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-   -   OT - Need some advice from neutral people(serious please) (http://www.orangemane.com/BB/showthread.php?t=91297)

TheChamp24 04-27-2010 10:25 AM

OT - Need some advice from neutral people(serious please)
 
Okay, I'm in the process of making a decision in my life, and need some advice.

I am currently living in Texas, and I hate it here, only reason I moved here was to be near my family. However, there are family issues and I really want to move away.
First, let me say I got involved with a great woman, and we got engaged not too long ago. She moved here in Texas to be with me, but alas, she hates it here too. Now, I don't want to get in too many details, but she had a terrible childhood that caused her to have to drop out of high school, but is set on getting a GED to get into college. She is 22, and I am 25 with a Bachelor's in Accounting from University of Oklahoma. I have an okay job for a private company here, but could definitely get a better one with the economy picking up. She hasn't had a job because she continues to get hired at a place and either not like it, or the pay/hours are **** and no use working it for getting the price back to cover the gas.
Also, she has a 4 year old daughter, so makes it tougher.
Now, she comes from the East Coast, Myrtle Beach, SC. She is very easy-going, comfortable and I'll say "care-free". Most people over there are. Well, she tells me we can move to Myrtle Beach, cut our expenses down, she can easily get a job as a server, and she has contacts and a staffing agency that can get me a job in a month. Basically, become financially stable because we aren't here.
Now, my parents/family will be upset due to the fact that I am leaving a job, known income, to go someplace where there is no guarantee, and also have no money.

I know I'm leaving some stuff out, but basically, I want to hear what other people think of moving out there, which she wants to do in June, for what she feels is the right thing to do, and will make us stable and happy.

TheReverend 04-27-2010 10:28 AM

Break up. Dead serious.

Rohirrim 04-27-2010 10:28 AM

At the age of 25, you can take some gambles. Follow your heart.

SureShot 04-27-2010 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheReverend (Post 2826287)
Break up. Dead serious.

Interesting....

loborugger 04-27-2010 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rohirrim (Post 2826288)
At the age of 25, you can take some gambles. Follow your heart.

This... no kids, no mortgage, not much to lose. Almost assuredly you wont do it when you are 45.

Mr.Meanie 04-27-2010 10:31 AM

Honestly some of my best decisions in life have been diving head first into something completely unknown. If you have a partner who is the way you describe, this kind of move would likely improve your relationship even if there are some tough times initially.

Take the plunge, and don't live with regret for not doing something that could potentially be great, or out of fear of the unknown. IMO.

jhns 04-27-2010 10:33 AM

Personally, I wouldn't be able to just pick up and go without getting a job first. If you can, I would suggest looking for a job out there before moving. If you are lucky, you will find one that pays for the move as well. That would also make it so your family doesn't have to worry about you leaving your current job.

DomCasual 04-27-2010 10:33 AM

Well, I'll tell you that I love Myrtle Beach. Of course, I've only been there for a handful of vacations, so living there would probably be a lot different. But I love that place!

That said, you had better be pretty darn sure the relationship is going to work before you go out there.

Bronco Boy 04-27-2010 10:37 AM

Get a job before you move, not after.

no-pseudo-fan 04-27-2010 10:38 AM

Why not take some time off, a week or so, and go down to South Carolina. See for yourself what it is or isn't. What your job opportunities might be, salaries, general cost of living things.

Get all the information. Think it over critically, taking her out of the situation.

What is best for you?
Will I be happier here or there?

Things change in a hurry, and if you are moving to make someone else happy it will not turn out well.

Chris 04-27-2010 10:39 AM

Do you really want to take on this burden? Are you doing this for the girl or for you?

If you were to move I would secure a job before moving.

PRBronco 04-27-2010 10:39 AM

How long have you been with the lady? I don't like the part about her not working...without knowing the whole story, it sounds like you might be being taken advantage of.

TheReverend 04-27-2010 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SureShot (Post 2826290)
Interesting....

No brainer, imo.

"She hasn't had a job because she continues to get hired at a place and either not like it"

"Also, she has a 4 year old daughter, so makes it tougher."

"Now, I don't want to get in too many details, but she had a terrible childhood that caused her to have to drop out of high school"

Three key sentences. I'm sure she had rough circumstances as you said, but now she has a 4 year old and apparently lacks the responsibility to even put a solid effort into independently taking care of her child. You can try and blow that off as another reason to where she feels comfortable moving, but uprooting your own life (which it sounds like you have YOUR **** together, albeit probably a little blinded by emotion) on a chance she matures is absurd.

Side note: Unrelated to the previous point, but something that sounds like it's true. You may be being used. A relationship should be based on mutual respect, not by being Captain Save-A-Ho. That may or may not pertain to you, but take a step back and a close look at who you are and the reality of your relationship before doing ANYTHING.

So much more goes into this... what are your families opinions? Is this relationship what caused stress between you and your family? Do you feel the relationship is healthy, or is moving an option partly because you think it will heal part of the relationship?

hades 04-27-2010 10:43 AM

I moved to Texas only knowing my first wife, her family was here, mine in Colorado. I've lived here since 1985 now!

OABB 04-27-2010 10:43 AM

are the "issues" with your family related to her in anyway?

Grumps 04-27-2010 10:45 AM

Don't leave your current job without having something solid lined up first.

Garcia Bronco 04-27-2010 10:45 AM

I think you'd be a fool to move to SC. It's a dump. Every last part of it. Look at other places. You are the "bread winner". She can be a server anywhere. Literally. Your ability to generate income is of greater importance. Look at Denver. Higher cost of living, but you'll earn more wealth, her kid will get a better education, you'll have more options as far as job opportunities. Most importantly you don't have to make it happen today. It'll take time to fund the right opportunity no matter where you go.

People that jump in head first usually don't have a bucket to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.

HAT 04-27-2010 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheReverend (Post 2826308)
No brainer, imo.

"She hasn't had a job because she continues to get hired at a place and either not like it"

"Also, she has a 4 year old daughter, so makes it tougher."

"Now, I don't want to get in too many details, but she had a terrible childhood that caused her to have to drop out of high school"

Three key sentences. I'm sure she had rough circumstances as you said, but now she has a 4 year old and apparently lacks the responsibility to even put a solid effort into independently taking care of her child. You can try and blow that off as another reason to where she feels comfortable moving, but uprooting your own life (which it sounds like you have YOUR **** together, albeit probably a little blinded by emotion) on a chance she matures is absurd.

Side note: Unrelated to the previous point, but something that sounds like it's true. You may be being used. A relationship should be based on mutual respect, not by being Captain Save-A-Ho. That may or may not pertain to you, but take a step back and a close look at who you are and the reality of your relationship before doing ANYTHING.

So much more goes into this... what are your families opinions? Is this relationship what caused stress between you and your family? Do you feel the relationship is healthy, or is moving an option partly because you think it will heal part of the relationship?

Spot on.....Leykis 101.

Also note that in the OP he says..."I got involved with" as opposed to "Fell in love with".

Miss I. 04-27-2010 10:46 AM

I have some thoughts on this:
1. yes, live with no regrets, if this is what you feel is the best for you then do it.
2. However, be at least a little pragmatic, you need to have a job before you move to a part of the country you have never lived before. She could move ahead and find a place and a job for herself before you get there and you could tie up loose ends in TX.

I have leapt often without looking and have been lucky, but I have also ended up in places where misery and backstabbing kissarses reigned. I am happier now in England then I was in Denver, but that had less to do with Denver (which is a city I loved) and more to do with certain logistics I hadn't overcome (2.5 to 3 hours commuting from CoS where my house was).

On the other hand don't let yourself be overwhelmed by the details in planning because in the end all of those can be dealt with. I almost backed off moving to England for that reason and am glad I didn't. In the end if what you have to gain by moving is more than what you have by staying, you have your answer.

Addendum: I do concur with the idea that the move has to be about you, not just her. I am not going to put judgment on who she may or may not be, but this decision needs to be one you want, not just something to make her happy.

That One Guy 04-27-2010 10:50 AM

Maybe having her go forth first to get a job would soften the blow of transition.

Seek happiness without a doubt. Live a little.

Whoops, Ms I beat me to my idea... thanks for pullin' the rug out. No contribution here, move along...

ScottXray 04-27-2010 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grumps (Post 2826311)
Don't leave your current job without having something solid lined up first.

+1 ...economy is getting better, but it still aint there yet. Jobs are still tough to find, and housing is probably gonna be higher there (resort community) than Texas.

Just look before you leap!

crush17 04-27-2010 10:52 AM

Move to Denver IMO.
You won't be disappointed.

TheChamp24 04-27-2010 10:53 AM

The issues are not solely on her. There were bad things said by my mom to my brother's wife, and my family likes to think themselves up and be elitist. My fiance' comes from a poor upbringing, that barely scraps by and basically, my family thinks she isn't good enough for me. I love her, and hate the attitude of my family. Heck, my brother flat out told me not to put my fiance's daughter in the daycare he uses for his kids, with the hint that it would "corrupt" them.

This is the reason why I posted this, because I wanted thoughts on people who I know would give different opinions based on the ones I've heard already.

She was adopted by the way, and her "mom" was 50 years old when she got her and died when she was 15, and her mom left her with basically everything. Well, she had step-siblings who were twice her age, and hated her. Needless to say, a 15 year old can't get inheritance until 18 I believe, and her siblings took her in, got what they wanted from her, and kicked her to the curb and forced her to drop out. That is what happened.

Also, we have no means of taking a week off, and flying there to spend a week, we simply don't have the money to do so. We would have enough to get there, and get set up with a roommate friend(female) and get to work.

Taco John 04-27-2010 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rohirrim (Post 2826288)
At the age of 25, you can take some gambles. Follow your heart.

Agreed. Nothing to do here but follow your heart. You parctically have nothing to lose at this age, and everything to gain.

TheChamp24 04-27-2010 10:56 AM

Also, to add, I would ****in love moving back to Colorado, and being in Denver. However, I don't think we'd have the money to do that, not yet anyway.


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