Some say there should be elegance in death. There should be grace. There should be poetic reverence. Well I say **** that. You know how my death is gonna go? It's gonna go with a boom. A boom upon all the **** suckers who decided to **** me raw with no lube...and in my mind, that is a pretty short list.
So to the wondertwin combo of Rev and Apa, here's a simple message: Go **** yourselves. I was doing just fine on my own. Voting as peacefully as one can vote, with random targets and no true plan or alliance in place. And then one fateful round comes along and I'm approached by TheRev...the offer seems good, although I am expectedly wary. This late in the game, it's doubtful that you should trust anyone offering a safe haven. But knowing that flying solo would probably cost me my life eventually anyway, I decided to join up with the alliance.
Things went smoothly for two rounds. Seven and eight trucked along without a hitch. In fact, round 7 went so well that because of MY vote, Rev's b**** (AKA Apa...or is it the other way around?), was saved from elimination as my votes sent CBF1 into the abyss by one measly vote ahead of Apa. So grateful was Rev for his newly-found allegiance by me that he PMed to me, "On behalf of Apa and I, I wanted to thank you for your assistance this round. We wouldn't have been able to do and stay in tact. Your assistance will NOT be forgotten."
Sooo...of course you meant to say, "Your assistance will NOT be forgotten until one round from now when we shall proceed to bend you over the coffee table and fist-ram your unsuspecting brown eye with all the vigor and contempt of a sadomasochist pulverizing an unsuspecting anal virgin. That is what you meant to say, isn't it? Because that sure is how it came across.
I could've been quite the asset to whatever alliance you were clinging to. I would have been the prefect compliment to a 2 or 3-man team, flying under the radar as I did for so long. But instead, you decided to cast me aside like a cheap hooker after using me for two rounds of sick fun. You're welcome for saving Apa from death. You're welcome for not relaying any sensitive information to anybody. You're welcome for offering my services to you late in the game where they would be the most beneficial, after laying the solid groundwork for a well-played game by myself up until that point. Yes, you're welcome. And **** you. **** you for ****ing me.
Rev and Apa, or Apa and Rev (I can never keep straight which one is the pitcher and which is the catcher)...why don't you both go choke on a nice fat dong. In fact, why don't you both go choke on MY nice fat dong, to be more specific. To use me, abuse me, and discard me like a ****ing tampon during one of you b****es' time of the month, is simply appalling. I suppose I should instead say, well played sirs, well played. But instead, I'm going to say, **** you sirs, **** you.
May your a-holes never know the peace and serenity of a solid **** again. May your tongues never experience the succulence of freshly-picked fruit without the hint of dark, dank schlong during the aftertaste. May your eyes never gaze upon the beauty of a sunset ever again, until you atone for the horrifying travesties you've inflicted upon your fellow survivors. May your feet never feel the wonder of freshly-cut grass until first being singed and blistered by the hottest coals from the fire upon which you callously cast me, without regard, into oblivion.
Rev and Apa. Evil incarnate. You co******ing douche bags deserve whatever horrible fate comes to you. And I will do all in my power to deliver that fate. Congratulations for making it one round farther in the game. Unfortunately, you will not finish the game. You will die, as you deserve to, in a flaming heap of **** and vengeance. My vitriol knows no bounds, and I will do everything in my power to make sure you do not finish this race first. You will stumble, you will fall, and you will perish into the deepest crevice leading straight to Hell as Lucifer himself pulls you down to where you deserve to spend your own personal eternity. Enjoy it, you ****s. You've earned it.