Ann Coulters spiked column

[Exile_In_SJ]

Put the speakers in a cage
Ann Coulter (archive)


July 26, 2004 | Print | Send


The following is Ann Coulter's column that was supposed to be printed in Monday's USA Today. It was spiked because it was "unusable" and "not funny." Decide for yourself.

Here at the Spawn of Satan convention in Boston, conservatives are deploying a series of covert signals to identify one another, much like gay men do. My allies are the ones wearing crosses or American flags. The people sporting shirts emblazoned with the "F-word" are my opponents. Also, as always, the pretty girls and cops are on my side, most of them barely able to conceal their eye-rolling.

Democrats are constantly suing and slandering police as violent, fascist racists – with the exception of Boston's police, who'll be lauded as national heroes right up until the Democrats pack up and leave town on Friday, whereupon they'll revert to their natural state of being fascist, racist pigs.

A speaker at the Democratic National Convention this year, Al Sharpton, accused white police officers of raping and defacing Tawana Brawley in 1987, lunatic charges that eventually led to a defamation lawsuit against Sharpton, and even more eventually to Sharpton paying a jury award to the defamed plaintiff Steve Pagones. So it's a real mystery why cops wouldn't like Democrats.

As for the pretty girls, I can only guess that it's because liberal boys never try to make a move on you without the U.N. Security Council's approval. Plus, it's no fun riding around in those dinky little hybrid cars. My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie-chick pie wagons they call "women" at the Democratic National Convention.

Apparently, the nuts at the Democratic National Convention are going to be put in cages outside the convention hall. Sadly, they won't be fighting to the death as is done in W.W.F. caged matches. They're calling this the "protestor's area," although I suppose a better name would be the "truth-free zone."

I thought this was a great idea until I realized the "nut" category did not include Sharpton, Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Teddy Kennedy – all featured speakers at the convention. I'd say the actual policy is only untelegenic nuts get the cages, but little Dennis Kucinich is speaking at the Convention, too. So it must be cages for "nuts who have not run for president as serious candidates for the Democratic Party."

Looking at the line-up of speakers at the Convention, I have developed the 7-11 challenge: I will quit making fun of, for example, Dennis Kucinich, if he can prove he can run a 7-11 properly for 8 hours. We'll even let him have an hour or so of preparation before we open up. Within 8 hours, the money will be gone, the store will be empty, and he'll be explaining how three 11-year olds came in and asked for the money and he gave it to them.

For 20 years, the Democrats wouldn't let Jimmy Carter within 100 miles of a Convention podium. The fact that Carter is now their most respectable speaker tells you where that party is today. Maybe they just want to remind Americans who got us into this Middle East mess in the first place. We've got millions of fanatical Muslims trying to slaughter Americans while shouting "Allah Akbar!" Yeah, let's turn the nation over to these guys.

With any luck, Gore will uncork his speech comparing Republicans to Nazis. Just a few weeks ago, Gore gave a speech accusing the Bush administration of deploying "digital Brown Shirts" to intimidate journalists and pressure the media into writing good things about Bush – in case you were wondering where all those glowing articles about Bush were coming from.

The last former government official to slake his thirst so deeply with the Kool-Aid and become a far-left peacenik was Ramsey Clarke and it took him a few years to really blossom. Clinton must have done some number on Gore. Then again, with his yen for earth tones in a man's wardrobe, maybe Gore's references to "Brown Shirts" was intended as a compliment.

Only one major newspaper – the Boston Herald – reported Gore's "Brown Shirt" comment, though a Bush campaign spokesman's statement quoting the "Brown Shirt" line made it into the very last sentence of a Los Angeles Times article. The New York Times responded with an article criticizing "both" Republicans and Democrats for using Nazi imagery. Democrats call Republicans Nazis, the Republicans quote the Democrats calling Republicans Nazis and "both" are using Nazi imagery. (It's a cycle of violence!)

The nuts in the cages are virtual Bertrand Russells compared to the official speakers at the Democratic Convention. On the basis of their placards, I gather the caged-nut position is that they love the troops so much, they don't want them to get hurt defending America from terrorist attack. "Support the troops," the signs say, "bring them home."

That's my new position on all government workers, except the 5 percent who aren't useless, which is to say cops, prosecutors, firemen and U.S. servicemen. I love bureaucrats at the National Endowment of the Arts funding crucifixes submerged in urine so much – I think they should go home. I love public school teachers punishing any mention of God and banning Christmas songs so much – I think they should go home.

Walking back from the convention site, I chatted with a normal Bostonian for several blocks – who must have identified me through our covert system of signals. He was mostly bemused by the Democrats' primetime speakers and told me he used to be an independent, but for the last 20 years found himself voting mostly Republican. Then he corrected himself and said he votes for the "American."

I'd say I love all these Democrats in Boston so much I want them to go home, but I don't. I want Americans to get a good long look at the French Party and keep the 7-11 challenge in mind.

[Exile_In_SJ]

Now I only saw one over the top comment, the spawn of satan one, but the rest were pretty mild.

Maybe the hippie chicks one, but then again some cliches have a bit of truth to them....

Overall, it was pretty funny and spot on on several respects.. The nazi commennts.. the police commentary and the Jimmmah Carter stuff.

[Captain_Poncho]

I think it was all good and funny. Much in the same way Woody Paige's rants on Jacksonville were.

It's just that this election has gotten so nasty and acrimonious, you can't get anyone to take a joke aimed at their guy, party, philosophy, etc...

We're all a bunch of knee-jerkers now.

[Exile_In_SJ]

I've heard her get downright mean and over the top, and the satan part was over the top, but really the rest was not bad and really, I can't see why it was spiked.

I guess the weeklong lovefest can't be salted with a few opposing views..

[Rohirrim]

My guess is that at some point in her life, she ends up in a rubber room.

[Old Dude]

I don't know if it's spiked or not, but I got bored and quit reading after the first two sentences.

It's kind of like sitting down at a cafeteria table next to some hotshot sorority girls. If you happen to catch a moment or two of their conversation, you quickly tune it out, because it's pure drivel. On the snotty side, but drivel nonetheless.

Coulter can't even raise my hackles anymore. She's just irrelevant.

[Antilles]

Originally Posted by Exile_In_SJ

I guess the weeklong lovefest can't be salted with a few opposing views..

I'm not sure that it can be called an "opposing view." Really, aside from the Carter observation, the piece doesn't have a shred of politcal discourse. Its purely caricature. The Woody paige comparison is right on. Entertaining, but hardly a legitimate viewpoint.

"As for the pretty girls, I can only guess that it's because liberal boys never try to make a move on you without the U.N. Security Council's approval."

That line cracked me up.

[OrangeDoofus]

This is the same kind of mindless blather Coulter always writes. If USA Today didn't want to print it, what were they thinking asking her to write a column in the first place? The only conclusion I can come to is that nobody at USA Today had ever read Ann Coulter before.

[Exile_In_SJ]

I dunno, the NYTimes keeps Maureen Dowd employed and she's pure drivel.

[Spider]

Personaly I think we need to put Ann Coulter , Sean Hannity , Rush Limbaugh , Michael Moore ,Janeane Garofalo , Randi Rhodes , all in a rubber room ........... The Right and the Left have to find commen ground , the Common Ground is 9-11 , The Common ground is Terrorist , We have to find a leader that will win the war on terrorism ....
Is George Bush Evil ? no of course not , I believe Bush Loves America , I just dont agree with the way he wants to do it .........

[Rascal]

Originally Posted by §Pide®

Personaly I think we need to put Ann Coulter , Sean Hannity , Rush Limbaugh , Michael Moore ,Janeane Garofalo , Randi Rhodes , all in a rubber room ........... The Right and the Left have to find commen ground , the Common Ground is 9-11 , The Common ground is Terrorist , We have to find a leader that will win the war on terrorism ....
Is George Bush Evil ? no of course not , I believe Bush Loves America , I just dont agree with the way he wants to do it .........

REP.

Damn good post Spider.

[Spider]

Originally Posted by rascal

REP.

Damn good post Spider.

Thanks , but I think it is time to end the Rhetoric , I saw somthing last night that bothered me , We are more divided then we was in the 60's , We need to put the spin aside , realy study Both Canidates and see who will lead us to victory and unite this country ........ I think we have lost sight that the terrorist realy dont give a damn if I am a democrat or a republican , they will only Care that I am an AMERICAN . Anyhow I have engaged in my fare share of rhetoric , but now it is time to get serious .....

[Rascal]

Originally Posted by §Pide®

Thanks , but I think it is time to end the Rhetoric , I saw somthing last night that bothered me , We are more divided then we was in the 60's , We need to put the spin aside , realy study Both Canidates and see who will lead us to victory and unite this country ........ I think we have lost sight that the terrorist realy dont give a damn if I am a democrat or a republican , they will only Care that I am an AMERICAN . Anyhow I have engaged in my fare share of rhetoric , but now it is time to get serious .....

I defintely agree with that. What did you see last night?

Unfortunately I think this election will be on of the dirtiest that we have seen in a very long time.

I thought things might turn for the better when Kerry asked everybody at the convention to keep the Anti-Bush retoric off the stage, but then that went down the toilet as soon as Gore got on stage.

Fine, you disagree with how somebody is running the country or would run the country. No reason to be hateful about it.

And I have to spread some rep around.

[Spider]

Originally Posted by rascal

I defintely agree with that. What did you see last night?

Unfortunately I think this election will be on of the dirtiest that we have seen in a very long time.

I thought things might turn for the better when Kerry asked everybody at the convention to keep the Anti-Bush retoric off the stage, but then that went down the toilet as soon as Gore got on stage.

Fine, you disagree with how somebody is running the country or would run the country. No reason to be hateful about it.

And I have to spread some rep around.

Just 2 regular Joes in a coffee shop , sounding like Ann coulter and Randi Rhodes ........... Realy disheartning ...........

[Exile_In_SJ]

Well since neither candidate is going to unite both sides what can you do? Most dems hate Bush and I can't see kerry appealing to many, if any republicans. We will continue to be a divided country no matter who wins.

[Spider]

Originally Posted by Exile_In_SJ

Well since neither candidate is going to unite both sides what can you do? Most dems hate Bush and I can't see kerry appealing to many, if any republicans. We will continue to be a divided country no matter who wins.

I think there are more Moderates , If we had a Clinton or a McCain Running , even Bob Dole , I think it would be alot Different ...........

[Spider]

Reagan was able to reach across Party lines .......... I just dont think Bush has gave the effort , to reach the Dems ............. To me , America does her best with a dem president and a Republican Congress ..........

[Blueflame]

It's my understanding that the column was replaced because it was basically a vitriolic screed with no substance... pure biased opinion with no substantiation. I'd have to agree with the editorial decision... no reputable newspaper should print a piece that starts out "spawn of Satan convention"... jmho.

[Exile_In_SJ]

Originally Posted by Blueflame

It's my understanding that the column was replaced because it was basically a vitriolic screed with no substance... pure biased opinion with no substantiation. I'd have to agree with the editorial decision... no reputable newspaper should print a piece that starts out "spawn of Satan convention"... jmho.

I agree the satan comment was over the line and would have asked her to change iit, but the rest was pretty close to being right on

[Taco John]

Wow. Ann Coulter is crazy.

[Hogan11]

Originally Posted by Taco John

Wow. Ann Coulter is crazy.

C'mon...you had to already know this.

This wench always merits instant dismissal.

[Blueflame]

Originally Posted by Exile_In_SJ

I agree the satan comment was over the line and would have asked her to change iit, but the rest was pretty close to being right on

The rest was "pretty close to being right on"?

For example, do you really believe that all cops are Republican? If so, perhaps you could explain why New York's police and firefighters have endorsed Kerry.

And how about the inference that "all pretty girls" are Republican? The list of beautiful actresses and entertainers who are anti-Bush is quite extensive. I don't think Ashley Judd fits Ms. Coulter's description of Democratic women...

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by §Pide®

Reagan was able to reach across Party lines .......... I just dont think Bush has gave the effort , to reach the Dems ............. To me , America does her best with a dem president and a Republican Congress ..........

IMO

The reason it was easier for Reagan to get along with the opposition is because they still had control of Congress. Democrats got their way much of the time against Reagan. Democrats no longer have the leverage of Congressional control so they resort to creating division and shreiking about how horrible it is. If you haven't seen efforts by Bush to reach out to Dems then I don't think you follow the presidency very closely.

[Rascal]

Its amazing how different political opinions can make simple English words have such different meanings. It never ceases to amaze me.

This is not a slam on any party or any person, just an observation.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

Originally Posted by Blueflame

If so, perhaps you could explain why New York's police and firefighters have endorsed Kerry.

Perhaps you could explain how a union endorsement is somehow the support of all members of the union? Union leaders are in bed with the Democratic Party, the rank and file of most unions are not.