Sharpe has a nice butt - The Orange Mane

Atlas · 07-27-2007, 03:54 AM

For all the ladies here.

They're called 'tight ends' for a reason

SoCals link: http://denver.*******.com/Denver/Sto...ry~338679.aspx

Contributed by: Sarah Paige on 7/24/2007

Are you ready for some football? If you sang that first line, then you most definitely are. I didn't just sing it, but belted it at the top of my lungs while performing the required exaggerated air guitar. For many other women, however, the song provokes a major cringe, gnashing of teeth and shortness of breath. Quite frankly, I don't get it. Like many of my fellow ladies of football, I'm baffled by the inability of some women to migrate toward the sport. When I sit around at one of those proper female rituals (AKA social engagements...not my favorite to begin with) and listen to the numerous complaints by proper women about their husbands or boyfriends watching too much football, well...yawn.

The typical complaints everyone has heard include, "He won't help me around the house on Sundays," or "He's glued to that television and only talks about fantasy football; what is that?" or, my personal favorite, "I could dance naked in front of the television during a Broncos game, and he doesn't even notice." Well, no kidding! If Matthew Mconaughey or Johnny Depp were shirtless on the boob tube, and your significant other was dancing naked in front of it blocking your magnificent view of Matt's glistening six-pack or Johnny's smoldering eyes, would you notice and want to jump his bones at that very moment? Would you hop up and say, "Honey, I'm so sorry that I'm not paying enough attention to you, let me immediately fix you a nice dinner"? No! You'd slap him upside the head and tell him to get the hell out of the way. Ladies, ladies, ladies ... you're looking at football all wrong. Allow me to offer up two simple words - Shannon Sharpe.

Ladies, ladies, ladies ... you're looking at football all wrong. Allow me to offer up two simple words: Shannon Sharpe

Ah, yes, beautiful #84, retired tight end for the Denver Broncos and currently a sports correspondent for CBS. They called him a tight end for a reason...have you seen it? Trust me ...pure perfection. Yes, ladies, Mr. Shannon Sharpe is perhaps the finest specimen of male virility ever to grace the field: tall, dark, handsome, intelligent, witty and flat out yummy with biceps that should be cast in bronze and displayed prominently somewhere ... anywhere. And, there are plenty of others where he came from - the NFL. Have you figured out where this is going yet? Ummmm...if not, let's play a little game I like to refer to as the female version of fantasy football - key word being fantasy.

Forget about statistics like yards per run, completions, interceptions and sacks. Don't worry about what fourth and inches means unless you're an advanced student of the game. As a beginner, all you need to do to begin is curl up with a cold beer or whatever your drink of choice is and just watch. It won't take long before a fine display of virile, male testosterone emerges. You'll notice a bunch of men in their prime who take supreme care of their bodies and who display their assets in uniforms designed to accentuate the male physique. Clearly, somewhere along the line, a woman was involved in the uniform design, and I sincerely thank her. Continue watching. Soon, you'll discover that shoulder pads are not just for protection against 280-pound linemen barreling down on each other. Oh no, shoulder pads accent the natural contours of a man's broad torso and narrow hips, which are then encased in skin tight pants. Intrigued yet, ladies? Need I say more? Yes? Okay!

About five minutes into the game, the real action begins. Splatters of sweat take to the air and the wide receivers push that extra mile reaching for an overthrown ball. Long, svelte sinewy muscles defying gravity ... ah. Barrel-chested linemen with incredible Hulk-like displays of grandeur egg the crowd into frenzy. And, then there's the best part of all. The huddle. Yes, ladies, an entire team bending over at once and offering all of us a promising sneak peak. If you still haven't figured it out my dear female friends, I'll be blunt. Football is foreplay.

You know the old adage: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Use the game to your advantage, which can only be enjoyable to say the least. Instead of dancing naked in front of the television in a fruitless attempt to garner attention, put on his favorite team jersey, tie it around your waste, don your best fitting jeans, grab a beer and slip onto the couch next to him barefoot. Trust me; he'll notice. He may even be compelled to take out the trash at half time, unless of course, the foreplay is overheating, in which case a quick romp on the couch wouldn't be unheard of and might actually be steamy and fun. For those of you single ladies sans the boyfriend, think about the pheromones you're exuding when in that passionate and spiritual state. Hit the sports bar where all the single men are voraciously chest-bumping, slide onto a bar stool and confidently display your ardor in any team jersey. You won't be sitting alone for long. Nor will you be alone after shocking the men at work the next morning when at the proverbial water cooler, you simply say, "He was inbounds. That ref's a blind idiot!" (Warning: Google the team before attempting this maneuver and use a realistic comment about the game.) Honey, you don't even have to know what you're saying in the beginning, just walk away with a sway in your hips and your head held high. Eventually, you'll develop the skills and knowledge to go pro and expand on the water cooler banter, but in the meantime - fake it.

This, however, does bring up the cautionary small print. I do feel obliged to inform you of the possible side effects associated with the female version of football. It is contagious. You may just find yourself actually interested in what's going on during the game and understanding the ins and outs of the sport. This can lead to high fives and/or screaming fits of rage at the referees (those guys in black and white striped shirts with the little yellow flags sticking out of their back pockets). Don't despair about this emotional component of the game. It's okay as long as you don't throw anything brick-like or use permanent dye when striping your hair orange and blue (or any other team color for that matter). Gone are the days of lazy Sunday afternoons working on the house or strolling in the park holding hands and playing with the kids. Sundays are quickly replaced by last-minute grocery shopping trips for game-day snacks (another article entirely); and desperate searches for the foam finger (you'll see) and pizza delivery coupons. Also - and this is perhaps the worst side effect of all - off-season withdrawal symptoms. Yes, you may just find yourself with a shortness of breath and gnashing of teeth for a different reason ... the total and complete loss of what do to with yourself during those long Sunday afternoons in the off-season. Don't fret. This too will pass, and soon the weekly frenzied search to retrieve your jersey from the laundry basket will return, as will the knowing grins and sly winks associated with football foreplay. And, don't forget the yearly-added bonus: Adonis-like rookies!

Blueflame · 07-27-2007, 04:19 AM

Nice article, Atlas... but for what it's worth, the SB-era Broncos butt I stared at the most belonged to #27, not #84....

Atlas · 07-27-2007, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueflame

Nice article, Atlas... but for what it's worth, the SB-era Broncos butt I stared at the most belonged to #27, not #84....

Eddie Mac had a nice butt too.

Blueflame · 07-27-2007, 05:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atlas

Eddie Mac had a nice butt too.

Eddie's butt was a tiny tad too "slender" for my liking.... there's just something about a safety or cornerback's tush... IMO....

Crushaholic · 07-27-2007, 10:04 AM

Did Bob hijack Atlas' account?

Los Broncos · 07-27-2007, 02:53 PM

If you watch that DVD, return to contention, you can all of Shannon's ass in the locker room.

bronco militia · 07-31-2007, 02:03 PM

http://denver.*******.com/Denver/Sto...ry~338679.aspx

bronco militia · 07-31-2007, 02:05 PM

why is the phrase S_T_U_B_H_U_B filtered?

smalltowngrll · 07-31-2007, 02:13 PM

(I've always wanted a good reason to use this!

)

Atlas · 07-31-2007, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smalltowngrll

(I've always wanted a good reason to use this!

)

Jessica Alba

Atlas · 07-31-2007, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smalltowngrll

(I've always wanted a good reason to use this!

)

PLOWHORSE · 07-31-2007, 03:50 PM

Merge With Speaking Of Butts Thread Please!!!

bronco militia · 07-31-2007, 03:52 PM

"A football star for 9 years....."

uh, who?

CBF1 · 07-31-2007, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atlas

Eddie Mac had a nice butt too.

Two words for you Atlas..... MEAT GAZER

Jana® · 07-31-2007, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atlas

Eddie Mac had a nice butt too.

That's the one I was admiring..

smalltowngrll · 07-31-2007, 04:24 PM

Still no pictures!!!

bronco militia · 07-31-2007, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smalltowngrll

Still no pictures!!!

I was just admiring this Tight End

smalltowngrll · 07-31-2007, 04:36 PM

You boys already have a thread to play on. Stop defiling this one!!

DenverBrit · 07-31-2007, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smalltowngrll

You boys already have a thread to play on. Stop defiling this one!!

You don't like girls?

JCMElway · 07-31-2007, 06:24 PM

Where's Blart when you need him?

Blueflame · 07-31-2007, 06:57 PM

The T&A stuff doesn't belong on the main forum, guys....

07-27-2007, 03:54 AM	#1
Atlas Draft Defense Early&Often Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 18,526	Sharpe has a nice butt For all the ladies here. They're called 'tight ends' for a reason SoCals link: http://denver.*******.com/Denver/Sto...ry~338679.aspx Contributed by: Sarah Paige on 7/24/2007 Are you ready for some football? If you sang that first line, then you most definitely are. I didn't just sing it, but belted it at the top of my lungs while performing the required exaggerated air guitar. For many other women, however, the song provokes a major cringe, gnashing of teeth and shortness of breath. Quite frankly, I don't get it. Like many of my fellow ladies of football, I'm baffled by the inability of some women to migrate toward the sport. When I sit around at one of those proper female rituals (AKA social engagements...not my favorite to begin with) and listen to the numerous complaints by proper women about their husbands or boyfriends watching too much football, well...yawn. The typical complaints everyone has heard include, "He won't help me around the house on Sundays," or "He's glued to that television and only talks about fantasy football; what is that?" or, my personal favorite, "I could dance naked in front of the television during a Broncos game, and he doesn't even notice." Well, no kidding! If Matthew Mconaughey or Johnny Depp were shirtless on the boob tube, and your significant other was dancing naked in front of it blocking your magnificent view of Matt's glistening six-pack or Johnny's smoldering eyes, would you notice and want to jump his bones at that very moment? Would you hop up and say, "Honey, I'm so sorry that I'm not paying enough attention to you, let me immediately fix you a nice dinner"? No! You'd slap him upside the head and tell him to get the hell out of the way. Ladies, ladies, ladies ... you're looking at football all wrong. Allow me to offer up two simple words - Shannon Sharpe. Ladies, ladies, ladies ... you're looking at football all wrong. Allow me to offer up two simple words: Shannon Sharpe Ah, yes, beautiful #84, retired tight end for the Denver Broncos and currently a sports correspondent for CBS. They called him a tight end for a reason...have you seen it? Trust me ...pure perfection. Yes, ladies, Mr. Shannon Sharpe is perhaps the finest specimen of male virility ever to grace the field: tall, dark, handsome, intelligent, witty and flat out yummy with biceps that should be cast in bronze and displayed prominently somewhere ... anywhere. And, there are plenty of others where he came from - the NFL. Have you figured out where this is going yet? Ummmm...if not, let's play a little game I like to refer to as the female version of fantasy football - key word being fantasy. Forget about statistics like yards per run, completions, interceptions and sacks. Don't worry about what fourth and inches means unless you're an advanced student of the game. As a beginner, all you need to do to begin is curl up with a cold beer or whatever your drink of choice is and just watch. It won't take long before a fine display of virile, male testosterone emerges. You'll notice a bunch of men in their prime who take supreme care of their bodies and who display their assets in uniforms designed to accentuate the male physique. Clearly, somewhere along the line, a woman was involved in the uniform design, and I sincerely thank her. Continue watching. Soon, you'll discover that shoulder pads are not just for protection against 280-pound linemen barreling down on each other. Oh no, shoulder pads accent the natural contours of a man's broad torso and narrow hips, which are then encased in skin tight pants. Intrigued yet, ladies? Need I say more? Yes? Okay! About five minutes into the game, the real action begins. Splatters of sweat take to the air and the wide receivers push that extra mile reaching for an overthrown ball. Long, svelte sinewy muscles defying gravity ... ah. Barrel-chested linemen with incredible Hulk-like displays of grandeur egg the crowd into frenzy. And, then there's the best part of all. The huddle. Yes, ladies, an entire team bending over at once and offering all of us a promising sneak peak. If you still haven't figured it out my dear female friends, I'll be blunt. Football is foreplay. You know the old adage: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Use the game to your advantage, which can only be enjoyable to say the least. Instead of dancing naked in front of the television in a fruitless attempt to garner attention, put on his favorite team jersey, tie it around your waste, don your best fitting jeans, grab a beer and slip onto the couch next to him barefoot. Trust me; he'll notice. He may even be compelled to take out the trash at half time, unless of course, the foreplay is overheating, in which case a quick romp on the couch wouldn't be unheard of and might actually be steamy and fun. For those of you single ladies sans the boyfriend, think about the pheromones you're exuding when in that passionate and spiritual state. Hit the sports bar where all the single men are voraciously chest-bumping, slide onto a bar stool and confidently display your ardor in any team jersey. You won't be sitting alone for long. Nor will you be alone after shocking the men at work the next morning when at the proverbial water cooler, you simply say, "He was inbounds. That ref's a blind idiot!" (Warning: Google the team before attempting this maneuver and use a realistic comment about the game.) Honey, you don't even have to know what you're saying in the beginning, just walk away with a sway in your hips and your head held high. Eventually, you'll develop the skills and knowledge to go pro and expand on the water cooler banter, but in the meantime - fake it. This, however, does bring up the cautionary small print. I do feel obliged to inform you of the possible side effects associated with the female version of football. It is contagious. You may just find yourself actually interested in what's going on during the game and understanding the ins and outs of the sport. This can lead to high fives and/or screaming fits of rage at the referees (those guys in black and white striped shirts with the little yellow flags sticking out of their back pockets). Don't despair about this emotional component of the game. It's okay as long as you don't throw anything brick-like or use permanent dye when striping your hair orange and blue (or any other team color for that matter). Gone are the days of lazy Sunday afternoons working on the house or strolling in the park holding hands and playing with the kids. Sundays are quickly replaced by last-minute grocery shopping trips for game-day snacks (another article entirely); and desperate searches for the foam finger (you'll see) and pizza delivery coupons. Also - and this is perhaps the worst side effect of all - off-season withdrawal symptoms. Yes, you may just find yourself with a shortness of breath and gnashing of teeth for a different reason ... the total and complete loss of what do to with yourself during those long Sunday afternoons in the off-season. Don't fret. This too will pass, and soon the weekly frenzied search to retrieve your jersey from the laundry basket will return, as will the knowing grins and sly winks associated with football foreplay. And, don't forget the yearly-added bonus: Adonis-like rookies!

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

07-27-2007, 04:19 AM	#2
Blueflame Miss Congeniality Welcome to Peyton's Place Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: in my cups... lol Posts: 33,073 Adopt-a-Bronco: Randy Gradishar	Nice article, Atlas... but for what it's worth, the SB-era Broncos butt I stared at the most belonged to #27, not #84....

07-27-2007, 10:04 AM	#5
Crushaholic Armchair Poster Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Topeka, KS Posts: 22,078	Did Bob hijack Atlas' account?

07-27-2007, 02:53 PM	#6
Los Broncos Flaw Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Utah Posts: 18,803 Adopt-a-Bronco: Ryan Clady	If you watch that DVD, return to contention, you can all of Shannon's ass in the locker room.

07-31-2007, 02:03 PM	#7
bronco militia Ring of Famer THE GREATEST Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: colorado springs, co Posts: 22,715	http://denver.*******.com/Denver/Sto...ry~338679.aspx

07-31-2007, 02:05 PM	#8
bronco militia Ring of Famer THE GREATEST Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: colorado springs, co Posts: 22,715	why is the phrase S_T_U_B_H_U_B filtered?

07-31-2007, 02:13 PM	#9
smalltowngrll Orange Blue Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Bend, OR Posts: 8,038 Adopt-a-Bronco: dortoh	(I've always wanted a good reason to use this! )

07-31-2007, 03:50 PM	#12
PLOWHORSE Who wants LOBSTER!!! Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 711 Adopt-a-Bronco: Is FONECO taken	Merge With Speaking Of Butts Thread Please!!!

07-31-2007, 03:52 PM	#13
bronco militia Ring of Famer THE GREATEST Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: colorado springs, co Posts: 22,715	"A football star for 9 years....." uh, who?

07-31-2007, 04:24 PM	#16
smalltowngrll Orange Blue Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Bend, OR Posts: 8,038 Adopt-a-Bronco: dortoh	Still no pictures!!!

07-31-2007, 04:36 PM	#18
smalltowngrll Orange Blue Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Bend, OR Posts: 8,038 Adopt-a-Bronco: dortoh	You boys already have a thread to play on. Stop defiling this one!!

07-31-2007, 06:24 PM	#20
JCMElway Moderate-erator Dominate! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Grand Rapids, MI Posts: 6,897 Adopt-a-Bronco: Oleg	Where's Blart when you need him?

07-31-2007, 06:57 PM	#21
Blueflame Miss Congeniality Welcome to Peyton's Place Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: in my cups... lol Posts: 33,073 Adopt-a-Bronco: Randy Gradishar	The T&A stuff doesn't belong on the main forum, guys....