The Orange Mane -  a Denver Broncos Fan Community  

Go Back   The Orange Mane - a Denver Broncos Fan Community > Orange Mane Discussion > Orange Mane Central Discussion
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Chat Room Mark Forums Read



Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-22-2012, 02:13 PM   #101
Hotrod
Self Appointed Expert
 
Hotrod's Avatar
 
aka Dortoh

Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 24,999

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Miss I
Default

TheRev LMAO


Hotrod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 02:20 PM   #102
BroncoMan4ever
Ring of Famer
 
BroncoMan4ever's Avatar
 
That's just like your opinion, man

Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Denver
Posts: 13,509

Adopt-a-Bronco:
VIRGIL GREEN!!!
Default

what's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

when i drop a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next 2 weeks
BroncoMan4ever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 10:32 AM   #103
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

I was banging this chick over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.

She said "OMG! It's my Husband! Quick, try the back door"

Thinking back, I know I really should have ran....But you don't get offers like that every day
oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 10:34 AM   #104
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

A husband and wife are driving home and run over an otter, they get out and find its still breathing but freezing cold.

The husband says "Put it between your legs to warm it up" Wife replies "But its all wet and it stinks!" Husband says "Well hold its nose!".

That's when the fight started.
oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 10:38 AM   #105
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

A tit, a Vagina and an a-hole are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them!

)TIT: "I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest!"

)Vagina: "That's nothing,i give birth to new borns and can accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest!"

)It's your turn to say something!
oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 12:38 PM   #106
Hotrod
Self Appointed Expert
 
Hotrod's Avatar
 
aka Dortoh

Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 24,999

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Miss I
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by oubronco View Post
I was banging this chick over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.

She said "OMG! It's my Husband! Quick, try the back door"

Thinking back, I know I really should have ran....But you don't get offers like that every day
awesome
Hotrod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 02:06 PM   #107
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. So he decides to try it out at dinner.

Dad asks his son, "Where were you today during school?" The son says, "At school." *Robot slaps son* "Ok, I went to the movies. "Dad says, "Which one? "The son says, "Toy Story." *Robot slaps son again* "Ok, it was A Day with a Porn Star. "Dad says, "WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was." *Robot slaps dad* Mom says, "HAHA!! After all he is your son." *Robot slaps mom*
oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 02:07 PM   #108
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried. The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked!
oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 02:10 PM   #109
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

So I walk into a bar in the middle of nowhere. The sign above the bar says cold beer $2.00, hamburger $2.50, cheeseburger $3.00, hand job $50 . I see the super hot bartender and ask are you the one who gives the hand jobs? She smiles knowingly and says "why yes, yes I am." So I lean over and whisper in her ear "go wash your hands honey I want a cheeseburger"
oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 02:14 PM   #110
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

My Dad and I were shopping at the mall, we decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors. My dad kept staring at her. The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring everytime. When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?" Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one. In classic style he responded without batting an eye......"Got stoned once and ****ed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter.
oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 02:15 PM   #111
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

An Arkansas Sheriff stops at a farm in rural Arkansas and talks with an old farmer. He tells the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs." The old farmer says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." The Sheriff verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Sheriffs Department with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.....on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Sheriff running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The old farmer runs to the fence
and yells " Show him ur badge smartass!
oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-29-2012, 04:04 PM   #112
lonestar
Ring of Famer
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: West Texas
Posts: 6,192

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Decker
Default Why Athletes Don't Have Regular Jobs

Why Athletes Don't Have Regular Jobs . . .

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:

"I want all them kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all

the kids to copulate me."



2. New Orleans Saints RB George Rogers, when asked about the

upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."



3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Redskin's say:

"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"


Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom too."



4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John

Jenkins:

"He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."



5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy

like Norman Einstein."



6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

(Now that is beautiful)



7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:

"You guys line up alphabetically by height." . . . And, "You guys pair

up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."



8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."



9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he

keeps a photo of himself above his locker:

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my

clothes."



10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training

regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless

of what time it is."



11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explain

ing to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be

an uncle or an aunt."

(I wonder if his IQ ever hit January's outside temperature in Buffalo)



12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:

"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'

He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"



13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what

he told a player who received four F's and one D:

"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."



14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:

"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."



15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob

Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:

"Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."




"The problems we face today
exist because the people who work for a living are
outnumbered by those who vote for a living."
lonestar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2012, 07:39 PM   #113
lonestar
Ring of Famer
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: West Texas
Posts: 6,192

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Decker
Default Tough **** Amigo

Tough **** Amigo

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.

"Good man," the fairy said, "I've been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children."

The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -- PING !-- he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

"What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go."

The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a big house with a three-car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country.. I want to bring them all over here"
and -- PING ! -- in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, and a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.

"One more wish," said the fairy, waving her wand.

"Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero.. And I want to have white skin like Americans".
and --- PING ! -- The man was transformed - wearing worn-out jeans, a Baltimore
Orioles T-shirt, and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

"What happened to my new teeth?" he wailed. "Where is my new house?"

THIS IS GOOD . . . . .. . .

NO, ACTUALLY THIS IS VERY GOOD . . . . .

The fairy said: "Tough ****, Amigo, now that you are a white American, you have to fend for yourself."
lonestar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2012, 02:12 PM   #114
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a handjob!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, that's funny, I dreamt I was skiing!
oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2012, 02:14 PM   #115
oubronco
John Foneco !!
 
oubronco's Avatar
 
Mile High Magic

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sooner Country
Posts: 21,523
Default

oubronco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2012, 02:49 PM   #116
myMind
splinters reality until
 
myMind's Avatar
 
We Grok

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Denver
Posts: 1,507

Adopt-a-Bronco:
None
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lonestar View Post
Tough **** Amigo
One of, if not the stupidest joke I have ever heard
myMind is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2012, 09:33 PM   #117
lonestar
Ring of Famer
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: West Texas
Posts: 6,192

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Decker
Default

"If you voted for Barack Obama in 2008,
to prove you're not a racist,
You'll have to vote for someone else in 2012,
to prove you're not an idiot."

- Anonymous –
lonestar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2012, 02:25 AM   #118
Bronco Rob
Ring of Famer
 
Bronco Rob's Avatar
 
The Alpha & The Omega

Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,893

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Kush & Irsay
Default

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "241." "That's wonderful!" says Einstein. "We can talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have so much to discuss!!"

Next, Einstein introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the woman answers, "144." "That's great!" responds Einstein. "We can discuss politics and current affairs."

Finally, Einstein goes to yet another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "49." Einstein immediately responds. "How about those Raiders?"






Bronco Rob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2012, 09:49 AM   #119
v2micca
Ring of Famer
 
v2micca's Avatar
 
Richard III was a field guide.

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 1,142
Default

Young Stacy had learned at an early age that she enjoyed teasing boys with her charms. However, she had also learned that when she tired of their advances, the quickest way to rid herself of them was to stare them straight in the eyes and ask,

"What should we name our children?"

One night after making out with a boy for several hours she looked him in the eyes and asked,

"What should we name our children?"

The boy shrugged and increased his advances. As he was reaching 3rd base, she once again asked,

"What should we name our children?"

The boy once again shrugged before removing their clothes and completing the deed. After they were done. He peeled off his condom, tied it in a knot, and threw it in the garbage bin before saying,

"If he gets out of that, you can call him Houdini."
v2micca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2012, 10:57 AM   #120
Victor
The Dude Abides
 
Victor's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wheaton, IL
Posts: 739

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Eric Decker
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lonestar View Post
obama is my shepherd; I shall not work.
He keepth jobs out of the hands of the people,
Which leadeth the country to class warfare and polarization.
He encourageth sloth; 
he leadeth the government to new heights in deficit spending.
Yea, though I walk in the shadow of Economic collapse,
I shall fear no depression: for Obama is with me.
His handouts and monetary indiscretion supplement my income.
He maintainest spending increases in the presence of insurmountable debt;
He punisheth businesses with excessive regulations;
And giveth the hard-earned fruits of labor to the unproductive.
Surely, handouts and stimulus payments shall follow all the days of his administration;
And I will stay unemployed forever.
Stupid. You are a one-trick Obama pony. We get it...you don't like Obama. Get over yourself, ass.
Victor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2012, 10:15 PM   #121
lonestar
Ring of Famer
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: West Texas
Posts: 6,192

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Decker
Default Today's Quote

Today's Quote

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day.


Give a man a welfare check, a forty-ounce malt liquor, a crack pipe and some
Air Jordan's, and he votes Democrat for a lifetime.
lonestar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2012, 01:59 AM   #122
lonestar
Ring of Famer
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: West Texas
Posts: 6,192

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Decker
Default

The Quote of the Decade:
“The fact that we are here today to debate raising America's debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government cannot pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government's reckless fiscal policies. Increasing America 's debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that, "the buck stops here.' Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better.”
~ Senator Barack H. Obama, March 2006
lonestar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2012, 12:55 PM   #123
broncocalijohn
Famer of Rings
 
broncocalijohn's Avatar
 
I said Do It!

Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Lake Forest, Orange County, Calif.
Posts: 23,371

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Simon Fletcher
Default

Can we ban Lonestar from this thread? I dont like Obama but this isnt the thread for it. The jokes, if you can call them that, are lame. Mods, erase these lame attempts at hijacking the thread.
broncocalijohn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2012, 07:08 PM   #124
lonestar
Ring of Famer
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: West Texas
Posts: 6,192

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Decker
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by broncocalijohn View Post
Can we ban Lonestar from this thread? I dont like Obama but this isnt the thread for it. The jokes, if you can call them that, are lame. Mods, erase these lame attempts at hijacking the thread.
Pray tell where would you PUT them?
To me and loads of folks they are or should I say he is a supreme joke
Played on our country.

Jokes are what is funny.

If it offends you or you do not fond them funny pout me on iggy. And that solves the problem for you.

I have not seen any stipulations on what is considered a joke or funny. Have you?
lonestar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2012, 07:12 PM   #125
Mogulseeker
Formerly mightysmurf
 
Mogulseeker's Avatar
 
Eat greedy

Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Boulder... Vail when it snoooows
Posts: 16,930

Adopt-a-Bronco:
Lamin Barrow
Default

That 2nd from last was a tad racist...

I'm a registered Republican who has done finances for Congressman Mike Coffman and a practicing member of the ELCA, and I recently did a theology paper arguing against James Cone (in particular) and Black Liberation Theology (in general)... but any time you classify people into a general thought, it just isn't right.

Now, a joke:

Two cannibals were eating dinner.

One said, "You know I really hate my sister."

The other replied, "Then just eat the pasta."

Last edited by Mogulseeker; 03-17-2012 at 07:15 PM..
Mogulseeker is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes



Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:14 PM.


Denver Broncos