Immortals: The Good, the Bad and the really Flamboyant

[Miss I.]

Okay truth is it is hard to take a movie seriously where it is mostly men running around in short skirts. I haven't decided what makes it worse, when Gladiator movies take themselves seriously or when they go full on Batman and Robin nipples on the armor.

In light of my recent screening of Immortals in 3-D no less, I had to write something to express my awe at its badness (and not in the Michael Jackson Bad the song way, but more like Michael Jackson Bad nose job kind of way).

To be honest I really only went to see it because I love Henry Cavill and to see him nearly naked in 3-D is really enough to make me happy. I take this moment to reflect on that joy.....Sighhhhhh...

To illustrate, here's Henry's picture, followed by what my reaction was.
henry-cavill-shirtless-immortals-13.jpgPersonalized Blog Posts For Lust Filled Readers (1).jpg

At any rate, my insane lust for Henry aside I couldn't decide if this movie was deliberately over the top in its campiness (which is counter to what camp is supposed to be, which is unintentional) or just someone who really likes cheesy wardrobe, half naked men and warriors to appear more like they belong in a musical on Broadway or London's West End or even Soho's Cabaret district.

Generally I don't notice wardrobe/accessories in movies, but this movie between the nipples on the armor, the Bejeweled Batman/Jason Hockey Masks and the glitter covered world saving/destroying Bow pulled out of stone (hello King Arthur, please roll over in your mythical grave) it just became too much. The bow itself made me laugh out loud in the theater. I kept thinking, how is he going to keep his lipstick in that. Bows are not meant to be shiny. They are supposed to be killing things. And don't get me started on the stuff they made these supposed virginal soothsayers wear. They looked like they were wearing either tables or table lamps on their heads and for some reason they made me think of The Christmas Story and the dad's leg lamp.

Here are a few images to give you an idea of what I am describing (sadly I couldn't find the ones above, but I found some equally funny ones)
Sir on line 1 I have Princess Leia, she'd like her cinnamon roll hair back. Also on line 2 I have Princess Beatrice from the UK, she wants her hat back, she needs it for another wedding.
Me Jason, me to kill you with my gold lame bow and shiny white light arrows. Just don't get any blood on my jeweled hockey mask, it's a b**** to get cleaned.
Why are there nipples on my armor?! Did we learn nothing from Joel Schumacher's mistakes?

Anyway, unless you really like camp or mostly naked men I would not see this film. Actually I might buy it because there is this awesome scene at the end when you get a look up all the warriors skirts (No, I am not kidding and you should see the memorial statues made at the end of the film, there is so much uh male on male it's got to be deliberate).

At any rate, Immortals is an interesting blend of 300, Spartacus and bad interior decorating.(oh yeah they didn't get much if any of the Greek mythology right and I am pretty sure they blurred the Roman and Greek myths all over the place) Actually it kind of goes with the burlesque show I saw in London last night.

[Miss I.]

Melancholia:
Oh holy hell, I like artsy films but this movie made me wish the world would end just so the movie would end. Not even the hottie presences of Alexander Skarsgaard could save it. Unless you have insomnia that needs curing or you want to sink further into a depression, I would avoid this movie.
I will say this though for the guys, that Spiderman girl, Kirsten Dunst, her mojo looks very uh lush in her wedding dress. I thought she would pop out, but just so you don't do something daft and rent it, rest assured you never see her nude.

What's Your Number:
I never heard of this film to be honest, but I was bored last night and wanted to watch something free on the internet that might be funny and didn't involve porn with fruit or something. Anyway, so it stars this Chris Evans fellow's abs and Anna Farris. I only recall she was in those Scary Movies which I thought were too dumb and he was in some superhero movies I never watched. I know now why so many women and some of my fave guy friends love Chris Evans. My gawd he's hot and pretty funny. Kind of like Ryan Reynolds (though I still prefer Ryan). It was actually cute, though clearly as obvious as any other Meg Ryan Chick flick. But I could kind of relate to some of her embarrassing drunken moments and the horror and counting the # of partners. I feel at least less slutty now. Though I am not naive, I still think she's right when she says, guys want girls in public they can take home to bake cakes with their mom, but then put on a leather cat suit in private. It's cute, not exactly rocket science and I won't build it up to be the greatest film of all time, but it's funny. I liked it in the same venue as Friends with Benefits which also surprised me because I was determined to hate Justin Timberlake, but ever since he did the dick in the box skit, I've learned he might be okay.

[Miss I.]

okay if you guys like hilarious reviews, particularly about bad films, you have to check out this guy's movie reviews on youtube...he's freaking awesome...my favorite is his Jaws 4 the revenge, but there are many good ones...




his name is strontiumcrypt on youtube...he's hysterical. love him.

[bronco militia]

this movie sucked...it looked like 300, but it was boring and the cast sucked

[broncosteven]

I thought it would be a remake of 300 and suck, I was surprised that it wasn't but it took sometime to figure out who was whom and what was going on but once it got going it was enjoyable and well done.

I have been going to Physical Therapy for weeks on end and if I scrunch up my abs you can see the outline of them and if I keep it up I could be in the last of the series playing some old beggar or something. It is cool to feel that there are actually muscles down there and they are starting to help take some of the load off the back!

[Miss I.]

Okay it will come as no surprise to anyone that two of the worst films of all time on my list are Gigli with BenLo and Twitlight (well all of them really). Right now I am watching Twitlight: breaking wind part 1 or when the hell will they shoot them or the audience and put us out of our misery. I am sick and feel like crap and threw in some 16 year old cask aged Glenlivet for good measure, so I am really on a rampage to post something inane (That one Douchebag will be happy to know it will not focus on my boobies or my fatass oh crap I said boobies, damn tit, ooops did it again...btw, GO F.. YOURSELF!...).

Okay now I feel much better. At any rate back to the craptacular list of movies. Out of curiosity, what are your guys bad movie takes? And by bad movies, I don't mean guilty pleasures, but really, what movies made you want to ask for your money back and for someone to rinse your brain out with soap?

[broncosteven]

Originally Posted by Miss I.

Okay it will come as no surprise to anyone that two of the worst films of all time on my list are Gigli with BenLo and Twitlight (well all of them really). Right now I am watching Twitlight: breaking wind part 1 or when the hell will they shoot them or the audience and put us out of our misery. I am sick and feel like crap and threw in some 16 year old cask aged Glenlivet for good measure, so I am really on a rampage to post something inane (That one Douchebag will be happy to know it will not focus on my boobies or my fatass oh crap I said boobies, damn tit, ooops did it again...btw, GO F.. YOURSELF!...).

Okay now I feel much better. At any rate back to the craptacular list of movies. Out of curiosity, what are your guys bad movie takes? And by bad movies, I don't mean guilty pleasures, but really, what movies made you want to ask for your money back and for someone to rinse your brain out with soap?

One of the Star Trek Next Generation movies has to top my list. I don't know the NG movies by name but it started with the crew in the holodeck pretending to be on some Nelson era ship and got worse from there.

I wanted to leave during the original Nightmare on Elmstreet when it was in theaters, who knew it would be a big hit?

Those are the only 2 I can think of right now.

[houghtam]

Originally Posted by broncosteven

One of the Star Trek Next Generation movies has to top my list. I don't know the NG movies by name but it started with the crew in the holodeck pretending to be on some Nelson era ship and got worse from there.

I wanted to leave during the original Nightmare on Elmstreet when it was in theaters, who knew it would be a big hit?

Those are the only 2 I can think of right now.

Yeah, Generations was pretty cheesy. I wouldn't count it in my worst of all time, though. Hell, I thought Star Trek IV was worse than that.

The only movie I ever walked out of at the theater was The Mummy Returns. Just awful.

But for my worst movie of all time? I submit to you:

[Fedaykin]

Originally Posted by houghtam

Yeah, Generations was pretty cheesy. I wouldn't count it in my worst of all time, though. Hell, I thought Star Trek IV was worse than that.

The only movie I ever walked out of at the theater was The Mummy Returns. Just awful.

But for my worst movie of all time? I submit to you:

Sorry, but absolutely nothing can touch:

[paperstacks1980]

hahahah yeah this movie was pretty lame