The 20 types of depressed sports fans

[Chris]

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-tr...ed-sports-fans

me

18. The Non-Reaction Fan

This fan barely acknowledges what’s just happened. In fact, you have to study him carefully to find any reaction at all. He might slump slightly, or offer a subtle head shake. There’s a slim chance that he might mumble something indecipherable under his breath.

But that’s it. Whatever chaos is unfolding around him, he won’t acknowledge it. If you didn’t know any better, you’d almost think he was at peace with what he'd just seen. There’s a sense of serenity to him, like a still pond on a windless morning.

Make no mistake: No fan is hurting worse than this one.

[Requiem]

Hell yes.

8. The Over-the-Top Meltdown Fan

Featuring all the anger of Single F-Bomb Fan, but lacking his sense of self-control, this fan reacts to a loss the way a toddler reacts to having a toy taken away: with screaming and other assorted histrionics. He makes everyone uncomfortable when he is watching in a group, which he's probably not, because nobody likes having Over-the-Top Meltdown Fans around.


There is a 10 percent chance this fan is legitimately unstable, and a 90 percent chance he's putting on a show because he's recording himself for an obviously fake YouTube video.

[Drunken.Broncoholic]

I'm number 8 when watching basketball.

[Old Dude]

Mix here.

25% #6.
75% #11.

[TheReverend]

I hit 18 toward the end of the Orton era.

I had given up.

There's something about Tebow and that footprints in the sand poem here...

[TheReverend]

During the game I'm:
11. The Fan Who Keeps Yelling “What Are You Doing?!”

When reality sets in I'm:
2. The Single F-Bomb Fan

[Swedish Extrovert]

Worthwhile link just for this video:

[Swedish Extrovert]

I was 11 during the Rahim Moore undercut last year. But I got over it... a lot of 11's on this forum.

I'm:
Definitely #2... I'm usually pretty calm after loses but the only time my parents have seen me swear is watching the Broncos. The Knowshon fumble last year that sealed it for the Falcons, I just yelled "****" and threw my iPhone at the TV (it broke)... from then I was just calm and kinda non-reaction.

A little bit #4 (pizza rolls and apparel from the SB Championship years are strictly forbidden at my Broncos parties... and my grandmother has to watch in another room.) I also shower right before games because the first time I did that consistently was 1997.

A lot of the time #12 (specially in the military)

And definitely #20

[Swedish Extrovert]

[broncosteven]

Originally Posted by Swedish Extrovert

I was 11 during the Rahim Moore undercut last year. But I got over it... a lot of 11's on this forum.

I'm:
Definitely #2... I'm usually pretty calm after loses but the only time my parents have seen me swear, smoke a bowl of Meth, run around cleaning the house followed by taking a hand full of Ambien to come down and dropping a deuce in the basement is while watching the Broncos.

A little bit 4 (pizza rolls and apparel from the SB Championship years are strictly forbidden at my Broncos parties... and my grandmother has to watch in another room.) I also shower right before games because the first time I did that consistently was 1997.

A lot of the time 12 (specially in the military)

And definitely 20

Fixed it for you.

[Swedish Extrovert]

Originally Posted by broncosteven

Fixed it for you.

Then I hit the bars, and pick up a couple of hot skanks, take them home, and right when it's time to get down to business someone in the building pulls the fire alarm.

[Drunken.Broncoholic]

There's a couple of 9s on game day threads.

[ChrisToker]

Originally Posted by Swedish Extrovert

Worthwhile link just for this video:

ha ha things changed when the chic on couch on left of screen switched seats w/ dude w/ glasses. not saying i am superstitious or anything

[NorCalBronco7]

#16 for sure. When my teams loses big games, I dont want to be around people but would rather wallow in my own pity and sadness. I dont want people telling me "its ok" or "theres next season" - the type of comments losers say. Infact, I dont want to hear anyones voice for at least 4 hours expect my inner one, and if I do, Ill usally tell them to **** off or go kill yourself.

[Bacchus]

These are me.

17. The Fan Who Isn’t There Because He Only Watches Big Games at Home Alone

You won’t see this fan because he's politely declined your invitation to watch the game with a group. He takes sports more seriously than friendship or camaraderie or even basic human interaction, which is to say that he has his priorities straight. (Side note: This fan’s absence also might be related to that one time that he was the Might Be Crying Fan.)
You may get a text message or two from this fan as the game goes on. More likely, you won’t. Once the game is over and the magnitude of the disaster has become clear, be a good friend and phone in a police wellness check.

20. The Fan Who Manages to Maintain Perspective

Yes, this fan is disappointed in the outcome of the game. But he also understands that a game played by a collection of strangers is not going to have any impact on the truly important things in his life, like his health, his friendships and his family. Put simply, he understands that there are higher priorities in the world than who wins or loses a sporting event.

I’ve been watching sports for over 30 years and have never met this fan, but I suppose it’s theoretically possible that they could exist.

[gunns]

I'm 2, some 4, 13, and 16.

[Tombstone RJ]

I'm definitely a #2 guy. Although, I really try not to cuss but sometimes it just happens. The big ole F bomb. The long drawn out F bomb. Then I go into the #19 stage and eventually hit the #20 stage after a little while.

[Kid A]

16. The Fan Who Suddenly Has to go for a Walk

This fan responds to adversity by removing himself from the situation. Sometimes, this will be accompanied by a hurried explanation. Often, he’ll just quietly get up and leave. You may or may not ever see him again.

Once after watching my team pull defeat from the jaws of victory, I just sighed, turned, and headed out the door still barefoot for an hour. I hate being the ranting jackass after the game, rehashing it all over to anyone who will listen. So, weather be damned, it's my routine to go for as long a walk as it takes me to get some sense of perspective back. I'm getting better with age! Most of the time...

[spdirty]

Originally Posted by Drunken.Broncoholic

There's a couple of 9s on game day threads.

Starting with the comeback of the Charger game, I became a mix of 9 and 4 on the gameday threads. Needed to be pessimistic in order to keep the streak going.

[extralife]

I'm usually 18 or 19. Sometimes 2. Depending on the sport (no, this makes no sense) I can also be 15.

when I'm at the stadium/arena/whatever for a terrible loss, which is rarely, I'm "get the **** out of there as quickly as possible" guy, like I need to wash the stink off. yes, I was at the Ravens game.

during the super bowl this year I was like a reverse 12, because I was the only person at the party I was at with a rooting interest in the game. because no one else cared, I had to try to be 20 when it was over. basically that meant a lot of alcohol.

[UltimateHoboW/Shotgun]

2. The Single F-Bomb Fan

This fan is a traditionalist. He or she responds to every negative twist and turn with a single f-bomb, followed by a brooding silence. Simple. Timeless. Almost, dare we say, elegant.

This fan actually comes in two sub-varieties: The short f-bomb, or the drawn-out f-bomb. The former gets bonus points for volume, while the latter is aiming for endurance.

.

[broncocalijohn]

Originally Posted by Swedish Extrovert

Then I hit the bars, and pick up a couple of hot skanks, take them home, and right when it's time to get down to business someone in the building pulls the fire alarm.

That is the Mighty Smurf we know. BTW, the one who cock blocked you with the fire alarm was the girl herself.

[Drunken.Broncoholic]

Originally Posted by spdirty

Starting with the comeback of the Charger game, I became a mix of 9 and 4 on the gameday threads. Needed to be pessimistic in order to keep the streak going.

Ha was that you? I remember only a few knew what you were doing while others that didnt kept bashing your pessimism.

[Doggcow]

Watching that FG go through in OT was one of the worst moments in my life. I was everything from a 2, to a 16, then I was a 19 for about an hour just staring not believing it.

[Kaylore]

5,9,11 and 16.