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-   -   OT - Need some advice from neutral people(serious please) (http://www.orangemane.com/BB/showthread.php?t=91297)

FireFly 04-28-2010 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TwinCitiesBronco (Post 2826299)
Get a job before you move, not after.

QFT

Then move.

sixtimeseight 04-28-2010 05:54 AM

"She hasn't had a job because she continues to get hired at a place and either not like it"

"Also, she has a 4 year old daughter, so makes it tougher."

"Now, I don't want to get in too many details, but she had a terrible childhood that caused her to have to drop out of high school"

http://www.stockphototalk.com/photot...tojonathan.jpg

chrisp 04-28-2010 06:22 AM

Don't make the mistake of thinking you can 'save' someone with a troubled background. They will have their own issues that only thay can overcome: your support and understanding can help, but only that. She has to fix herself.

As far as the move goes, you have to reassure yourself that this is not a 'grass is greener' situation on her part. If she has trouble settling into homes or work (which would be entirely understandable given her background, but understanding it doesn't make it not a problem....) then that could mean that this move could turn into another move, or some other problem will suddenly become the Big Issue and The Thing We Have to Change and you will never find rest.

By all means follow your heart and take the plunge if you think its best. Only you can judge at the end of the day and if you consider your reasons carefully enough then I'm sure that the decision you finally make will be the right one. However, please remember those reasons after you've moved. You should expect unforseen issues to crop up after the move, be prepared for them, and more importantly make sure she is also prepared for that.

My ex-wife used to talk so firmly and bravely about each new beginning. She really believed each new change in her life would be the thing that sorted everything out. Trouble is it never did, so each time she had to find a new problem to blame, untill eventually the next problem was our marriage and I had to go......her background was different to your girlfriend's, but I can see some alarming parallels nonetheless.

At the end of the day if you do make a new start you have to both be utterly determined to make it work. Running away from problems doesn't always get rid of them and can easily become a habit, so be warned.

hookemhess 04-28-2010 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cmac821 (Post 2827167)
Hey, I knew I wasn't they only one that hated living in Texas. Worst place ever

You live in Amarillo. Do you need a sign?

Dukes 04-28-2010 07:47 AM

Dude, run for your life. Seriously.

BroncoInferno 04-28-2010 09:02 AM

Have I mentioned that Myrtle Beach blows? It surpasses even Las Vegas for utter tackiness and draws more douchebags per capita than Palm Springs.

RepentWalpurgis 04-28-2010 09:43 AM

Did you hate where you live and have trouble with your family before you met this woman?

SureShot 04-28-2010 09:59 AM

I want to be remembered for this take:

This will not end well.

Meck77 04-28-2010 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghwk (Post 2826728)
For some risks that is fine. Not this one imo. Think it through carefully with an eye on what happens if it all goes to s**t what did you give up to end up with that result. If we were talking about the job vs you spending 6 months in Europe I'd say go with your gut and get out of there.

Ghwk....You misunderstood my post. My statement about risk and going with your gut can apply to anything. Based on what I read this woman is full of resentments that haven't been resolved. Resentments are the #1 killer of relationships. If she hasn't resolved them they will surely follow her to the next town.

To be honest I think too many people rush into marriages and having babies to begin with. Heck most marriages have less than a 50% success rate as it is.

My advice. Let her go. Keep working, hit a couple Bronco games, and find a woman with an education like you have, a woman without children, and for crying out loud a woman who can hold a job!

Dukes 04-28-2010 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bombay (Post 2827521)
Did you hate where you live and have trouble with your family before you met this woman?

Excellent question!

DomCasual 04-28-2010 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BroncoInferno (Post 2827477)
Have I mentioned that Myrtle Beach blows? It surpasses even Las Vegas for utter tackiness and draws more douchebags per capita than Palm Springs.

Raises hand as someone who loves going to Myrtle Beach!

Beantown Bronco 04-28-2010 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomCasual (Post 2827551)
Raises hand as someone who loves going to Myrtle Beach!

But we already know that you are one of the douchebags he's referencing.

Irish Stout 04-28-2010 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheReverend (Post 2827414)
OP can't post updates because he's busy eloping and moving to Myrtle ****ing Beach.

He probably thinks we're all a bunch of A-holes who don't understand and he's sworn to Tebow to never coming back to the Mane.

Maybe we'll see him in 5 months. I'm sure we'll be supportive.

BroncoInferno 04-28-2010 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beantown Bronco (Post 2827553)
But we already know that you are one of the douchebags he's referencing.

You said it, not me ;D

Cleo McDowell 04-28-2010 10:29 AM

this thread is like crack.

TheChamp24 04-28-2010 10:36 AM

Oh boy, what do I say in responding?

Thank you for your opinions.

Side note, I mentioned this thread to her, and she saw it, and had this to say in a nustshell:
and what were the results? 20% of the people actually gave you legitimate advice, some told you to wait and save up more money, make investments, etc etc, and the rest of that 20% (the majority of it) told you to follow his heart, that you have nothing to lose.

the other 80% told you in a nutshell, that you're an idiot, to break up with me immediately, and go get laid by some hot chick in texas.

Oh, and that she doesn't like this forum because its mean >.>

haha, I liked that last comment she made.

Nonetheless, after much thinking, you guessed it, I'm going to move. Go ahead and queue this thread up for 6 months if you like, but I truly feel this will be better for my life than not going.

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement and thoughtfulness everyone, and I hope to make it out to a game this year. Couldn't last year because my brother sold all his tickets, I told him I want the Rams game to see my alumni Sam Bradford though.

Tombstone RJ 04-28-2010 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McFoneco1331 (Post 2826284)
Okay, I'm in the process of making a decision in my life, and need some advice.

I am currently living in Texas, and I hate it here, only reason I moved here was to be near my family. However, there are family issues and I really want to move away.
First, let me say I got involved with a great woman, and we got engaged not too long ago. She moved here in Texas to be with me, but alas, she hates it here too. Now, I don't want to get in too many details, but she had a terrible childhood that caused her to have to drop out of high school, but is set on getting a GED to get into college. She is 22, and I am 25 with a Bachelor's in Accounting from University of Oklahoma. I have an okay job for a private company here, but could definitely get a better one with the economy picking up. She hasn't had a job because she continues to get hired at a place and either not like it, or the pay/hours are **** and no use working it for getting the price back to cover the gas.
Also, she has a 4 year old daughter, so makes it tougher.
Now, she comes from the East Coast, Myrtle Beach, SC. She is very easy-going, comfortable and I'll say "care-free". Most people over there are. Well, she tells me we can move to Myrtle Beach, cut our expenses down, she can easily get a job as a server, and she has contacts and a staffing agency that can get me a job in a month. Basically, become financially stable because we aren't here.
Now, my parents/family will be upset due to the fact that I am leaving a job, known income, to go someplace where there is no guarantee, and also have no money.

I know I'm leaving some stuff out, but basically, I want to hear what other people think of moving out there, which she wants to do in June, for what she feels is the right thing to do, and will make us stable and happy.

First, let me just say that the economy in TX is better than in most places in America. So, if you don't already have a job lined up when you leave, don't go.

And, don't let her force you into anything you don't want to do. I'm going out on a limb here but I'm thinking your problems with your family are due in a lot of ways with your relationship with this young lady.

If you cut and run because you "think" you don't like TX and because you "know" it's because your family is just a little uneasy about your relationship, then your taking an unecessary risk.

Go with your head, not your heart.

If she really needs you and she really respects you and she knows you can be the dad her child needs, then she has to respect your decision.

My advice, don't go to Myrtle Beach.

Cleo McDowell 04-28-2010 10:40 AM

you showed her this thread too?
 
http://bluntobject.files.wordpress.c...e-facepalm.jpg

SoDak Bronco 04-28-2010 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cleo McDowell (Post 2827574)

Hilarious!:kiddingme:flush:

Dukes 04-28-2010 10:46 AM

Moving to SC = Fail

Showing her this thread = Epic Fail

Tombstone RJ 04-28-2010 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrisp (Post 2827366)
Don't make the mistake of thinking you can 'save' someone with a troubled background. They will have their own issues that only thay can overcome: your support and understanding can help, but only that. She has to fix herself.

As far as the move goes, you have to reassure yourself that this is not a 'grass is greener' situation on her part. If she has trouble settling into homes or work (which would be entirely understandable given her background, but understanding it doesn't make it not a problem....) then that could mean that this move could turn into another move, or some other problem will suddenly become the Big Issue and The Thing We Have to Change and you will never find rest.

By all means follow your heart and take the plunge if you think its best. Only you can judge at the end of the day and if you consider your reasons carefully enough then I'm sure that the decision you finally make will be the right one. However, please remember those reasons after you've moved. You should expect unforseen issues to crop up after the move, be prepared for them, and more importantly make sure she is also prepared for that.

My ex-wife used to talk so firmly and bravely about each new beginning. She really believed each new change in her life would be the thing that sorted everything out. Trouble is it never did, so each time she had to find a new problem to blame, untill eventually the next problem was our marriage and I had to go......her background was different to your girlfriend's, but I can see some alarming parallels nonetheless.

At the end of the day if you do make a new start you have to both be utterly determined to make it work. Running away from problems doesn't always get rid of them and can easily become a habit, so be warned.

QFT. Women who are emotionally unstable think that happiness is just around the corner. It's always somewhere in the future because they are too emotionally ill equiped to deal with the present.

I was in a very similar relationship and no matter what I did to make her happy, she finally decided it was not the house we bought together and all the stuff we had done together that didn't work, it was just me.

But, I was the same damn guy she supposedly fell in love with. She too come from a destroyed childhood and the problem was not so much me or us, but her and her inability to cope with reality.

Tombstone RJ 04-28-2010 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McFoneco1331 (Post 2827571)
Oh boy, what do I say in responding?

Thank you for your opinions.

Side note, I mentioned this thread to her, and she saw it, and had this to say in a nustshell:
and what were the results? 20% of the people actually gave you legitimate advice, some told you to wait and save up more money, make investments, etc etc, and the rest of that 20% (the majority of it) told you to follow his heart, that you have nothing to lose.

the other 80% told you in a nutshell, that you're an idiot, to break up with me immediately, and go get laid by some hot chick in texas.

Oh, and that she doesn't like this forum because its mean >.>

haha, I liked that last comment she made.

Nonetheless, after much thinking, you guessed it, I'm going to move. Go ahead and queue this thread up for 6 months if you like, but I truly feel this will be better for my life than not going.

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement and thoughtfulness everyone, and I hope to make it out to a game this year. Couldn't last year because my brother sold all his tickets, I told him I want the Rams game to see my alumni Sam Bradford though.

Wow, I have to say, your going to be sorry.

It sounds like she's doing the thinking for you. Too bad, and good luck.

HorseHead 04-28-2010 10:55 AM

if she looks like "Dukes" avatar, you do whatever she says...

Dukes 04-28-2010 10:57 AM

Fellow Maners, I think we need an intervention


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