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Blart
08-21-2011, 11:36 PM
Jesus Christ Claims Tim Tebow Not Ready To Be NFL Starter


DENVER—Jesus Christ, noted Son of God and football analyst proclaimed Monday that second-year Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow lacks the pocket presence, arm strength, and passing accuracy necessary to be a starter in the NFL. “Tim’s place is at the right hand of the other backups on the bench, and his earthly works show that he deserves to dwell there all the days of his life,” said Lord and Savior of all mankind, adding, ““It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for Tim Tebow to complete a pass against the Cover-2”. “For Tebow must have faith in coach Fox’s plan, and pay his dues by wearing the headset, and by calling in plays from the clipboard while watching from the sidelines.” Christ also asked Tebow to stop praying to Him and asking to be made the number one quarterback in the depth chart, claiming “that’s never going to ****ing happen.”http://o.onionstatic.com/img/icons/terminator.gif

---------------------

I'm excited to contribute another thread about our 3rd string QB.

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/jesus-christ-claims-tim-tebow-not-ready-to-be-nfl,21167/

Shananahan
08-21-2011, 11:55 PM
Pretty good stuff, though I don't think the final sentence was needed. I realize that type of closing is fairly standard for the Onion, but the Biblical football quotes were funnier than the concept of Jesus dropping an F-bomb.

TheReverend
08-22-2011, 06:04 AM
I lol'd

Kaylore
08-22-2011, 06:32 AM
In before DrFate hates!

DrFate
08-22-2011, 06:49 AM
In before DrFate hates!

Morning Kaylore.

(It's still not funny)

Man-Goblin
08-22-2011, 06:53 AM
tebow=tbow=crossbow=cross bow

supermanhr9
08-22-2011, 06:54 AM
Pretty good stuff, though I don't think the final sentence was needed. I realize that type of closing is fairly standard for the Onion, but the Biblical football quotes were funnier than the concept of Jesus dropping an F-bomb.

Agreed. JC doesn't drop F-Bombs.

Blart
08-22-2011, 07:02 AM
I'm pretty sure Jesus had no idea which words would be frowned upon in a foreign land/culture/language 2011 years in the future. As long as it wasn't his pop's name in vain, that is.

DeuceOfClub
08-22-2011, 07:10 AM
'The Onion' - not even a chuckle, since 1988.

jhns
08-22-2011, 07:18 AM
I'm pretty sure Jesus had no idea which words would be frowned upon in a foreign land/culture/language 2011 years in the future. As long as it wasn't his pop's name in vain, that is.

He just said it on Monday... Tebow didn't play 2011 years ago...

The op isn't funny though. They wrote a joke that everyone has used for years now and theirs was one of the least funny of them.

bowtown
08-22-2011, 07:19 AM
Love the people who feel the need to rush into every Onion thread and declare it to be unfunny. Not everything can be as funny as your well worn Larry The Cable Guy DVD.

DrFate
08-22-2011, 07:20 AM
Not everything can be as funny as your well worn Larry The Cable Guy DVD.

He's not funny either.

TheReverend
08-22-2011, 07:27 AM
Love the people who feel the need to rush into every Onion thread and declare it to be unfunny. Not everything can be as funny as your well worn Larry The Cable Guy DVD.

Post of August.

Boobs McGee
08-22-2011, 07:29 AM
Hahaha

jhns
08-22-2011, 07:32 AM
Love the people who feel the need to rush into every Onion thread and declare it to be unfunny. Not everything can be as funny as your well worn Larry The Cable Guy DVD.

Duh. Larry is the ****. A joke from a comedy site should be a little more clever than the average orange mane joke though. I like some stuff from the onion but this one was disappointing.

Kaylore
08-22-2011, 07:46 AM
tebow=tbow=crossbow=cross bow

This.....or something.

Kaylore
08-22-2011, 07:47 AM
He's not funny either.

http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0901/hey-beetlejuice-doris-joker-funny-demotivational-poster-1231432214.jpg

DrFate
08-22-2011, 07:56 AM
I'm not (I laughed at the jpg, by the way)

I have a great sense of humor - i just have never found anything from the Onion funny.

Shananahan
08-22-2011, 08:57 AM
I pity you people.

bendog
08-22-2011, 09:02 AM
I pity you people.

http://bibleencyclopedia.com/pity.htm

TailgateNut
08-22-2011, 09:03 AM
I pity you people.


:rofl:

Spider
08-22-2011, 09:26 AM
I'm excited to contribute another thread about our 3rd string QB.

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/jesus-christ-claims-tim-tebow-not-ready-to-be-nfl,21167/


Jesus Christ Claims Tim Tebow Not Ready To Be NFL Starter


DENVER—Jesus Christ, noted Son of God and football analyst proclaimed Monday that second-year Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow lacks the pocket presence, arm strength, and passing accuracy necessary to be a starter in the NFL. “Tim’s place is at the right hand of the other backups on the bench, and his earthly works show that he deserves to dwell there all the days of his life,” said Lord and Savior of all mankind, adding, ““It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for Tim Tebow to complete a pass against the Cover-2”. “For Tebow must have faith in coach Fox’s plan, and pay his dues by wearing the headset, and by calling in plays from the clipboard while watching from the sidelines.” Christ also asked Tebow to stop praying to Him and asking to be made the number one quarterback in the depth chart, claiming “that’s never going to ****ing happen.”http://o.onionstatic.com/img/icons/terminator.gif
:rofl:

TheReverend
08-22-2011, 09:47 AM
I'm not (I laughed at the jpg, by the way)

I have a great sense of humor - i just have never found anything from the Onion funny.

Clearly not from Wisconsin.

Before it went worldwide on the net, it was a Madison based production and drop dead hilarious with every turn of the page.

An example of its golden era:

Chris Farley Has Hilarious Cardiac Arrest

NEW YORK—Obese comedian Chris Farley delighted dozens of onlookers Thursday, suffering an uproarious heart attack at a Manhattan restaurant. “He was enjoying our $10.99 all-you-can-eat lasagna special,” said Il Trattoria owner Ed Gianelli, “when he turned all red and started pounding on his chest. He then flopped onto a nearby table, smashing it into splinters and sending food flying in all directions. I was in hysterics. This guy is the next Belushi.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately not quite as funny now that he's dead :/

DrFate
08-22-2011, 09:49 AM
Not from Wisconsin, no.

How is imagining someone having a heart attack funny?

Pick Six
08-22-2011, 09:52 AM
“It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for Tim Tebow to complete a pass against the Cover-2”.

Nice...LOL

bronco militia
08-22-2011, 09:53 AM
http://www.drewlitton.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/litt110823bw.gif

bowtown
08-22-2011, 09:53 AM
Not from Wisconsin, no.

How is imagining someone having a heart attack funny?

Oh boy... yeah your sense of humor is outstanding.

TheReverend
08-22-2011, 09:55 AM
Not from Wisconsin, no.

How is imagining someone having a heart attack funny?

I take it you've never heard of Chris Farley...?

<iframe width="560" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8xzVOsYGRp8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

DrFate
08-22-2011, 09:55 AM
Oh boy...

If it were a Farley skit where he was holding his breath and flopping around and smashing dishes around - maybe that would be funny. (not a big Farley fan either)

How bout this...

'Your mom died! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAH'

Is that funny?

bowtown
08-22-2011, 09:56 AM
If it were a Farley skit where he was holding his breath and flopping around and smashing dishes around - maybe that would be funny. (not a big Farley fan either)

How bout this...

'Your mom died! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAH'

Is that funny?

Nobody ever said it was... the Onion has, to date, not written any stories about my mother... which by the way surprises me, as there is a wealth of material there.

DrFate
08-22-2011, 09:56 AM
I take it you've never heard of Chris Farley...?


^^ see above

That skit relies heavily on a visual element. That element is lacking otherwise. You think reading the script for that skit would be funny?

'Farley thrashes around on table'

TheElusiveKyleOrton
08-22-2011, 09:58 AM
"Chris Farley isn't funny either."

DrFate: in the market for a sense of humor.

TheReverend
08-22-2011, 09:58 AM
^^ see above

That skit relies heavily on a visual element. That element is lacking otherwise. You think reading the script for that skit would be funny?

'Farley thrashes around on table'

Holy ****... see bowtown's post.

The funny part isn't him having a heart attack... the funny part is people being so used to his self-deprecating, physical humor that they don't realize he's actually having a heart attack.

Most people don't need things spelled out for them, but there you go...

DrFate
08-22-2011, 09:59 AM
"Chris Farley isn't funny either."


I didn't say that. I said I wasn't a big fan.

Most of his schtick was taking his shirt off and dancing. I don't think a fat guy dancing is funny.

DrFate
08-22-2011, 10:00 AM
the funny part is people ...don't realize he's actually having a heart attack.

So now I'm supposed to laugh at a guy actually having a heart attack..

TailgateNut
08-22-2011, 10:00 AM
“It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for Tim Tebow to complete a pass against the Cover-2”.

Nice...LOL


:thanku:

I didn't read the whole article, but this is gold, pure gold!

Garcia Bronco
08-22-2011, 10:02 AM
I didn't say that. I said I wasn't a big fan.

Most of his schtick was taking his shirt off and dancing. I don't think a fat guy dancing is funny.

Agreed. His movies were good and have some great lines, but on SNL...it was the same skit over and over again.

TheReverend
08-22-2011, 10:04 AM
So now I'm supposed to laugh at a guy actually having a heart attack..

I have a great sense of humor

brb rolling eyes

TheElusiveKyleOrton
08-22-2011, 10:04 AM
I didn't say that. I said I wasn't a big fan.

Most of his schtick was taking his shirt off and dancing. I don't think a fat guy dancing is funny.

That was one skit. Shirt off, dancing. The Chippendales skit with Patrick Swayze. Doesn't account for his movies... all the other skits he was a part of... YEARS on SNL... but sure, his whole schtick is taking his shirt off and dancing.

:thumbs:

DrFate
08-22-2011, 10:06 AM
brb rolling eyes

You JUST SAID the funny part is that people don't realize he's actually having a heart attack. I quoted it.

I don't think that's funny. The skit isn't bad, in and of itself. But the Onion bit that is derivative of the skit isn't.

DrFate
08-22-2011, 10:06 AM
but sure, his whole schtick is taking his shirt off and dancing.

:thumbs:

You have a real issue with accurately quoting people. I didn't say that was his whole schtick.

He also mussed his hair and acted stupid in that Down by the River skit.

Spider
08-22-2011, 10:13 AM
Not from Wisconsin, no.

How is imagining someone having a heart attack funny?

you really went there ......

Spider
08-22-2011, 10:14 AM
Redd Foxx was still the master of the fake heart attack LMAO

TheElusiveKyleOrton
08-22-2011, 10:16 AM
You have a real issue with accurately quoting people. I didn't say that was his whole schtick.

He also mussed his hair and acted stupid in that Down by the River skit.

You have a real issue knowing something funny when you see it.

Just "most of his schtick." Good point. I stand corrected. Taking his shirt off and dancing, which he did in ONE (1) skit, is "most of his schtick."

Hilarious!

DrFate
08-22-2011, 10:38 AM
Redd Foxx was still the master of the fake heart attack LMAO

Redd Foxx WAS funny :)

alkemical
08-22-2011, 10:43 AM
289 tebow threads on the wall, 289 threads.

Take one down, bump it around

288 tebow threads on the wall...

DrFate
08-22-2011, 10:47 AM
289 tebow threads on the wall, 289 threads.

Take one down, bump it around

288 tebow threads on the wall...

LOL that was funny

myMind
08-22-2011, 12:07 PM
<iframe width="420" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/oGWbt3DSje0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

DBroncos4life
08-22-2011, 12:24 PM
Too late Jesus, Steve Young already spoke on this matter.

Shananahan
08-22-2011, 12:27 PM
Redd Foxx WAS funny :)
I'm interested in hearing about what else you find amusing and hilarious.

Seriously.

Spider
08-22-2011, 07:52 PM
<iframe width="420" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/stdi-1tIUhM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

DrFate
08-22-2011, 08:21 PM
I'm interested in hearing about what else you find amusing and hilarious.

Seriously.

Seinfeld is funny - start there

Arkie
08-22-2011, 11:21 PM
Seinfeld is funny - start there

Especially the one where George thinks he has a heart attack! ROFL!

DHallblows
08-22-2011, 11:31 PM
Seinfeld is funny - start there

Oh Jesus

broncocalijohn
08-23-2011, 12:01 AM
Post of August.

Yet you came in on the Comedy Channel Stewart's episode on Palin and Trump and the Pizza Lunch telling us it wasn't funny after a few minutes.
http://www.orangemane.com/BB/showthread.php?t=98418&highlight=Jon+stewart+pizza (many thought this was funny if you missed it)

Hmmm (insert Bert jpeg here)