Nirvana, the Beatles, and every other band you worship is overrated

[-Slap-]

The Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Lame

Nirvana, the Beatles, and every other band you worship is overrated

COMMENTARY

By Dave White MSNBC contributor

June 19, 2007

Once upon a time, I worked in one of those “High Fidelity”-ish record shops. In fact, I worked in three of them over the course of about 12 years. If you ever bought something from me or my co-workers, you can be assured that we said horrible things about your choices the second you walked out the door. (Except for that one guy named Sean who had impeccable taste in everything and who later became a heroin addict and then stopped buying records, overdosed and disappeared into a Christian rehab. We thought he was awesome.)

But when you work in a place like that for long enough, you realize something very important about popular music. And here it is: everything sucks. Even your favorite band. But especially everyone else’s favorite band. Especially everyone else’s favorite band that people can’t stop contorting themselves into pretzelly shapes over, inventing new ways to kiss their collective, pampered buttocks. Especially-especially bands that end up wildly successful and revered and eventually tenuously re-united for a greatest-hits comeback tour or a museum induction ceremony.

It’s unavoidable. If your music is not instantly dismissible, if it endures, it’s going to be the subject of someone’s over-adoring gaze. Maybe way too many someones. Best-of lists and Halls of Fame and hagiographic films about “the soul of the music.” You’re lucky if you can avoid it. But most popular bands don’t. And that praise-bloat kills.

I’m specifically thinking of The Police, whose main contribution to culture has been the inclusion of their stalker-themed love song “Every Breath You Take” in very confused wedding receptions. Any band whose influence dots can be connected two decades later to Blake Lewis has a lot to answer for.

Who else?

U2
Back in 1980, a friend bought me a copy of “Boy” without either of us having heard the band before. She said, “I know you like stupid new wave crap like this. Here. Happy Birthday.” When I played the record, she said, “They sound like cats mating.” But I liked that. I liked it a lot. And then, about 20 minutes later, came the sunglasses. And the cowboy hats. And arenas and sainthood. Not that I begrudge Bono one second of humanitarian rock-star penance. You have to do some kind of community service to get that record industry b.o. off of you. In fact, I wish he’d quit music and focus on that entirely. But those damn sunglasses still scorch my soul. Also “Vertigo.” And Creed? All this band’s fault.

Metallica
Around the time of the emergence of “speed-metal,” these guys were one of many bands doing exactly the same thing. But they had the breaks and the right publicity team and the right Misfits T-shirts and the grandiose visions of MC Hammer-ish gold-plated bathtub fixtures to keep them reaching for the stars. That their own we’re-in-couples-counseling documentary helped inspire a parody cartoon show (“Metalocalypse,” the best thing on TV) should help keep them off this list. But it doesn’t. Listen to Abruptum instead.

Nirvana
[“Smells Like Teen Spirit”] + [tragedy] x [Courtney Love] ÷ [lawsuits] = Kurt Cobain floating on a cloud in a Doc Martens advertisement. I enjoy fantasizing that if he were still alive he’d be like Joaquin Phoenix at the end of “Walk the Line,” holding a bucket of chicken and enjoying his backyard, oblivious to the fact that he helped pave the way for bands like Puddle of Mudd. It beats thinking he’d end up in and out of rehabs, brushing shoulders with Britney Spears.

The Doors
The most opportunistic of the late ’60s counter-culturalists, they created a toxic and inexplicably popular body of work revered by date-rapist frat boys for decades to come. And it’s the company you keep that ultimately defines you. Unlike just about every other band on this list, I’ve actively disliked them since I can remember, and if I could blame them for the death of Cass Elliott I would. Also? Directly responsible for Third Eye Blind, Matchbox 20 and all other neo-swaggering-front-man pop-chart wankers. Exempt from this discussion: the kookoo-bananas Oliver Stone movie about them. That was amazing.

The Clash
Joe Strummer, may he rest in peace, is not responsible for the way this band has been lionized. In fact, I’d say that out of all of the bands here, it’s not so much their music that irritates as it is the chorus of hosannas that, 30 years later, still follows them around like a car alarm that won’t shut off. I happen to live near a musician in a bar band. They practice in their apartment. I’ve heard “Should I Stay or Should I Go” a lot. Enough times so that I think I should get some royalties out of the deal. So actually I take that back. It is the music.

Bob Dylan
A moral and aesthetic struggle. Does he get a pass like Prince or The Rolling Stones for creating brilliant music in the beginning and then sliding into sameness and reliance on back-catalog sales? And here’s why I think he’s doesn’t: because no one runs around telling you how atom-smashing the new Prince or Rolling Stones records are. But Dylan, every single time he burps onto a compact disc, the fogeys are like, “This is the work of an elder statesman! He’s the ‘Lion In Winter’!” And if it weren’t for him I would have never had to listen to Ani DeFranco.

The Beatles
Their musical output was great. You can’t really dispute that. I mean, you could but you’d be kind of wrong (John Waters and his labeling them as “honkies who ruined rock and roll” notwithstanding). And they did inspire an only-makes-sense-to-space-aliens movie version of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” that featured Carol Channing dancing to a disco version of the title song. So that’s cool. In fact, if Yoko Ono didn’t exist, you’d have had to invent her to give you something to irrationally dislike them for. But did they appear on a tortilla or a grilled cheese sandwich? Have wars been fought in their name? No, these things haven’t happened. So stop making movies where Sean Penn plays a guy with Down’s Syndrome who only knows about real-life and how to parent Dakota Fanning because of their songs.

Sonic Youth
My personal all-time favorite band. And just about every rock critic thinks they’re incredible. So there’s got to be something wrong with them. I just can’t see it because I’m blinded by love. A guy I know who hates them says they sound like the musical huffing of paint thinner. He’s probably right.

Dave White is the author of “Exile in Guyville.” Don’t bother arguing music with him at www.imdavewhite.com.

© 2007 MSNBC Interactive

Great article that some geekish fanboys will take way too seriously. The only thing that sucked was the apparent pass he gave to the Rolling Stones. They should have been number one on the list.

[Inkana7]

I hate the Rolling Stones. And I've noticed that with the Doors, either you love them, or you actively hate them. I happen to love them.

[Requiem]

I wouldn't call Bob Dylan "lame" . . .

[Kaylore]

It reminds of those guys in high school who liked their indy bands and then when they found out you or someone else liked them too they'd get all pissed off like you "stole" them or something. I'm a movie snob, so I can't really talk.

[Hogan11]

Who really wrote that? Alec? I swear it sounds just like him.

[Kaylore]

Originally Posted by Requiem

I wouldn't call Bob Dylan "lame" . . .

I would. He's got a horrible voice and people really do bend over backwards to try and dress up the crap he's doing now.

[BroncoBuff]

Notice how nobody's bagging on Led Zeppelin....

[-Slap-]

Originally Posted by BroncoBuff

Notice how nobody's bagging on Led Zeppelin....

Because hardly anybody talks about them at all anymore.

[Bronco_Beerslug]

Originally Posted by Hogan11

Who really wrote that? Alec? I swear it sounds just like him.

Music is one of the few truly great things that man has created.

[Hogan11]

Originally Posted by BroncoBuff

Notice how nobody's bagging on Led Zeppelin....

That's because I didn't write the article

[Rocket 7]

Bob Dylan
A moral and aesthetic struggle. Does he get a pass like Prince or The Rolling Stones for creating brilliant music in the beginning and then sliding into sameness and reliance on back-catalog sales? And here’s why I think he’s doesn’t: because no one runs around telling you how atom-smashing the new Prince or Rolling Stones records are. But Dylan, every single time he burps onto a compact disc, the fogeys are like, “This is the work of an elder statesman! He’s the ‘Lion In Winter’!” And if it weren’t for him I would have never had to listen to Ani DeFranco.

Bob Dylan couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. Bob Dylan doesn't make records to be atom-smashing . He makes them because that is the music he makes. Not to be loved by the masses but to be enjoyed by his fans.

[-Slap-]

Originally Posted by Bronco_Beerslug

Music is one of the few truly great things that man has created.

It pales in comparison to the remote control or air conditioning.

[RhymesayersDU]

Originally Posted by Kaylore

It reminds of those guys in high school who liked their indy bands and then when they found out you or someone else liked them too they'd get all pissed off like you "stole" them or something. I'm a movie snob, so I can't really talk.

Along those lines, the kids who liked the Indy band, but now that they got a break, a radio single, whatever, the kids suddenly hate them because they're "mainstream," even though the music probably didn't change, they just got a break.

[-Slap-]

Originally Posted by RhymesayersDU

Along those lines, the kids who liked the Indy band, but now that they got a break, a radio single, whatever, the kids suddenly hate them because they're "mainstream," even though the music probably didn't change, they just got a break.

The author of the article disagrees:

It’s unavoidable. If your music is not instantly dismissible, if it endures, it’s going to be the subject of someone’s over-adoring gaze. Maybe way too many someones. Best-of lists and Halls of Fame and hagiographic films about “the soul of the music.” You’re lucky if you can avoid it. But most popular bands don’t. And that praise-bloat kills.

There is much to be said for this perspective. Starving artists produce the best work, don't they?

[listopencil]

Whatever. Don't start ripping on CCR, though.

[Bronco_Beerslug]

Originally Posted by Dipso

Bob Dylan
A moral and aesthetic struggle. Does he get a pass like Prince or The Rolling Stones for creating brilliant music in the beginning and then sliding into sameness and reliance on back-catalog sales? And here’s why I think he’s doesn’t: because no one runs around telling you how atom-smashing the new Prince or Rolling Stones records are. But Dylan, every single time he burps onto a compact disc, the fogeys are like, “This is the work of an elder statesman! He’s the ‘Lion In Winter’!” And if it weren’t for him I would have never had to listen to Ani DeFranco.

Bob Dylan couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. Bob Dylan doesn't make records to be atom-smashing . He makes them because that is the music he makes. Not to be loved by the masses but to be enjoyed by his fans.

Dylan is a genius! As are The Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, etc... These guys created a genre of music over 40 years ago that will never be duplicated again. And......... never mind Escape From New York is starting on HDNET

[-Slap-]

Originally Posted by Bronco_Beerslug

Dylan is a genius! As are The Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, etc... These guys created a genre of music over 40 years ago that will never be duplicated again. And......... never mind Escape From New York is starting on HDNET

John Carpenter sucks now, too........

[Rocket 7]

Originally Posted by Bronco_Beerslug

Dylan is a genius! As are The Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, etc... These guys created a genre of music over 40 years ago that will never be duplicated again. And......... never mind Escape From New York is starting on HDNET

Damn right Slug!!

[Deacon Blue]

Originally Posted by Bronco_Beerslug

Dylan is a genius!

And I just got my ticket to see him at Red Rocks next month!

[TexanBob]

Everybody has their musical likes and dislikes. One man's Jay Z is another man's Beethoven. I do feel sorry for this generation and the sort of crap they'll have to listen to during every reunion party the rest of their lives.

I drove by a nursing home a few years ago and they were holding a Fifties party out in the parking lot with a live band playing Fifties music. I thought about what it will be like in 40 years when seniors will be getting misty-eyed over "Me So Horny" or "Cop Killer". Yeah, those were the good old days...

Well, heck, it'll be interesting in about 50 years to watch grandmothers sharing their sagging wrinkly tattoos with everyone.

[Kaylore]

Originally Posted by -Slap-

The author of the article disagrees:



There is much to be said for this perspective. Starving artists produce the best work, don't they?

"Necessity is the mother of invention"
- Plato, The Republic

"Einstein did his best stuff when he was working as a patent clerk!"
- Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghost Busters

[Crowpointer]

This is a classic Slap thread. Post a topic that is sure to strike a nerve with some .Wait for the reponses and pick them off one by one for his amusemant. Very entertaining.

[Kaylore]

Originally Posted by Crowpointer

This is a classic Slap thread. Post a topic that is sure to strike a nerve with some .Wait for the reponses and pick them off one by one for his amusemant. Very entertaining.

I should read you the rep he left me.

[Hogan11]

Originally Posted by Dipso

The Doors
The most opportunistic of the late ’60s counter-culturalists, they created a toxic and inexplicably popular body of work revered by date-rapist frat boys for decades to come. And it’s the company you keep that ultimately defines you. Unlike just about every other band on this list, I’ve actively disliked them since I can remember, and if I could blame them for the death of Cass Elliott I would. Also? Directly responsible for Third Eye Blind, Matchbox 20 and all other neo-swaggering-front-man pop-chart wankers. Exempt from this discussion: the kookoo-bananas Oliver Stone movie about them. That was amazing

The Doors are a great band and Mama Cass died off a turkey sanwhich (j/k). I also like the Mamas and the Papas Creeque Alley is on of my favorite songs

Bashing The Doors is really in vogue right now....so recognize it for what it is and take it with a pinch of salt.

[cutthemdown]

Originally Posted by -Slap-

The author of the article disagrees:



There is much to be said for this perspective. Starving artists produce the best work, don't they?

Maybe that's why Jazz musicians push the envelope of creativity so much more then pop musicians do.