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Old 07-30-2017, 09:45 PM   #1
LoserSlick
Perennial Pro-bowler
 
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Default OT film review: "Goodnight Mommy" (spoilers that you'll thank me for)

fkn cannot believe the hype that was around this thing when it came out... please, for the love of god and your own sanity, pass on this garbage ass film that just sucked 99 precious minutes of my life away.

max pissed

k i need to ruin this film for u guys as quickly as possible before i get into this thing:

- one of the twins isn't real (died in an accident)

- mommy's lips are super-glued shut (jaw-droppingly). with a slip of the scissors (trying to make her a food hole), an exaggerated amount of blood squirts all the way around the world and hits the other side of her cheek. super intense

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: mommy comes home to isolated (beautiful) home in the woods/hills. fresh from a face lift. bandages on face. twins don't believe it's her - presumably, because she suddenly decided to turn into a creep and a mega b**** (pain medication, perhaps?). twins kill mom... but not before you get to roll your eyes at getting sixth-sensed almost two fkn decades after... "the sixth sense." roll credits.

CRITIQUE: this film fkn sucked for the same reason von trier's "antichrist" fkn sucked. because it was trash writing by another fraud who couldn't manage to intelligently communicate an idea. and just like in antichrist, this film tragically veers from it's original intention because some fkn douchebag ran out of adderal. and so you get gimmicked with fancy shooting and shock-value... like it's somehow supposed to compensate for what's missing.

but the holes in goodnight mommy's narrative and characters are far worse than von triers ever were in antichrist. i don't care how clever you are with a camera. lol look at how irreversible was shot... and that movie is COMFORTABLY in the top 5 list of movies that i'll never watch again (and i mean that in a good way )

and unlike the sixth sense (which, again, released almsot 20 years ago), you see this stupid thing coming from a mile away. it's terribly ironic that this movie was so suspenseful for me. i wanted to see if the plot was going to make it out alive... which was frustratingly just as predictable as the film itself.
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