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Old 08-22-2013, 09:45 AM   #1
Irish Stout
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Default Deadspin: Why Our Team Sucks 2013

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-su...cos-1178993544


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Some people are fans of the Denver Broncos. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Denver Broncos. This 2013 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the 2013 NFL previews so far right here.

Your team: Denver Broncos

Your 2012 record: 13-3. One more time, for posterity:
This is followed by a video no one should watch again, then a slightly entertaining article reveling in the misery of Peyton's playoff struggles and a fun emails calling out Elway, Bowlen and the fans.

And this gem of an email, that may be referencing this message board:
Sam:

During the 1-4 start in 2011, conspiracy theorists on message boards were convinced first that John Elway was "jealous" of Tebow because Tebow was "more popular" than him.

Last edited by Irish Stout; 08-22-2013 at 09:49 AM..
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Old 08-22-2013, 09:52 AM   #2
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It appears that SoCal posted a comment on that blog as "Marc."
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Old 08-22-2013, 10:00 AM   #3
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that was a pretty funny read. thanks.
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Old 08-22-2013, 10:39 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by Rohirrim View Post
It appears that SoCal posted a comment on that blog as "Marc."
Yeah I was thinking that, until he said we should have fired Shanahan and there was nothing of this Amesj-worthy conspiracy theory of how the real reason Shanahan sucked as a GM was because Bowlen didn't let him spend any money. What this has to do with wasted draft picks or Shanny's top salary in the NFL, I am unsure.

Their comments about how stupid Bronco fans are, especially the dirty jort-wearing comment with tattered jerseys - is absolutely true. When I used to go to fan fair, there was a decent percentage of the attendees who fit this description pretty accurately. And their children are pretty-much trashy mini-me's of the same thing.

I love the Broncos and I love our fans, but I share some of the gripes.

Here's a list of things that piss me off about Bronco fans:
  • The article is completely right about Elway worship eclipsing every QB since. I have noticed a tendency of Bronco fans to worship athletic, more "freestyle" QB's and dismiss (and sometimes openly disdain) less-mobile, cerebral ones. Love of Tebow and dismay of Manning is a perfect example.
  • Most Bronco fans I meet have no idea what they are talking about. I don't mean on the level we talk about here. I mean on even a rudimentary level. They are just really ignorant and don't know more than two or three players on the team and have any idea where the team is.
  • The Shanahan love is definitely not proportional to the state of the team or what we were able to do (or not do) during his tenure. Fact: John Fox has already won the division as many times as Shanahan did his entire career in Denver.
  • Bronco fans need to get over 97 and 98. Stop comparing this team to those. Stop talking about Terrell Davis. Stop wondering when we're going to find the next "Elway, Sharpe, TD, Rod Smith, Atwater, Eddie Mac (n/m we did find him)." We haven't won the Superbowl in almost 15 years. Get over it.
  • Bronco fans have developed a false sense of elitism because they have been in a division with the Raiders and Chiefs for so long. Don't get me wrong, both franchises are horrid and hilariously stupid in so many ways, and they deserve scorn. But if the Chiefs and Raiders weren't in the division to make us feel good about ourselves, they'd see we really haven't done very much in a decade and a half compared to other franchises. Broncos fans need to have a higher standard than "good enough to make fun of the Chiefs and Raider fans" because everyone is that good.
  • Bronco fans need to shut up when the offense is on the field. Seriously what is wrong with you people? We've had football here since 1960 and you still scream like idiots when any QB lines up behind center. SHUT UP!
  • Broncos fans need to stop whining about how much better "old mile high" was and especially stop blaming the team's woes and ability on the stadium. Aside from how horridly unstable and cheaply it was, it was destroyed more than a decade ago. Get over it. And changing the name won't make it old Mile High, so stop asking for it.
  • Bronco fans need to stop whining about the fans not being loud. They are loud. Very loud. Just because broadcast microphone technology, stabilizers and gyros on 21st century cameras, as well as TV producers who have better than a community college level of job expertise don't make the broadcast shake or seem loud to you, who has probably never been to a game in the last ten years - if ever - because the camera doesn't shake or the announcers aren't drowned out the way they used to be in 1987, that doesn't mean they aren't loud. And quit insisting that the fans were magically better in the "old Mile High."
  • Bronco fans need to quit being afraid of success. They wring their hands more than any other fan base when things are going well. Maybe it's 80's SB loses, or the last decade's playoff blowouts, but this fan base worries about everything and especially when things are going well.

Last edited by Kaylore; 08-22-2013 at 11:46 AM..
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Old 08-22-2013, 10:45 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaylore View Post
Yeah I was thinking that, until he said we should have fired Shanahan and there was nothing of this Amesj-worthy conspiracy theory of how the real reason Shanahan sucked as a GM was because Bowlen didn't let him spend any money. What this has to do with wasted draft picks or Shanny's top salary in the NFL, I am unsure.

Their comments about how stupid Bronco fans are, especially the dirty jort-wearing comment with tattered jerseys - is absolutely true. When I used to go to fan fair, there was a decent percentage of the attendees who fit this description pretty accurately. And their children are pretty-much trashy mini-me's of the same thing.

I love the Broncos and I love our fans, but I share some of the gripes.

Here's a list of things that piss me off about Bronco fans:
  • The article is completely right about Elway worship eclipsing every QB since. I have noticed a tendency of Bronco fans to worship athletic, more "freestyle" QB's and dismiss (and sometimes openly disdain) less-mobile, cerebral ones. Love of Tebow and dismay of Manning is a perfect example.
  • Most Bronco fans I meet have no idea what they are talking about. I don't mean on the level we talk about here. I mean on even a rudimentary level. They are just really ignorant and don't know more than two or three players on the team and have any idea where the team is.
  • The Shanahan love is definitely not proportional to the state of the team or what we were able to do (or not do) during his tenure. Fact: John Fox has already won the division as many times as Shanahan did his entire career in Denver.
  • Bronco fans need to get over 97 and 98. Stop comparing this team to those. Stop talking about Terrell Davis. Stop wondering when we're going to find the next "Elway, Sharpe, TD, Rod Smith, Atwater, Eddie Mac (n/m we did find him)." We haven't won the Superbowl in almost 15 years. Get over it.
  • Bronco fans have developed a false sense of elitism because they have been in a division with the Raiders and Chiefs for so long. Don't get me wrong, both franchises are horrid and hilariously stupid in so many ways, and they deserve scorn. But if the Chiefs and Raiders weren't in the division to make us feel good about ourselves, they'd see we really haven't done very much in a decade in a half compared to other franchises. Broncos fans need to have a higher standard than "good enough to make fun of the Chiefs and Raider fans" because everyone is that good.
  • Bronco fans need to shut up when the offense is on the field. Seriously what is wrong with you people? We've had football here since 1960 and you still scream like idiots when any QB lines up behind center. SHUT UP!
  • Broncos fans need to stop whining about how much better "old mile high" was and especially stop blaming the team's woes and ability on the stadium. Aside from how horridly unstable and cheaply it was, it was destroyed more than a decade ago. Get over it. And changing the name won't make it old Mile High, so stop asking for it.
  • Bronco fans need to stop whining about the fans not being loud. They are loud. Very loud. Just because broadcast microphone technology, stabilizers and gyros on 21st century cameras, as well as TV producers who have better than a community college level of job expertise don't make the broadcast shake or seem loud to you, who has probably never been to a game in the last ten years - if ever - because the camera doesn't shake or the announcers aren't drowned out the way they used to be in 1987, that doesn't mean they aren't loud. And quit insisting that the fans were magically better in the "old Mile High."
  • Bronco fans need to quit being afraid of success. They wring their hands more than any other fan base when things are going well. Maybe it's 80's SB loses, or the last decade's playoff blowouts, but this fan base worries about everything and especially when things are going well.
All good points, but Rahim Moore still sucks.
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Old 08-22-2013, 10:45 AM   #6
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All good points, but Rahim Moore still sucks.
I should edit that in.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:13 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaylore View Post
  • The Shanahan love is definitely not proportional to the state of the team or what we were able to do (or not do) during his tenure. Fact: John Fox has already won the division as many times as Shanahan did his entire career in Denver.
Wait, you mean you don't think we would have won at least one more Lombardi if Shanahan and Cutler weren't jettisoned?!?
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:21 AM   #8
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[QUOTE=Kaylore;3898941]
I love the Broncos and I love our fans, but I share some of the gripes.
/QUOTE]

I often wonder if I could have remained as big a Bronco fan if I'd stayed in Denver my whole life, living around hometown fans 24/7. It's so much easier liking them when I live in the middle of other fanbases who I can just laugh at when they are embarrassing.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:34 AM   #9
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And in terms of how fans of other teams feel about Denver, this team has made itself super easy to hate the last decade:

Frown Cannon.
McDaniels.
Tebowmania.
Our front office is apparently a giant frat party.
Our star player is proving to be a continual ****up re: drug policy.
Our #2 WR looks like a model and has a reality show about his marriage.
Third most arrests by any NFL team since 2000.
And, finally, we have Peyton Manning, who drives every opposing fan mad with his audibles and guarantees the play-by-play and commentary of every game he plays in will be 3 hour discussion about his greatness and little else.

But, as Patriot fans know, that only makes it more fun when we do win.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:36 AM   #10
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Yeah I definitely think the rest of the nation is probably sick of hearing about us. We probably seem like drama queens.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:37 AM   #11
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the deadspin comments are good too

lot's of +1's on the poor driving habits of Denverites

haven't experienced it that way, personally, but my "standard" for ****ty driving is Utahrds - they can't be worse that that, right?
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:37 AM   #12
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The second to last one about Al Wilson was hilarious. And also the absolute truth.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:38 AM   #13
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[QUOTE=Kid A;3898973]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaylore View Post
I love the Broncos and I love our fans, but I share some of the gripes.
/QUOTE]

I often wonder if I could have remained as big a Bronco fan if I'd stayed in Denver my whole life, living around hometown fans 24/7. It's so much easier liking them when I live in the middle of other fanbases who I can just laugh at when they are embarrassing.
I wholeheartedly agree with this - I've been around Bears fans and Redskins fans the last ten years and from afar - Broncos fans don't seem that bad.

We think that the Broncos fans hold on to 1997 and 1998? Skins fans here still talk about Timmy Smith and Mark Rypien like they were superheros. Bears fans think the 1985 team is the greatest football in the history of mankind and that the Bears invented the middle linebacker.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:39 AM   #14
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Quote:
I often wonder if I could have remained as big a Bronco fan if I'd stayed in Denver my whole life, living around hometown fans 24/7. It's so much easier liking them when I live in the middle of other fanbases who I can just laugh at when they are embarrassing.
Agree. I love laughing at the local team. Almost zero other fans around here roots for the Broncos.

Plus, i remember many people wanted to bench Elway and start Kubiak...
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:58 AM   #15
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It looked like someone accidentally switching to the safety in Madden. Yesterday 8:57pm

This was hilariously true.
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Old 08-22-2013, 12:00 PM   #16
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Deadspin's Why Your Team Sucks articles are never very funny.
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Old 08-22-2013, 12:04 PM   #17
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Colorado drivers should have mandatory self driving cars when the tech finally comes out.
Idk I've just seen some pretty nasty **** on I-70 on Vail Pass. Mostly in blizzards but still. Like if its a nasty blizzard with black ice and almost zero visibility why are people driving at 70 mph? Crazy ****s.
I've lived in both San Diego and Denver, and can say with certainty that Colorado has much better drivers, and the drivers that do suck in CO are usually transplants from CA. You can tell which drivers are from CA as soon as you get a light dusting of snow, 20 mph in the middle of the ****ing road.
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Old 08-22-2013, 12:14 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Houshyamama View Post
I've lived in both San Diego and Denver, and can say with certainty that Colorado has much better drivers, and the drivers that do suck in CO are usually transplants from CA. You can tell which drivers are from CA as soon as you get a light dusting of snow, 20 mph in the middle of the ****ing road.
I agree with this. But then again, I think there are more sucky drivers everywhere now.
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Old 08-22-2013, 12:30 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Kid A View Post

Bears fans think the 1985 team is the greatest football in the history of mankind.........
I'm not sure that they're wrong about that, at least for the playoffs. Most dominant three game performance I've ever seen.
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Old 08-22-2013, 12:37 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaylore View Post
Yeah I was thinking that, until he said we should have fired Shanahan and there was nothing of this Amesj-worthy conspiracy theory of how the real reason Shanahan sucked as a GM was because Bowlen didn't let him spend any money. What this has to do with wasted draft picks or Shanny's top salary in the NFL, I am unsure.

Their comments about how stupid Bronco fans are, especially the dirty jort-wearing comment with tattered jerseys - is absolutely true. When I used to go to fan fair, there was a decent percentage of the attendees who fit this description pretty accurately. And their children are pretty-much trashy mini-me's of the same thing.

I love the Broncos and I love our fans, but I share some of the gripes.

Here's a list of things that piss me off about Bronco fans:
  • The article is completely right about Elway worship eclipsing every QB since. I have noticed a tendency of Bronco fans to worship athletic, more "freestyle" QB's and dismiss (and sometimes openly disdain) less-mobile, cerebral ones. Love of Tebow and dismay of Manning is a perfect example.
  • Most Bronco fans I meet have no idea what they are talking about. I don't mean on the level we talk about here. I mean on even a rudimentary level. They are just really ignorant and don't know more than two or three players on the team and have any idea where the team is.
  • The Shanahan love is definitely not proportional to the state of the team or what we were able to do (or not do) during his tenure. Fact: John Fox has already won the division as many times as Shanahan did his entire career in Denver.
  • Bronco fans need to get over 97 and 98. Stop comparing this team to those. Stop talking about Terrell Davis. Stop wondering when we're going to find the next "Elway, Sharpe, TD, Rod Smith, Atwater, Eddie Mac (n/m we did find him)." We haven't won the Superbowl in almost 15 years. Get over it.
  • Bronco fans have developed a false sense of elitism because they have been in a division with the Raiders and Chiefs for so long. Don't get me wrong, both franchises are horrid and hilariously stupid in so many ways, and they deserve scorn. But if the Chiefs and Raiders weren't in the division to make us feel good about ourselves, they'd see we really haven't done very much in a decade and a half compared to other franchises. Broncos fans need to have a higher standard than "good enough to make fun of the Chiefs and Raider fans" because everyone is that good.
  • Bronco fans need to shut up when the offense is on the field. Seriously what is wrong with you people? We've had football here since 1960 and you still scream like idiots when any QB lines up behind center. SHUT UP!
  • Broncos fans need to stop whining about how much better "old mile high" was and especially stop blaming the team's woes and ability on the stadium. Aside from how horridly unstable and cheaply it was, it was destroyed more than a decade ago. Get over it. And changing the name won't make it old Mile High, so stop asking for it.
  • Bronco fans need to stop whining about the fans not being loud. They are loud. Very loud. Just because broadcast microphone technology, stabilizers and gyros on 21st century cameras, as well as TV producers who have better than a community college level of job expertise don't make the broadcast shake or seem loud to you, who has probably never been to a game in the last ten years - if ever - because the camera doesn't shake or the announcers aren't drowned out the way they used to be in 1987, that doesn't mean they aren't loud. And quit insisting that the fans were magically better in the "old Mile High."
  • Bronco fans need to quit being afraid of success. They wring their hands more than any other fan base when things are going well. Maybe it's 80's SB loses, or the last decade's playoff blowouts, but this fan base worries about everything and especially when things are going well.
The ****ing wave last year still makes me want to punch a baby elephant in the face. It was absolut embarrass watching that thing transpire in person.
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Old 08-22-2013, 12:58 PM   #21
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I agree with this. But then again, I think there are more sucky drivers everywhere now.
Yeah I guess I haven't really lived in Denver for 10+ years. The worst drivers in CA are old asian immigrants (the women are by far the worst) who are just learning to drive at the age of 50. They try to merge on the freeway at 35 mph.
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Old 08-22-2013, 01:01 PM   #22
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I'm not sure that they're wrong about that, at least for the playoffs. Most dominant three game performance I've ever seen.
I agree - should of clarified - I can't believe how often I heard about 1985 when I lived in Chicago.
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Old 08-22-2013, 01:35 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DomCasual View Post
Deadspin's Why Your Team Sucks articles are never very funny.
Yet we are all posting on here laughing at some of the article. I found it inspiring and some make me feel a tad embarrassed. I do think some of the reader comments are way off the mark. Many Colorado Broncos fans are interested in those coming from far away to root on their team. I know I have as a California resident. Had even one guy respond about Micro brews as the only one he knew was Coors in Golden. You know that guy is not and never been to the state of Colorado. Even you Dom, can name a few microbrews without taking a sip of the stuff (around other Mormons at least).
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Old 08-22-2013, 01:36 PM   #24
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CO drivers suck because everyone here is from somewhere else.

I don't mind the wave, it's campy/cheesy fun. But I do mind how loud the fans get when the offense is on the field. That is really irritating.
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Old 08-22-2013, 01:42 PM   #25
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Yeah I guess I haven't really lived in Denver for 10+ years. The worst drivers in CA are old asian immigrants (the women are by far the worst) who are just learning to drive at the age of 50. They try to merge on the freeway at 35 mph.
Denver and CO driving has gotten steadily worse over the past 10 years. Come back and help me yell at all the idiots. You've done what you can for CA.
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