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Old 06-06-2013, 07:15 AM   #101
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Compliment her appearance and footwear. Then ask if you may insert your penis into her. Works everytime.
Be sure to mention you have a really small penis so it wont hurt one bit.

In fact tell her she will hardly feel it at all. That should comfort her.

Last edited by baja; 06-06-2013 at 07:26 AM..
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Old 06-06-2013, 07:24 AM   #102
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No but seriously. Tell her you're a matador.

Oh and grow your mustache out. Women can't resist the thought of a free mustache ride!

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Old 06-06-2013, 08:18 AM   #103
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You should set your goals higher.. Like a four some with two midgets and a goat. If that doesn't work you can always hit up Saturdays for a crack whore handy
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:38 AM   #104
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You let her pay a $100 tab? If you guys were drinking and doing shots on a Wednesday night - she was already into you. Once shots start coming out - it's pretty much game on in my experience.
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:45 AM   #105
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If you **** up time and time again, what other option do I have?
seek professional help.
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:48 AM   #106
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Here's the story.

We plan to meet for some beers. I buy first round, then she opens a tap.

She's ordering us shots and beers. Were pretty ****ed up after all this.

She sends me a text saying "thanks for the 100 tap" "you could of helped"
you mean a tab, right?
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:50 AM   #107
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C'mon man, really... is this really happening?


Okay I'll bite. Call her, tell her you've been short as hell on sleep due to work killing you lately with long hours (ie, you're a busy man; work needs you). Say the low sleep took the wind out of you bad and caused you to be as wasted as you'd ever been and so you completely forgot the tab when you thought you'd paid it. Tell her that next time everythings gonna be on you.
winning
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:01 AM   #108
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Compliment her appearance and footwear. Then ask if you may insert your penis into her. 60% of the time, it works everytime.
Fixed
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:17 AM   #109
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Okay, first thing is to realize that you're gay (NTTAWWT),

Then you find a guy and make sure he's compatible, because let's face it, you're the girl in this scenario.

Then:
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:18 AM   #110
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seek professional help.


This

TBH you have way too many problems for you to be dating right now.

Get a psychiatrist or a therapist, maybe you can get them to prescribe you some antidepressants. (they've worked pretty well for me)

Read some self help books, join a gym, do yoga, etc. Basically any activity to help you feel better about yourself and that would help you lose weight.

You need to stop with the self pity and whining, it's off putting to anyone, especially women.

They're attracted to confident, self-assured, and assertive men. All of the things of which you are not apparently at the moment.

You also need to realize that YOU and yourself alone are only reason why you're in this situation. Not women, not circumstance, or anything else. For whatever reason you chose not to make the changes necessary to attract women or address what other problems you're having.

You and only you have the most power over your life, no one else is going to make the changes for you.

Be a man, take personal responsibility, and start taking control of your life. Stay away from the pity, work hard on yourself, and with a little bit of luck and confidence, you'll be pulling in women easily.
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:39 AM   #111
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Pshaw! He's perfect for someone RIGHT NOW!

Gentlemen, as a former virgin, I can honestly tell you it can be harder to NOT have sex than to have sex. Here are the things working in your favor:

1. Women have low self esteem. I don't mean kind of low, I mean incredibly low. Like they spend night's worrying if anyone will ever love them. Even the most confident, put together women will stare at themselves in the mirror and go over all the things about their bodies they hate. They'll starve themselves and run on treadmills, look amazing, and still hate themselves. (Spoiler alert for marriage) It is impossible for a woman to ever be satisfied. Accepting and using that is part of the trick.

How it can help you: Since every woman has low self esteem, this gives them two weaknesses in your favor! First, she will be susceptible to things that improve her self esteem. For co-dependents, this means just having a dick. For others, it will mean you need to flatter her. Second, She will settle for you - especially if she's feeling lonely or vulnerable. The successful male slut isn't the hottest guy, he's the most relentless one. And many women stay with ugly, stupid horrible men purely out of fear of being alone. Use this!

2. Women like confidence - even fake confidence. This probably related to number 1. It may be an envy thing. Careful though; There's a fine line between cocky and confident. A good way to go to the latter is just don't stop asking. Ever. Accept that all women will say no to you and just keep asking. Embrace the inevitable rejection and it becomes a harmless game. If you're really cool about getting shot down. Even making a joke and smiling about it, you can even get them to second guess sometimes. In fact the very fact that you don't care if she says no - that you are ok with it, will make her want your penis something fierce. One of the things that will keep you in her head all week is if you are not upset about not being with you. This will drive her crazy. So ask and ask and ask. If she stops dating you. Thanks her politely, tell her how wonderful it was and then be as happy as possible by asking someone else out. She'll be back.

3. Women want what they can't have. The ultimate zen is to be available and yet really unavailable. This is a great way to get laid. If you're playing Dishonored on your 360 and she calls for no specific reason you can think of, don't answer it. You can call her back later. Don't text her all the time. Don't let yourself be available to date every night. Have a night picked out and when she's not there, use that time for something you can enjoy. Maybe even another date! If you're dating someone else it makes you more desirable. Women want what other women want. Also, tell her no. I can't tell you the number of women who wanted me once I told them we couldn't have sex. In fact you may want to use that. Say you've been saving yourself. The panties will fly off.

Hopefully these major personality defect found in 95% of women can be exploited to help you bury to hot dog. Fair winds, my friend.
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:39 AM   #112
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If you only read and pay attention to one post on this thread, make it this one.

No need for the cracker jack box wisdom trying to be passed on by other good hearted individuals here....you're in a special situation that calls for immediate attention. You're far past the point of following their tips/advice.

If I were 41 years old, I'd definitely seek professional help as at this point it's got to be a mental roadblock.

I'll ask a serious question....are you afraid of p***Y?

When I mean professional, I don't mean a shrink or therapist, I'm talking about going to your local chop shop aka massage parlor and letting them take care of you.

Go in the first time and get yourself a nice naked massage and a hand job to get yourself used to a little physical contact.

Go in the next time and get yourself a nice naked massage and blow job.

Go on the next time and get yourself a nice naked massage and get laid.

Probably looking at $100 for the massage/hand job, $140 for the massage/suck, and $160 to $180 for massage/sex.

Probably be the best $400 to $500 you'll ever spend....considering your situation, I know it will be the best money you'll ever spend.

BTW....outside of religious beliefs/physical defection, how on earth have you gone 41 years without getting any p***Y?

I'm 41 years old and am fairly certain that I would have actually tripped and fallen is some p***Y by now if I hadn't gotten any on my own.

You really do just need to plop down some do re mi and let a professional pop that cherry.

You're probably beyond the point of caring for a 'special' experience (don't buy that BS anyway) and simply want to stop the insanity.

It's got to be a mental mind**** by now....go do what I tell you, do it now, and do it quickly.

Don't let p***Y intimidate you....it was put there on earth for us to bang.

I leave you with some wise words of wisdom from those legendary philosophers, the 2 Live Crew: "p***Y ain't nuttin' but meat on the bone Suck it or **** it or leave it alone!"

Last edited by SouthStndJunkie; 06-06-2013 at 09:42 AM..
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:39 AM   #113
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Doing shots with girl in a bar = Winning

Letting her then pick up the tab = Failing

Asking for advice on a football forum DURING the date = MAJOR Failing
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:42 AM   #114
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You should set your goals higher.. Like a four some with two midgets and a goat. If that doesn't work you can always hit up Saturdays for a crack whore handy
Nice. A backup plan is always good to have...
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:49 AM   #115
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Originally Posted by Kaylore View Post
Pshaw! He's perfect for someone RIGHT NOW!

Gentlemen, as a former virgin, I can honestly tell you it can be harder to NOT have sex than to have sex. Here are the things working in your favor:

1. Women have low self esteem. I don't mean kind of low, I mean incredibly low. Like they spend night's worrying if anyone will ever love them. Even the most confident, put together women will stare at themselves in the mirror and go over all the things about their bodies they hate. They'll starve themselves and run on treadmills, look amazing, and still hate themselves. (Spoiler alert for marriage) It is impossible for a woman to ever be satisfied. Accepting and using that is part of the trick.

How it can help you: Since every woman has low self esteem, this gives them two weaknesses in your favor! First, she will be susceptible to things that improve her self esteem. For co-dependents, this means just having a dick. For others, it will mean you need to flatter her. Second, She will settle for you - especially if she's feeling lonely or vulnerable. The successful male slut isn't the hottest guy, he's the most relentless one. And many women stay with ugly, stupid horrible men purely out of fear of being alone. Use this!

2. Women like confidence - even fake confidence. This probably related to number 1. It may be an envy thing. Careful though; There's a fine line between cocky and confident. A good way to go to the latter is just don't stop asking. Ever. Accept that all women will say no to you and just keep asking. Embrace the inevitable rejection and it becomes a harmless game. If you're really cool about getting shot down. Even making a joke and smiling about it, you can even get them to second guess sometimes. In fact the very fact that you don't care if she says no - that you are ok with it, will make her want your penis something fierce. One of the things that will keep you in her head all week is if you are not upset about not being with you. This will drive her crazy. So ask and ask and ask. If she stops dating you. Thanks her politely, tell her how wonderful it was and then be as happy as possible by asking someone else out. She'll be back.

3. Women want what they can't have. The ultimate zen is to be available and yet really unavailable. This is a great way to get laid. If you're playing Dishonored on your 360 and she calls for no specific reason you can think of, don't answer it. You can call her back later. Don't text her all the time. Don't let yourself be available to date every night. Have a night picked out and when she's not there, use that time for something you can enjoy. Maybe even another date! If you're dating someone else it makes you more desirable. Women want what other women want. Also, tell her no. I can't tell you the number of women who wanted me once I told them we couldn't have sex. In fact you may want to use that. Say you've been saving yourself. The panties will fly off.

Hopefully these major personality defect found in 95% of women can be exploited to help you bury to hot dog. Fair winds, my friend.

Heh I was trying to help him improve his life beyond just banging a bunch of women, but hell if that's all he wants to do, by all means he should follow your advice.

Why not just link to a bunch of PUA forums while you're at it?
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:56 AM   #116
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Gentlemen, as a former virgin, I can honestly tell you it can be harder to NOT have sex than to have sex. Here are the things working in your favor:
Hey, we were all virgins at one point and time....it's just a matter of how long you ended up keeping your wick dry.

Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin at 84 years of age.

I guess he was really following his first Law of Motion: An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:57 AM   #117
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I don't believe that any guy that wants to have sex can go 41 years without finding a willing partner. Not possible.
dude, play along or get out.
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:58 AM   #118
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I don't believe that any guy that wants to have sex can go 41 years without finding a willing partner. Not possible.
If it's true, it's got to be a mental hurdle now....he's built it up too much and now has become afraid of p***Y or feels intimidated from not having any experience.

Dude needs to head down to the chop shop immediately.
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:59 AM   #119
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You saw The 40-Year-Old Virgin with friends and laughed at all the right places. And even though Steve Carell’s character is the most lovable person in the film, and even though he’s vindicated at the end of the movie, you may have still left the theater at least somewhat uncomfortable, wondering how others might react to the fact that you’ve never had sex.

There could be any number of reasons why you are the 40-year-old virgin in real life (or an adult of any age who hasn’t “crossed the threshold”). It may be that, as the Carell character says, “It just hasn’t happened yet” for you. Or you may have made a conscious decision not to sleep with someone until you’re married, or until you’ve met just the right person.

Whatever your motivation, there’s really no reason to feel ashamed, or even embarrassed. Actually, there are some facts about being a virgin that you might find pretty encouraging.

Fact #1: You are by no means Alone

Despite the fact that sexual inexperience seems laughable in certain circles, it’s actually not even that rare. In fact, about 30 percent of Americans say they have had one or no sex partners since turning 18. Many of these people are married, of course, but still, we’re talking nearly a third of the U.S. population. That’s a fairly surprising figure, since so much of our culture sends the message that practically everyone is having sex all the time, and with lots and lots of partners. What all of this means is that you’re simply not as atypical as our hypersexualized society might lead you to believe. Yes, a future partner may be surprised by your virginity, so you should be prepared to explain where you’re coming from. But in reality, the fact that you haven’t had sex puts you smack dab in the middle of a rather large crowd.

Fact #2: Your Virginity can be a Draw in your Relationship

Yes, some individuals might prefer a partner with more experience when it comes to sexual intimacy. But others will be more than pleased that you’ve saved this valued part of yourself to share with someone special. Having sex for the first time is obviously a big moment, and especially if you’re experiencing that moment in the context of a caring relationship, your partner will likely love the fact that they are getting to be a part of it with you. It’s an added bonus that when you do begin a sexual relationship, you can do so without comparisons to past partners.

Fact #3: There are Things a lot More Important than your Virginity

As you look to find someone with whom you can connect on a deep and meaningful level, keep in mind that the amount of sex you’ve had will almost never derail a healthy relationship. We’re not saying that sex in a relationship isn’t important—it definitely is. But when it comes to creating something really good between two people, sexual experience—or, in your case, sexual inexperience—matters much less than important relationship skills like communication, trust, commitment, and good old hard work.

Fact #4: You have the Opportunity to Experience sex for the first time as a Mature Adult

You may not have thought of this, but you get to enjoy a benefit that not everyone gets to enjoy: experiencing sex for the first time as a mature adult. Just think about it: Aren’t you more secure about yourself than you were when you were a teenager, or even when you were in your 20s? And don’t you have a lot more perspective than you had back then? So when you decide to have sex for the first time, you’re going to be able to relax more, enjoy yourself, appreciate the intimacy, and be fully present in the moment in a way that you couldn’t have done when you were younger.

Fact #5: There are all Kinds of Practical Advantages to being a Virgin

In addition to all of the above, there are plenty of practical benefits to your virginity, benefits that increase your day-to-day quality of life. For example, you don’t have to worry about sexual diseases the way someone with more experience does. Likewise, you haven’t had to face everything that an unintended pregnancy entails. In other words, be grateful that you’re not currently having to deal with all of the troubles, costs, and consequences that can come with a history of physically intimate relationships.

Look, we’re not saying here that everyone in the world should strive for adult chastity, or that you should necessarily be thrilled that you haven’t yet crossed the sexuality threshold. This is a very personal matter, and we wouldn’t presume to tell you how you should express your sexuality, or even how you should feel about it. We’re just saying that if you’re an adult who feels uncomfortable about the fact that you haven’t yet had sex, there are plenty of reasons to feel good about your situation.

So see if you can let go of some of your embarrassment and discomfort. Once you do, you can begin to get clear on your emotions and decide how you really feel about where things stand in terms of your sexuality. If you feel good about your decisions and your current situation, then great. If not, and you know that you want to pursue a relationship that will include a sexual dimension, then consider what steps you want to take in that direction and decide when the timing is right for you and the other person.

Regardless of what you decide concerning this important area of your life, keep in mind that any relationship that is worth having is made up of two individuals who encourage and support each other, who communicate well about who they are and what they want, and who respect the choices and beliefs of their partner. Anyone who’s worth investing the time to build a relationship with won’t make your sexual inexperience a deal breaker. In fact, if they are the right one for you, they’ll probably treasure that part of you.

Last edited by Willynowei; 06-06-2013 at 10:02 AM..
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:00 AM   #120
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dude, play along or get out.
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:02 AM   #121
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Los Broncos, listen to Stud because he has something important to tell you.
You ready?


You're putting the p***Y on a pedestal. You're building up the p***Y, man. You making the p***Y into this great big Greek goddess named Pussalia...and what you're doing is..you're psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat.
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:06 AM   #122
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yes, advice from kcstud is valuable. He's always right.
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:06 AM   #123
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If it's true, it's got to be a mental hurdle now....he's built it up too much and now has become afraid of p***Y or feels intimidated from not having any experience.

Dude needs to head down to the chop shop immediately.
Yup.

And in the words of Ferris Bueller, "If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like ****, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work."
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:13 AM   #124
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Yup.

And in the words of Ferris Bueller, "If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like ****, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work."
Now they say that causes lip cancer.
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:22 AM   #125
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Now they say that causes lip cancer.
Probably depends where you're eating at.

I guess I should have probably told him not go eating at the 'Y' at the chop shop, but I figured it didn't need mentioning....then again, I need to realize this is man who has gone nearly half a century without having sex.
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