here, and with your leg you could set records and be, like, the Barry Bonds of football. But dude, I always thought you'd end up with Oakland. Maybe the Raiders are still mad about your digs at their punting legend, Ray Guy.

But you know, the Broncos have Maurice Clarett, and they're talking to Jerry Rice, and now they have you. Dude, it's like you're a Raider, but you don't have to live in Oakland.

Everybody has a favorite Sauerbrun moment. Name another punter that has moments. I remember talking to you in the locker room, and I asked you something simple like, Dude, what's up, and Jake Delhomme started to shush you. Dude, any player that gets shushed by a teammate is all right because it means you're going to say something, like, profound.

Remember when one of the Gramaticas missed, like, 11 field goals, and I asked you if you had anything to do with it, and you said you put a hex on him, and I asked what kind of hex, and you said a mental one.

Dude! Mental hexes are the best kind. Remember that song, All My Hexes Live In Texas? I don't remember it either.

Remember when you kicked the field goal late in the fourth quarter that broke the tie and Carolina beat San Francisco? And after the game, two of us asked you about kicking field goals, and you said since you were doing two jobs you wanted more money, and the San Francisco writer wrote that you said it jokingly.

Dude, you weren't joking. To most people, that's greed. To me, that's candor. And nobody shushed you.

When you came to the Panthers four seasons ago, you were like a punter-linebacker or linebacker-punter. You punted and tackled and kicked field goals. Dude, you should have tried out for the Charlotte Bobcats, too. They would have paid you.

Dude, what I liked was that you talked and then thought. I hate it when people think first. The quotes aren't as good.

If you had stayed here, the Panthers would have put up a statue of you outside Bank of America Stadium. Dude, how cool would it be to see a statue carrying a six-pack?

I don't think this guy could write for my college newspaper. That article was just brutal.

[bronco militia]

But you know, the Broncos have Maurice Clarett, and they're talking to Jerry Rice, and now they have you. Dude, it's like you're a Raider, but you don't have to live in Oakland.


bwhahahaha!!...that about sums up the Broncos offseason

[baja]

Originally Posted by bronco militia

But you know, the Broncos have Maurice Clarett, and they're talking to Jerry Rice, and now they have you. Dude, it's like you're a Raider, but you don't have to live in Oakland.


bwhahahaha!!...that about sums up the Broncos offseason

OK that's it turn in your tickets

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by baja fan

OK that's it turn in your tickets

don't tempt me.....

[Odysseus]

Dude! That was hilarious! It was like I was right there Dude! What's up with Shanny Dude? He like always sends punters to compete with Tom Roen wherever he goes. It's like he's sending a subdermal hematoma straight to Amy's brain. Dude I bet when Tom is retired Shanny is going to do crank calls to house. Dude the signs are all there.

[Jori]

Had to stop reading after the third "dude."

[Jason in LA]

I think that guy writes for his Jr. high news paper.

[delany]

Originally Posted by bronco militia

don't tempt me.....

Exhibit A on why Mile High II is nothing like Mile High I.

'Dude'...if you don't want to pay the price of your tix - fine.
If you don't want to drive up from the Springs - fine.
If you are just not that interesed in football any more - fine

BUT if you want to sell your tix because Denver trades a 7th for a bad attitude PUNTER..or because Denver aquires a Brown's player or ten...or because you think Denver has had a horrible off-season and might not make the playoffs this year...

then sir, I question just what the heck you are doing in the fourth quarter of a game when the Broncos are playing like crap?

I suspect you are doing even worse than the 'wine and cheese' crowd are....you are the new Bronco fan - the 'whine and cheese' crowd...or maybe you are just in the parking lot already

Nice! I really do hope you sell your tix.

p.s. I really don't need for you to tell me how long you have been a fan...that it is your right to b**** and sell your tix if you think they are going to suck this year. Blah, blah, blah.

Sad really. I don't mind people complaining or hating F/O moves....I just despise jellyfish fans.

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by delany

Exhibit A on why Mile High II is nothing like Mile High I.

'Dude'...if you don't want to pay the price of your tix - fine.
If you don't want to drive up from the Springs - fine.
If you are just not that interesed in football any more - fine

BUT if you want to sell your tix because Denver trades a 7th for a bad attitude PUNTER..or because Denver aquires a Brown's player or ten...or because you think Denver has had a horrible off-season and might not make the playoffs this year...

then sir, I question just what the heck you are doing in the fourth quarter of a game when the Broncos are playing like crap?

I suspect you are doing even worse than the 'wine and cheese' crowd are....you are the new Bronco fan - the 'whine and cheese' crowd...or maybe you are just in the parking lot already

Nice! I really do hope you sell your tix.

p.s. I really don't need for you to tell me how long you have been a fan...that it is your right to b**** and sell your tix if you think they are going to suck this year. Blah, blah, blah.

Sad really.

wow!

bwhahahaha!

if you don't have the guts to question your favorite team, I guess you can abuse me instead... my opinions of all the of this years offseason moves have been consistant. You can jump for joy if like, but this move and the others have put me on the fence for the first time in 20 years.

homer on

[RaiderH8r]

Originally Posted by delany

Exhibit A on why Mile High II is nothing like Mile High I.

'Dude'...if you don't want to pay the price of your tix - fine.
If you don't want to drive up from the Springs - fine.
If you are just not that interesed in football any more - fine

BUT if you want to sell your tix because Denver trades a 7th for a bad attitude PUNTER..or because Denver aquires a Brown's player or ten...or because you think Denver has had a horrible off-season and might not make the playoffs this year...

then sir, I question just what the heck you are doing in the fourth quarter of a game when the Broncos are playing like crap?

I suspect you are doing even worse than the 'wine and cheese' crowd are....you are the new Bronco fan - the 'whine and cheese' crowd...or maybe you are just in the parking lot already

Nice! I really do hope you sell your tix.

p.s. I really don't need for you to tell me how long you have been a fan...that it is your right to b**** and sell your tix if you think they are going to suck this year. Blah, blah, blah.

Sad really. I don't mind people complaining or hating F/O moves....I just despise jellyfish fans.

Sometimes the band wagon needs to hit a speed bump or two to shake off the "hangers on". Those of us at the head of the wagon are riding it to the end.

Just watch how many AZ Cardinal fans show up in the coming seasons. I think those guys are on the way up. I love Denny Green, he's a winner.

[Odysseus]

Dude! Did you see that? Militia got totally OWNED! No way! Delany is going to be so totally in trouble when he comes to. Militia has been around since Taco was a Tico Taco. 2001? Did they have Internet back then dude?

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by quiettiger

Dude! Did you see that? Militia got totally OWNED! No way! Delany is going to be so totally in trouble when he comes to

nahhhh, he doesn't respect my opinions as much as don't resepct his.

but, I'd rather vent at the Broncos then at the fans....

[Odysseus]

Originally Posted by bronco militia

nahhhh, he doesn't respect my opinions as much as don't resepct his.

but, I'd rather vent at the Broncos then at the fans....

Dude! You are like so totally righteous! It's like this thread has brought out the true inner you. Dude you are so totally a cool fan. Dude you rule!

< Militia's unofficial official smilie

[baja]

So BM do you have good seats??

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by quiettiger

Dude! You are like so totally righteous! It's like this thread has brought out the true inner you. Dude you are so totally a cool fan. Dude you rule!

< Militia's unofficial official avatar

but lately, this one might be more appropriate

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by baja fan

So BM do you have good seats??

they are ok....not as good as the Old Mile high.

[Merlin]

Atlas,

Usually your mujeres son muyyyyy bonitas , but your Zeta-Jones looks like a bad case of plastic surgery . That face looks like it has been pasted into that photo. Also, they only time I have notice Z-J with legs like that is when she was pregnant. Although that is a good body, it seems a little bigger than Z-Js .

M

[Atlas]

Originally Posted by bronco militia

wow!

bwhahahaha!

if you don't have the guts to question your favorite team, I guess you can abuse me instead... my opinions of all the of this years offseason moves have been consistant. You can jump for joy if like, but this move and the others have put me on the fence for the first time in 20 years.

homer on

We'll get back to you after the Broncos win the west

[Atlas]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Atlas,

Usually your mujeres son muyyyyy bonitas , but your Zeta-Jones looks like a bad case of plastic surgery . That face looks like it has been pasted into that photo. Also, they only time I have notice Z-J with legs like that is when she was pregnant. Although that is a good body, it seems a little bigger than Z-Js .

M

I agree but I really like this pic. Just looks sexy too me.

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by Atlas

We'll get back to you after the Broncos win the west

hey, I hope you're right...I much rather have you guys say "I told you so" than me...

[Kaylore]

Originally Posted by delany

Exhibit A on why Mile High II is nothing like Mile High I.

'Dude'...if you don't want to pay the price of your tix - fine.
If you don't want to drive up from the Springs - fine.
If you are just not that interesed in football any more - fine

BUT if you want to sell your tix because Denver trades a 7th for a bad attitude PUNTER..or because Denver aquires a Brown's player or ten...or because you think Denver has had a horrible off-season and might not make the playoffs this year...

then sir, I question just what the heck you are doing in the fourth quarter of a game when the Broncos are playing like crap?

I suspect you are doing even worse than the 'wine and cheese' crowd are....you are the new Bronco fan - the 'whine and cheese' crowd...or maybe you are just in the parking lot already

Nice! I really do hope you sell your tix.

p.s. I really don't need for you to tell me how long you have been a fan...that it is your right to b**** and sell your tix if you think they are going to suck this year. Blah, blah, blah.

Sad really. I don't mind people complaining or hating F/O moves....I just despise jellyfish fans.

[bronco militia]

Originally Posted by RaiderH8r

Sometimes the band wagon needs to hit a speed bump or two to shake off the "hangers on". Those of us at the head of the wagon are riding it to the end.

Just watch how many AZ Cardinal fans show up in the coming seasons. I think those guys are on the way up. I love Denny Green, he's a winner.

you could be right...for the 1ist time, the Broncos offered me a chance to move my seats and I asked why?....

the Ticket Office explanation was that many fans had issues with the ticket increase.

ok fair enough, but I never recieved a call to move my seats the last time the Broncos raised prices and I have 1511 priority number out of 30,000.....7 days until all payments are due for tickets (May 27) and my budy who has priority # 16,000 just got a call to move his seats yesterday...

I wonder if there's more going on with Bronco Mania then just people not being able to afford to go anymore?

If you're on the waiting list, don't be surprised to get a call this year.