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Old 04-25-2014, 03:13 PM   #426
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Originally Posted by Drunk Monkey View Post
Please tell me you don't really spend significant doctor time pulling random things out of people's asses.
At least once every couple of months during surgical residency in a university hospital. Now that I'm an attending in a smaller town it's down to 1-2 times per year. Still more than I care to deal with. Still better than dealing with people wanting their anal condyloma excised.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:17 PM   #427
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People who want to have a conversation with me about "what happened" in the Super Bowl

Funk Dat!!!
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:19 PM   #428
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Patriots fans telling me that Peyton is stupid. Sigh. Also the existence of Patriots fans in general.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:25 PM   #429
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Originally Posted by Dr. Broncenstein View Post
At least once every couple of months during surgical residency in a university hospital. Now that I'm an attending in a smaller town it's down to 1-2 times per year. Still more than I care to deal with. Still better than dealing with people wanting their anal condyloma excised.
I am not surprised. In a small town, sticking random household objects and smaller pets up your own ass has to be one of the three or four most entertaining things to do.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:27 PM   #430
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My buddy was going through EMT training and one of his first times out, they had to take a guy to the ER...he had a giant candle stuck in his ass.

A giant. Candle.

Doc, what's the most common item people get lodged in their asses?
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:28 PM   #431
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Originally Posted by gyldenlove View Post
I am not surprised. In a small town, sticking random household objects and smaller pets up your own ass has to be one of the three or four most entertaining things to do.
Tell you this much... humans are incredibly creative and imaginative when it comes to cramming foreign bodies up their asses.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:30 PM   #432
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Originally Posted by Rabb View Post
My buddy was going through EMT training and one of his first times out, they had to take a guy to the ER...he had a giant candle stuck in his ass.

A giant. Candle.

Doc, what's the most common item people get lodged in their asses?
A tie between candles and small shampoo bottles.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:47 PM   #433
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A tie between candles and small shampoo bottles.
You know if they just used sex toys made for use in odd places they wouldn't have this problem.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:48 PM   #434
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You know if they just used sex toys made for use in odd places they wouldn't have this problem.
Or if they put their ferrets on a leash.....
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:59 PM   #435
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The weeds and weed bushes of Colorado! The ****ing weeds are already three feet tall and Spring hasn't even got going. I swear, Colorado grows the best weeds on Earth. I hacked back these weed bushes along my house last year to the ground and they're now three feet tall! Amazing.
Perhaps a sewage system that doesn't consist of you, your peckerwood buddies, and your skanks staggering outside and relieving yourselves on or near the foundations would help.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:59 PM   #436
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Or if they put their ferrets on a leash.....
Ya but getting them to turn around is a beatch.
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Old 04-25-2014, 04:14 PM   #437
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabb View Post
My buddy was going through EMT training and one of his first times out, they had to take a guy to the ER...he had a giant candle stuck in his ass.

A giant. Candle.

Doc, what's the most common item people get lodged in their asses?
A guy in the small town where I'm from had to go to the ER one time because a carrot broke off in his ass. True story.
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Old 04-25-2014, 06:59 PM   #438
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A tie between candles and small shampoo bottles.
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Old 04-25-2014, 07:16 PM   #439
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A couple of weeks back I was hanging out with some friends, and they generally pay more attention to hockey. We got talking about hockey and my friend Shane just asks out of nowhere..."how about those Broncos, huh?"

I felt a blood vessel snap. Saw red. Then he explained..."I mean free agency".

So apparently I am not all that over the SB loss.

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Old 04-25-2014, 07:45 PM   #440
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People who wait for a green light to make a right turn.
This! Especially when there's a 2000ft long MERGE LANE right ****ing there!!!

Happens to me almost everyday outside of my apartment.
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Old 04-25-2014, 08:06 PM   #441
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Places that do takeout (chinese, subs, etc..) or self service dining that ask for tips... you can get the tip of this diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick.
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Old 04-25-2014, 09:04 PM   #442
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People who reply to you off Craigslist in text or email asking if you'll take half the asking price.
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Old 04-25-2014, 10:01 PM   #443
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People who reply to you off Craigslist in text or email asking if you'll take half the asking price.
! They will never call you because they realize their best offer price is so damn ****ed that they don't want to be laughed at.
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Old 04-25-2014, 10:41 PM   #444
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Originally Posted by Cito Pelon View Post
Perhaps a sewage system that doesn't consist of you, your peckerwood buddies, and your skanks staggering outside and relieving yourselves on or near the foundations would help.
Yeah. Everclear doesn't **** with your brain. Keep believin' dat.
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Old 04-25-2014, 10:59 PM   #445
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A guy in the small town where I'm from had to go to the ER one time because a carrot broke off in his ass. True story.
That seems like a win-win.

Hamsters will eat carrots, right?
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:35 PM   #446
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Not true. The most common causes for auto/bicycle crashes are motorists turning into the path of the bicyclist, and turning across the path of the cyclist. Which is why the bicyclist is advised to ride in the middle of the lane, and is their legal right in every single state.
Speaking of this. About a year ago I was getting ready to pull out of a local restaurant parking lot. Was going to turn right but traffic was coming from the left so I was looking left. It was also dark out. Long story short I almost hit a guy on his bike because he was riding against the flow of traffic. He came from my right but was looking left. If it weren't for my wife I would have hit him.
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Old 04-26-2014, 03:43 AM   #447
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Originally Posted by maher_tyler View Post
Speaking of this. About a year ago I was getting ready to pull out of a local restaurant parking lot. Was going to turn right but traffic was coming from the left so I was looking left. It was also dark out. Long story short I almost hit a guy on his bike because he was riding against the flow of traffic. He came from my right but was looking left. If it weren't for my wife I would have hit him.
Going against traffic on a bike is one of the dumbest things you can do - a-holes like that give the rest of us a bad name,“.
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Old 04-27-2014, 06:28 AM   #448
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Originally Posted by Rohirrim View Post
The weeds and weed bushes of Colorado! The ****ing weeds are already three feet tall and Spring hasn't even got going. I swear, Colorado grows the best weeds on Earth. I hacked back these weed bushes along my house last year to the ground and they're now three feet tall! Amazing.

I've got the cure for what ails you, Roh ... "Rent-a-Ruminant" will solve your problem, and they'll do it at reasonable rates: $8 an hour for each of the first five, $5 each after that (5 mminimum).

Sixty can clear a quarter-acre in three days, so the side of your house is probably just a two or three-hour job.
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Old 04-27-2014, 08:37 AM   #449
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When ugly girls don't want to **** me.
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Old 04-27-2014, 10:13 AM   #450
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People who don't put shopping carts in the cart wrangler station at the grocery store.
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