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Old 04-27-2010, 03:11 PM   #101
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The economic 'recovery' doesn't seem to include jobs yet, and it doesn't sound like you have a cushion.

Be careful.
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:54 PM   #102
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No brainer, imo.

"She hasn't had a job because she continues to get hired at a place and either not like it"

"Also, she has a 4 year old daughter, so makes it tougher."

"Now, I don't want to get in too many details, but she had a terrible childhood that caused her to have to drop out of high school"

Three key sentences. I'm sure she had rough circumstances as you said, but now she has a 4 year old and apparently lacks the responsibility to even put a solid effort into independently taking care of her child. You can try and blow that off as another reason to where she feels comfortable moving, but uprooting your own life (which it sounds like you have YOUR **** together, albeit probably a little blinded by emotion) on a chance she matures is absurd.

Side note: Unrelated to the previous point, but something that sounds like it's true. You may be being used. A relationship should be based on mutual respect, not by being Captain Save-A-Ho. That may or may not pertain to you, but take a step back and a close look at who you are and the reality of your relationship before doing ANYTHING.

So much more goes into this... what are your families opinions? Is this relationship what caused stress between you and your family? Do you feel the relationship is healthy, or is moving an option partly because you think it will heal part of the relationship?
Im with this guy. I know at work when Im trying to explain something that might not go over well I skip the details too.

If I had a 4 YO and was basically a single parent Id shovel **** if I had to at midnight....What makes you so sure she wont get a crappy job in SC? a lot of people have ****ty jobs but they do them anyway because they have kids.
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:59 PM   #103
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Nothing in life is without risk. Go with your gut.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:05 PM   #104
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Nothing in life is without risk. Go with your gut.
For some risks that is fine. Not this one imo. Think it through carefully with an eye on what happens if it all goes to s**t what did you give up to end up with that result. If we were talking about the job vs you spending 6 months in Europe I'd say go with your gut and get out of there.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:07 PM   #105
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If I had a 4 YO and was basically a single parent Id shovel **** if I had to at midnight.
This.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:52 PM   #106
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Go West
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:13 PM   #107
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This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen dude...i prolly wouldn't be with someone that has a kid, no job and no HS diploma to begin with!

I think she may want to be closer to the baby's dad and is just using that she isn't happy as an excuse to move closer! Not that that's bad but why hide it if in fact she is?? If for no reason why closer to where she's from and further from where your from?? Why not CO?? AZ?? ND??

I think she's holding you back and using you. I wouldn't be surprised if she got her feet underneath her she wouldn't up and leave you!

If you really love her and vice versa...it shouldn't be a problem to wait at least until you find a better job there and have some money saved up. No offense but it doesn't sound like she thinks very logically! Tell her this and observe her reaction..i mean, why June?!?! Why not October or February of next year?? It's easy for someone like that to say when there not the one supporting the "family". I think you'd be making a dumb decision and will regret the decision a year to 3 years down the road from now if you go there with her. Something just doesn't seem right imo!!

Just my .02...
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:14 PM   #108
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I've heard Austin is a liberal bastion & hippy playground.

And there'd be them pesky "hook 'em horns" everywhere...

Just say no to all that pain.
We have plenty of conservatives in Austin, naturally. The hippies make for a nice environment. Great food & arts. Fantastic [outdoor] live music every night of the week.

And the Longhorns have a better gameday than the Houston Texans. Guaranteed.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:29 PM   #109
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Also if she is out of state with the kid is she violating any visitation rights granted to the dad?
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:36 PM   #110
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For some risks that is fine. Not this one imo. Think it through carefully with an eye on what happens if it all goes to s**t what did you give up to end up with that result. If we were talking about the job vs you spending 6 months in Europe I'd say go with your gut and get out of there.
Sometimes the craziest opportunities come out of what happens when everything goes to ****.

As long as you're a hard worker, honest, and have goals you can bounce back from any risk. In fact, if that's your personality I think the biggest risk is not taking one, and being mired in mediocrity.

I'm not sure whether that fit's the OP, that's just more of a life commentary. If you don't have work ethic and ambition, taking risks is stupid.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:46 PM   #111
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This sounds a lot like what I went through in my early 20's (minus her having the kid already-which is a major game changer). GF was from a troubled home and lived here in CO. with her mom and step-dad. She was desperate to get out of her current situation. She wanted to move to Memphis to be closer to her dad and other family. I was a Colorado boy from birth with the steady family close-by.

So, we actually went and visited her family in the Memphis area first. I found out that despite the glowing reports she had told me, her dad was a drunk. He was a huge a-hole. She of course fell in love with the idea of being back "home" again and wanted to move. I dug in my feet knowing I didn't want any part of that Memphis, Tenn./W. Memphis, Arkansas area. I certainly didn't want to be around her family who looked like the poster children for the typical "redneck Arkansas family". I just began stalling and pointing out the things that weren't quite right with the plan to move back there.

I would suggest taking a trip there if possible to meet her family, check out the area, etc.

How did my story turn out? Well, we stayed in Colorado and I went to school. We got married. Moved to Wyoming and bought a house. Had 3 great kids. Moved back to Colorado and eventually landed a good job at a University while my wife is currently in school (put that off having the kids). So, I guess what I'm saying is she may be right for you, but perhaps where she wants to move isn't the best idea. Move (or stay) where it makes sense. I was promised jobs by her dad, too. Of course, if he had such great leads, why was he working odd jobs to support himself?

The big differences in our stories though is my wife has usually been employed (even though she had some real crappy jobs) and she didn't have a kid when we got together.

Visit the area first, but be prepared for her drive to move there to be even stronger. Which means if it doesn't feel right, your drive to NOT move there has to be that much more strong.

Good luck.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:49 PM   #112
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Default Watch this...

Hollywood is filled with self involved people, but this is an amazing example of how to live your life....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:23 PM   #113
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Hey, I knew I wasn't they only one that hated living in Texas. Worst place ever
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:34 PM   #114
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Knew the bad blood with the family was related back to her.

You're on a one-way ticket to self-loathing. Don't be stupid.
What he says ^ ALL OF IT!
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:36 PM   #115
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Also...the part about her not keeping some jobs cuz she hates them...

When you HAVE A CHILD, you lose the right to hate your job in favor of no job!
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:49 PM   #116
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Run Forest run. Way too many red flags in this situation with your fiancÚ. This has a 2014 date with a divorce attorney written all over it. A parent who can't put forth the effort to care/provide for her 4 year old daughter says it all. Sorry man. Seen it too often.
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:56 PM   #117
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Alright, so, at page 1, we all read the OP and knew what the poster was going to do. He knew, we knew, you knew, my dog knew...

Now we're at page 5, lets hear back from the OP. I think the consensus is run for freedom and it probably wont change if this thing goes on for 50 pages.

OP? Let us know, would 800 more posts suggesting the same thing help?
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:02 PM   #118
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Alright, so, at page 1, we all read the OP and knew what the poster was going to do. He knew, we knew, you knew, my dog knew...

Now we're at page 5, lets hear back from the OP. I think the consensus is run for freedom and it probably wont change if this thing goes on for 50 pages.

OP? Let us know, would 800 more posts suggesting the same thing help?
Dude that is so true. Guy was SC bound before he ever even posted. Shame though... Good way to become damaged goods himself.
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:38 PM   #119
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Also...the part about her not keeping some jobs cuz she hates them...

When you HAVE A CHILD, you lose the right to hate your job in favor of no job!
REP to the new lurker turned poster!
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:42 PM   #120
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Never quit the job you have until you get a new one.

Don't ignore this advice
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:54 PM   #121
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Dude that is so true. Guy was SC bound before he ever even posted. Shame though... Good way to become damaged goods himself.
Lol, I guarantee she ends up with some other sad-sap that she knew back when she lives there, and he's ****ed and stuck away from family and had pissed them all off listening to this girl.

I use the word girl, because that is exactly what she is, a woman would be supporting herself, or ffs, SUPPORTING HER KID.

This guy is going to ****up his life in spite of everything everyone here has told him as well as his family.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:21 PM   #122
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What these pussies are beating around the bush instead of coming out and saying:

Sack up. Gain some self worth. Find precisely what you want in life. Go take it.
I don't agree with you on much, but this is spot on. I think it's pretty much the same thing you told me years ago, and I'm glad I listened.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:23 PM   #123
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I don't think I'd go with this. I'm with the Rev outside of the whole have multiple GF's etc thing and ditch her in another state... as effective as that sounds (to getting rid of her).

I have a friend who was with a girl like yours. She had a kid, didn't finish school... hell she was even a stripper at one point. Hot as hell etc. Needless to say, one of the big draws that kept him with her was that he felt bad for her. He felt obligated to be with her because she had always been hurt, and then obligated to her child as well since it had no dad.

His parents told him to end it with her. Ironically he thought they were being elitist and didn't get it (even though they raised him and had been through more than he ever had).

Needless to say, eventually it all went south.

He lots of money and time out of it, but luckily no job since he never moved to be with her.

There are a few diamonds... very, very, very, few diamonds that have the type of background your girlfriend has.

How do you even know that what she's told you about the inheritance and the step sisters is true etc.

She got kicked out at 18? She also had a kid at 18? Doesn't sound like quality decision making.

Anyway... your fiance might be that extremely rare diamond... but I would tread extremely carefully. A motivated woman would be working a job AND getting a GED at the same time, and she can't do either.

As for moving. HELL NO don't do it. If you DID move, make sure you have a job, and make damn well sure she's getting a GED or something. The last thing you want is to be is that dude working his ass off to feed a stay at home mom who does absolutely nothing constructive, and a kid that's not even of your own making.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:49 PM   #124
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I think TheRev pretty much nailed it.

I don't have much to add, but I will say this. It does sound like this girl is using you McFoneco...something's just off kilter about her. I don't like it, to me now would be a good time to cut the line and move on.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:58 PM   #125
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If her childhood sucked so bad, why does she want to return to the place she grew up so badly? Just so she can wait tables? WTF?

Dude, you're 25. Twenty-freakin'-FIVE! Live your life, not someone else's.

(The fact that you had to turn to strangers on the internet should give you the answer, by the way.)
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