Job Outsourcing Announcement - The Orange Mane

Rohirrim · 07-28-2004, 12:12 PM

Washington D.C. - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas as of June 30, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

"The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam
Smith (R-Wash) who, with the aid of Congress research arm, the General
Accounting Office has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively.
"We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain
competitive on the world stage," Congressman Smith said. Exporting
American jobs has been a popular trend lately, ironically at the
urging of President Bush.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his
position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until
his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period,
he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment
insurance for 13 weeks.

Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health
insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required
limit. "I'm in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought for sure I'd have
some job security around this here place. I have no idea what I'll
do now," he further lamented.

Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move.

Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be
assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here
on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 USD a month but with no health coverage or
other benefits.

Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will
be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will
be open. "I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an
exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at
the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President
someday."

Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A
Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a
script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics
of concern. The Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings
will be realized as these scripting tools have already been used
previously by Mr. Bush here in the US. Such scripts will enable Mr.
Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the
issue itself."

Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including
that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.

Maximus · 07-28-2004, 06:30 PM

Crushaholic · 07-29-2004, 01:02 AM

Quick! Somebody tell Kerry that if he wants to be president, he has to move to India! Run like the wind, John Kerry! Then, when he finds out he was given false information, he can paddle back to the US on his little boat. Unfortunately, by the time he gets back to the states, the election will be over with and George Bush will be elected to a second term.

07-28-2004, 12:12 PM	#1
Rohirrim Partisan Human Cannonball Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Twixt Hell & Highwater Posts: 48,834	Job Outsourcing Announcement Washington D.C. - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas as of June 30, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead. "The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith (R-Wash) who, with the aid of Congress research arm, the General Accounting Office has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive on the world stage," Congressman Smith said. Exporting American jobs has been a popular trend lately, ironically at the urging of President Bush. Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit. "I'm in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought for sure I'd have some job security around this here place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he further lamented. Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 USD a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will be open. "I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday." Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have already been used previously by Mr. Bush here in the US. Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself." Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.

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07-28-2004, 06:30 PM	#2
Maximus The Razor! Public Enemy #1 Join Date: May 2001 Location: Western, NY Posts: 5,207 Adopt-a-Bronco: Tim Tebow

07-29-2004, 01:02 AM	#3
Crushaholic Armchair Poster Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Topeka, KS Posts: 22,043	Quick! Somebody tell Kerry that if he wants to be president, he has to move to India! Run like the wind, John Kerry! Then, when he finds out he was given false information, he can paddle back to the US on his little boat. Unfortunately, by the time he gets back to the states, the election will be over with and George Bush will be elected to a second term.