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Old 04-28-2010, 10:50 AM   #136
Tombstone RJ
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisp View Post
Don't make the mistake of thinking you can 'save' someone with a troubled background. They will have their own issues that only thay can overcome: your support and understanding can help, but only that. She has to fix herself.

As far as the move goes, you have to reassure yourself that this is not a 'grass is greener' situation on her part. If she has trouble settling into homes or work (which would be entirely understandable given her background, but understanding it doesn't make it not a problem....) then that could mean that this move could turn into another move, or some other problem will suddenly become the Big Issue and The Thing We Have to Change and you will never find rest.

By all means follow your heart and take the plunge if you think its best. Only you can judge at the end of the day and if you consider your reasons carefully enough then I'm sure that the decision you finally make will be the right one. However, please remember those reasons after you've moved. You should expect unforseen issues to crop up after the move, be prepared for them, and more importantly make sure she is also prepared for that.

My ex-wife used to talk so firmly and bravely about each new beginning. She really believed each new change in her life would be the thing that sorted everything out. Trouble is it never did, so each time she had to find a new problem to blame, untill eventually the next problem was our marriage and I had to go......her background was different to your girlfriend's, but I can see some alarming parallels nonetheless.

At the end of the day if you do make a new start you have to both be utterly determined to make it work. Running away from problems doesn't always get rid of them and can easily become a habit, so be warned.
QFT. Women who are emotionally unstable think that happiness is just around the corner. It's always somewhere in the future because they are too emotionally ill equiped to deal with the present.

I was in a very similar relationship and no matter what I did to make her happy, she finally decided it was not the house we bought together and all the stuff we had done together that didn't work, it was just me.

But, I was the same damn guy she supposedly fell in love with. She too come from a destroyed childhood and the problem was not so much me or us, but her and her inability to cope with reality.
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