Ring of Famer
Join Date: Oct 2003
Beanie: Well, let me be the first to say congratulations to you man; you have one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart man.
Mitch: True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
Frank: A little housewarming gift.
Mitch: I actually gave this to you for your wedding.
Frank: This model?
Mitch: That exact one.
Mitch: ...and all I want to do is get some ****ing sleep.
Beanie: Whoa. Whoa. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say "earmuffs" to him, and you can say "****, sh*t, b*tch."
Frank: Cock. Balls.
Beanie: Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass.
Marissa: Just as long as you promise to take it easy.
Frank: What do you mean?
Marissa: You know exactly what I mean. You've come along way since Frank the Tank and we don't want him coming back do we?
Frank: Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back, ok? That part of me is over. Water under the bridge. I promise.
Frank: I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.
College Student: A big day? Doing what?
Frank: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.
[holding the beer bong]
Frank: Do it again. Do it again. It tastes so good when it hits your lips.
Frank: We're going streaking!
Therapist: Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.
Frank: Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?
Mitch: Who's this guy?
Beanie: Oh, that's Blue. An old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry. He's legit.
Mitch: He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?
Beanie: You kidding me? Old man river can't shut up about it.
Mitch: At this point, you might be asking yourself, 'why am I holding this 30lb. Cinder block in my hands? You might also ask yourself, 'why does this cinder block have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?
[Two girls are topless in the pool of KY jelly]
Frank: Are you sure you're ok with this, Blue?
Blue: Just ring the ****ing bell, you pansy.
Frank: Blue. Do you trust I don't want to see you die here tonight?
Blue: Sir, yes sir.
Frank: Blue. You're my boy.
Beanie: Don't beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It's not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die.
Nicole: I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?
Mitch: Well, yes but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.
Peppers: Hey, hey. Careful with that. That's the most powerful tranq gun on the market. Got her in Mexico.
Peppers: Yeah, it is cool. They say it can puncture the skin of a rhino from...
[Frank shoots himself in the neck with the dart]
Peppers: YES. That's awesome.
Peppers: You just took one in the jugular, man.
Peppers: You should pull that out.
Frank: Wait, pull what out?
Peppers: The dart. You gotta ****ing dart in your neck.
Frank: [laughs] Y-You're crazy, man. You're crazy. I like you, but you're crazy.
Frank: So what do you guys like better? Nurse or cheerleader? Oh, hi Nicole. Have fun at the wedding?