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Royalfan19
01-22-2011, 03:16 PM
I've been a member on this forum for over 6 years (under a different handle for the first 5). I've seen many members come here for personal advice, and Taco's been great to allow it from time to time, I have a question I'd like to ask some of you.

I don't know if you guys have heard of a woman named Amy Chua, here is a link to her article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

In the article she talks about why Chinese mothers produce superior kids, by basically physically and emotionally abusing the kid and forcing them into good grades. My mother was similar in raising me.

She literally locked up the TVs in the house while she was at work so i couldn't watch them. I was not allowed to even date girls for as long as I lived in the house. Grades were everything. If I got a "C," my parents would go on their planned family vacation without me. If I got "C"s, we would not celebrate my birthday (this practice started when I was about 7), and we would not celebrate chirstmas or new years.

If I got mostly C's, I would get on both knees (age 12) and hold at that position for 4 hours. Once a teacher remarked that my handwriting was difficult to read (4th grade) - so I was forced to do writing exercises for 3 full days - on my winter break from school. Probably the worst was when my mom threw a kitchen knife at me when she found out my grades went down for a semester in highschool (thankfully I ducked).

The result? I am just turning 23, I am in one of very best "elite" law schools in the country, where I am in the top third or so of my class. I have interviews lined up for my dream job, and I've met every goal I've set in the last 2 years.

I also break down every week or so in a frenzy of self hate.

Sometimes its convulsive crying, sometimes its violent, it seems random, but is generally triggered when I think of my childhood; and now I fear I'm putting my loved one in danger. Somehow, when I was in college, I became very sociable (alcohol is a hell of a drug), and scored that All American trophy girlfriend I always dreamed of, but the problem is... she's white. She's had the parents that article refers to as "pushovers", parents I wish I had so I wouldn't be so emotionally broken. The stress from law school has caused these break downs to become very frequent and its starting to hurt our relationship because I can get verbally abusive and throw things (not at her, of course). All this is stressing her out and its doubling the stress because I don't want to put her in a bad environment and I want to be a more positive person (like the person I pretend to be when I'm outside the apartment), but its all so ****ing fake. I feel broken.

I'm starting to think I need professional help, I'm in Chicago, but I don't have health insurance here. I am very tight on money, as I've got a quarter million dollars of student loans to pay off.

I'm writing here because I've seen the mane offer good advice to other members here, and I'm hoping some of you may have some suggestions for me. Do any of you know where I can get help thats affordable or free? I've thought about seeking help from the school's health department, but I don't know if I'm comfortable telling someone I know, I find it embarrassing. Thank you all in advance.

UltimateHoboW/Shotgun
01-22-2011, 03:20 PM
I've been a member on this forum for over 6 years (under a different handle for the first 5). I've seen many members come here for personal advice, and Taco's been great to allow it from time to time, I have a question I'd like to ask some of you.

I don't know if you guys have heard of a woman named Amy Chua, here is a link to her article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

In the article she talks about why Chinese mothers produce superior kids, by basically physically and emotionally abusing the kid and forcing them into good grades. My mother was similar in raising me.

She literally locked up the TVs in the house while she was at work so i couldn't watch them. I was not allowed to even date girls for as long as I lived in the house. Grades were everything. If I got a "C," my parents would go on their planned family vacation without me. If I got "C"s, we would not celebrate my birthday (this practice started when I was about 7), and we would not celebrate chirstmas or new years.

If I got mostly C's, I would get on both knees (age 12) and hold at that position for 4 hours. Once a teacher remarked that my handwriting was difficult to read (4th grade) - so I was forced to do writing exercises for 3 full days - on my winter break from school. Probably the worst was when my mom threw a kitchen knife at me when she found out my grades went down for a semester in highschool (thankfully I ducked).

The result? I am just turning 23, I am in one of very best "elite" law schools in the country, where I am in the top third or so of my class. I have interviews lined up for my dream job, and I've met every goal I've set in the last 2 years.

I also break down every week or so in a frenzy of self hate.

Sometimes its convulsive crying, sometimes its violent, now I fear I'm putting my loved one in danger. Somehow, when I was in college, I became very sociable (alcohol is a hell of a drug), and scored that All American trophy girlfriend I always dreamed of, but the problem is... she's white. She's had the parents that article refers to as "pushovers", parents I wish I had so I wouldn't be so emotionally broken. The stress from law school has caused these break downs to become very frequent and its starting to hurt our relationship because I can get verbally abusive and throw things (not at her, of course). All this is stressing her out and its doubling the stress because I don't want to put her in a bad environment and I want to be a more positive person (like the person I pretend to be when I'm outside the apartment), but its all so ****ing fake. I feel broken.

I'm starting to think I need professional help, I'm in Chicago, but I don't have health insurance here. I am very tight on money, as I've got a quarter million dollars of student loans to pay off.

I'm writing here because I've seen the mane offer good advice to other members here, and I'm hoping some of you may have some suggestions for me. Do any of you know where I can get help thats affordable or free? I've thought about seeking help from the school's health department, but I don't know if I'm comfortable telling someone I know, I find it embarrassing. Thank you all in advance.

Your parent did a good job in making a person that contributes to society. When you get that dream job invest in threapy.

_Oro_
01-22-2011, 03:22 PM
I would lose the anxiety and the self-hate. Best way to lose anxiety? No joke, it's aerobic exercise. If that's not enough then maybe it's time for some pills from the psychiatrist.

The issues with your Mom, I would let those go. Eventhough she's your Mom, she's her own person and you also are your own person. You need to start being yourself and stop being something so connected to your Mom.

It mostly sounds like you need to take a break. You can always delay loan payments for about 6 months. I would take advantage of this and go travelling or try something new you always wanted to do.

There's nothing stopping you from getting back into law and who knows you may always run into something new and unexpected.

As for the girl thing, again, if you like her then it shouldn't matter what your parents think at all.

The MVPlaya
01-22-2011, 03:22 PM
I've been a member on this forum for over 6 years (under a different handle for the first 5). I've seen many members come here for personal advice, and Taco's been great to allow it from time to time, I have a question I'd like to ask some of you.

I don't know if you guys have heard of a woman named Amy Chua, here is a link to her article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

In the article she talks about why Chinese mothers produce superior kids, by basically physically and emotionally abusing the kid and forcing them into good grades. My mother was similar in raising me.

She literally locked up the TVs in the house while she was at work so i couldn't watch them. I was not allowed to even date girls for as long as I lived in the house. Grades were everything. If I got a "C," my parents would go on their planned family vacation without me. If I got "C"s, we would not celebrate my birthday (this practice started when I was about 7), and we would not celebrate chirstmas or new years.

If I got mostly C's, I would get on both knees (age 12) and hold at that position for 4 hours. Once a teacher remarked that my handwriting was difficult to read (4th grade) - so I was forced to do writing exercises for 3 full days - on my winter break from school. Probably the worst was when my mom threw a kitchen knife at me when she found out my grades went down for a semester in highschool (thankfully I ducked).

The result? I am just turning 23, I am in one of very best "elite" law schools in the country, where I am in the top third or so of my class. I have interviews lined up for my dream job, and I've met every goal I've set in the last 2 years.

I also break down every week or so in a frenzy of self hate.

Sometimes its convulsive crying, sometimes its violent, now I fear I'm putting my loved one in danger. Somehow, when I was in college, I became very sociable (alcohol is a hell of a drug), and scored that All American trophy girlfriend I always dreamed of, but the problem is... she's white. She's had the parents that article refers to as "pushovers", parents I wish I had so I wouldn't be so emotionally broken. The stress from law school has caused these break downs to become very frequent and its starting to hurt our relationship because I can get verbally abusive and throw things (not at her, of course). All this is stressing her out and its doubling the stress because I don't want to put her in a bad environment and I want to be a more positive person (like the person I pretend to be when I'm outside the apartment), but its all so ****ing fake. I feel broken.

I'm starting to think I need professional help, I'm in Chicago, but I don't have health insurance here. I am very tight on money, as I've got a quarter million dollars of student loans to pay off.

I'm writing here because I've seen the mane offer good advice to other members here, and I'm hoping some of you may have some suggestions for me. Do any of you know where I can get help thats affordable or free? I've thought about seeking help from the school's health department, but I don't know if I'm comfortable telling someone I know, I find it embarrassing. Thank you all in advance.

If you're in school, there should be some sort of free services they offer to visit a psychologist on campus.

Your problem is a deeper issue, since it stems from your childhood and basically throughout your most vulnerable years.

But the best thing to do is seek professional help, a psychologist. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, so don't say it as if it it's a bad thing. Everyone could use a visit to the psychologist.

The MVPlaya
01-22-2011, 03:30 PM
Just read the last paragraph of your post...

If it's on campus, how would it be someone you know? Do you actually know the person that works in there?

And don't be embarrassed, many Asians go through the same thing you go through...

Just take a visit, they see many people everyday...

Royalfan19
01-22-2011, 03:32 PM
Just read the last paragraph of your post...

If it's on campus, how would it be someone you know? Do you actually know the person that works in there?

And don't be embarrassed, many Asians go through the same thing you go through...

Just take a visit, they see many people everyday...

Don't know the actual person but law schools are relatively small and tight knit, my entire year sits at around 200 kids.

SoCalBronco
01-22-2011, 03:33 PM
It is a difficult issue. I was also physically hit at times when I was younger and did poorly in grade school and also Junior High, although its nowhere near what you are describing (no knives). Oddly enough, I also ended up in a good law school and did well there, although yes it was very stressful and not a fun time (my sister is experiencing the same, currently). Putting aside your Mom for a moment, when you are in law school, you have to give yourself a break and do some things to relax. Since you've been there for awhile now I'm sure I think you have started to figure out whats important and whats not important, i.e. you dont have to fret about reading all the notecases, or being afraid of being totally prepared for class etc. After your first year, you should take it a slight bit easier. Don't stress out too much, if you are in the top third you are doing fine, if you dont make law review, the world isn't going to end. Just take it easy and MAKE time for yourself and for your GF. Do some fun things. Much props on your achievements in school, but it was at a great price. It is always difficult for a parent to find the middle ground on this. You have to allow a kid to have some fun (and my parents did), but you have to be pretty stern on grades too because thats so important for your future....it is very difficult nowadays to make something of yourself with just a college degree, you have to keep going and you have to do well in post-graduate studies. That's their mindset and its not an incorrect mindset. Obviously, I think your Mom was WAY extreme to the point where its obviously had a very destructive impact on you as a person. If I were you I would definitely avail myself of any help the school's health department can offer. Don't be embarassed and don't be shy. You aren't the only kid in law school that is stressed or that is there because your parents scared you into being a great student. ALOT of kids are like that. When I was at Loyola, I knew several kids that were in this situation. There's nothing to be embarassed about. Speak freely to counselors, you have to vent somehow and these people are there for a purpose. In terms of other resources, go take a yoga class or a meditation class, those are great stress relievers. Obviously they don't get to the heart of the issue with you and your mother and how you were raised but its a start. In terms of finding other resources, ask the health department for any referrals for any free programs they might know of. Ultimately, if you do need to make a monetary investment to get some professional help by all means do it. You will be making good money soon, so its not a big deal to at least get a couple counseling sessions with maybe some biofeedback therapy or something, you are investing in your own health. Without that you won't be able to do anything else.

UltimateHoboW/Shotgun
01-22-2011, 03:37 PM
Don't know the actual person but law schools are relatively small and tight knit, my entire year sits at around 200 kids.

If your still in school. You should go to the student health services department.

Requiem
01-22-2011, 03:45 PM
First off,

Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments!

Secondly, your school should have the resources necessary to help you. It is a guarantee that there will be a psychologist at your campus where you can get meet with them confidentially and most importantly, free. On my old campus there was that, and when I was working there I often referred students who were having struggles to such a place.

I'd be shocked if that wasn't available.

Best of luck.

baja
01-22-2011, 03:48 PM
Find a facilitator from this web site and take some sessions. I promise it will help immensely;


http://www.transformationalbreathing.com/

I am very serious with this advice.

PS I am very good friends with the founder and a TB facilitator myself, if you PM me I will give you more detail.

LonghornBronco
01-22-2011, 03:50 PM
If your still in school. You should go to the student health services department.

Yes, this... I did the same thing when I was in school, definitly helped. :thumbs:

mhgaffney
01-22-2011, 04:14 PM
One of the most effective therapies out there is the Fisher-Hoffman Quadrinity Process.

It's been around a long time and works for upwards of 70% of the people why try it.

It's a 3-4 month process which enables an individual to work through and resolve negative issues with the parents. It's kind of pricy -- but if you want results you should check it out.

I went through it myself many years ago -- way back in 1980 -- and it turned my life around. On a scale of ten I give it a 9.5. You can't get much better than that.

Here a link:
http://enc.tfode.com/Hoffman_Quadrinity_Process

Dr. Broncenstein
01-22-2011, 04:18 PM
Perhaps you could sue your mom after you graduate.

Vegas_Bronco
01-22-2011, 05:00 PM
Be good to yourself! Society can place the burdens of the world on your shoulders if you let it (debt and $ issues) especially at a young age...and mom sounds like she groomed you to put this #1 in life. Figure out what you are (you already know who you shouldnt be) and become all that is good inside you...focus on your talents in your goals but keep them in perspective with what makes you happy. When you feel self hate go do something kind for someone else and make them happy. I hate myself more than anyone else I know but had to finally recognize that and make sure i dont entertain those ideals acting on it to make others miserable. My mother in law once told me that everyone deserves a bad day once in a while...but it should be outnumbered 30 fold so everyone around you knows to help you deal with it instead of assuming that's who you've become. I never knew I was allowed a bad day which helps.

cmhargrove
01-22-2011, 05:18 PM
First, it doesn't sound like you deserve all the messed up feelings you are experiencing.

Second, and this is my absolute honest and best advice. Go to church, I mean a real, honest, modern church that can meet you where you are. Explore your faith and answer the big questions first. This will help you with your frame of reference for all the other problems you are mentioning.

I wish you the best and would be glad to talk more if you want to PM me. I'd even do my best to help you find the right church if you wanted.

Thanks for sharing.

Chris
01-22-2011, 05:24 PM
I'll pm you.

DarkHorse30
01-22-2011, 07:29 PM
look, if you have 250k in school loans, I can tell why you're pissed/emotional about it.

The bottom line is......you are a pup. So, give me a freakin' break. Stop PUNISHING yourself for success and get a grip.

That's it. Done. Quit cryin' and start LIVING YOUR LIFE. And don't cry over spilt milk. Grow some nads, you puppy.

Don Flamenco
01-22-2011, 07:37 PM
L O L at getting C's in school

Popps
01-22-2011, 07:44 PM
OP,

Absolutely get yourself into the on-campus facility and start speaking with someone as soon as possible. You're mixing a lot of issues here, and you need to get started with this immediately. Nothing else should take precedent over seeking immediate help.

On the upside, you've got a fairly clear idea of what might be causing your issues. (Many are not so lucky.) As difficult as your situation sounds, you'll be surprised to hear how many have similar pasts... and how simple the solutions are for dealing with them. I don't mean that implementing them will be simple, but the way out of the apparent maze is not as complicated as it appears for you right now.

Regardless... you shouldn't be "starting to think" you need professional help. You should be seeking it immediately. There's no shame attached whatsoever. I had a reaction to some prescription medication that put me in the hospital last year, and had to seek therapy afterward to regain normal life perspective. (Be careful what you take, folks... do your homework.) In doing so, I learned that therapy is a great thing... found a bunch of other great resources and essentially had a really bad situation wind up improving my life immensely. (And I was a pretty happy camper to begin with.)

In the interim, you should begin looking into meditation, as well. The medical community has finally (begrudgingly, perhaps) come to terms with just how helpful meditation can be in relieving almost any medical issue you can come across.

Get your hand on a copy of Jon Kabbot-Zinn's "Wherever you go, there you are." (Or anything he's done, and he's also got a lot of great talks on Youtube.) That's a starting place. You'll find other resources yourself. Trust me, it can make a world of difference.

Of course, regular exercise is also crucial... and you should probably start examining your diet, and of course you're going to need to make lifestyle changes to relieve stress/anxiety, etc.

Whatever you do, DON'T just jump on medication. That's what most doctors are going to try. It's the quickest way to get you out of their office. I'm not 100% anti-meds, but it should be a last resort, or done in concert with very structured therapy.

These are just a few things to get started, but mainly... you'll need to get to the root of your problem with a therapist and more importantly, learn how to accept them... and let them pass.

Good luck.

Jay3
01-22-2011, 08:05 PM
I'm not sure, but the thing that popped into my head was the Dean of Students at the law school. Not the big "Dean," but the Dean of Students -- whatever they call the one that's kind of the buddy to the students. Surely, surely, his network of resources includes a referral list for people with mental health issues.

And that's what you have, a mental health issue. You're having anxiety attacks, it seems to me. Nothing whatsoever to feel embarrassed about.

I'll be praying for you, and I encourage to you to read a lot of really good literature, like classics and award winning stuff. Great writing is cathartic.

ghwk
01-22-2011, 08:19 PM
I don't want to take this seriously so I'm just going to STFU until I can.

Everyone's advice is good though except you can't do this on your own, you need facilitated help.

Broncos_OTM
01-22-2011, 08:26 PM
No suggestions. However i wish you luck. Its never easy

Dedhed
01-22-2011, 08:40 PM
Your parent did a good job in making a person that contributes to society. When you get that dream job invest in threapy.

Don't listen to people like this who make you feel like it's you who is the issue here, and that the end justifies the inappropriate treatment you have been subjected to.

Get help. You'll probably have to take on some tough issues, but take them on. Trust who you are and what you're feeling.

I've had many miserable friends who got their "Dream Job" only to realize that they had never been allowed to dream in their life, and had really only gotten their parent's dream job for their child.

Get help, and trust your feelings.

Tombstone RJ
01-22-2011, 08:44 PM
Don't listen to people like this who make you feel like it's you who is the issue here, and that the end justifies the inappropriate treatment you have been subjected to.

Get help. You'll probably have to take on some tough issues, but take them on. Trust who you are and what you're feeling.

I've had many miserable friends who got their "Dream Job" only to realize that they had never been allowed to dream in their life, and had really only gotten their parent's dream job for their child.

Get help, and trust your feelings.

He is the issue and he's admitted he's the issue and he's trying to deal with his issues. He's already admitted he has issues which is the first step in resolving the issues, he'll be fine if he truly wants help.

HAT
01-22-2011, 08:46 PM
Perhaps you could sue your mom after you graduate.

What a ****ing asshole response.

Tombstone RJ
01-22-2011, 08:50 PM
having a good sense of humor definitely helps... peeps who take themselves too seriously are the peeps who have "real" mental "issues"...

Mogulseeker
01-22-2011, 08:54 PM
What a ****ing a-hole response.

He can be a asshole sometimes.

Ray Finkle
01-22-2011, 09:02 PM
From my Psychology background, here is my advice.

You first need to speak with someone (if you're on campus, they should be able to provide someone for you). Speaking to someone that you do not know will sometimes lift a lot of the burden you carry.

Also, as Socal wrote. Make time for yourself. Whether it is going to a gym, talking a walk, playing a video game, eating a burger. You need to take time each day for yourself to unwind and relax.

I hope you get to a place where you feel better.

OBF1
01-22-2011, 09:03 PM
Just think.... If you would have listened to your mother and just got good grades like she asked instead of being a slacker, you would not of had any of these self promoted "Problems". I would go thank my mom for caring enough about you to want the best for her child instead of one of these loser mothers who only cares about herself and social status. At your agem Trust me, you missed nothing on the TV time you missed.

Dr. Broncenstein
01-22-2011, 09:04 PM
What a ****ing a-hole response.

You'll get over it.

scorpio
01-22-2011, 09:08 PM
What a ****ing a-hole response.

He's pretty much a piece of **** all the time, don't worry about it.

Royalfan19
01-22-2011, 09:10 PM
Just think.... If you would have listened to your mother and just got good grades like she asked instead of being a slacker, you would not of had any of these self promoted "Problems". I would go thank my mom for caring enough about you to want the best for her child instead of one of these loser mothers who only cares about herself and social status. At your agem Trust me, you missed nothing on the TV time you missed.

Asian parents who compare the rankings of the schools that their kids got into against each other tend to care about social status as well, the status is just defined differently.

Royalfan19
01-22-2011, 09:11 PM
I would lose the anxiety and the self-hate. Best way to lose anxiety? No joke, it's aerobic exercise. If that's not enough then maybe it's time for some pills from the psychiatrist.

The issues with your Mom, I would let those go. Eventhough she's your Mom, she's her own person and you also are your own person. You need to start being yourself and stop being something so connected to your Mom.

It mostly sounds like you need to take a break. You can always delay loan payments for about 6 months. I would take advantage of this and go travelling or try something new you always wanted to do.

There's nothing stopping you from getting back into law and who knows you may always run into something new and unexpected.

As for the girl thing, again, if you like her then it shouldn't matter what your parents think at all.

Exercise sounds like a good idea, thanks.

Archer81
01-22-2011, 09:13 PM
I would suggest talking to a psychiatrist, and maybe adding something where you can meditate like yoga or going to a church. Zoning out and letting your mind just stop is a huge help, especially if you have a hair trigger temper.

Good luck man. I'm praying for you.

OBF1
01-22-2011, 09:13 PM
Then atleast have her pay your school loans and call it even

Royalfan19
01-22-2011, 09:14 PM
In general, thanks Popps, Jay3. My background has always put a bad stigma on "mental health," and taking care of that with pills, in fact, I've been raised to avoid pills of any kind (I never take cold medicine, for example), its something to think about, for sure.

Royalfan19
01-22-2011, 09:17 PM
Then atleast have her pay your school loans and call it even

Parents offered to pay for all my loans, I declined. There's always strings attached, I would never hear the end of it, they would have their hands in my affairs, who I date, what job I applied for, where I wanted to live, the status of my work. And if they don't like it? They'll threaten to pull the loan money.

Can't do it. I would rather live a harder life on my feet than an easier one on my knees.

Archer81
01-22-2011, 09:19 PM
In general, thanks Popps, Jay3. My background has always put a bad stigma on "mental health," and taking care of that with pills, in fact, I've been raised to avoid pills of any kind (I never take cold medicine, for example), its something to think about, for sure.


I would try to avoid pills unless they are absolutely necessary. A pill wont make the problem go away if its not chemically related. From what you have said, it sounds like a conditioning problem. You do poorly, your parents react negatively. That could potentially be resolved by talking to a therapist, and coupling it with exercise, meditation or creating time specifically for your mental well being.

Its your mental well being that matters here, not how your parents or relatives will feel about you admiting you have issues you need to work out. In a way, F them.

:Broncos:

Pony Boy
01-22-2011, 09:49 PM
What a ****ing a-hole response.

Doctors see lawyers in a different light, they see them as the low-life, ambulance chasing, scumbags they truly are and yes they would sue their own mothers.

Dr. Broncenstein
01-22-2011, 09:57 PM
Doctors see lawyers in a different light, they see them as the low-life, ambulance chasing, scumbags they truly are and yes they would sue their own mothers.

I just thought it would be healthy to show mom how well the education paid off, and give payback for the emotional distress by taking her to court. :rofl:

I was one-upped by Steven, who suggested the OP take up a potentially lethal benzodiazepine habit.

IHaveALight
01-22-2011, 10:06 PM
I just heard this interview of Harville Hendrix the author of Getting the Love You Want.
I haven't read the book yet but in the interview he talks about how your childhood relationships with your parents affect your adult relationships. Since your concerns are with your childhood and your girlfriend I think this book could be very helpful.
There's a podcast of the interview on iTunes if you want to check it out do a search for "RVR episode 0096". It's about 35 minutes long. It's a very interesting interview and I'm sure you'll be able to tell if you want to pick up the book or not by listening to it.

Also IMO stay away from pharmaceuticals unless itís a last resort. Proper exercise and nutrition can go a long way. I would even look into Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation before taking pills.

Pony Boy
01-22-2011, 10:15 PM
I would even look into Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation before taking pills.

Can he get that in a suppository?

IHaveALight
01-22-2011, 10:22 PM
It's not a known method, but could be worth a try. LOL

Cleo McDowell
01-22-2011, 10:26 PM
http://cdn0.knowyourmeme.com/i/000/048/998/original/116nhn5.jpg?1273415038


i share your pain OP (on the asian parent thing). Some good advice has been posted here. I would say some healthy female companionship would also do a lot to help along with exercise, faith (in some religion perhaps) and there is nothing wrong with therapy--no matter what our asian cultures think (i think this is the jewish workplace influence speaking).

anyhow: www.therapistfinder.com

SoCalBronco
01-22-2011, 10:29 PM
http://cdn0.knowyourmeme.com/i/000/048/998/original/116nhn5.jpg?1273415038



LMAO...that's even better than the last one you had.

Royalfan19
01-22-2011, 10:31 PM
Doctors see lawyers in a different light, they see them as the low-life, ambulance chasing, scumbags they truly are and yes they would sue their own mothers.

There are defense attorneys too, not that I have any interest in litigation.

SoCalBronco
01-22-2011, 10:32 PM
There are defense attorneys too, not that I have any interest in litigation.

It's hard to get sweet transactional gigs, though.

Dr. Broncenstein
01-22-2011, 10:34 PM
anyhow: www.therapistfinder.com

Dude, are you suggesting he find a rapist?

epicSocialism4tw
01-22-2011, 10:34 PM
Parents offered to pay for all my loans, I declined. There's always strings attached, I would never hear the end of it, they would have their hands in my affairs, who I date, what job I applied for, where I wanted to live, the status of my work. And if they don't like it? They'll threaten to pull the loan money.

Can't do it. I would rather live a harder life on my feet than an easier one on my knees.

Do you have a spiritual life?

I have gone through similar stress, but more or less self-inflicted because I had permissive parents and I was rebelling against them by getting good grades.

I ask my grad school friends (especially the ones at prestigious schools where they beat you into the dirt intellectually and leave you there to pick yourself up or die) a simple question. I ask them where there joy is.

Where is your joy? Do you see it at all right now? Do you see it at the end of a tunnel far off in the distance? Is it tied to something else? Where is your joy?

Joy is not something that you necessarily work for. It just is. Its not something that you earn. Its free. Its something to guard, to keep sacred. Its not something that others (your parents) can lord over you. Its yours.

Joy is quiet and deep within...far below the fleeting moments of happiness and the intermittent moments of sadness. It has within it contentment and peace. When the stresses of life and school are boiling over, joy keeps you going. You can be joyful and melancholy, you can be joyful and ecstatic. You can be joyful and put your nose to the grindstone with work. You can be joyful at the beach in Santa Cruz watching the surf break over the bases of the cliffs.

Find your joy and go there. Head towards it as soon as you can. Take small steps if need be.

You're going to have to start living your life the way you want to do it soon. When you get married (make sure you make a wise choice that honors both your parents and your own interests...I take it you are Asian, and if so I know whats going down), things will change but you'll still have the pressures of your community. Confine your communties' demands to its own space...that doesnt impede on your joy.

You're at a time in your life where you are under your parents thumb persay. Its wise to want to honor them, whether they reciprocate it or not. Because when its all said and done, you can be content with the knowledge that you did your best to be wise and honor your parents even though they may not have done the same for you.

Be wise. Be patient. Honor your parents. Find your joy.

Cleo McDowell
01-22-2011, 10:35 PM
Dude, are you suggesting he find a rapist?

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTB3dgJegbe8eve6WP_Otb_PaI3HPhXF DQe2E6rNgbV6BElyGNG

epicSocialism4tw
01-22-2011, 10:41 PM
Dude, are you suggesting he find a rapist?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huntsville_Unit

DarkHorse30
01-22-2011, 10:56 PM
Parents offered to pay for all my loans, I declined. There's always strings attached, I would never hear the end of it, they would have their hands in my affairs, who I date, what job I applied for, where I wanted to live, the status of my work. And if they don't like it? They'll threaten to pull the loan money.

Can't do it. I would rather live a harder life on my feet than an easier one on my knees.

Step #2

no no Gift Horse lookee in mouthee.........

man up, and take the GIFT from your parents. They are HELPING you. Don't be a schmuck, and let "pride" get in your way.

I have kids and would NOT pay for their school to punish them. As much as you think your parents want to own you, it is not the case. What is the point? Think about it and put yourself in their shoes.

How can your parents "retract" a loan to pay off your school? If they are wealthy enough to gift it, it goes right off their taxes. Wealthy parents do this ALL the time.

Also, I have blood relatives that are being treated for diagnosed mental disorders. It is not something to play with. If your friends think you should (by your behavior, etc.) go get checked out, do it. That way you remove the doubt and can get on with things.

UltimateHoboW/Shotgun
01-23-2011, 12:01 AM
Parents offered to pay for all my loans, I declined. There's always strings attached, I would never hear the end of it, they would have their hands in my affairs, who I date, what job I applied for, where I wanted to live, the status of my work. And if they don't like it? They'll threaten to pull the loan money.

Can't do it. I would rather live a harder life on my feet than an easier one on my knees.

Are you Asian? lol. That sounds like very Asian parents. I have suggestion. Listen to loveline. You are going to hear a lot of stories like yours. It'll bring some comfort to know that what you went through isn't so uncommon.

UltimateHoboW/Shotgun
01-23-2011, 12:11 AM
In general, thanks Popps, Jay3. My background has always put a bad stigma on "mental health," and taking care of that with pills, in fact, I've been raised to avoid pills of any kind (I never take cold medicine, for example), its something to think about, for sure.

These aren't generalist doctors. For the most part they aren't going to give meds if you don't need them.

mkporter
01-23-2011, 12:16 AM
OP,

Absolutely get yourself into the on-campus facility and start speaking with someone as soon as possible. You're mixing a lot of issues here, and you need to get started with this immediately. Nothing else should take precedent over seeking immediate help.

On the upside, you've got a fairly clear idea of what might be causing your issues. (Many are not so lucky.) As difficult as your situation sounds, you'll be surprised to hear how many have similar pasts... and how simple the solutions are for dealing with them. I don't mean that implementing them will be simple, but the way out of the apparent maze is not as complicated as it appears for you right now.

Regardless... you shouldn't be "starting to think" you need professional help. You should be seeking it immediately. There's no shame attached whatsoever. I had a reaction to some prescription medication that put me in the hospital last year, and had to seek therapy afterward to regain normal life perspective. (Be careful what you take, folks... do your homework.) In doing so, I learned that therapy is a great thing... found a bunch of other great resources and essentially had a really bad situation wind up improving my life immensely. (And I was a pretty happy camper to begin with.)

In the interim, you should begin looking into meditation, as well. The medical community has finally (begrudgingly, perhaps) come to terms with just how helpful meditation can be in relieving almost any medical issue you can come across.

Get your hand on a copy of Jon Kabbot-Zinn's "Wherever you go, there you are." (Or anything he's done, and he's also got a lot of great talks on Youtube.) That's a starting place. You'll find other resources yourself. Trust me, it can make a world of difference.

Of course, regular exercise is also crucial... and you should probably start examining your diet, and of course you're going to need to make lifestyle changes to relieve stress/anxiety, etc.

Whatever you do, DON'T just jump on medication. That's what most doctors are going to try. It's the quickest way to get you out of their office. I'm not 100% anti-meds, but it should be a last resort, or done in concert with very structured therapy.

These are just a few things to get started, but mainly... you'll need to get to the root of your problem with a therapist and more importantly, learn how to accept them... and let them pass.

Good luck.

It may seem that I'm damning with faint praise, but this is the best thing I've ever seen Popps write on this site, and I mean it as a complement. I was going to offer advise, but this is it right here. You have control of your own destiny, make living your life on your terms a priority, get help where you need it, and refuse to be ashamed about it.

The MVPlaya
01-23-2011, 12:31 AM
Don't know the actual person but law schools are relatively small and tight knit, my entire year sits at around 200 kids.

I can understand, but I highly doubt they'd know things you were going through and that the psychologist or whomever would just run off telling people. They have a pretty heavy legal bind not to.

With that said, you shouldn't be ashamed of how you grew up, it was really out of your control. So even if people knew about that, it shouldn't matter... you got to accept yourself. I see that you say you put on a fake image when you're out and you're a completely different person when you're home... that not uncommon.

But possibly the 1st step you've got to do is accept who you are... anytime you feel like you're being fake and not real, that'll just get worse and stem to deeper and darker issues...

See psychologist. There are a ****load of self-help books out there, maybe pick 1 up... but I've seen a lot of people who were ****ed up before they got some therapy, and came out new people with a purpose in life.

OCBronco
01-23-2011, 04:10 AM
I want to echo what some of the others have said. You should seek help at the psychological counseling center on your campus. This is something that should be already covered by your school fees. Chances are, that center has people who are already helping others who have a similar background to your own.

If it's at all possible, I would also suggest taking on couples therapy for you and your GF at some point.

I know that there is often a stigma against psychological therapy. I can only say that I used to have a stigma like that, myself. But after some difficult episodes, I finally went, and it made things a lot easier for me.

Meck77
01-23-2011, 04:53 AM
You might consider yoga. Bikram specifically. Great way to clear your head and body. Good luck you you.

JJJ
01-23-2011, 05:56 AM
Your mom is only doing that because she loves you. Man up and tell her your grown up now and you've done well and she should respect you. She will freak out the first couple times you say it but she come around eventually and you will be happy with yourself.

Gort
01-23-2011, 10:35 AM
Dude, are you suggesting he find a rapist?

wouldn't an analyst/therapist be a better choice? i believe Tobias Funke can help.

!Booya!

PS - i don't believe the OP. i think this is a hoax thread. you don't go onto a football forum site and ask for psychiatric help. a hockey forum site... yes. a football forum site... no.

Pony Boy
01-23-2011, 11:45 AM
wouldn't an analyst/therapist be a better choice? i believe Tobias Funke can help.

!Booya!

PS - i don't believe the OP. i think this is a hoax thread. you don't go onto a football forum site and ask for psychiatric help. a hockey forum site... yes. a football forum site... no.

Exactly, this guy is laughing his ass off....bait the trap and watch the idiots on the OM dance like little puppets.

Popps
01-23-2011, 01:07 PM
Exactly, this guy is laughing his ass off....bait the trap and watch the idiots on the OM dance like little puppets.

Crossed my mind, but even if it is a hoax... this thread probably serves more use to more people than most. There are some good answers and good advice on here that others dealing with similar or even vaguely similar situations may benefit from.

Cito Pelon
01-23-2011, 01:23 PM
wouldn't an analyst/therapist be a better choice? i believe Tobias Funke can help.

!Booya!

PS - i don't believe the OP. i think this is a hoax thread. you don't go onto a football forum site and ask for psychiatric help. a hockey forum site... yes. a football forum site... no.

Why do you ridicule the guy?

Cito Pelon
01-23-2011, 01:32 PM
Exactly, this guy is laughing his ass off....bait the trap and watch the idiots on the OM dance like little puppets.

You're dancing.

I'm curious why all of a sudden you and Galt turned this thread against the guy.

Popps
01-23-2011, 01:36 PM
You're dancing.

I'm curious why all of a sudden you and Galt turned this thread against the guy.


Typical O-Mane cry for attention.


Nothing new.

Gort
01-23-2011, 02:32 PM
Typical O-Mane cry for attention.


Nothing new.

no. i'm not ridiculing the guy. but i'm not going to play along on a thread which i believe to be a hoax.

what serious person goes to the internet and asks for SIGNIFICANT medical/psychiatric help on a football forum? more than that, asks ANONYMOUS members of such a site to give him such advice?

really, get a grip. it's a hoax.

broncosteven
01-23-2011, 03:52 PM
I just thought it would be healthy to show mom how well the education paid off, and give payback for the emotional distress by taking her to court. :rofl:

I was one-upped by Steven, who suggested the OP take up a potentially lethal benzodiazepine habit.

I must have been hopped up on goofballs again. Throw in ambien and access to a laptop = Epic fail.

enjolras
01-23-2011, 04:45 PM
Your experiencing very much the same thing I did. I grew up with tremendous expectations, not so much from my parents but from literally everyone else. I went on to become an entrepreneur and as the stress became worse I became more volatile and really stressed my relationship in a similar way. I eventually worked past it and have enjoyed a bit of success since.

Here's some advice:

1) Sit your girlfriend down and explain to her what your feeling. It's REALLY important that she understands what you're going through. She needs to be a champion for you, rather than feeling like a target.

2) You need someone to talk to. You mentioned that you are still in school. They DEFINITELY have on site counselors who can help. They are experienced in what you're dealing with. Take advantage of it.

3) Understand that what your dealing with isn't purely psychological, but has a very real physiological component. Your dealing with extreme stress which fundamentally affects your physiology.

Adopt a diet high in fruits, vegetables, and proteins. Cut your carbohydrates. Your body has natural defenses to deal with stress in the short term, and a proper diet helps to arm those.

That said, you can't allow yourself to experience this level of stress all the time. Your stress response is meant to last only a minute or two (when you're in very real danger). I recommend looking into yoga (again check your school) and most importantly meditation. Again, this isn't new age psuedo-medicine. There is a very real body of evidence that shows the stress reduction benefits of daily meditation.

Also getting the proper amount of sleep at the proper times is very important. It's not just about getting eight hours, but getting to sleep in a fully dark environment (read up on melatonin).

Most importantly you need to figure out what's important to you. The bad news is that this isn't going to get easier, it's going to get worse. As you move into the working world you're responsibilities and expectations are only going to get more pronounced. If you can take some time off to explore a hobby or travel... do it. Ultimately you're going to have to learn how to manage your stress and live your life happily and effectively.